Yeah My Isekai Adventure Was Going Pretty Well Until I Accidentally Called The Cleric 'healslut' And

the person asserting the make-a-wish child's right to an aryan doordasher is a she-ra fandom blogger embroiled in callout drama who regularly posts thousand word essays invoking the threat of femicide as the reason taylor swift can't come out as a lesbian. just for the epistemology of the concepts here.

My favorite detail about Jurassic Park is that it has a baked-in justification for any and all retcons it might need to make due to paleontology advancing forwards.

Because there is not a single dinosaur that has ever appeared in Jurassic Park.

Not one. Not in the books. Not in the movies. Not ever.

"Now what John Hammond and InGen did at Jurassic Park was to create genetically engineered theme park monsters." ~Alan Grant

Grant says that in a moment of cynicism. It's part of his arc for the film. But it's not inaccurate. What Jurassic Park has, what it's always had since the very first novel, are "Mostly Dinosaurs".

"And since the DNA is so old, it's full of holes! Now, that's where our geneticists take over!" ~Mr. DNA

It's impossible to recover a fully intact gene sequence from an ancient amber mosquito. Cloning a pure dinosaur would have been completely impossible, and so the park filled in the gene sequence with whatever works. Frog. Lizard. Bird. Whatever they need to get the result they are trying to get.

Every single dinosaur is a chimeric beast made up of mostly dinosaur and a bunch of other stuff that some scientists thought would achieve the appropriate dinosaur-like result.

"Nothing in Jurassic World is natural! We have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different." ~Dr. Henry Wu

Which, from a writing perspective, is fucking genius. Because now you have a preset excuse for each and every plot hole your movie has.

Like. Why don't the raptors have feathers? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why do dilophosaurs spit venom? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why do T-Rexes have movement based vision? Oh, they don't. But Rexy does. Because of her chimera DNA.

Why is the Spinosaurus so fucking big? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why are the velociraptors mislabeled? Because Hammond's a dipshit.

Like. I've always marveled at the way Jurassic Park started out by giving itself a blanket excuse to be wrong about every single thing it ever said about the central attraction of its franchise. It's honestly beautiful, and allows the series a degree of immortality well into the era where we know better about its animals.

You cannot look me in my eyeballs and tell me "The series really picks up in the fifth book and then they're all bangers, you should try them." I AM NOT READING FOUR SHITTY BOOKS FIRST. WHO HAS THE TIME.

researching 17th century piracy tonight. came across this:

One popular pastime amongst pirates was the mock trial.  Each man played a part be it jailer, lawyer, judge, juror, or hangman.  This sham court arrested, tried, convicted, and “carried out” the sentence to the amusement of all. (x)

how widespread could this have really been? how would it have gotten passed from ship to ship? can you imagine a pirate crew at a tavern, bragging to another pirate crew about how good they are at playing pretend? why was their go-to game “legal system”? were they performing incisive satire? is this some sort of pirates-only inside joke that’s been lost to the ages?

"Congratulations on Level 5, [Wizard]! You've officially been upgraded from 'liability' to 'glass cannon'!"

golf sucks but mini golf is fucking awesome....truly one of life's great paradoxes

It’s crazy that countries on the edge of the Sahara desert are reversing desertification by just digging half circles

I just saw a screencap of a tweet that said, “married couple looking for experience dom to tell them what to make for dinner each night” and honestly, yeah. Same.

““I’m not a moral backbone, per say. I’m more of a moral appendix. I’m here, but I’m apparently useless and sometimes I explode.””

— -Our lawful good but also insanely anxious cleric’s player.

Tony: *grumbling* What do you two want now?

Steve: Just checking in. Making sure you’re taking breaks.

Bucky: Making sure you’re hydrated.

Steve: Making sure you’re not overworking yourself.

Bucky: Making sure you know how good you look in those glasses.

Steve: *blinking* Bucky.

Bucky: What? It’s an important check-in.