Genuinely, How Is RTTE A Kids Show. If I Took Plot Points Or Certain Lines Out Of Context You Would Assume

Do you think Burdock ever saw Haymitch in Katniss because they’re so similar.

Do you think he would miss what his best friend could have to been to Katniss and the bond they could have had because they’re were so similar?

Like Katniss and Burdock would be hanging out in the woods and Katniss would do something so similar to Haymitch that he wouldn’t help but mourn?

Just a thought

Thinking about Edward Elric as the Amestrian Military's specialest little unfireable boy

State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.

........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.

There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.

And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.

And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.

Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.

Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.

Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"

The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.

The auditor sleeps with one eye open from then on out.

WHAT IS THAT THING

Welp, new live action HTTYD trailer is out and Toothless has officially become an old man

The Vikings Bride (1)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63436504

Rating: G

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson

Words: 1.8K

Chapter 1/?

Summary:

Astrid truly didn’t pay much actual attention to the farm boy who tended to the dragons. Still, nothing gave her as much pleasure as ordering Hiccup around. “Farm boy, tend to Stormfly.” She would snap. “Clean the stables!” She would order. Farm boy, do this. Do that. And every time without fail he would say, “as you wish.” It was all he ever said to her.

Princess Bride AU

Astrid grew up in a farming town in the kingdom of the Berserkers. Her favorite pastimes were flying her dragon and tormenting the farm boy who tended to her wealthy family. 

The farm boy’s name was Hiccup. Though she didn’t call him that.

Astrid truly didn’t pay much actual attention to the farm boy who tended to the dragons. All she really knew growing up was his dorky crooked smile and his kind eyes that never left his freckled face despite the treatment he endured. Still, nothing gave her as much pleasure as ordering Hiccup around.

Even after she pried out of him that he was banished chieftain royalty, even after he grew from a lanky kid to a lanky teenager, his kind eyes never stopped shining that bright green. 

“Farm boy, tend to Stormfly.” She would snap. “Clean the stables!” She would order. Farm boy, do this. Do that.  

And every time without fail he would say, “as you wish.” 

It was all he ever said to her.

They grew closer. It felt inevitable in a way. 

With the Hofferson household being one of the few in the kingdom to hold dragons and Hiccup’s love for them it seemed they saw each other every day. While he would brush or clean Stormfly's scales, he would rattle on about the different types from where he came from. 

When she was 12, she just assumed he didn’t know dragons were rarely spotted and were considered odd to own.

When she was 13, she started to approach him of her own free will and tell him to do various tasks. 

It was at 15 she realized that she loved seeking him out.

“Farm boy,” She would say, coming up to him as he was struggling to chop wood. “Fetch the dragon's water would you?”

Their eyes would meet and Astrid could never recall nature that was as green as Hiccup’s eyes.

She paused, “Please?” She added, suddenly very aware of the thin scar on his chin and his puffy spotted cheeks. 

Hiccup nodded and said as he always did, “As you wish.” 

This continued for months until she realized she was in love with him. 

It continued on even farther until she realized that when Hiccup was saying “As you wish.” What he really meant was, “I love you.” 

She was 16 and throwing her axe in the woods when she caught Hiccup watching her.

“Farm boy,” She called. She looked up at the axe she was about to grab right above her, “Fetch me my axe.”

Hiccup walked up slowly, now just as tall as her, and grabbed the axe stuck in the bark of the tree.

“As you wish,” He whispered while handing over her axe to him, his warm fingers grazing hers. She felt a smile creeping up.

It was later that day under the sunset that they shared their first kiss. It was wonderful, it was exhilarating, and most of all, it seemed to fill her life with meaning.

She hated that she loved this farm boy so much. She hated herself even more because the fact was that she desperately wanted to marry him. She knew she never could.

Despite that, she loved his grin, his now growing stubble on his chin at 17, the fact that he was growing muscle, how he towered over her, how he laughed, and everything about him. Astrid grew to know Hiccup as him , rather than the intriguing farm boy. She loved pulling him to the side and kissing him senseless in the stables. She loved his sarcastic nature. She loved his unruly hair that was so much fun to braid. Even when he complained that he really didn't need the tiny braids. She loved how stubborn and kind he was. She loved Hiccup.

It was 18 when they got engaged. He gave her a necklace that was his mothers as their betrothal gift and her eyes welled up with tears and she gave him kiss after kiss in thanks. 

