YEAUGH. YES. REAL. #SOREAL #YES #REAL

Trent in purple

Ugh I don’t have time to write the fic yet so here’s what keeps bonking around my brain

Jayce becomes Viktor’s internal monologue for taking care of himself and his chronic issues.

It takes months of observation before Jayce starts piping up when he knows Viktor is doing something that will cause him pain later.

First it’s just big things— moving him to the couch when he falls asleep on the desk. Getting him a rolling stool and then making him sit on it when he’s spent too long standing at the chalk board.

Then it becomes smaller things. When Viktor has his bad leg bent across his other knee, twisting his back and hip and leg all in the wrong direction, Jayce will come over with a chair and a pillow to prop it on. Jayce clears all of the top and bottom shelves in the lab, only having things that are within Viktor’s normal range of motion. He tuts when ever he hears Viktor get up to go across the lab briefly without his cane, not even looking up as he goes “nuh uh” until viktor sighs and picks the damn thing up. “It’s only 12 steps, Jayce, I can go 12 steps” “you make that walk 25 times a day. It’s adds up.” He’s even started setting an alarm for 2 pm every day where he makes them both stop and do stretches to combat the stiffness of sitting and writing for hours on end.

Slowly, viktor’s internal voice that tries to remind him that something he’s doing will make him hurt later shifts to sound like Jayce. “Be nice to yourself, V” “that’s gonna hurt later, don’t do that” “if you leave your leg like that you’ll have a hard time walking home.” Even things that Jayce has yet to see, like the correct configuration of pillows on his bed, the way that he has to lay his arms so that his back doesn’t tweak in his sleep, start getting corrected in his mind with a “nuh uh” instead of the usual “whatever”

By the first anniversary of their meeting, every thought he has that encourages him to be kind to himself comes in Jayce’s voice, Jayce being so synonymous in his mind with the desire to treat himself well and be mindful of his limits. Jayce has no idea how much of viktor’s routine now consists of choices fueled by the thought that Jayce would be disappointed if he knew he was doing something that would cause him pain later all because Jayce can’t help but love viktor until he loves himself.

I want to [remembers that suicide jokes only further damage my mental health] fuck you like an animal

Chaos

Why is this hannibal coded

“Nothing quite like the feel of something new.”

NINE INCH NAILS - THE ONLY TIME London, UK // May 24th, 1994

my little sister asked me to draw fluttershy on the chalkboard

Learning anything about marine mammal training will make you re-evaluate so much of your relationship with your own pets. There is so much force involved in the way we handle domestic animals. Most of it isn’t even intentional, it just stems from impatience. I’m guilty of it myself!

But with the exception of certain veterinary settings where the animal’s health is the immediate priority, why is it so important to us that animals do exactly what we want exactly when we want it? Why do we have to invent all these tools and contraptions to force them to behave?

When a whale swam away from a session, that was that. The trainer just waited for them to decide to come back. If they flat out refused to participate in behaviors, they still got their allotment of fish. Nothing bad happened. Not even when 20-30 people were assembled for a procedure, and the whale chose not to enter the medical pool. No big deal. Their choice and comfort were prioritized over human convenience.

It’s almost shocking to return to domestic animal medicine afterwards and watch owners use shock collars and chokers and whips to control their animals. It’s no wonder that positive reinforcement was pioneered by marine mammal trainers. When you literally can’t force an animal to do what you want, it changes your entire perspective.

I want to see that mindset extended to our domestic animals.

he’s got rejection sensitivity

yeah. yeah i can do that