batlevisamworld-blog

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Considering how calculating Jason is with his comically complicated plans and many backup plans and probably practiced speeches, and how starved he is for social interaction, and how he wasn't exactly socialised properly for a chunk of his childhood and like all of his teenage years- do you ever wonder if he rehearses interactions before getting into them? If he bites his tongue and spends all that time pondering how to best convey what he actually means to say, calculates strategies to get the reaction he's looking for?

You ever wonder how it never, ever works?

People keep forgetting this but jason was SHORT before the pit, like he was 5'2 (157cm) or something. Not only that but he was also very skinny with little muscle mass because of all the muscular atrophy. So I don't know why everyone keeps writing a Jason who never died like a really tall guy with a bunch of muscle. I totally think he would be like YJ!Jason Todd.

No, see, because Dick is the funniest result of being raised by Bruce and Alfred in that he can cook (like Alfred can) but he chooses to eat weird fast food and takeout on purpose (like Bruce does only because he can’t cook).

Thus, we get comics where Dick will cook an actual, quality meal for a hungry sibling but then his apartment is full of pizza boxes in weird flavors and he once ate abandoned popcorn from an empty sports stadium.

I’m also 98% sure that it’s Dick’s fault that Tim’s favorite type of pizza is Canadian bacon and artichoke hearts. But if Tim wants then Dick will hand him a thermos of warm home made soup. Older brother who can meet any of your food needs!

So my Batfamily brain rot is back (not that it ever really left) and I just had a thought like…

If you’re a henchman/criminal in Gotham, seeing your life flash past your eyes is gonna be a somewhat regular occurance but… what if like… the thing that truly made a henchman’s heart fall to his ass was when they hit Robin just a little too hard and this 10 year old kid just starts crying and goes ‘Daaaaaadddd!’

That’s the moment when they truly think they’re going to die because said dad, the kid is calling for is a 6’6 demon from hell who’s all muscle and shadows and vengance and a lot of Gotham still thinks he’s a cryptid

The henchmen all drop their guns and try to calm the kid down but it’s over in 5 seconds flat. Batman breaks several bones before speaking to Robin in the softest voice they’ve ever heard him use and the criminal world, who was already a bit hesitant to fight a kid have even more reason to take it just a little easy on Robin.

And like, I can picture different reactions with every Robin.

Like, for Dick, he’s ten and we all know he was the most violent Robin second only to Damian so maybe when he’s ten or eleven and has calmed down a little, a henchback who still remembers what a little shit he used to be decides to get back at Robin, slips on a pair of brass knuckles and BAM

And then, little Dick just stares for a moment in shock, cheek already starting to bruise, the criminals he’d been fighting all stay still because it was a nasty punch and then…

“Daaaaad!!!” He cries out in a whiny voice that reminds them that Robin really is just a kid and it all clicks into place.

Even Bruce wasn’t expecting that, Dick has just started calling him dad and he still isn’t used to being called that so to hear his kid calling for him in the moment where he is startled and hurt and a little scared… the henchmen don’t even have time to react and they wake up in the hospital with concussions and maybe a few broken bones.

It doesn’t take Dick long to calm down, it was mostly that the hit from a random henchmen really startled him and got him right in the cheekbone. But Bruce still finishes patrol early and Dick still hides under Bruce’s cape all the way to the Batmobile.

Then comes Jason and Jason was such a sweet kid, I headcannon he was the one that called Bruce dad the most often while being Robin. So one night during patrol maybe he finds himself fighting Penguin or Two-Face and it’s been a long night and he has an exam the following day and Bruce is fighting another villain at the other side of the warehouse

The point is, the henchmen and Two-Face start landing hits on eleven year old Jason in his gut and at some point he loses sight of Batman fighting on the other side of the room. Jason gets scared because he’s never really fought without Batman and while he knows that Bruce is still in the warehouse, he can’t see him and the handle of a gun hits the back of his ankle and he falls and he sees Two-Face or Penguin or one of the henchmen getting ready to grab the front of his uniform and beat him up and…

“Daaaaddd!”

