Thinking About Being A Little Too Good At Getting Johnny Off. The Way He Grits His Teeth As He Thrusts

It would be so jarring dating Soap because he will so casually say shit like "spit in my mouth would ye bonnie?" with full sincerity at the pub. "The new nails are well braw... naw had a finger up my arse in a while hen so time tae break them in" when you are at a bloody wedding. "Dinnae take it personal LT, she's on the rag and I havnae given her head in over an hour so that's why she's bitchin'. Open up bonnie, let me make it better" as he is bullying his head between your thighs when you're supposed to be having a nice dinner at his Lieutenants house and you snap at Ghost.

Johnny just does not have an off switch nor do you think he understands the concept of public decency. But fuck he's so damn good to you and is so incredibly obsessed with making you cum that you just learn to live with the embarassment he puts you through.

currently thinking about the time i absently mindedly started humping his leg cause i was worked up and he was being a fucking tease. didn't even realize i was doing it till he ASKED if thats what i was doing. i went to stop cause fuck that's embarrassing and he just pressed his leg harder against me and told me not to stop till i finished

the whole fucking time he was making fun of me and shit i need him so bad man i am horrendously into everything that man wants

lasted maybe 3 minutes, and he mocked me when i finished.... please.... god please do it again i need that in my life

anyways, now i have to write a fic based on this experience because im just THINKING so hard about it rn.... god damn...

falls to my knees crying THAT FUCKING COUCH SNIPPET JM GOING TO EXPLODE

guys. I miss them. I miss harmless fun

I eat up harmless fun crumbs like nobody’s business

— puppy teeth 🦷 anon

I miss them too

when I was younger I didn’t understand why “may you live in interesting times” was considered a curse in ancient greece.

I get it now.

Please enjoy this smutty little scene based on a discord convo I had earlier today about sex after IUDs. Unedited and abrupt - if you know me, no you don't 😌

Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish x Reader

*As always, 18+, Minors DNI*

When you'd gotten your IUD a few months back, you'd been prepared for the worst. You'd heard so many horror stories before you'd decided to bite the proverbial bullet and get yours, and you thought you'd prepared yourself for every eventuality.

But you'd never heard anything about the increased sensitivity afterwards.

"C'mon hen, keep your hips up."

When you'd met Johnny, all you'd been expecting was a quick fuck. It was supposed to be a one night stand, the perfect way to test everything out, a practice run before your next longterm relationship. That was before he'd gotten you on your on your tummy, legs splayed wide around his hairy thighs as he slid into your aching center.

You'd struggled against it at first; it had never been your preferred position with past partners, especially ones as... blessed as Johnny. Most of the time, it hurt, your cervix too sensitive to last long as they pounded into you.

However, in between your last partner and your current situation, something had changed. Rather than the sharp pain you'd been expecting, there was a soft, dull ache where Johnny rested inside of you.

"You're so warm - feels like heaven inside ye."

You couldn't stop the whimper that bubbled up, and you were grateful he couldn't see your face; you were sure you were blushing. As you began to rock back, your hips pressing into his, you savored the new sensitivity, the ache adding to the pleasure starting to build. Your movements became frantic, both of you pushing towards your own orgasms.

You crested as you heard him curse behind you, his hips flush with yours as he pulsed inside you. You couldn't stop your hand from creeping between your thighs to press gently on the skin over your womb - the dull ache lingered for a moment, gently pulsing with the last aftershocks of your orgasm.

Oh yeah, you could get used to this.

cw: death

overlooking the coffin of your mate is an experience most military men share.

not johnny though, no. johnny was immortal. in simon’s mind, at least. reluctant to admit it, simon imagined growing old with johnny. maybe going back to johnny’s family farm and living off the land.

it’s so odd to see him in this state, livor mortis. lord knows johnnys family couldn’t afford the luxury costs of a good mortician so his skin maintains the lifeless, gray look he died with.

he’s still. quiet. very unlike him. it’s eerie. an uncomfortable feeling crawls up simon’s back. the sounds of johnnys mother weeping rings in his ears. a kind woman, she is. always was inviting when johnny suggested the two of them going up to the highlands on holiday. simon never accepted though… he wish he had.

members of johnnys expansive family intermingle with the somber military crowd. they all stay under a the tent. lush green grass spreads across the cemetery as light rain pitter patters above their head. some of johnnys favorite weather.

when johnny was younger his mother would have him go out in the rain. splashing in puddles, rolling around in mud, wrestling with the dogs…

everybody wears black, which is a typical choice for simon. ordinarily he’d silently commend everybody for their shared color. but now it feels wrong. like an insult.

anguish wasn’t a feeling johnny felt often and he certainly wouldn’t want his family and friends to be feeling in such a way. but johnny was a light. was. and now that light is gone.

simon takes a leave of absence from his station. the leave stretches days, which morphs into weeks, and eventually months. he becomes a brittle shell of his, already cracking, former self. he does not understand how the rest of his team could continue in this way.

simon’s behavior is unusual. when his family had died he took less than a day off. he refused to process. not even severe injuries could keep him away from work. so why now?

well, his johnny is gone. his mate, his best friend, his first and only love.

Hello! It’s been so so cold and snowy here lately and I’ve had to brush off my car whenever I leave because of the snow and it kind of had me thinking about neighbour!simon Riley who sees his little neighbour doing this and just refuses to let her freeze her but off. So eventually whenever she goes to leave her car is literally always cleared off and she’s just like. What??? Until one day she sees him doing it and runs out in her pjs to ask why. Anyways yeah I thought it was cute :p

You know honestly? This is so cute and I thought more on it.

Being Simon’s neighbor is so weird. He’s barely at his own place. He’s got almost no furniture or any personalization to speak of. But I don’t think this is your first neighborly exchange.

Someone’s gotta be gathering up all the junk mail for him so it doesn’t just become litter on his lawn. Someone’s gotta be raking up the leaves on his tiny patch of grass and taking them to the curb in autumn. Someone’s gotta be uprighting his unused bins when they blow down in the wind. And Simon knows it’s not the busybody next door who gives him dirty looks and says he dresses like a hoodlum when she thinks he’s out of earshot.

So Simon does what any emotionally well adjusted adult man would do. He falls in love with you. And no, he’s not going to say anything to you about it. Instead, he’s going to return these acts of service in, what is in his mind, a clear display of reciprocal courting. And that definitely means he’s not letting you suffer out in the cold. Man is clearing your car, shoveling your walkway, salting the sidewalk, everything. Mate’s gotta stay in the den in this kind of weather.

Which is not something he can bring himself to say when you run out in your Sanrio jammies to ask him why he’s going this. So he just tells you he’s used to the cold, and he doesn’t like seeing you freeze. Also his name is Simon, by the way. You should tell him yours. It’s the polite thing to do.

be proud

you will live and you will say the wrong things and make mistakes and people will love you anyways.

zaun's prettiest

thanks felicia for making vanco real!!!!!

(he called him that bc i like how creators called him "dirty little thing". i wanted vander to treat him the other way around from the very beginning)