But Hiccup was still an exiled poor farm boy. He had no money for marriage and Astrid’s parents refused to pay. So Hiccup decided to find riches across the sea. He packed his belongings and said goodbye to every dragon the Hoffersons owned. She waited for him by the doors.

The moment she saw him, she pounced, wrapping her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest.

“Don’t go.”

“I have to Astrid.”

“What- what if I never see you again?”

“Astrid,” Hiccup pulled away suddenly and looked into her eyes, expression serious. “Of course you will.”

“But what if something happens to you? I won’t be able to protect you.” She felt irritation and want bubbling beneath the surface. She felt need. She needed him to stay. 

Hiccup suddenly cupped her cheek, forcing her to look back up at him. “Astrid. Remember this. Hear this now. There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. Always .”

She smiled sadly and leaned her forehead against his despite the raging storm happening in her chest, “I can’t imagine a world without you in it.”

“I can’t imagine a world without you in it either.”

“Make sure you come back. Promise me.” She demanded, feeling a burn behind her eyes.

“I promise. This is true love M’lady, it doesn’t happen everyday.” He grinned and kissed her softly. “There will always be an us. Trust in me, your scrawny, twig of a fiancé. Okay?”

“Right. Of course.”

“Love you.” A peck on the lips.

“Love you too. Come back.”

As you wish. 

Hiccup never came back. His ship was attacked by the infamous dragon master Drago Bludvist and his crew of dragon trappers. Drago never left captives alive. When Astrid got the news, she trained so hard that her axe became dull and her vision was blurry from tears. She felt foolish. 

She needed to hit something. She needed something to tame her anger, her grief. 

She joined the Berserker guard.

She beat all of them and became the best in her class, pouring all her anguish into becoming something Hiccup wouldn’t recognize. 

4 years later, and her talent caught the eyes of Oswald the Agreeable's son. 

5 years after Hiccup's death, at the age of 22, she was to be married to Dagur the Deranged. It was announced at a festival with Dagur standing on a balcony with General Heather. The kingdom cheered.

“In a month from now will be the kingdom's 500th anniversary!” Dagur said with a manic grin. “In a month I will be marrying the best Berserker guard that we have ever seen! I will be marrying a commoner like you all!” Dagur giggled suddenly, “But now she will be above all your tiny insignificant lives! I present to you, Viking Astrid Hofferson!”

And it was at that moment when Astrid walked out and looked at people who were just like her, did she feel emptiness consume her. She hated Dagur. She wanted Hiccup.

Astrid felt the wind in her hair as she flew with Stormfly across the vast forest. She sighed. This was her only free time and she cherished it daily. Flying with Stormfly was truly the only joy she had now. 

Astrid has been layed back on her dragon’s back for around an hour when a shout from the forest floor caught her attention. Three people were waving. A short stocky man with a black bob and two blondes.

She flew down and the short man who she now discovered had a rather sad sense of style grinned smugly. Astrid narrowed her eyes.

“A word, my lady.” He said with raised eyebrows. “We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?”

Astrid observed the three. The short man didn’t look intelligent enough to deceive her but why they would try in the first place escapes her mind. 

The two blondes don’t have much going on. The big bodied man with nervous eyes and baby fat on his cheeks doesn’t look threatening. And the blonde with dreads in his hair tied up to form a beard might be the only threatening person in the group if the mace strapped to his back was any indicator.

Astrid furrowed her brows in confusion and got off Stormfly. “No. There aren't any towns for miles.”

The raven haired man smirked cockily and suddenly clapped twice. The big man’s expression changed from anxious to angry and he charged at her. Astrid didn’t even have time to grab her axe before she blackened out. 

The last thing she heard was. “Then no one will hear you scream.”

Snotlout was ribbing the royal crest off of the Viking’s bag. When Fishlegs became Thor Bonecrusher and attacked Hofferson, the dragon freaked out. A few well placed nets later and Snotlout had the bag strapped to its side.

“Yo, Snotman, what are you doing?” Tuffnut asked from where he was prepping a boat.

“Replacing the Berserker crest with the Berkian one. They are sworn enemies, thus when Prince Dagur finds her body dead on their shores, they will have no choice but to go to war!”

“You never said anything about killing anyone, Snotlout.” Fishlegs said from the side.

“I hired you to help me start a war!” 

“I don't know Snotlout…” Fishlegs wringed his hands anxiously.

