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There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Just as there is no right or wrong way to write it. Everyone is different, each set of circumstances are different.Â
The point of this post is to show you how different people react in different ways, and give points on how you might write that, depending on your character and story.
Reactions to Grief
Numbness: Your character may go into auto-pilot and be unable to process the events that have unfolded.
Anger: This can be aimed at other people, at a Higher Being, or at nothing in particular.
Unsteady: Your characters may be unsteady. For example, unable to stop their voice from shaking or they may find it difficult to stand.
Focusing on Others: Your character may disregard their own feelings because they are so overwhelmed and instead concentrate on someone elseâs well-being.Â
Seek out routines: Amid upheavals, your character may seek comfort in tasks that are familiar and âsafe,â such as working, cleaning, making their bed, making absurd amounts of tea or taking a morning walk.
Pretending that Everything Is Okay: Grief is viewed as an emotion that should cease or be concealed once the funeral is over. So people mention the news in an offhand comment, then talk and laugh as if all is right with the world.
Denial: Some people deny the reality of death and convince themselves that the news is a joke or canât be true.
Reactions from people surrounding your character:
People may avoid your character as they do not know what to say or simply canât find the right words.
Some may even go as far as to cross the street when they notice your character approaching.
Even people that the character has known for years may act strange or standoff-ish, simply because they donât know what to say.
On the other side of that, some people may be overly helpful and friendly.
It is not uncommon for estranged friends, family or others to suddenly reappear in a personâs life after they have experienced grief.Â
Either because those people want to offer their support and love or because theyâre being nosy and they want to be kept up to date on the âdramaâ.
Most people will move on from the event fairly quickly if they werenât emotionally invested.Â
Some people may even get annoyed at your character for still being upset weeks or months later.
When talking about the person they have lost:
Your character may recall a memory or tell a story about their loved one, these are possible reactions. (I have encountered all of them.)
Your character may being to cry or get upset at the thought of the person they have lost.Â
The person they are talking to may become awkward and avert eye contact when your character brings up the person they have lost.Â
Others may ask or tell your character to stop talking about the person they have lost. They may roll their eyes, cough awkwardly, or cut off your character mid sentences so that they can change the subject.
Some people may ask inappropriate questions about the circumstances in which the characterâs loved one passed away. Depending on the personality of your character then may react differently.Â
Other things to note:
Grief is not constrained by time.Â
One of the main problems with grief in fiction is that a character is typically heartbroken for a couple scenes and then happy again. But grief does not evaporate because the world needs saving.Â
Allow your character to wrestle with their grief.Â
Your character may feel guilty. Your character may feel a twinge of guilt when they laugh or have a good time with someone else; when they do something to remind them that theyâre alive, and their loved one isnât.Â
Grief is a game changer. A previously outgoing character may withdraw and isolate themselves. Some people may take grief and/or bereavement as a sign that life is too short; they may make big decisions in an attempt to make themselves feel better and grow away from their pain.
Sometimes grief can help you find your purpose.
At first grief can be all consuming. It hurts and you canât really control it. It may seem unrelenting. Eventually the grief will become easier to deal with, your character may find the days to be better, but that doesnât mean that when the grief hits it doesnât hurt any less.
For most people, grief never really goes away. âSometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be.â
It is rare that a person will ever give a long speech about their feelings, a lot of people struggle to even find the words. But thatâs okay. Show the reader how your character feels, rather than just telling them.
Donât pause the plot to deal with the aspect of grief. This could overwhelm the readers and drag the pace down. In reality, life doesnât just stop due to grief, the world keeps spinning and things still need to be done. Use the characterâs grief as a backdrop for the storyâs events. Â
Yes, grief affects the characterâs day-to-day life, goals, and relationships. But it shouldnât drive readers away or stagnate the story. Instead, should engage readers and produce empathy that keeps them turning pages.
You donât need to tell your readers that everything will be fine. You donât need to provide all of the answers.
âSkirting grief and treating it lightly is easy. But by realistically portraying it through a variety of responses and its lasting effects on the characterâs life, readers will form a connection with your characters.â
Beautiful words but WHAT IS THAT PEN? I WANT THAT PEN!
Did some writing today :) these are not my words ! The author is unknown (yes, i researched and came up with nothing) so Iâm not trying to take away from their work!
I need to start journaling again đđ
colored some doodles
Iâm tempted to say Ash but I donât know. Heâs supposed to be more soft but I love it when the soft one has repressed anger. Even though itâs a sort of over done trope. But I digress.  The theme really makes it possible for all of them to have repressed anger. Though I think Ash would be the one who doesnât realise it the most.Â
tag the oc who has a lot of repressed anger and doesnât realize it yet
Iâm white. I know that. I donât pretend Iâm not. But gods do I hate that teacher right now. Sheâs not saying that at she doesnât like the fact that you like fucking pineapples on your pizza, sheâs saying that your âopinionâ literally goes against her entire fucking existence.
GO đ THE đ FUCK đ OFF. Also, the American educational system is trash. I applaud this childâs parents for giving her a voice and standing up against bias authority.
They said I couldnât, I said fuck you Karen Iâm doing it
Spite
Inspiration
Hungry for Validation
Make readers go âWow!â
Make readers go âOh!â
Make readers go :â((
Horny
Dragons
Whom else is going to write this if not me??
They Gave Me a Keyboard and Cannot Take it Away Now
I Invented Several Languages and Must Use Them Somewhere
These characters are REAL and have things to do
I Like to Suffer
I like to be gay and unhinged but in a productive way
I care about my OCs and so must you now
I have issues I need to project on SOMETHING
Love is not fake and here is why, an entire book
Words Pretty
Nah. With song covers, many change the pronouns. Thereâs only a few that donât. Itâs different when it just came on the radio, I think. The again, Iâm pan-ace so I wouldnât know. Thereâs always speculation if you donât change the pronouns (see: BTS).Â
Is that you can sing virtually any love song and not have to change the pronouns.Â
obsessed with the idea of vampire snow white