madoka magica is sooo crazy imagine being in middle school and your crush dies and you’re so upset that you kickstart a time loop and repeat the same month 100 times over trying to stop her from dying but unwittingly you make her more and more important to the universe’s continuation (because you have effectively created 100 timelines that are dependent only on the survival of your crush) and therefore her death becomes more and more devastating to the world as a whole in every new timeline and finally your crush sacrifices her life willingly to become a god and you’re the only one who remembers her and this depresses you so much that you construct a whole imaginary universe where your crush is alive and you trap yourself and the souls of your friends inside it and then when you realize it’s Not Real, Actually, you pull your crush (who, again, is now god) down from heaven and become the literal actual devil
shit i'm really pathetic
i can feel my soul trying to eat me from the inside out as i struggle to maintain any sense of normalcy in regards to my feelings towards them
there are many feelings in my stomach at the moment and they are all bad
had to get a little incision and now there's a hole in me and there's a weird thing in the hole
"i'll try including everyone better form now on!" why. why can't you exclude everyone. everyone except for me. god you're too nice
i will kill myself. this is too much for me
won't be swearing or listening to music for the next month. pray for me😓
i was talking to myself when i realized it wasn't myself i was talking to. it was someone i know, except they weren't actually talking to me. idk if everyone does this but i just came to the realization that i have full blown conversations with this one person only for all the conversations to be imaginary. what the fuck.
i'm too stressed but also never stressed enough, does that make sense?
this blog is mainly just for random thoughts of mine & life updates. tw for topics related to sh and suicide
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