Asmodeous1 - Things I Like, Not Always Safe For Work

what's your thoughts on people who lose that spark in their relationship?

Ok so someone once sent this to me and it makes sense to me, pretty much explains it:

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and a spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Saving to read later

Cudjo Lewis, the last surviving captive of the last slave ship to bring Africans to the U.S. 

https://www.history.com/news/zora-neale-hurston-barracoon-slave-clotilda-survivor?utm_campaign=Echobox&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter#link_time=1525373347

Brings back memories to all the “straight” girls

Dear New Poly Partner,

Being with you, I feel flooded with butterflies, warm-and-fuzzies, and daydreams. At the same time, I appreciate the depth we’ve already created together in such a short period of time. I feel really grateful to have you in my life and I’m so excited that we’re exploring together. 

I know you’re new to poly and it can feel intimidating and scary. I want you to know a few things about me and my viewpoints on this as we move down this path together.

My established relationships are not a threat to you. They’re not something you have to compete with, be better than, or worry about. I’m happy to tell you anything you want to know about them. You’re not in the way, taking time away from someone else, or upsetting the balance.

Being poly doesn’t mean I date or sleep with just anyone. I’m picky and am not interested in adding someone who is mediocre into my physical or energetic space. You offer me something special that no one else does. I care about you and feel energized by our connection.

While I’ve had other relationships before, this is the first time I’m having our relationship, and that’s as new to me as it is to you. I don’t know what’s going to happen and can’t predict every breakdown that we may encounter along the way. 

What I DO know, is that I’m committed to establishing open communication and talking to you about how I’m feeling as we deepen together. I want for you to feel safe enough with me and our connection to do the same.

I don’t have an empty box that I want you to fit into, nor am I using you to fill holes in my life that other partners have left empty. My life is full of love, depth, richness, and I want to share it with you.

This feels exciting, fun, scary, sweet, intimidating, tender, beautiful, deep, and intriguing all at the same time.

I care about you and really looking forward to deepening, growing, learning, and sharing together.

xoxo

if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

I love you – I do – but I am afraid of making that love too important. Because you’re always going to leave me…We can’t deny it. You’re always going to leave.

David Levithan, Every Day (via thequotejournals)

important facts about the female body 

How to stop procrastinating on tasks you dread doing

After embarking on a journey of creating some new daily and weekly habits this month (and managing to succeed except for that week when I was sick), I’ve finally come to understand why I really dread doing certain things.

Simply, it’s just the fact that I hate starting anything. And I mean anything. Even things I find fun. I haven’t watched a new k-drama in months just because I don’t want to start one. And I love k-dramas.

So if you’re struggling to get things done, you likely have a similar problem. It’s just getting started that’s hard. Once I’m actually in the middle of doing something, it’s fine. So here are some tips that help me get started.

Tip #1: Do something similar but simpler.

In my case, the task I dread the most everyday is writing 500 words of the first draft of my novel. Once I’m writing though, I actually have fun. Yet for some reason I put it off everyday haha

But another daily habit I’ve been working on is reading some of a book everyday. Reading is similar to writing but it’s so much easier. I don’t have as much resistance to reading so it’s easy to start.

I either read fiction or a book on the craft of writing so once I read a chapter or so of this book, I find myself more amped up for writing.

Another thing I do sometimes is just think about the story. Without actually writing anything, I start thinking about the next scene and what might happen (I haven’t planned most of this novel so I’m just writing willy-nilly basically lol) and that also usually gets me in the mood to start writing that scene.

So for you maybe this could be:

When studying a foreign language, watch some videos/tv in that language then do your actual studying.

Homework: Do the tiniest and/or most enjoyable bit of homework first then your larger, harder stuff

Chores: Start small like just picking up stuff off the floor and then get into the actual mopping, dusting etc

But there’s an important thing to keep in mind when using this tip. You have to do the simple task and the dreaded task really close together, preferably one after the other. It’s all about momentum. If you do the small task then go do something else that’s unrelated, you lose the momentum. And the whole point of doing the small task in the first place is to gain momentum! Which brings me to the next tip.

Tip #2: Momentum, momentum, momentum

Once I start being productive I’ve noticed it’s so much easier to just keep going and knock off all my tasks.

It’s actually the reason why the pomodoro method just doesn’t work for me and I’ve tried it so many times. I’m not a “take breaks in the middle” kind of person because any break halts my momentum which makes it hard to get started again.

I’m definitely a “do all the things at once then take a break for the rest of the day” kind of person, so if you’re similar this tip will work for you.

After gaining some momentum by doing a similar but simple task, just do everything in one long chain.

In my case, in the mornings, I’ll go from reading a chapter of a Korean book to writing my Korean essay thing to exercising. Reading in Korean is obviously similar to writing in Korean. But exercising doesn’t have anything in common except the fact that it’s another task on my list.

Once I’m in the “productive mood” I like to milk it and do as much as I can then take a long break when I get too tired.

You can chain anything really. The trick is to just not think about it too much. If I paused and thought “hmm do I really want to exercise right now and what exercise should I do” etc, it breaks the momentum. I just see the next task I have to do and start doing it.

Tip #3: Make it more convenient to do the task.

Increasing the convenience of doing a task will lower the barrier to entry by making it feel like the task is easier to start.

A small example from my life is that I really hate washing my face in the evening. I know it’s weird. But anyway after dinner, I turn on the water heater (otherwise the water will be freezing cold) and wash the dishes.

Well guess what? I like washing my face with warm water too. So I always think, “well while I have the water heater on, I might as well go wash my face then turn it off.”

Already having the water heater on eliminates one extra step that I’d have to do to wash my face which makes it more convenient.

This also demonstrates another example of starting with the similar but simpler task, which for me is washing the dishes.

So just do whatever you can to make doing the thing you dread more convenient like:

Lay out everything you need on your desk/work space and keep it there until you complete the task.

Open every program you’ll need on your computer and have them open until you complete the task (in my case I always have Scrivener, which I use to write my novel, open)

Lay out your exercise clothes in advance or maybe even sleep in them if you exercise in the morning.

If you workout at home like me, you can always have your exercise mat on the floor or whatever equipment you use out.

Also for exercise, plan your workouts in advance. Like I said in the previous tip, deciding what workout to do breaks momentum. I usually follow along with YouTube videos so before I go to bed I open up the YouTube video I plan on doing in the morning and just hit play when it’s time.

Tip #4: When all else fails, promise yourself a reward.

If you have a little bit of self-control, this can be an effective method for you, assuming there’s something you want.

It can be as simple as I just want to lay in bed and watch YouTube videos, which is usually the reward I give myself haha

And there’s nothing as sweet to me as lazing about completely guilt-free because I did the task. Because the thing is, I can laze about without having done the task but there will always be that tinge of guilt, the ole “I really shouldn’t be doing this right now…,” which ruins everything.

Now that I’ve experienced guilt-free lazing about, I live for it.

And this doesn’t just apply to my personal life. At work, if I’m smart and effective, I can get all my lesson planning and prep done so that I have one or two hours left before the end of the work day which means sitting at my desk watching junk. Ah yes, the highlight of my work day.

Anyway, I hope maybe these tips will help you overcome the dreaded task(s) and enjoy yourself guilt-free!

Loving you was the last thing that I felt really good at.

Rudy Francisco (via thequotejournals)