The criminals freeze for a moment. They’ve heard the stories of what happened the last time a Robin called scared for dad.

They’re fucked.

They all drop their guns and try to get Jason to calm down, but he’s crying just a little bit and calls again, his voice breaking and despite having been at the other side of the warehouse just a second ago, Bruce somehow drops from the ceiling and it’s over before the criminals can keep pleading with Robin to calm down.

Jason tries to apologize for ‘acting like a baby’ but Bruce is having none of it and carries him back to the Batmobile and Jason is happy to just hide his face in Bruce’s cape because he knows his dad will always be there to save him.

Then comes Tim.

And Tim gets found out while doing reconnisance and somehow he finds himself face to face with Bane who manages to wrench away his bo staff and Tim is just eleven and he is scared because Bane doesn’t look like he’s going to hold back

All Tim knows is that the crack he hears must surely be his ribs either cracking or breaking and he can’t breath and he can only muster enough air for a single word… and he calls for his dad through tears and fear

And at this point… at this point Batman has already lost a Robin, Tim may not be his legally but he is his son just as much as Jason was

Bane spends a month in the ICU

Tim is embarrased that he reacted like that. He thinks it makes him less of a Robin to called scared for Batman… for dad.

So Bruce tells him of the other two times it happened. It’s one of the first times he’s spoken about Jason to Tim so bluntly.

Then comes Stephanie.

Stephanie never calls Bruce dad when she’s Robin. She’s not his daughter and he’s not her dad. They’re not sure what exactly they are to one another.

As far as Bruce knows, Stephanie’s version of Robin never called out to him when she was scared.

What he doesn’t know is that it did happen. Just once

It was the last time she was Robin. When Black Mask had her and she thought she was going to die

At some point while bleeding and feeling nauseous and so scared she could barely hear anything that wasn’t her own heart beating wildly against her chest… she called for dad. Not for Arthur Brown, but for Bruce

Black Mask laughed at her

Stephanie never tells Bruce

And finally… Damian

Now, we know Damian would probably never be startled enough to call for Bruce out of instinct, so I can see 2 scenarios in which this could happen.

First, he sees another kid do it. He sees a kid close to his own age laughing and playing, then tripping and staying quiet for a split second before crying out for mom and dad and he just… assumes that’s something kids do when scared and hurt and startled and does it mostly in an attempt to be a little more ‘normal’

Or, my favorite scenario… he hears of the other times it has happened. He overhears maybe Dick remind Jason of what Bruce did when Jason called out to dad as Robin. Tim maybe jokes that a Robin calling for dad is still the villains’ greatest fear

So Damian stores that knowledge away as a battle strategy just in case he ever needs it… and maybe a small part of him wants to put it to the test, to see if his father would protect him as brutally as he’s protected the Robins before him

So some random night during patrol, he’s up against several henchmen, a few of them grab him from behind, trying to hold him down. Damian is fighting against them when one of them swings a cylinder of metal that Damian thinks might’ve been meant for the plumbing and…

The henchman breaks Damian’s nose, there’s blood dripping down his chin and staining his uniform

Now… it is most certainly not the first time he’s broken something, he’s more than used to the pain, in fact, he barely feels it. However, it gives him a chance to put his little theory to the test

And so Damian allows himself to sound like the ten year old that he is and in a whiny, teary voice, goes… “Babaaaaa!” (Bonus points if it’s the first or second time he’s called Bruce baba instead of father)

What Damian didn’t take into account though, is that Batman and Robin aren’t the only ones on patrol that night. They made a big bust. The biggest part of the operation was over but they were still fighting a few stragglers. The whole fucking family is here.

And they all hear his cry.

Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen a fight end so quickly. The henchmen only have a split-second of surprise before vanishing, being tackled or shot or having knives buried on their shoulders by his siblings.

The one that actually broke Damian’s nose is being beaten up by Nightwing, Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen Grayson so angry.

A shadow kneels in front of him, father. Baba. He’s checking Damian and Todd is right at his side, both speaking in hushed tones, checking his injuries and wiping the tears that usually came with a broken nose.

