Right So Last Week @mothinthegutter Asked Me How My Washing Machine Tried To Murder Me, So Here We Go.

The Flirt

WinterIron, T, 1.1k - Crack, Humor, established relationship, Tony the Flirt, Bucky is amused, Avengers family shenanigans

A couple folks said they’d be interested in seeing the actual process of me writing an entire fic around one line of dialogue, and that seemed like a fun challenge, so I wrote this fic in a day so I could write THAT.

Just a silly fun little thing please enjoy (and if you want you can find the behind-the-scenes HERE!)

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“This doesn’t bother you at all?”

“What doesn’t?” Bucky asks, not looking up from his book.

“This,” Scott says again, unhelpfully. The word is accompanied by the entire couch jolting slightly as he flails his arms at the TV, and Bucky finally looks up.

He hasn’t been paying attention while the rest of the room flips through channels and argues about what to watch, but it looks like they’ve temporarily paused on coverage of the SI press event going on right now. Bucky gets a little distracted just watching Tony smile and charm everyone on his way out of the venue, and when he spots Happy waiting nearby he starts calculating how long it’ll take Tony to get back to the tower, but when Scott makes an impatient sound Bucky tears his eyes away from the TV.

“That Tony has to do these things?” Bucky asks in confusion, “I mean, a little, but only because it leaves me stuck hanging out with you assholes.” He leans back to dodge the throw pillow Sam hurls at him from the other end of the couch and then points out, “You’ve been arguing with Clint about The Voice for an hour, that’s longer than the show.”

“I think he means Tony flirting with all the reporters and their camera men,” Natasha chimes in from where she’s curled up in the armchair.

“That is what I mean,” Scott confirms, most of his attention on grabbing one of the spare pillows as ammo just in case and hey look at that, he’s learning.

“Why would that bother me,” Bucky says dismissively, “he’s just flirtin’ his way out like he always does so he can get home quicker. Plus, Tony flirts with everything. Literally, I once saw him run into a chair and then flirt with it.”

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live laugh love? nah, bite scream growl

I hate when people ask me about my preference but I don’t understand their preference level. Like yes I kinda want Chinese food 10% more than I want a sandwich but if you want a sandwich like 40% more than Chinese food then I would say it’s totally reasonable we get sandwiches.

Wait, is Orym's bananas high perception a trauma response to not spotting the assassins that killed his husband coming? Is it literally 'Nobody will ever be able to sneak up on the people I care about like that again?'

Like, in my head, I was going 'oh haha, this is Liam trying to make the perfect counter to someone like Vax, someone who can beat a high level rogue's minimum stealth role,' but like... in character? In character this is a man who has decided he'll never let anyone catch him unawares again.

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

😾

Menswear guy’s ability to own is so powerful he even owns himself.

tf is up with crowley’s pockets

HIS HANDS DON’T FIT IN THEM JKDFHSDJKFHS