I Know A Lot Of People Think Mason And Woods Might Not Know What Happened To Bell, But How Could They

Yes.

reblog if it's okay for your mutuals to message you and create an actual friendship, not just interactions

what’s in a name?

alluded to it in my last adlerbell rot post but i have such a complex over adler naming bell and i find it difficult to put into words. so here’s a very lengthy attempt:

most of the symbolism behind bell’s name is obvious and doesn’t need much stating: it’s indicative of adler’s ownership of bell, literally naming them like a pet, his property. obvious also that a bell was used in their conditioning; as well as a reference to the study of classical conditioning itself by pavlov, who similarly used a bell to condition behavioural responses in the test subject: a dog (hence the myriad dog imagery/symbolism in adlerbell fics… it’s like crack to me)

but the obvious aside it always hits me deepest as part of the “it wasn’t personal” narrative. it’s insanely personal- it’s intimate. i think i put adlerbell on a little bit of a pedestal to view everything about them through a vaguely romanticised lens, but to me it really is- in the most horrifically tragic and sickening way- romantic.

like, you’re bell, right? you trust this man, bell. he is your friend. you witnessed some of the worst atrocities of mankind and survived hell with him and he is your friend. he calls your name through the smoke and gunfire, as a bullet zips past your ear you hear it amidst the splitting of shrapnel, the tearing of screams silenced for but a moment. each time he extends his arm to pick you up, he calls you, bell. every time he directs you to a point of interest, he beckons you, bell. when he nudges you out of your cot in camp haskins, it’s your name he laughs, bell. when he praises you, and smiles at you in that wry, almost boyish way, and tells you how good of a job you’ve done, how we couldn’t have done it without you, how they should be thanking you- it’s your name, bookended, every time, a fondness notched into the welding that stamps you both together inseparably. bell. every single association you have to your name is whenever he pulls you close, helps you, praises you, saves you. your name alone a positive association- to the respect and affection he has for you. bell.

and it’s to the point. adler says their name at any given moment he can. he says it so often it’s infuriating. like deadass take a shot every time. it’s practically a trope in any fic featuring the two, that he utters their name every other line of dialogue. it’s the first thing he says to them at the start of the game- walking into the safehouse at west berlin- not a word, but their name. sure, obviously isn’t the first time he’s spoken to bell, knowing what came before- but it’s presumably bell’s first time walking around freely since mk ultra. that coupled with the trigger phrase must make for a very pliant response- when he says their name, it’s the same man, as far as bell knows, who fought with them back to back in vietnam. something thicker even than blood.

and i reckon adler likes it. mk ultra was a joint effort but bell’s past is based on his choosing, his memories. by no means did he have to pick their name, but he did. he chose to name the thing he’s helped create. it’s almost sick that the ‘closeness’ bell feels towards adler is really only partially synthetic- over a span of months adler really was there, every day, talking for hours and conditioning them over and over and over again. of course he’d name them. something something don’t name an animal you don’t want to get attached to. but it’s his animal. it’s his dog. they’re his bell.

and there’s something just so sickening and so adler that he could have named them anything else in the world- maybe something inconspicuous and plain, like john or jane; something sweet, something that reminds him of someone else, a song he likes, a nickname, an insult, or even something downright cruel. but i don’t think anything could be more cruel and tragically appropriate than calling them by the name of the instrument you used to condition them. to call them by the tool you used to enslave their mind. the very thing that reset their entire being to zero. a bell. not just their name- but the sound, ever ringing, in the back of their mind. the thing that echoes in the empty inside them, to remind them why it’s empty in the first place, its sole purpose to keep them chained in their loyalty to adler. bell.

like i said, i do really think adler likes it. for whatever reason. ownership, spite, just a way to rub salt in the wound any chance he gets, a small victory only he gets to revel in, right in their face. but bell is his. bell belongs to him. when he says their name, it’s the one he chose. time and patience came alongside that bell that rang perpetual in that lab. he’s said that name as many times as he rang it. maybe a part of adler’s as attached to that instrument as much as he is the person he named after it. i’m sure adler hears it chiming in the recesses of his own mind more than he’d care to admit. he’d been around to hear it as long as bell has, hadn’t he? maybe part of him has grown conditioned in his attachment to that instrument too.