And now… Damian is used to his father and Grayson treating him like a child, trying to be as soft as they can with him. Even Cain does it to some extent.

But… having Drake wrap an arm around him, calling him baby when knocking out one of the criminals that had hurt him ‘that’s my fucking baby brother!’ and continue to hold him later into the night on the couch, having Brown willingly give up all the snacks she keeps in her utility belt and promise to take him to Batburger the following day for milkshakes because he was ‘a champ’. And Thomas wraps his favorite blanket around Damian while they’re fixing him up.

Todd decides to stay the night at the manor. Which he never does. They all decide to spend the night at the manor when Damian still sniffles on the Batmobile and they have breakfast all of them together. Which Damian isn’t sure has ever happened before and Cain gets Alfred to make pancakes with chocolate chips instead of blueberries.

They call him baby in hushed whispers but for once, it doesn’t bother him even though it really should

But most of all, Bruce refuses to let him go for a good five minutes after he first cries for him. Smoothing down his hair and whispering that it’ll be okay and just being soft in a way Damian has never seen before.

He sleeps between his Baba and Grayson and he knows that Todd and Drake and Cain check in on them at least twice in the night for some reason.

And he realizes it’s… it’s nice. Maybe this really could be an effective battle strategy to be employed again someday.

nothing beats the feeling of going back to a fandom that you were in when you were younger, and rediscovering the chokehold that your favorite characters (still) have on you.

subscribing to a fic isn’t enough I need the author to blast a bat signal into the night sky whenever they update

auDHD tim drake who only makes eye contact while masking vs autistic damian wayne who makes the most unsettling eye contact at all times

I've been putting off writing a fic soooo long but oh my days, LIFE is not having it.

Is this karma for wanting to write about a...a..straight 🤮 couple.

Tim drake complaining to DICK GRAYSON about his dad will always be so funny to me . This boy has his foot in his mouth...i love him

dick: jason gave me a flower today. He came up to me, all exited, then he handed me a flower and ran away giggling. I feel so special

Roy: what.

Kory: he did the same for me! How adorable right! It reminded me from when he was young. Perhaps he's trying to reconnect with his younger self? Try to live the rest of his youth?

Dick: mayhaps.

Roy: that's not a real word. And why did he gave you guys flowers and not me!

Kyle and donna walking past them,

Kyle: oh you guys received flowers? We did too!

Donna: yeah look! He even pressed it for me to use as a bookmark!

Roy: why would he give YOU FLOWERS?

artemis: I received a flower aswell, it smells acceptable.

Roy: I'm going to-

Barb, rolling up : what are we talking about here?

Dick: evreyone except for Roy got flowers from jason

Barb: oh? Did he act weird with yall too? Like he was shy but happy to give the flowers?

Kyle: now that you say it.. yeah?

Roy: so unfair! I want to see a shy jason too!!

Kory: why would he be shy with you. You're his best friend!

Roy: why would he be shy with dick! He's his brother!

Dick: I'm also like- his favorite hero!

Artemis: no that's wonder woman

Dick: well then I'm his favorite batfam member!

Barb: ehem.

dick: me and barb* are his favorite batfam members.

Roy, continues to argument.

Jason, who's been planting flowers, and very happy about how the flowers he's been giving out have been accepted happily.

Roy finds flowers in a vase, in his room later that day.

Tried to fall asleep and got bamboozled by the image of little Jason Todd having no friends or toys to play, stuck in his house, worried for his mom, who entertains himself by sitting in the corner and doing an awkward shadow theatres and reciting his own scenarios. And then instantly thought of older Jason, still quite lonely, who doesn't necessarily do little plays, but who sometimes still plays with shadows quietly, maybe a tad sadly. Always alone, always having nothing but himself.

so funny to me the pope has siblings. imagine a bunch of people looked at your brother and decided he was the physical embodiment of god's will. like that kid kicked me in the head once.

