Norman Lindsay (1879–1969) - Priestess Of The Magi, 1934

When my ex-therapist couldn't pull through on something or needed to reschedule I remember being normal about it on the outside but feeling this real anger on the inside. A great sense of indignance towards her. (I've graduated therapy for the time being which is why she's an ex, nothing bad happened. She is great at what she does.)

Now that I think about it, I think it's transference. She's the parental figure and I'm finally being able to safely yell and scream WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU DO THIS SHIT FOR ME!!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!! for the first time. I could never vocalise the betrayal of having opportunities sabotaged or denied but I can get real mad at someone in a therapeutic relationship for not responding to an email in time (internally, of course). She's literally a chill ass Polish woman doing her thing and I'm copy pasting my parents over her and chimping out at her in my head. Very liberating to be able to connect the dots in my behaviours like that. I think I will write letters I won't send and use her to air my grievances a little more, see how the inner child and teenager go after that.

anyways thnx Daria for letting me normalise myself a bit more.

Best thing about finishing my student placement: can finally go back to work and chill a lil

Worst thing about finishing my student placement: can't use "I'm in jail sorry" as an excuse for missing phone calls

how do you feel about being autistic? i always struggled with it but i love seeing you talk about it so openly in a positive way

being autistic is amazing when im alone and horrible around other people

I've been able to get past it for the most part since I've been doing my placement and not getting the chance to dwell or ruminate much. Now that my schedule is slowing down and placement is ending, I have more time in the day to be preyed upon by myself. Fuck yeeeeaaaaaah

When I say there are some days where I dont even get the opportunity to fuck my morning up, that the first thought of the day can be either a trigger to worse thoughts or something my unconscious vomited into the conscious sphere first opportunity it gets, I'm not kidding.

Update: It's probably just asthma! We plan to give him a proper scan next week to confirm but the conscious scan indicated no heart disease activity!

You've gotta be fucking kidding me

womp womp

You've gotta be fucking kidding me

if you suddenly don’t support the shooter bc he’s right wing I’m shaking you like a rag doll I’m throwing you into mount doom please look me in the eyes and remember that your biggest battle is not left vs right it is up versus down. they want you divided. keep your eyes on the prize. you want to eat the rich? so do the millions living in rural america. so do your farmers, your electricians, your welders, your fishermen. the men and women’s bodies who are exploited for labor. the class disparity the fear mongering the human rights violations stems from ABOVE!! they want you to despise each other to alienate each other to think we are not both human beings suffering for their profit. do not cover your eyes with their wool

catch me driving 90mph down the freeway with a yankee candle burning in the passenger seat