Well… *pushes Up Glasses* I’m Something Of A Fucking Idiot Myself 😏

everybody get out of this grocery store i need some time alone

People are so weird “my heart beats faster when you are around and I get all hot and bothered” sound alike your allergic honey

"this meeting could've been an email" but instead it's "this ship war could've been a threesome"

man i have really great tits

good morning how do i kill the yearning before it kills me

aside from being the worst person alive i am literally perfect

they call me "mr lack of understanding" for reasons that are somewhat unclear to me

sorry I didn't listen to anything you just said I was busy thinking about when I can interrupt with my funnier, more superior story

People Are Always Saying Some Things To Me And Well Im SICK Of It

Isn’t it so great to be the most beautiful person in the world? not that you would know cause it’s me but can you imagine?