The Batcave has a “Do Not Talk To Me” couch. It’s sacred. It’s unspoken. It’s real.

okay so. picture this:

the batcave has one couch. it's in the corner. it’s hideous. it’s like beige or green or something equally offensive to every one of their aesthetics. no one likes the couch.

and that is exactly why it became sacred.

because one night jason just. drops onto it. full gear. bleeding. absolutely done with life. says nothing. doesn’t even take off the helmet. sits there in silence for 3 hours and then leaves.

next week tim uses it. sits there post-mission. face in hands. someone tries to ask if he’s okay and jason throws a batarang at them.

and thus it began.

Rules of the Do Not Talk To Me Couch:

You sit there? No one speaks to you.

You cry? No you didn’t.

You eat cold noodles off your chest at 4 a.m.? That’s sacred time.

If someone tries to comfort you? They are excommunicated for 12 hours.

Dick (sitting on the couch):

Damian: Grayson, are you—

Jason (from across the cave): HE’S ON THE COUCH.

Jason: I don’t make the rules.

Steph: You LITERALLY made the rules.

Jason: And I am the defender of the rules. There’s a difference.

one time damian storms in. covered in blood. absolutely furious. 10/10 rage goblin energy. throws his sword. marches to the couch. sits. arms crossed. steaming.

tim takes one look at him and goes: “i’m making tea.”

jason: “that’s acceptable. tea is allowed. talking is not.”

bonus:

once bruce sits on it.

and the ENTIRE CAVE goes silent.

tim literally freezes mid-typing. cass stops mid-flip. jason just mutters “oh shit.”

they all leave. immediately.

the couch is not ready for bruce.

extra bonus:

alfred vacuums around the couch. never says a word. leaves snacks in a silent offering. once placed a weighted blanket gently on jason’s shoulder. that’s different. he’s allowed.

Tim "won't end you but will end your bloodline" Drake:

that one malcolm in the middle cold open where they’re getting family photos taken and lois has to yell ‘wheres dewey? dewey! get back here, that’s not your family!’ because when she turns around she sees dewey has just walked into another family’s shot and started posing with these random strangers, but its janet and jack drake at a family photoshoot taking their eyes off their 8yr old son for one second and tim instantly abandoning them to stand within the grouped wayne kids for family photos while jason and dick just kinda eye him weirdly and let it happen because why the fuck not

'dating rules' are so fucking stupid btw. "don't talk too much about your hyperfixation on a first date, it'll scare them off!!" it'll only scare them off if they're a coward. Someone worthy of my affections will listen to me talk about my goal of visiting every whale exhibit with a life-sized effigy of a whale in it in the world for a solid half-hour and come away from that experience desiring me carnally.

Esto explica mucho porque la tarea en la escuela siempre me causo problemas

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.

In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.

But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.

"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?

"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.

Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?

It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Tim accidently referring to the Joker as Dad but those who know about Joker Jr aren’t present and so everyone is left with the ‘realisation’ that Tim is the son of the biggest nightmare to their family.

It’s probably Jason and Steph, her there to bother Tim but Jason went to the manor for food and the two naturally started arguing. Maybe Jason tells Tim to stop costing on his case and prove a point be made against blonde, but Tim just offhandedly goes, “Later, I think my dad broke out of Arkham again but the guards aren’t doing anything. Maybe they’re in on it…”

The two present naturally look at each other with confusion and for the first time stop bickering to peak over his shoulder and see what his case is because, holy shit Tim had a villain for a dad and didn’t tell us? Only to see numerous photos of the Joker in his cell and many reports over the last week of how he’s been behaving and Jason…

Steph pushes the man out of the room when she sees his face go from frozen fear to anger, thinking it’s towards Tim and his secrecy and, while she totally gets that, now isn’t the time.

Though when they get into the Jason starts a rant about how Bruce and Dick should have told him that the monster had a child, even if that child wasn’t Tim! Jason protects kids! Did they think he’d hurt him just because of who his father is?

No!

If anything, he’d become the kids full time body guard to stop that mad man from making Tim into another version of himself!

The two naturally go to tell the others, pulling Damian, Cass and Duke into a mostly unused room and telling them what they discovered, all while Tim stays in the library working on his case.

