Steph: Batman Doesn't Like Me And Thinks I Am Not Enough.

Who the bat kids moms are;

Diana/Wonder Woman: everyone

Selina/Catwoman; everyone

Talia Head/Al Ghul; Damian, Jason, Cass, and maybe Tim

Constantine’s Kids

nightmare mission trio

There's a serious comparison to be made between how Barbara fails as a teacher for Cass and how Cass fails as a teacher for Stephanie. Barbara's brain is biological supercomputer with an eidetic memory which can learn a new language in like five minutes. Cassandra is likewise superhumanly talented at fighting.

In both cases these aren't just learned skills to them. Cassandra's fists and Barbara's mind are core to their identities. They're the things that make them heroes, that give them agency, that make them matter, it's who they are. The reason they have no patience for teaching these skills to others is they're incapable of contextualizing a world without them.

Barbara can't teach Cass because the prospect of a life without language is simply inconceivable to her. Likewise, Cassandra can't teach Stephanie because she has no context at all for what learning to fight must be like for other people without her natural affinity. Their respective talents are so core to their being that people who can't do what comes easily to them must simply not be trying hard enough.

Ironically it's one of the very few ways in which they're actually extremely alike.

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

when I told a friend that I was a devout member of the “English teacher Jason Todd” headcanon, her addition was: “what if he catches one of his students in a gang or something? He begins to deal psychic damage while beating people up”

Jason: YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO INDENT A PARAGRAPH UNTIL A WEEK AGO, JARED. PUT THE GUN AWAY Jared: *runs* Jason: *yelling at his back* YES, GO CRY TO THE MOM WHO WAS WRITING YOUR ESSAYS UNTIL TENTH GRADE

the gangs start avoiding him because they’ve found out that any of their newer, younger recruits will flee at the sight of him. (By god, how did he know about that horrible test score? That awkward boner? That PE incident involving a stinky shoe? How did he have that kid’s MOM’S PHONE NUMBER???)

Warriors 

anyways

My favourite thing about Talia's relationship with the batkids is that for half of them it's nonexistent.

Dick? He was there for all the relationship drama back in the golden days, and he's always been stupidly petty about it. Their rivalry is fun and lighthearted and both of them care about Damian enough to work together even if they'll never be friends.

Jason? An understanding. Kindness for the sake of it, a friendship offered in full knowledge of just how cruel the world can be. Two wary, wounded people tentatively reaching out. She remembers the sweet young boy he used to be. He remembers the time she teamed up with Bruce and Selina to fight the Gotham rogues. So much has changed for both of them, but at least when they look at each other they see that they haven't been damaged alone.

Damian? Her son, and all the complications surrounding that. Her son who was meant to grow up living a normal life and never knowing his biological parents. Her son who instead grew up just like she did, raised in a cult and expected to be the heir. She tried to save him. She failed. He couldn't save her. She killed him. It wasn't her, wasn't her hands, but it was her orders, but it wasn't her mind. They love each other anyways. They're willing to try.

The others? Well there's the other Robin. Timannie or something. Talia is pretty sure he's a boy but he could be a girl? And there's the Batgirls. Sandy or Barbie or The One Who Is All, whatever they're calling themselves nowadays. And the new mentee, Duke! He seems promising. Defeated her father along with Batgirl but Ra's seemed to respect their strength, which is always a good sign.

So basically Jason and Damian receive birthday gifts every year. Bruce receives one when he hasn't been an ass recently. Dick has never received one and never will. Tim, Cass and Duke get a present to share once a year addressed to The Other Child. It's normally some sort of training gear. Cass normally calls dibs. They're all completely fine with this arrangement. It's nice that she made an effort when she really didn't have to.

Ra's sends Bruce and Damian gifts. Occasionally sends Cass and Duke job flyers that they burn. Everyone else gets addressed as Detective because he can't keep track of their names. If Batman wanted Ra's to remember his children he should have colour coded them better. Blue eyes and black hair, he can't even remember which one Talia threw in the pit. He's a busy man with an empire to run and thousands of years of memories! They're all probably Robin, it's fine.

I need a fic where robin!jason is the only one to notice baby stalker tim while they’re out on their patrols and it gets to the point where he’ll occasionally address him when he’s alone & around the others and they think he’s low-key going insane

fast forward a couple years and tim refers to something he saw while he was stalking batman and robin and jason’s head just WHIPS towards bruce and starts screeching “I TOLD YOU I WASN’T HALLUCINATING THE TINY STALKER CHILD FOLLOWING US B!! I FUCKING TOLD YOU I-“ and he has to be dragged out of the room by nightwing, still loudly proclaiming his vindication while tim and the others just watch on with the pikachu meme face