This Is The Woods And Mason Dynamic Right??? Feels Like It

I'm so in love with Netflix's Castlevania 😔🤍

thinking about love as the ultimate transformative power in castlevania... richter's love giving strength to annette when she's practically dying from sekhmet's possession, juste and tera's care bringing maria back from the darkness, lisa showing dracula that he can be loved and good, alucard's love for each generation of belmont making him come back not to fight evil but simply to teach them how to fish despite knowing that he'll have to watch them die, olrox coming back to fight erzsebet out of love for mizrak, alucard saying that dracula still had goodness in him at the end precisely because his last action on earth was loving lisa's last gift to him, their son,... the only characters that are truly evil being the ones like Carmilla, the Abbott in nocturne or drolta who turn acts of devotion, love and trust into destruction and violence.... going to kill myself

BELL + ADLER

these violent delights - micah nemerever / franz kafka’s letters to milena jesenska / frida kahlo / all i need - radiohead / the mark of athena - rick riordan / the lover as a cult - olivia gatwood

it's just... hesh and logan being brought up in religion and hesh relying heavily on it while logan is *very* disconnected from it and hesh praying whenever situations are dire and logan not understanding but tries anyway to be there for hesh and elias gifting the boys rosaries and hesh clinging onto his faith each hour of each day as his family tree crumbles apart and the final straw is when logan gets torn away from him that hesh's faith dwindles until it's nothing but flickering embers because why would a god rip his little brother away from him like that and why must he suffer when he's been good his entire life while logan's faith returns and grows and strengthens because its his only connection to hesh now and hes praying until his knees are raw and hes holding his head in his hands begging god for his big brother again because hes the only man whose ever saved him and it can't end like this

After finishing bo1, bo2 and bocw i have turned into the biggest Hudson apologist ever

what’s in a name?

alluded to it in my last adlerbell rot post but i have such a complex over adler naming bell and i find it difficult to put into words. so here’s a very lengthy attempt:

most of the symbolism behind bell’s name is obvious and doesn’t need much stating: it’s indicative of adler’s ownership of bell, literally naming them like a pet, his property. obvious also that a bell was used in their conditioning; as well as a reference to the study of classical conditioning itself by pavlov, who similarly used a bell to condition behavioural responses in the test subject: a dog (hence the myriad dog imagery/symbolism in adlerbell fics… it’s like crack to me)

but the obvious aside it always hits me deepest as part of the “it wasn’t personal” narrative. it’s insanely personal- it’s intimate. i think i put adlerbell on a little bit of a pedestal to view everything about them through a vaguely romanticised lens, but to me it really is- in the most horrifically tragic and sickening way- romantic.

like, you’re bell, right? you trust this man, bell. he is your friend. you witnessed some of the worst atrocities of mankind and survived hell with him and he is your friend. he calls your name through the smoke and gunfire, as a bullet zips past your ear you hear it amidst the splitting of shrapnel, the tearing of screams silenced for but a moment. each time he extends his arm to pick you up, he calls you, bell. every time he directs you to a point of interest, he beckons you, bell. when he nudges you out of your cot in camp haskins, it’s your name he laughs, bell. when he praises you, and smiles at you in that wry, almost boyish way, and tells you how good of a job you’ve done, how we couldn’t have done it without you, how they should be thanking you- it’s your name, bookended, every time, a fondness notched into the welding that stamps you both together inseparably. bell. every single association you have to your name is whenever he pulls you close, helps you, praises you, saves you. your name alone a positive association- to the respect and affection he has for you. bell.

and it’s to the point. adler says their name at any given moment he can. he says it so often it’s infuriating. like deadass take a shot every time. it’s practically a trope in any fic featuring the two, that he utters their name every other line of dialogue. it’s the first thing he says to them at the start of the game- walking into the safehouse at west berlin- not a word, but their name. sure, obviously isn’t the first time he’s spoken to bell, knowing what came before- but it’s presumably bell’s first time walking around freely since mk ultra. that coupled with the trigger phrase must make for a very pliant response- when he says their name, it’s the same man, as far as bell knows, who fought with them back to back in vietnam. something thicker even than blood.

and i reckon adler likes it. mk ultra was a joint effort but bell’s past is based on his choosing, his memories. by no means did he have to pick their name, but he did. he chose to name the thing he’s helped create. it’s almost sick that the ‘closeness’ bell feels towards adler is really only partially synthetic- over a span of months adler really was there, every day, talking for hours and conditioning them over and over and over again. of course he’d name them. something something don’t name an animal you don’t want to get attached to. but it’s his animal. it’s his dog. they’re his bell.