Cass is beyond worried but also confused because he doesn’t seem to have any physical characteristics of the Joker or Harley, but maybe the mother is different? Perhaps it’s still Janet and either she had a fling with the Joker or something far worse, which makes the young girl enraged on the woman’s behalf.

Damian makes a comment about him killing Tim, not in a serious manner but more as an option, but Duke shuts it down, saying that having a villain for a parent doesn’t mean anything about who you will be. He points out those in the family of that nature and other heroes like Superboy.

When asked why they didn’t get Dick or Babs involved, Jason says they defiantly know and lied about it.

It’s only after another three hours of working that Tim catches himself referring to the Joker as dad and shuts his laptop, making his way to Bruce’s room to hide under the older man’s bed like he usually does when that happens, only to overhear what his siblings are saying.

Tim presses his ear against the door to hear better.

“If that maniac had a kid, surely he’d have told everyone he had an heir or something.” That’s Steph’s voice, filled with worry that only he and Cass could detect as she hides it under a whiney tone.

Jason is next to respond, “maybe he doesn’t know? I mean, did Tim ever even interacted with him before he became Robin?”

It doesn’t take much more than that for Tim to realise that he must have been talking aloud again or absently answered someone earlier and misspoke in front of them.

Panic fills him as he avoids telling Bruce when he gets bad, even if it’s just a small thing, because the older man will start of being a concerned parent then go into Batman mode and only just stop himself from putting Tim in the confinement cell. Sure Tim came up with the idea of the cell so he wouldn’t hurt anyone if his conditioning got too bad, but he’s learnt the signs. He’s not a mindless drone, he still knows who he is and doesn’t hear someone talking to him or anything like that.

He just… sometimes forgets the Joker hurt him.

It’s not Tim’s fault that memories of watching TV with him and Harley, tucked between them with a big bowl of ice cream felt better than most memories of his real parents.

But he knows it’s wrong, always comes back to calling the Joker his enemy.

Bruce just doesn’t get that.

Tim hears them talk a bit more, theories about who his mother might be, if Tim is safe at the manor, if Joker knows he has a son…

Opening the door, Tim stands there and stares at them as all eyes snap to him in alarm.

He doesn’t let anybody speak, cutting them all off quickly, “He’s not my dad. Go the cave and search for file number 26557933301-JJ and put in the code AGELAST, all caps.”

With that he turns and leaves, walking at first before running to Bruce’s room to hide.

He goes to family dinner and pretends not to notice the quietness or how Jason is still there, eating his food quietly and waiting for the ball to drop.

Naturally, Damian is the one to say what he wants first, “So why is okay that Tim shot the joker but I got in trouble for stabbing Bane?”

Everyone groans.

so uhhh. yeah.

Gotham's Underworld loves Nightwing way more than they love Batman. It's not only the fact that batman will send them to the hospital without even a good pun, but that all the goons have seen Dick grow up firsthand. Naturally, they get a little...upset when their robin is being mistreated

Nightwing, limping beside Batman on Patrol one evening, back from Bludhaven for a few days :

Batman, worried: Nightwing, are you oka-

Goon, running up to Nightwing and cutting batman off: Oh my god! Are you okay?! What happened?!

Batman: ??? Who are you

Goon: What, you don't remember me? We coparented together.

Batman: Excuse me?

Goon: Yeah i saved him from that asshole Joker when he was robin, twice!

Batman:

Goon #2, motherly cupping nightwing's face: Oh goodness, you haven't been eating in that shithole blud, have you?

Goon #3: And look at your eyes! They look so sad! Were you being hard on yourself again?

Goon #4, to Batman: You should really be more emotionally present towards him.

Batman:

Nightwing: Guys, guys, I'm okay! Really, john, jacob, jonn and joan, you can calm down now

Batman: ...You know them by name?

ser yo es lo peor

entonces soy yo llorando porque tengo que ir al trabajo, ni siquiera e cumplido los 20 y ya llevo trabajando 5 años , mi vida a sido una miseria nunca dormí en una cama y cuando comencé a dormir en una cama puedo asegurar que para mucho no era más que una esponja sucia , toda mi vida han sido menos que migajas , pase la secundaria con menos que migajas , pague mi preparatoria, pague la universidad antes de decidir dejarla y cambiar de escuela porque no soportaba el ambiente y no quiero seguir porque se que serán al menos otros 40 años más de trabajo.