“Come on! It’s a very strong and prestigious line of work! You fit right in, especially when you become Thor.”

“I just don’t think it’s right.”

“Well I’m paying you and you seemed to agree with me when you're the manly version of you!”

“I agree with Fishlegs.” Tuffnut piped in.

Snotlout untied the dragon and placed the bag back on it, shooing it away. Perfect.

Snotlout hopped on the boat, “Well you two won’t be killing her! I will! Me! Duh!”

“I don’t know S…” Tuffnut shrugged.

“Don’t complain now! When I found you, you were drunk and eating toenails! You couldn’t think straight! And you!” Snotlout turned to Fishlegs, “Unemployed until I made Thor! I remade you into a better version of yourself! I can make Thor Bonecrusher no more! Do you want to be unemployed in Denmark again? I’ll send you to the edge of the earth!”

“The earth is round actually!”

“Shut up Tuffnut!” 

Right as they were setting sail Tuffnut went up to Fishlegs, “Snotlout, he can…fuss.”

Fishlegs nodded solemnly, “He really likes to scream at us.”

Tuffnut put a hand on Fishleg’s shoulder, “He means no…harm.”

“He’s very short on… charm !” 

Tuffnut whistled, “you are very good at rhyming Fishlegs.”

“Shut it, Tuff, Fishface!”

“S, are there rocks ahead?”

“If there are, we’ll all be dead!” Fishlegs added.

“UGH!” Snotlout yelled. “No more rhymes now, I mean it!”

“Anybody want a peanut?” Tuffnut asked.

Snotlout's shriek could be heard for miles.

how i think the gang is with physical touch (specifically cuddling):

hiccup- will cuddle for a certain amount of time, but once he hits that time limit his skin feels like it’s crawling and he needs to pull away

astrid- not the biggest fan of cuddling, but will tolerate it if she really loves whoever she’s cuddling

fishlegs- similar to astrid, but will tolerate it because he doesn’t want to hurt the feelings of whoever he’s cuddling

snotlout- he loves it, but will deny it till the day he dies. cannot catch this man cuddling anyone, no matter how much he wants to

tuffnut- loves loves loves it. he will cuddle anyone if given the chance. as immature as he may seem, he won’t make any girls feel unsafe or uncomfortable cuddling him because he simply does not care about romantic and/or sexual stuff with them

ruffnut- hates cuddles from everyone EXCEPT tuffnut. she will tolerate tuff, but if anyone else tries to cuddle her she WILL make them eat their own shit

bonus:

heather- is fine with hugs, but is not a fan of cuddling

dagur- this man WILL cuddle anyone and everyone, toxic masculinity be damned. no one is safe from his cuddles.

viggo- he doesn’t know how he stands with cuddling because who would he cuddle? ryker?? the hunters???? i don’t think so.

johann- no one wants to cuddle him.

Thank god HTTYD 1 & 2 are now on nextflix, it saved me. My HTTYD hyperfixation is back in full force

he is literally signing away years of progress, soon enough the civil rights acts will probably be gone too

🤓

HE SAID THE THING??? CANONICALLY??? SNOTLOUT????

Do you guys ever wonder what would change if Valka went back or wasn’t taken at all. Because I do.

As much as I hate on Valka for abandoning her kid and being a shit mother, things really wouldn’t be better with her there.

Imagine having a extremest dragon hating father and an extremest dragon loving mother. It would be agony.

Hiccup is smart and smart in the way he can read people. He’s socially aware.

I imagine Valka would try to get Hiccup to share her love of dragons with her but it would probably backfire.

Hiccup in an already isolated world where killing a dragon is everything and is his only hope at becoming liked would not react well to being told to be friendly with the beasts. Imagine Hiccup being further bullied for his ‘crazy’ mother who loves dragons.

Hiccup canonly admired his dragon killing dad. Hiccup canonly did not give a crap about saving or being friends with dragons before Toothless.

It wouldn’t work in the long run either because there is now a high chance Hiccup wouldn’t become Gobber apprentice because Valka is now there. Which means no Toothless.

Hiccup would be further isolated. And from what I can tell, Valka is just like Stoick in the sense that she is driven by her extremest ideologies and doesn’t listen. Like Stoick she would push her own wants and desires onto Hiccup.

Wow, Valka being a horrible mother actually did some good. Thanks Valka for staying away. You should have stayed away forever.

I’m biased, I don’t like her. But still-