and there’s something just so sickening and so adler that he could have named them anything else in the world- maybe something inconspicuous and plain, like john or jane; something sweet, something that reminds him of someone else, a song he likes, a nickname, an insult, or even something downright cruel. but i don’t think anything could be more cruel and tragically appropriate than calling them by the name of the instrument you used to condition them. to call them by the tool you used to enslave their mind. the very thing that reset their entire being to zero. a bell. not just their name- but the sound, ever ringing, in the back of their mind. the thing that echoes in the empty inside them, to remind them why it’s empty in the first place, its sole purpose to keep them chained in their loyalty to adler. bell.

like i said, i do really think adler likes it. for whatever reason. ownership, spite, just a way to rub salt in the wound any chance he gets, a small victory only he gets to revel in, right in their face. but bell is his. bell belongs to him. when he says their name, it’s the one he chose. time and patience came alongside that bell that rang perpetual in that lab. he’s said that name as many times as he rang it. maybe a part of adler’s as attached to that instrument as much as he is the person he named after it. i’m sure adler hears it chiming in the recesses of his own mind more than he’d care to admit. he’d been around to hear it as long as bell has, hadn’t he? maybe part of him has grown conditioned in his attachment to that instrument too.

but there must be a semblance of pride when he says it. really, to be able to beckon your dog by the name you chose for it. i wonder if a swell of maddened joy tugs at his blackened heart whenever he sees bell’s head perk up at the sound of their name, the one he chose, as implicit and unthinking, automatic, as though it truly were their own. since birth.

and like it couldn’t be enough that he took everything from them. and most importantly that he took them away from perseus- that he stole perseus’ most precious comrade right out from under him, and turned them to an unflinching loyal pup for himself. this isn’t about you, this isn’t about me, this is about millions of other fucking people. is it? when you croon and tut their name between every sentence, are you sure you don’t just like the satisfaction of saying it, knowing how deeply it disarms them? knowing how they are wholly yours, to their very core? to the name they introduce themselves as? to the one they flinch and come running whenever you say it?

ugh. it’s just- a name is so integral to one’s identity. it shapes their life. their personhood. and he didn’t just erase theirs, but he gave them a new one and made sure they’d like it. a conditioned response of pleasure whenever he’d say it. isn’t that intimate?

he took everything. every single shred of who they were. that not even their name is their own. that even their name, their name, belongs entirely to him.

this didn’t make sense, i wrote this mostly for myself, congrats if u read this far. i just wanted to have every single thought and feeling i had about it jotted in one place and file it away ajshsjksjsjsjs

Is it too weird that I've been thinking about something similar? 😞

The dichotomy between tenderness and torture Bell would've received during the MK-ULTRA process is something that is very special to me. Tenderness in the wound care they would have needed to receive in order to keep them from dying from the bullet wound they got on the Trabzon Airfield and Torture from all the physical and mental pain that was inflicted on them with the express goal of grinding their entire being to a stub in order to be rebuilt in Adler's image.

Lately I’ve been thinking about Bell’s personality before they were captured by the CIA. Knowing that they were in the inner circle of Perseus already lets us know that Bell was a rather ambitious person. Though, I feel like they indeed had to go through a dirty path to get so high in this hierarchy. You can’t reach the stars without suffering, right? So naturally, Bell must’ve had the charisma and will to go through things like the assassinations of his rivals and making themselves stand out from the rest of the people. After all, even in a circle of Perseus, there was no guarantee that Bell would easily stay in their spot all safe and sound (we can take the Trabzon Airfield situation as an example). This system of hierarchy setup was rather unforgiving for those who were lacking the will to take action or who weren’t careful enough. So, in short, Bell’s hands weren’t clean.

But even with all the killing they had done, both to his comrades and enemies, Bell had to trust somebody. We can’t say that Bell had serious trust issues beforehand, since they had to trust their comrades at least a little bit, since operating all alone was a death sentence. But I feel like Bell never really fully trusted anyone in the first place, except for Perseus and the closest operatives (but these relationships are different stories).

Another thing that I often wonder about is whether Bell was blinded by the ideology or not. As we know, Perseus did have his own idea of perfecting Motherland and his own hate towards the West. Though, did Bell have their own ideas, or were they simply following Perseus, convinced by his ideals and morals? I like to think that Bell was their own person with their own beliefs and ideas. After all, Bell being able to think for themselves would connect with the charisma they might’ve had. And I think Bell’s head was one of the reasons why they even got noticed by Perseus. I like to believe that their ideals never aligned so perfectly, but their small differences made their bond grow stronger. 

Sorry, I had to get this rambling out of my head

Yeah sure gender swapped milf Adler is hot but let's not pretend that svelte English twink Park wouldn't do numbers on this site

Yes.

reblog if it's okay for your mutuals to message you and create an actual friendship, not just interactions

is it just me or am I the only one who tends to gravitate more towards '' blank '' protagonists like Logan or Roach?. Like they don't say a word, they have absolutely zero character development and in Roach's case don't even have a canon appearance

I guess you could say they're like canvas and so you could imagine and headcanon basically anything about them.

Though I guess we must be content with the few crumbs we get as these characters tend to be less popular.

Logan nation rise up 🙏