Hoy falte , falte porque simplemente no me gustaba mi ropa , ni me gustaba como apretaba y rasga, no me gusta la sensación, siento como si mi piel fuera arrancada poco a poco .

Pero entonces que más me queda , no quiero seguir porque no soy igual que todos , pero tampoco soy tan diferente.

Porque me cuesta hacer las cosas más simples , porque ni siquiera puedo caminar bien sin sentir que pierdo el equilibrio,porque no puedo hablar como una persona normal,porque no puedo , no puedo Cambiar.

Estoy mal físicamente y emocionalmente. Todo es un círculo y no importa siempre será lo mismo.aveces pienso que si al menos mi casa se sintiera calida y como un hogar entonces podría seguir.

Simplemente quiero ser feliz

Hoy fue un mal día , pero es tan malo que ni siquiera puedo procesar que fue malo porque mañana tengo que trabajar y no se que es peor,hoy o mañana

In a context where Batman is known and seen through his public League appearances, the misogynistic, homophobic, "alpha male" guys start using his image to illustrate their discourse of going to the gym, and seeking submissive women. They admire and misinterpret his traits as endorsements of their toxic masculinity. Online, they share images of Batman with stuff like "Be the Alpha, Be the Batman". They even use the word Batmen as a synonym to Alpha Male. "Real Batmen don't show weakness".

When Bruce becomes aware of this, he hates it. He despises them for all their messed up views, knowing they completely misunderstand his principles. Batman's true strength lies in his commitment to justice, empathy, and respect for all individuals, values that are fundamentally opposed to the toxic masculinity they promote. Bruce is determined to distance his image from their rhetoric, seeing them as nothing more than sexist and homophobic idiots.

So he decides to be a tiny tiny bit more Brucie when they appear in public. Not in form, but in substance :

When he's asked a question, he tries to go "I have no clue, I'd have to ask Black Canary.", or "I'm not sure, I'd have to see what Wonder Woman thinks about that", or "This time, we really couldn't have done anything, anything at all, without Supergirl."

Also, Batman becomes more visibly affectionate with Superman. During public appearances, if he senses a camera on them, he makes sure to be seen clinging to Superman. He would rather face dating rumors every day than be associated with those idiotic discourses.

(It's also a good premise for a superbat fake-dating fic !!)

jason es un hermano amoroso pero raro

So I get the idea in my head that Jason is a very loving brother, but in his own way. They never showed him any real affection, but sometimes his mother did, but in a weird, silly way. Jason usually arrives at the mansion pushing everyone with his broad shoulders and weird smile. But then when he's feeling genuinely sentimental, he comes and steals his brothers' food. It doesn't matter that he doesn't even like Damian's vegan food. He just takes a bite and moves on. But then he sits down, looks his brothers in the eyes, and with a thick, intimidating voice, says, "Tim, I love you, but... I'd trade you for a pizza." He always does that. He mentions anything edible, and that's it. His brothers are offended and touched by it, so they usually give him chocolates as a token of affection or cook something he really likes so that when Jason steals their food, he'll enjoy it.

Básicamente escribo esto porque es lo que yo hago con mis hermanos.

Porciento vi un post de que Jason es fan de las donitas Bimbo pero la verdad yo soy fiel creyente de que el es el fan número 1 de los buñuelos Bimbo. No puedo dejar de imaginar cómo alfred lo regala porque deja boronas en la baticomputadora

bebe jay

Well then I discovered that it is no good trying to use Ibis Paint for the first time at 2 am on my broken tablet

So I have this idea that at first Batman took Jason to the league meetings because he's definitely better behaved than Dick.Jason usually sits in a corner and watches or just plays. But today he was trying to finish his volcano project Barry and Hal were still playing next to each other they didn't bother to move because they thought Robin would dodge anything but Today Robin was too focused on his homework. Then Robin gets hit so hard and at first they think it's nothing, they saw the boy get thrown out of a window,They think it's nothing to him. But then Robin starts running around crying, yelling "DAD" and just jumping on Batman while crying even louder. Batman is the father of that gentle child?

