I Ask Myself This All The Time.

The thing is, I know I can survive.

I've done it before, I can do it again.

But why should I have to?

I don't want to.

06.08.2020

I think this is something I’m going to struggle with for the rest of my life

- Brokenness

I guess some people are just born unlovable and spend their entire lives being reminded of it by being abandoned without any explanation. It hurts to know that I’m one of them.

To all the people who constantly zoned out and daydreamed as a kid and probably told off for it, who learnt how to cry silently before the age of ten and maybe stopped crying entirely, who used books as an escape method and would constantly daydream about running off to a fantasy world, who is most likely now a burnt-out neurodivergent who didn't get diagnosed early so they self-diagnosed instead, and who now wants to groan at the thought of having to wake up another day,

how's the childhood trauma, deep-rooted love hate relationship with your parents, lack of self-esteem and sense of self, and raging queerness doing? you good?

I’m nothing special. I’m fat; I’m ugly; I don’t have any talents; I have a bad character; I don’t have any friends, I’m nothing.

sorrythisisallicanbe

People need to understand that for those who have gone through trauma experience things differently.

If you went through an abandonment as a child, a breakup others would get over with in months can take years to overcome.

If you went through domestic abuse, even small changes in a loved one's tone can make you anxious.

If you were belittled your whole childhood, being professionally critized at work can feel like the end of the world.

Trauma effects us for a long time after it occurs.