Babylightningbug - Erin Paige

tragic and heartbreaking, guy who wants to have conversations can't think of conversation topics

not self diagnosed not professionally diagnosed but a secret third thing (peer reviewed autism)

Lewis Hamilton wins the British Grand Prix

hi! how are you? ı hope you are having a nice day. do you have a favorite poet? can ı request a poem, if any?

:')

hiii

my favorite poet atm is Richard Siken. It changes a lot, but I adore poetry with strong specific imagery but that doesn't outwardly say anything, you know? I don't want them to tell me they love the person who left them. I want them to describe their overcoat's smell and the sheer hopelessness of life and a stranger's hands, or maybe something fantastical and absurd, and through that I want them to convey their message. Here's your poem, I hope you enjoy it :)

Eucharist

I am opening myself up

again, slowly,

prying my fingers into the dust-lined cracks

at the great cathedral doors of my

being, feeling splinters and soft

old wood meet my fingers like a warning:

you do things this way,

you might get hurt.

The warning never changes

but the outcome sometimes does and so

I dig my nails

in, feel ancient dirt gather

beneath them, and I pull. Wood creaking

like bones shifting, like mountains breathing,

and the light begins to spill in again,

and fear evaporates

the way mist does when the sun

brushes the hills in the morning,

and we are inside once more-

the stained glass still glitters,

the sound still

chatters off of every great stone palisade,

ringing,

a choir of one voice, just mine, crying out:

If I do it, it will be with love.

If I do it, it will be for love.

can someone hire me as a lighthouse keeper. my grip on reality is soooo stable and i will behave so normally under conditions of extreme isolation. and i promise i wont try to fuck the light

Day 5 Self Love Journal Prompts

5. What makes you happiest in life?

It depends, do you want the long list or the short list? Over all, my pets, my family, music, my friends, and my partner <3

My family has always had dogs, and we have four right now (dog tax below)! We also had hermit crabs while I was in elementary school, and I had a Goliath beetle in a terrarium, and a worm garden/compost bin that I saw as my pets, but my dad secretly used for fishing bait lol.

I'm the oldest sibling in my family, and I have two younger siblings (hi Jordan lol). I'm honestly pretty close to my family, and I'm thankful to get along with them pretty well!

I've always loved music, and I think my taste in music is pretty broad. A few of my current top picks are Lovejoy, dodie (seeing her in concert soon hopefully!), Laufey, BTS, Lemon Demon, Billy Joel, Mitski (just now getting into her music honestly), Dream, Hozier, Sleeping At Last, mxmtoon, Taylor Swift, Paramore, Lizzy McAlpine, and anything musical theatre honestly lol. I also listen to 80's music pretty often, but that's what my parents listened to when I was a kid so it's just kind of ingrained in my lol.

I'm really lucky to be in a place now where I have several close friends that I really trust and can rely on (hi Jordan (again)). I have my sister, my cousin, my college roommate, and my partner, and a lot of other friends I've made in the last few years. For a long time I've struggled with making, and mostly keeping, friendships. It's easy to be friendly and get along with people, but I have a hard time taking the next step after that, so I feel like I have a lot of "surface level" friends. I love them, and I appreciate their place in my life, but there's a lot of people I wish I was able to be closer to. Past that, I've always wrestled with feeling like even if I make friends, they won't stick around or will make "better" friends and not need me around anymore. Unfortunately I've had it happen enough times that it's a deep fear of mine, but I'm slowly working through it thanks to my current friends :)

My partner and I have been dating for 5 years, but we've known each other since we were little kids. He's been my best friend and rock, especially through the rough time periods where my friendships were really struggling. He's been there for me through thick and thin, encouraged my growth as a person, and is absolutely just the most loving, kind, adorable person. He's my person, and he makes my days better just by existing <3

Day 4 Self Love Journal Prompts

4. Your favorite personality trait

Similar to my last prompt, this one's a little difficult. I feel like half of my personality is just how I treat other people and not intrinsic qualities about myself. I'm kind, but is that a personality trait or is it just basic human decency? I guess one that isn't as dependent on others is that I'm hardworking. I struggle with executive function and motivation sometimes, but I do my best to do what's expected of me and do it well and in a timely manner. That isn't to say it's always easy, or that I manage to do it all the time, but I do my best and that's what matters!

also look at this cute coffee I got today! It's called a honey bomb, it had honey (obviously), bee pollen (was a little nervous about that ngl), vanilla syrup, and oat milk (had to double check that it was gluten free lol)! It was so good, and the drawing the barista added was adorable

you should be nice to people who just annoy you because everyone is annoying to someone, and having people be mean to you sucks. why are there adults who don't understand this

not a morning person not a night owl but a secret third thing