Care For A Tiny Taste Of Some Boot Worship On This Fine Saturady Evening?

Fuck, marry kill with: the concept of Willem Dafoe, the smell of a bandaid floating on a pool, and an oil painting of George Washington jorkin’ it to the movie “National Treasure”

every word had my jaw dropping further, anon

I guess I’d fuck the Washington painting since he’s already going at it(??? lmfao), I refuse to marry the smell of a pool bandaid so I’m killing it and I’m buckling up and saying my vows to the concept of Willem Dafoe

Gaz is drowning with bitches, and Johnny is envious of it coz he can't pull.

So when you came out of Gaz's quarters crying, Johnny grinned as he preened before approaching you.

Because stealing Gaz's favorite bird is a hell of a way to one up the casanova.

Okay... all the fucking aside...

I just want to play with and grope Simon's buff pecs reverently, okay? I want to toy with his nipples and make him squirm underneath me while he tries to act like it doesn't affect him that much, but...

Sir, I can see the flush on your stubbly cheeks? SIR, I can feel your thick cock getting harder and larger inside your underwear?

I might (I will) nip at his cute nipple, flick my wet tongue over it, moan around it when I feel it harden between my lips and then bite it gently to make him gasp and then grumble in annoyance, though he still doesn't push me off of him.

And while I suck and lick on one hard bud, I'll play with the other; pinch it between my fingertips, lick my thumb and flick it over it until that cute bud is hard, too.

Meanwhile, I'm getting wet as hell just playing with his massive man tits; feeling his skin twitch and thick muscles flex beneath my touch. I can hear the way he inhales sharply through his nose and then tries to exhale slowly to control himself.

I'm worshipping him again and he still can't wrap his head around the Why?, but that's okay, because I'll do it anyway.

Man's just trying to read a book in our bed and here I am, sneaking up on him (although he saw and heard me coming, ha!) and rucking up his sleep shirt, up to his collarbones to reveal his perfect chest; my eyes darkening as if I found a treasure while he merely peeks over the edge of his hardcover book with an arched and scarred eyebrow, just the tiniest bit curious.

"If ah yer wan' me ta make luv to ya, jus' say so, lovey," he rumbles eventually, closing the book with a loud thud and placing it back on his bedside table with a sigh.

But I shake my head, glancing up at him with fluttering lashes as I shake my head, tongue circling his nipple lewdly, nearly drooling on it.

"Later," I coo softly, not even bothering to hide my amusement and excitement, "Wanna see if I can make you cum like this."

He snorts then, brows furrowing slightly as he cups the side of my neck with one calloused hand, his touch gentle and affectionate, despite the fact that his hand is large enough to wrap around my throat effortlessly.

The thought makes me squirm on top of him and he knows, because his lips crack into an imperceptible smile.

"Go on, then," he says eventually, kissing his teeth in challenge, "Ya jus' 'ave ta try hard enough, lovey."

And oh my God.... I would.

This scenario also applicable for Soap, Gaz, Price, Keegan, and König. 😭

Nah that bluecollar!simon au except he knows the exact moment your relationship with your fuckass bf starts going downhill cause the lunches aren't quite so catered to your bf's tastes anymore. He doesn't open the bag to begin with, so how would he know that you've started packing them for Simon and he's just doing the hard part and delivering it?

Idk I just think the most loving thing you can do for someone is cook for them. What does that say about me.

Simon who’s into cuckholding lame men but instead of fucking their girlfriends he’s eating their cooking like a starving animal. He’s like lol look at the fuckin idiot being my free post mates boy.

Also I lied. He’s fucking the girlfriend also. But to him there is a vast difference between “I fucked your girl” and “your girl cooked me dinner and I asked for thirds”. Any guy can fuck a girl. But a girl will not spend her precious time making a lovely warm meal for just any man.

Quick Sevika drawing because OH MY GOD

Captain John Price cock hypothesis

18+ MDNI

A/N: Written at the request of @velvetyhydrangea. After much deliberation and research, these are the conclusions I’ve come to regarding Price’s cock.

Captain John Price cock head-cannons:

Naturally, he’s uncut. No surprise there. (I’m pretty sure that’s the norm over there in the UK. Can’t speak form experience, but if I ever get the chance to cross the big pond, I’ll be sure to investigate thoroughly and report back with my data.)