but there must be a semblance of pride when he says it. really, to be able to beckon your dog by the name you chose for it. i wonder if a swell of maddened joy tugs at his blackened heart whenever he sees bell’s head perk up at the sound of their name, the one he chose, as implicit and unthinking, automatic, as though it truly were their own. since birth.

and like it couldn’t be enough that he took everything from them. and most importantly that he took them away from perseus- that he stole perseus’ most precious comrade right out from under him, and turned them to an unflinching loyal pup for himself. this isn’t about you, this isn’t about me, this is about millions of other fucking people. is it? when you croon and tut their name between every sentence, are you sure you don’t just like the satisfaction of saying it, knowing how deeply it disarms them? knowing how they are wholly yours, to their very core? to the name they introduce themselves as? to the one they flinch and come running whenever you say it?

ugh. it’s just- a name is so integral to one’s identity. it shapes their life. their personhood. and he didn’t just erase theirs, but he gave them a new one and made sure they’d like it. a conditioned response of pleasure whenever he’d say it. isn’t that intimate?

he took everything. every single shred of who they were. that not even their name is their own. that even their name, their name, belongs entirely to him.

this didn’t make sense, i wrote this mostly for myself, congrats if u read this far. i just wanted to have every single thought and feeling i had about it jotted in one place and file it away ajshsjksjsjsjs

its my b-day!! the best present for an artist is a repost ;)

obligatory doodle

Yeah sure gender swapped milf Adler is hot but let's not pretend that svelte English twink Park wouldn't do numbers on this site

“What’s your favourite scene in attack on titan?”

“Oh probably -”

Well MINE is the scene Reiner and Bertholdt confess but it’s specifically the three seconds after they confess where the sun shines through the clouds and the music swells and it feels like the whole world has stopped and my whole brain reboots and -

it's just... hesh and logan being brought up in religion and hesh relying heavily on it while logan is *very* disconnected from it and hesh praying whenever situations are dire and logan not understanding but tries anyway to be there for hesh and elias gifting the boys rosaries and hesh clinging onto his faith each hour of each day as his family tree crumbles apart and the final straw is when logan gets torn away from him that hesh's faith dwindles until it's nothing but flickering embers because why would a god rip his little brother away from him like that and why must he suffer when he's been good his entire life while logan's faith returns and grows and strengthens because its his only connection to hesh now and hes praying until his knees are raw and hes holding his head in his hands begging god for his big brother again because hes the only man whose ever saved him and it can't end like this

Logan and Hesh’s largest flex is that they survived orbital bombardment not once but TWICE

Would love for Logan or Hesh to crash out and say some shit like “LOKI/ODIN couldn’t kill me, what makes you think you could?!”

hesh: he was my brother.

I sincerely apologise 😢 (bonus points if Bell wasn't even Russian, just a individual of another nation who happened to be under Soviet rule and basically having to live with Soviet communist ideology and oppressed society, even though inside he knew that life could be better than government could offer, but he couldn't do anything about it, especially when he had a somewhat functioning family at home)

I know that bell was pretty much destined to an early death but that won't stop me from talking about them like a wife who just lost her husband in the war

(Wrote this with male Bell in mind)

Also, imagine Bell being drafted into Soviet Army almost right after finishing school. Almost all his friends from school were drafted, so it was only natural for him be drafted as well. And it's only for a couple of years, nothing too bad, really. His father must've been proud of him for going to serve his Motherland and his mother...well, she was proud of him too, very proud, but also, she felt worried about him. Although, Bell turned out to be just fine somewhere far away from her. Bell wrote letters, mostly writing down his experiences and complaining about the living conditions a little bit once in a while. After all, mother's food has always been the best, no? Bell missed his mother. A lot. Bell missed his brother and his sister too. Bell even missed his father who used to be so strict with him. Though, eventually, Bell came home, so much to his relief. But, unfortunately, for a short while. Some higher-ups noticed his talents and they want him in the army. Nobody really said army, Bell simply assumed so. After all, where, or how, else he could serve his Motherland? Though, Bell didn't question such strange situation much. Important people reaching out to him already honored him immensely, so it was only natural for him to go work some more God knows where. He wanted to make his family proud, simple as that...

I know that bell was pretty much destined to an early death but that won't stop me from talking about them like a wife who just lost her husband in the war