Allpurposeramen - Not Quite Whelmed

bro. bro you are romantisizing the secret history. bro you are enamored with the greek class just like richard. bro you are ignoring the bad things and creating aesthetics based on a book telling a murder of a young man. brother.

Please enjoy this smutty little scene based on a discord convo I had earlier today about sex after IUDs. Unedited and abrupt - if you know me, no you don't 😌

Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish x Reader

*As always, 18+, Minors DNI*

When you'd gotten your IUD a few months back, you'd been prepared for the worst. You'd heard so many horror stories before you'd decided to bite the proverbial bullet and get yours, and you thought you'd prepared yourself for every eventuality.

But you'd never heard anything about the increased sensitivity afterwards.

"C'mon hen, keep your hips up."

When you'd met Johnny, all you'd been expecting was a quick fuck. It was supposed to be a one night stand, the perfect way to test everything out, a practice run before your next longterm relationship. That was before he'd gotten you on your on your tummy, legs splayed wide around his hairy thighs as he slid into your aching center.

You'd struggled against it at first; it had never been your preferred position with past partners, especially ones as... blessed as Johnny. Most of the time, it hurt, your cervix too sensitive to last long as they pounded into you.

However, in between your last partner and your current situation, something had changed. Rather than the sharp pain you'd been expecting, there was a soft, dull ache where Johnny rested inside of you.

"You're so warm - feels like heaven inside ye."

You couldn't stop the whimper that bubbled up, and you were grateful he couldn't see your face; you were sure you were blushing. As you began to rock back, your hips pressing into his, you savored the new sensitivity, the ache adding to the pleasure starting to build. Your movements became frantic, both of you pushing towards your own orgasms.

You crested as you heard him curse behind you, his hips flush with yours as he pulsed inside you. You couldn't stop your hand from creeping between your thighs to press gently on the skin over your womb - the dull ache lingered for a moment, gently pulsing with the last aftershocks of your orgasm.

Oh yeah, you could get used to this.

Thinking again about neighbor John Price and his 13 year old that loves you. He asks his daughter what she thinks about him asking you out. For a moment, she looks absolutely delighted before she puts on a pensive, unsure expression.

“C’mon, dad, don’t you think that might be, uhm… punching above your weight class?”

Did you teach her to say things like that?!

Way to tear an old man down…

Need someone to write a full fic for this🙏

what if..... call of duty modern warfare 2 with a jodie holmes! reader who's had an entity stuck to her for her entire life... and laswell finds it fitting to make her grow up in the military and thrust her into the 141 taskforce as soon as she's of proper age..... what about that.....

Decided to redraw the last page of my sketchbook 19 for the last page of sketchbook 22. So here have my ghost with turned wherewolf soap.

The original ↓

here's how i imagine married life with John: i cook dinner for him some nights (it tastes like shit cause im a terrible cook) he eats everything without complaint and asks for seconds.

once he's done, he says: "THANK YOU LOVE! 💕"

i suck him off after dinner as a thank you for putting up with me

Why the group chat hates him

Gaz: You’re always talking about nice things he did for you. Like sending pictures of the bouquets he gives you (which he does like once a month!) or of souvenirs he brought when he comes home from deployment or romantic notes he left you in your flat. Like I’m pretty sure Jesus said it was a sin to flaunt your wealth in front of the less fortunate or something.

Ghost: On the surface, he looks like a pretty textbook bad boyfriend. Doesn’t ever speak to your friends at gatherings, you’re always the one that plans dates, and you’re always mothering him a little when you go out (asking if he’s comfortable, if he’s still hungry, if he’s tired).

Soap: when he gets drunk (not at all uncommon) he’s constantly angling for a threesome. What they don’t know is that he does it with his friends as well as yours. Equal opportunity whore.

Price: he’s older, and he’s kind of low key a chauvinist sometimes, so it’s really fucking awkward to hang out with him, but because of his more traditional values he does insist on paying for the whole table when you go out somewhere as a group. So they have to put up with him.

Nikolai: Unbearable amounts of PDA. He’s the one who mothers you. Asking if you’re cold, if you’re tired, if you need help opening things. Kissing your forehead, petting your cheek, rubbing your thigh, nuzzling noses. God it’s fucking awkward.

Graves: Acts too familiar. Kind of like an overbearing relative at a family gathering.

Rudy: this one is really petty but. He doesn’t blink enough.

König: you’re always turning down invites because of him. You won’t go anywhere slightly loud or slightly crowded because “König doesn’t really like places like that”. Bitch he doesn’t like going anywhere!!!!

when i was a homeless 20-year-old i was rejected from multiple housing opportunities because i had 5k in medical debt from going to the ER after getting roofied and sexually assaulted (i was unconscious so calling 911 was not my decision) and UHC denied my insurance claim. so yeah, i'm actually deriving an enormous amount of pleasure from watching health insurance CEOs snivel and hide like the heartless cowards they are. may those who profit from our suffering live in fear of those they seek to deny.

If you make Johnny a loaf of chocolate banana bread, warm, sweet, dense, and moist (srry), it's like you've put a ring on his finger. He'll watch with a giddy smile, leaning against the counter as you slice off a piece for him (it's his loaf, why can't he just rip off a chunk and eat it?), equally full of adoration and anticipation. That first bite of soft, chocolaty bread has his eyes rolling back, lids closing as a deep, satisfied groan rumbles through his chest. Savors the taste as your face lights up with pride, watching as he shoves another bite into his mouth.

"You like it?"

Hw scoffs. "Gonna get ye a fat, shiny rock for your pretty lil' finger, Christ-"

"That good?!"

"Make me another one 'n I'm puttin' a bairn in ye"

tbh i need more freaky johnny like whatever you got …. im obsessed 😌

You know I was thinking about this in the shower. I think that if you were to ever jokingly say you’d considered a type of plastic surgery to “fix” something you’re insecure about he’s the type of dude who would actually wrestle you to the floor and put you in a headlock growling at you to take it back 🥴