Price is hairy almost everywhere, so of course he’s sporting a full bush. Man so furry he could be mistaken for a bear. I need to suffocate myself in his chest hair. He doesn’t shave, either, and honestly, I think the world is better off that way.

Price is 8 cm long when soft, and 14 cm long when hard. So he’s slightly shorter than Simon, but he’s still packing something in his pants that you should be afraid of and I’m not talking about the glock. (Source: trust me bro)

Price has one of those cock where the tip is relatively normal sized, but it gets disgustingly fat in the middle before tapering off slightly at the base. Perfect for impaling yourself on. (If you know you know)

We begin with a diameter of 4 cm, but swiftly expand to a diameter of 6 cm and a circumference of 18.85 cm at the midpoint. For reference, that’s as thick as a can of Monster Energy. Good luck trying to fit that thing in your mouth.

Breeding balls… fat, fucking breeding balls packed pull of swimmers as hardy and resilient as he is. He’s the reason my IUD is only considered to be 99% effective. Johnathan Price is thee one percenter of breeding.

trim

MDNI

pairings: nameless male character (probably reads best as ghost) x buzzcut reader (implied afab) words: ~700 summary: he trims your hair. warnings/notes: some gender feelings but mostly comfort, got a silly transphobic anon a couple of days ago and wanted to ~write it out~ then read this heartwarming drabble by @secretsynthetic and was inspired :3

“hair’s gettin' long,” thick fingers card through your short hair, blunt nails scratching lightly at your scalp a moment later. the words are barely a murmur, but they make you shift uncomfortably.

“i know.”

“you growin’ it out?”

“do you want me to?”

you don’t know why you ask. he’s never given any indication that he cares about the length of your hair. no “wish i could run my fingers through it” comments while you’re cuddling or “miss having something to pull” during sex. in fact, he’s always been supportive of your little routines, the ways you make your life easier.

“up,” he demands, a quick swat to your thigh before he rises from the bed, leaving you to mirror him. you would do just about anything he told you to, especially on his first day back on leave. “get the chair outside, y’know the deal.”

with a small smile you slide your desk chair away from its spot in the bedroom, carefully carrying it around shelves and furniture until its strong legs plant into the grass in the backyard. the old towels are stacked in the hallway closet and you dig out the one smudged with hair dye from his last leave. you can’t remember what it was for, tinting his roots or your brows. but it smells like your favorite fabric softener and the slight musk of being locked away as you pin it around your shoulders and settle back into your chair outdoors.

he’s already waiting for you, your preferred guard – marked with a small heart in permanent marker – secure on the clippers as they hum to life. “look up,” he instructs, and as you obey you’re met with a clear, blue sky before your eyes close and you allow yourself to relax.

he starts at your hairline, sweeping back in long, straight strokes, perfected from the trims you’ve requested over the years. almost every two weeks, schedules permitting, ever since you described the hassle of getting it done at a shop. the buzzcut was a matter of convenience most days, but others a symbol of an identity hovering over the tip of your tongue. it was meant to make your life easier, and yet every time you sat in a chair and adorned one of those shiny black capes, the nosy questions and patronizing compliments would wipe any semblance of peace from your mind. the horrible disappointment that came when one hairdresser looked you in your reflected eye and said, “it'll look better with earrings.” the glances of disapproval or sympathy, questioning whether you’re sick or just odd.

what if you were neither? what if it were just hair? it’s not, unfortunately, but you wish it were.

“chin down,” he hums and you follow.

the base of your skull is always your favorite. when the sound of the large clippers die out and the smaller, almost tinny buzz of the trimmer fills your ears, your bare toes happily tap and dance over the ground. he chuckles, reminding you to settle before his cool fingertips meet the skin of your nape, holding you in place while he works on the finer details.

the area always proved difficult to trim when you were on your own, struggling to get the angles right between the reflection of two mirrors. but his movements are muscle memory, ritualistic. it can’t be more than half an inch of hair that he shears away, but you feel lighter, brighter, the sunlight warming the crown of your head.

he sniffs when he’s done, flipping the trimmer off and carefully peeling the hairy towel away from your shoulders. “shower?”

“will you come, too?”

