I Feel Like Life Was Very Black And White As A Kid. There Were Straightforward Rules Everywhere; Posted

I love lain.

shoutout to offputting autistic people

Can you talk about the difference between autistic and non-autistic “insistence on sameness”?

I wear slight variations of the same clothes every day, I eat the same things over and over, I never want to watch new movies or tv shows or read new books, as a child my parents Could Not get me to try new foods outside of my specific preferred foods… my mum says I was “just never open to new things”.

But I can handle change/the new, even if I don’t like it. If I had to wear different clothes tomorrow I wouldn’t like it but I could function. New foods are harder than that but as long as they’re not lumpy/slimy I can try them now…

What do you think?

Each autistic experience of "sameness" is different because it highly depends on the why. Some routines or sameness are because of sensory issues, others may be due to anxieties or mental safety.

NT sameness may be because it's easier, comfortable or just enjoyable. Autistics can also experience this.

Major key difference is that autistics can experience great distress if things are changed without notice or not enough time given.

Examples:

Eating the same food: autistic may do so because it's the only foods that are safe for their sensory needs. A NT just likes that food.

Travelling the same route home: autistic may do this because it's a guaranteed way home with no surprises. They will struggle with detours. A NT just knows it takes them home. Why change?

Wearing the same clothing: an autistic may do this because of sensory issues or difficulties understanding fashionable trends. These clothes help them survive day to day. An NT may do it because "is their fashion".

And depending on your level of sensitivity in that area, you may be able to handle changes more easily than an autistic who struggles.

I have low oral/taste sensitivity. So I samefood, but will have no to low distress if I had to eat something slightly different (as long as it's on my safe food list).

But, I have high sound sensitivity, so going to a new shop and finding out I don't have my noise cancelling headphones may put me into shutdown.

Another autistic may struggle with the opposites to me.

I’m trying to figure out if I might be autistic but it’s hard, in part because while I was always bossy growing up and I always dominated conversations I was interested in, when I was about 21 I found out that some people literally asked my best friend if I was “intending to be an asshole” and that was really crushing to me so I took a course in not being an asshole basically, and learned that you’re supposed to ask questions and whatnot… and now I don’t know what’s stuff I’ve learned and what’s natural to me, in conversation.

Taking a course like that kind of seems like an autistic way to go about it though?

I have things that fit into all the criteria, but I’m not sure they’re significant enough for autism. Maybe I’m just domineering and fussy with food and prefer my current things to new things? I don’t like eye contact and I don’t like to be touched, but none of it seems to get to the extent that anyone would ever diagnose me - especially as a woman.

Sorry to dump, I just needed to share/ask for another perspective ❤️

The social difficulties is very common with autistics. And, always, it's the why you did those things that matter.

An autistic child, as an example, will dominate a conversation because they don't understand that conversation is supposed to be a back and forth... They think what they're excited about is exciting to all those involved and therefore are having a conversation. Because conversation is just talking, right? And now, these people get to learn all that you know!

There is also an element of difficulty concentrating on a conversation. An autistic, on average, can follow a conversation for about 5 minutes before they will start to struggle (or so my therapist told me and it's definitely true for me). Not necessarily because we find the conversation boring, but because social interaction isn't innate for us, so we're using twice as much energy to process what's being said to us.

Other neurodivergences, such as ADHD, can also struggle with conversation, but usually due to hyperactivity (getting excited by what's being said, getting stuck in something that was said and needing to talk about it, talking fast and/or loudly etc).

So, to a neurotypical, they don't see that we're "having a conversation" with them... They see someone not letting them talk. Even though we're enjoying ourselves and showing love and friendship. NTs don't see that.

And then to struggle to concentrate when they finally do get to talk? What asshole behaviour... except it's not. It's just how our brains work. We're not wanting to struggle.

Most kids are forced to mask this either by scripting, mirroring, or reading books. I learnt by scripting, and it's fucking exhausting.

So how can you tell if this is something you learnt naturally or masking?

Are you constantly checking yourself during conversations?

Are you hyper aware of how much time to speak, cutting yourself off if your alloted time is up?

Do you ask standardized questions to start the flow of conversation?

Do you force yourself to avoid special interest topics or have to force yourself to stop talking, even if the other person shows interest, out of fear you're hijacking the conversation?

Are you unable to actually tell if someone is interested in what you're saying, so you assume they're bored so as not to insult them? You fear breaking whatever conversation rules you have been taught?

The above are very very common with autistic masking and scripting.

Serial Experiments Lain (1998) Episode 2

yoshitoshi ABe’s an omnipresence in the wired || 安倍吉俊の『an omnipresence in the wired』

By autistic adult Erin Human of Human Illustrations.

THIS!!!!!

[ID: Gray text on a peach backround that reads, "Autistic people may refer to analogies, metaphors, song lyrics, or pop culture references to help us communicate our feelings. Please don't disgard what we're saying if we use song lyrics or too many metaphors, or actual movie dialogues. We're trying to convey what we are feeling. Just because we borrow other people's words for it doesn't mean it's less valid." End Description.]