Estoy trabajando de mejorar mi inglés con esto , espero funcione

Entonces es la 1 de la mañana. No puedo dormir porque todo se siente tan miserable y ruidoso además de asqueroso no se si tuve un ataque o algo porque incluso llore ,no podía respirar y todo estaba extremadamente caluroso a demás de que mis sentidos explotaron.

Ahora vengo a decir que mi vida es horrible, no más horrible que la tuya tal vez, pero definitivamente no es muy buena.No entraré en detalles sobre el maltrato de mis padres hacia mi a lo largo de los años sin embargo no tengo privacidad no cuál es patético, en serio me preocupo más por eso que la vez que me torturaron metiendome en una cubeta de agua de cabeza porque según era muy inmadura y berrinchuda ( tenía 8 , obvio que lo era , eso son los niños)

Vivo en un cuarto , uno muy pequeño el cual básicamente tiene todos tan arrumbado y junto que apenas se puede pasar , duermo con mi hermano en una cama mientras mis papás y mi hermana duermen en la de a lado , está la mesa , el refrigerador, la estufa y básicamente todo tan junto y apretado que me marea solo verlo , ni siquiera podemos pasar dos por el mismo lugar porque realmente no tenemos espacio, a duras penas uno puede pasar por los pequeños espacios que existen entre la mesa y las estufa.

Y entonces me quiero largar , no te mentiré ganó el salario mínimo pero dado que en realidad casi todos pagan menos que el mínimo se podría decir que ganó bien, pero mis padres son una monstruos asquerosos con el dinero. Desde que tengo memoria están endeudados o no tienen dinero cosa que no entiendo porque han gastado LO MINIMO en mi y mis hermanos. Y mi papá se sale de los trabajos y puede durar meses sin un trabajo. Ni madre a estado enferma, tiene piedras en la vesícula y yo estoy ahorrando pasa su operación, sin embargo cada vez que estoy serca de la meta siempre mi padre sale de los trabajos y termino dando dinero para pagar las deudas . En un principio mi madre se negaba a ir al seguro para que la operarán porque supuestamente tardarían más y que sería más fácil reunir el dinero ( si ubieran ido al IMSS estaría operada desde hace 2 años ) y entonces siempre termino pagando o ayudando en sus deudas y me es imposible ahorrar para irme.

Y se que no es mi responsabilidad pero por dios tengo un hermano y una hermana y no quiero dejarlos con estos asquerosos, no tenemos ninguna otra familia que nos ayude , no es opción acudir al DIF y se que en realidad no gano lo suficiente para llevarlos conmigo, pero genuinamente no puedo , dios tengo clases en línea y ni siquiera puedo entrar porque no tengo una pizca de privacidad o porque también se enojan con cualquier cosa mínima que haga . Ellos me frenan en todo pero son horribles con el dinero y se que tal vez es apropósito. Lo más triste es que me están dañando de una forma horrible y lo se pero no planeo que mis hermanos sufran.

Además las rentas sin ridículamente caras y no tengo ni un peso ahorrando y aveces cuando lo tengo lo gasto en algo tan simple y sin valor porque se que aunque me haga más daño el gastarlo , quiero sentirme como alguien normal que compra algo y le da felicidad, quiero ser feliz pero no puedo.

Incluso intenté abrir una cuenta en esa app azul pero simplemente no pude porque no tengo privacidad, realmente es más patético cuando incluso sin privacidad ni siquiera se dan cuenta que lloro casi todas las noches.

the thing that always gets me ESPECIALLY about autistic representation in media is that we are universally portrayed as happy-go-lucky, whimsical children, completely oblivious to the fact that the world constantly judges and scorns and HATES us.