“'course,” he scoffs, shaking the towel out over the grass as you make your way back inside, desperate to rid yourself of the thousands of tiny little hair fragments itching at your neck and chest.

you prefer the water to be too hot, but he never complains. just slides in behind you and waits his turn, lining up the products you use in their correct order. he likes lathering the scalp scrub, smiling when you hum about feeling better already. he holds you steady as you step back under the shower head, tugging him with you into the stream. your troubles wash away in the current, like water off a duck’s back, spinning down the drain to never be worried over again.

life is easier.

On domesticating Simon Riley.

Simon knows people, knows how to read them and how to get what he wants out of them, in a general sense. He also knows women, their bodies and how to handle them. How to pick one out that wants the same thing he wants, how to approach them and then how to cut and run.

What he doesn't know is how to stay. How to let someone else know him, even see him. What makes a home.

So you're going to have to teach him.

He has the most minimal wardrobe you've ever seen -- a few pairs of jeans, a handful of t-shirts, a couple of hoodies and one pair of boots. After a few weeks of watching him lace up those boots every time he takes out the trash, you check them for his shoe size then order him a pair of crocs to wear around the house and when they arrive, you leave them by the door, where he keeps his boots.

"The fuck are these?" he grumbles that evening when he goes to grab the boots while you're cleaning up after dinner. They're too big to be yours, but he knows they're not his.

"I got them for you," you answer, coming to stand beside him. "Just something to wear when you need to step outside for a minute or if your little feet get cold and you wanna wear something around inside."

"I don't have ... fucking hell," he says, pointing down to the shoes. "They've got holes all in them."

"That's so you can accessorize!" you say proudly, pulling out a little bag full of charms that you picked out for him.

It's ridiculous. It looks absolutely absurd. But he wears them anyway, because he's learning that when people care about each other, they make little gestures like this, and if there's a way that he can wear your love for him around like a badge of honor, then no matter how goofy it looks, he'll be proud to do it.

Simon chews his fingernails down to the quick, a nervous habit that he's had for as long as he can remember. After catching him with a couple of bloody fingers after one particularly bad evening, you tenderly pull him into the kitchen, wash his hands and dry them, then sit him down at the kitchen table and leave for a moment, only to come back with nail polish.

"Really, love?" he asks, looking up at you with a smirk. "Gonna give me a manicure?"

You roll your eyes, pulling one of the chairs closer to him and reaching out for his hands, replying, "What, too manly to have your nails done?"

"Yeah, that's what it is," he smirks, all sarcasm, then says, "Why though?"

"It's the taste," you explain, shaking a bottle of black polish before taking the cap off and carefully leaning in to start on his right thumbnail. "The idea is that when you go to bite your nails, the polish will make it taste bitter so you stop."

He can't help but smile a little to himself as he watches you work. He doesn't care one way or the other about his nails, but it's cute, watching you so focused on him. Still, something about it nags at him, because while it feels good, having you care, it doesn't quite feel right, not all the way. Not just yet.

"Not hurting anyone with biting them," he says quietly, his eyes on his hands as you finish up.

You give a little sigh, capping the bottle before meeting his eyes, and you tell him, "You're hurting yourself. And that's not ok, not with me."

He doesn't do birthdays, not his anyway. Not in a dramatic "I hate my birthday" way, it's just not something of note to him. He knows the date, acknowledges it to himself when it comes just as a reminder that he's 40 now, not 39, nothing more. The first birthday he has with you comes after you've been together for several months, and you only hear about it after the fact.

"My sweet boyfriend," you coo at him one night in bed, a little tipsy from the wine you'd had with dinner. "My beautiful, beautiful boyfriend."

He chuckles, still marveling at how much you seem to marvel at him. Your hands are on him, gentle and doting, and he hears you giggle as you ramble on.

"Sweet and kind and handsome and strong," you say, running a hand through his hair. "He always watches out for me. He always takes care of me. My favorite person."

"You're drunk," he points out, smiling softly, cheeks red.

"Am not," you reply. "Even if I am, the truth is the truth."

You go on, praising him for everything you can think of. Pretty blonde hair, pretty smatterings of freckles, pretty dimples that only you ever get to see. It's almost unbearable, hearing how much you adore him, but in a good way. Like it's stretching something in him that's been closed for far too long.

You're breaking him in, slowly and carefully.

"Have you ever," you ask him at one point, "ever in your entire 39 years, thought that you'd get a girlfriend as thoughtful and loving as me?"

It's a playful question, but of course he's never thought that. His chest aches at the thought of just how much you've given him, and how much you let him give you in return. So instead, he dodges it.

