Just A Small Reminder

Tysm!!

Hey there! I’m here from the whole reddit disaster.

Lemme introduce myself: my name is August, I’m trans and go by he/him/it, I’m autistic, and I’m very cool

DNI- proshippers, queerphobic people, trolls, etc.

Please follow- Pizza Tower fans, FNAF fans, queer folks, uhhh idk if you like my reddit stuff (u/augustoof) follow me!

I will talk about trans stuff and my special interests mostly. Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

Diary entry #12

Cw - negative mental health talk and politics sorta again

I need to move to Illinois I need to move to Illinois I need to mov

I'm trying to tell my grandparents I want to go to college in Illinois but I still don't know if they'll like let me y'know? They seemed kind of lukewarm to it. I'm an adult and should be able to make my own decisions but I'm terrified of them. I don't know why, even. The worst they do is scream.

They still think I'm "on the Trump train" as my grandpa puts it. Of course I'm not a fucking fan of Trump, he's a risk to everything I love!!!

I found a community college in Illinois I want to go to; hopefully they'll let me or else I'm screwed. I don't know if Missouri will ban HRT for adults, but I have a feeling they will.

My mental health hasn't been stable recently. I keep on being nice to my grandparents and I don't know why, they can't even gender me right and they think that I'm basically a joke. Just thinking about how they've denied me care fucking infuriates me but I can't help but to be nice to them!! They're nice to me in every other way, it's just this "boy thing" (their words, not mine) that they despise me for.

I'm lucky, and should be grateful but I'm not. They could've killed me or kicked me out or something for being queer. I'm filled with so much rage but have nothing to take it out on besides myself.

I'm happy to be alive most times, but I don't want to be alive as someone I'm not. I had hope, I still kind of do, but it's going to be a rough 4 years. I don't know how I'm going to explain to them that this lack of T is going to kill me, I don't think I can.

*sighs, knowing I'm gonna have to watch this movie now* (minecraft yaoi is just too captivating to skip)

((((Spoiler?))))

Just watched Minecraft movie and…was that…𝓨𝓪𝓸𝓲 I spotted??

garrett the garbage man garrison x Steve Minecraft….

Garbage Steve…..

Pride is not pride without including disabled queer people. 🌈

Diary entry #26

TW- ed (my blog is not going to become an ed blog so like if you’re triggered by that sort of stuff I will not talk about it a lot and I will label it every time), family stuff, sui

It feels like I’m in an endless cycle of suffering in a lot of different ways, just stacking on top of each other and melting together. I’m back on my ed bullshit unfortunately, triggered by me stopping my depression/sleep meds that made me binge all the time for like 5 fucking years among other things. I’m always stopped before I can hurt myself too terribly, but I don’t want to be stopped this time. 

My grandma always thinks I’m starving myself for attention or whatever, but it’s like a drive in me or something. I always need to destroy myself somehow, and this is one way I can do so. I think she thinks I’m an attention whore, which in some ways I might be, but starving myself for attention would be even more miserable than me doing it to lose weight/hurt myself. I hate having an ed so much. It gives me a bit of control over my life, but I am so cold and so tired all the time. I think my grandparents do not think of me highly at all, and I’m hurt by that quite a lot. 

At this point, if my grandparents try to stop me, maybe I’ll tell them the truth. I have no control over my life, I’m just a hamster on a wheel. I want my body to be androgynous, because that’s the best I can get right now without control over what I’m wearing and my haircut, and also lack of T. I could technically wear what I want, but last time I tried that my grandma called me the D slur. I know trying to look more like how I want is a fool’s errand, and I mostly just want to destroy myself. 

Sometimes I really think that I should die. That everyone would be better off without me. But there’s a couple major things that are affecting that thought. I have stopped caring if people hate me as much; if they hate me, I can’t control it. In fact, their spite kind of keeps me alive. If I die looking like a girl… I don’t even know. I want to die as a man. And also, I’m probably too much of a pussy to actually kms. 

Sorry I bitch a lot on here, I have no one to talk to.

hiiiiiiii :D haiiiiiiii :3c hiiiiiiiiii :333

HELLOOOOO!!

Stellaluna by Janell Cannon

transmasc song

Why does Portuguese has to gender to many words???