We notice. I noticed. The reason I am as messed up as I am today is because i spent 20 LONG years in an environment where every day i was subjected to that. To noticing.

what an absolutely neurotypical view of us. Coddling themselves, getting to act like the way they treat us is fine because we don't understand that our peers dont respect us. Why would we? We're so subhuman to them, it's like asking if your cat notices you playfully insulting it.

Every autistic person I've ever met is on some level bitter and angry and TRAUMATIZED at their upbringing. Of having to go through school as the laughing stock, as the weirdo with no friends who no one wants to talk to, as the animal in the corner you can make do cheap tricks so they can experience some Simulacra of what genuine human connection is.

Now tell me, does it sound like I didn't notice?

Hola personas del mundo.

Hace una semana o poco más tuve una conversación con un par de "amigos" ( ya no son mis amigos) y mencioné algo sobre el autismo.

Se que no tengo un diagnóstico oficial sin embargo considero que la autoevaluación ( investigando bien obviamente) puede ser bastante buena y en especial cuando el servicio de salud mental en el país es malo.

Pero también recordemos que mi psicóloga sugiere( básicamente me dijo ) que soy autista.

Entonces estuve hablando sobre muchas cosas y mencioné experiencias pasadas.

Y se preguntarán qué paso ? Bueno básicamente me dijeron que estaba loca , que era rara, que no tenía eso y que tal vez era retrasada.

Y entonces me que de pensando y encontré esto: los neurotipicos siempre sabrán que eres diferente sin embargo ellos piensan que mientras tengas manos y pies estás bien , y solo eres un dramático. En serio eso piensan y no olvidemos el típico " eres normal " o "no lo pareces".

Lo más triste es que unos de esos amigos quería ser psicóloga y también trabajo en una guardería.Basicamente me fijo que no lo era porque no era como un niño BANG SORPRESA LOS NIÑOS AUTISTAS CRECEN Y SE CONVIERTEN EN ADULTOS AUTISTAS!

Se que tal vez algunos estén en desacuerdo conmigo porque no tengo el diagnóstico oficial, pero créeme que iré a una evaluación lo antes posible, estoy un poco agitada económicamente en este momento pero tal vez el próximo mes pueda.

Tengo más que contar pero será para después, ya debería estar dormida.

Entonces aquí estoy,sola en la noche en mi casa pobre y miserable después de cumplir una jornada laboral.Es triste y miserable como sin importar cuántos estudios tenga nunca podré conseguir un buen trabajo,curioso que la mayoría de empleos bien pagados no sean ejercidos por licenciados.

He estado buscando trabajo en alguna oficina pero ¿saben que ? POR ALGUNA RAZÓN GANO MAS EN UNA FÁBRICA.

lo cual me deja pensando si debo terminar mi carrera.

Hola mis nulos amigos y personas interesadas en mi .

Recientemente mi psicóloga ha mencionado la posibilidad de que sea una persona autista ( aún que yo misma investigue y me auto diagnostique hace casi 3 años ).

Ahora esto es básicamente mi diario personal ,no espero hacer amigos ( en realidad si ,pero no quiero decepcionarme porque las posibilidades de tener amigos siempre son bajas para mí ).

Solo vengo a decir que odio las instrucciones en las tareas porque son tan inecesariamente complicadas ,osea porque me estás dando una hoja y media de indicaciones con palabras tan abstractas para solo decirle que quieres que escriba un resumen de 4 párrafos .Siempre e odiado eso y por alguna razón cuando leo las instrucciones siento como si mi mente fuera perforada por un maldito taladro y siento como mi cuerpo se entume.

Si básicamente mi respiración también se pone mal y lloro Y NO ME IMPORTA SI ES VERGONZOSO , REALMENTE TENGO UN PROBLEMA CON LAS INSTRUCCIONES.

También por eso se me complican los trabajos en equipo pero eso será para después.

Aún estoy llorando por este estupido trabajo en equipo y siento que me estoy quemando la cabeza ( en serio me siento tan mal)

Mis compañeros simplemente tiran palabras complicadas de las cuales estoy segura que NI SIQUIERA SABEN QUE SIGNIFICA.