"Not 39 anymore, sweetheart," he says softly.

Your brow furrows immediately, not understanding, and he laughs quietly, his hand on your stomach under the blankets sliding to your side to pull you closer.

"A few weeks ago," he explains.

"Your birthday was a few weeks ago?"

"It was."

"And you just ... didn't think to say anything?"

You're serious now, almost concerned, and he can't stand it.

"It's not a big deal, love," he says, leaning in to press kisses against your forehead and temple. "Just another day."

"It is a big deal," you argue, pulling back to look at him. "I would have ... I don't know, I would have gotten you something. Treated you special. Thrown a party, something."

"One, I don't like parties. Two, you treat me special everyday. Three, you've already given me more than you know, I don't need anything else."

All those things are true, but it still takes much longer than he'd like to get the frown off your face.

The next day, you ask him to run some errands for you. You need the oil changed in your car, some things from the big grocery store on the other side of town, but you need to stay home and take care of some things that need done around the house. He agrees easily. He likes taking care of you.

When he comes back later that afternoon, he goes for the kitchen, ready to put up the groceries he'd picked up, and there you are, leaning against the counter and smiling at him like you were waiting for him.

The homemade cake on the counter beside you, with candles sticking out and "Happy Birthday Simon" written in icing on top, tells him that you were.

Every time you do something like this, perform some little act of kindness that comes so naturally to you, it feels like something gets unlocked inside him. Like there have always been chains wrapped around his mind and his heart, keeping him tight and cold and alone, padlocks piling on top year after year, keeping all the hurt secure inside. But somehow you have the key, and you take your time, undoing them all.

Undoing him, completely and thoroughly, until he's open for the first time. And it's raw and new, and it hurts, but something in him knows that the pain will give way to something beautiful.

He watches as you step up to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning your head against his chest.

"Happy birthday, Simon," you say softly.

He can't say anything, not now, so he pulls you closer to him, strong arms cradling you against him, and you're close enough that he can feel when the corner of your mouth turns up into a smile

Another lock coming off. Another piece of proof that he can be something different, something better, with you.

Who do you think is the first to settle down out of the 141? And who is the one that makes last

The first to settle down as in the first to get married or the first to leave the military?

Because the first to get married (and divorced) is Price.

The first to leave the military is Soap, and that's why his marriage lasts. Traumatic brain injury be damned my boy can work a grill.

Simon, without ever really considering it, places a lot of weight on a name. It's why he likes the separation between Simon and Ghost, why he gets to a point where he calls Soap Johnny, even when no one else does. It's important, what you call someone. There's a lot in a name.

With you, you'd never even know about Ghost -- to you, he's just Simon, and that's all he ever wants to be. He doesn't want those worlds to mix. Simon will do just fine.

But, after you've been dating a while, when you've convinced him to relax enough to lay his head in your lap while you watch tv and you let out a soft little "there you go, baby"?

Well that's something else entirely.

Because he's never been a "baby." He's never been "honey" or "sweetie" or any of those other cutesy little names you come up with, but when you call him those things, it's nice. Sort of relaxing in a way he never knew it could be.

"Baby, can you change the lightbulb for me?" "What's for dinner, baby?" "Right there, baby, don't stop."

He notices, every single time. It makes him want to try it too, to see if it'll give you the same little easy thrill it gives him. But he's not sure what kind of pet name feels right. He turns over words and phrases in his head when he's trying to go to sleep or in the shower -- he'd absolutely never admit this to you -- and he practices, trying to figure out what feels natural, what feels like you.

In the end, all the practice is for naught, because the right one slips out without him even thinking about it.

It's after he comes home from a deployment, exhausted from both everything that happened and from trying to hide his desperation to see you. When he gets home, you take him in your arms, and all the tension, for the moment, anyway, just falls right out of him, and he holds onto you like a lifeline.

"Missed you so fucking much, sweetheart."

He can feel you smile, your face pressed against his chest, and while he is glad to see you seem to like it, he wasn't prepared for how much he'd like it himself.

Because what you call someone matters. He'd spent the first half of his life as Simon, the second as Ghost, and now, as a complete surprise to him, he's getting a third chapter where he gets to be "baby," where he gets to be close enough to you to share these special little names. He gets to know your sweet heart, and it's more than he deserves.

But he'll never, ever stop trying to earn it.