Greggs (Grian Eggs)

you ever watch a hermitcrafters video or stream and just thank the lord that they dont have the fanbase dsmp has. anyway unrelated but gem said shed put grian on a leash and grian said "please do"

Goodtimeswithscar should be allowed to swear

me: hermitcraft is a fun, lighthearted minecraft vanilla smp series with minimal lore and nothing important really carries over from previous seasons

the entire evil x plot:

me: hermitcraf is a fun, lighthearted minecraft vanilla smp series with minimal lore and nothing important really carries over from previous seasons

boatem hole, last life references, evil x (again):

me: hormitcraft is a fun, lighthearted minecraft vanilla smp series with minimal lore and nothing important really carries over from previous seasons

mods that make moons big, floating blocks, gravity that refuses to work:

me: hoimitcraf is a fun, lighthearted minecraft vanilla smp series with minimal lore and nothing important really carries over from previous seasons

scar sacrificing bdubs to the moon god, mumbo ending an episode with “i’m going to blow up the moon” before cutting to black, tango makes an AI, whatever the fuck is happening at octagon:

me: hoimycraf is a fun, lighthearted minecraft vanilla smp series with minimal lore and nothing important really carries over from previous seasons

the moon fucking crashing into the server ending fucking the season what the actual fuck:

me: hoimycramf is a fun, lighthearted minecraft vanilla smp series with minimal lore and nothing important really carries over from previous seasons

——————————

hermitcraft propaganda will be updated soon to reflect the hermits going batshit feral this season.

mmm bbaq

Hermitcraft season 9 - favourite bits of episode ones!

—

Doc: *gives Scar unbreaking III, mending, silk touch, and efficiency V*

Scar: dude, this is amazing, I’m gonna be able to fully enchant my hoe.

SILENCE

Doc: …what

—

Gem: oh there’s beetroot seeds! I want those, thank you.

Impulse: I’ve never heard anyone get excited about beetroot seeds.

Gem: they’re so pretty! Have you seen em?

Pearl: they are. But that’s all they’re good for. Looking pretty.

Gem: yeah, well that’s all I’m good for too and nobody complains.

—

Beef: You want some balls?

XB: uh…no, go for it man.

Beef (completely innocently): you sure? I’ve got 2. I can give you one.

XB: all…your balls…are belong to you.

—

*Distant sounds of Impulse screaming*

Pearl: are you alright!

[Impulse was slain by Vex]

Cleo: …I don’t know if he’s alright. I think he’s not alright.

—

Pearl: ok, you know what he’s targeting Gem, so we can hit it.

*Vindicator turns around and kills her instantly.*

—

Gem: look, it’s huge!

Pearl: look at Gem finding all the big holes on the server.

Cleo: *lost it*

Gem (completely unaware at what she’s just done): I’m so good at this!

Cleo: *hyperventilating*

Impulse: oh jeez.

*intense wheezing sounds from Cleo*

Impulse: Oh sh— good job Gem, I think you killed Cleo.

Cleo: you can’t do this to me! I’ve got the plague!

—

Pearl (singing): I can show you the world! Weeeeeee! (Jumps off cliff)

Impulse (very concerned): oh she dead!

Pearl (distant): Hello!

Impulse: I will show you the world as weeeelllllllll!!! (Jumps off cliff)

Pearl: oh, hi!

Impulse: *dies*

—

Pearl: oh look! Gem found me more holes.

Cleo: *snickering*

Gem: No, Cleo found this one!!

Pearl: oh, ok.

Cleo: but you found my hole after I used it!

SILENCE…

Pearl: …alright.

Cleo: *cackling*

Pearl: I think Cleo…got that one a little further down the road than it should have been…

Impulse: *snickering*

Cleo: I’m a grown up.

—

Cleo: Hi..?

Doc: Hey!

Cleo: what are you up t— I mean I know what you’re up to but why are you up to it?

—

Ren: guys, I’ve forgotten how to play early game Minecraft. Can someone hold my hand please?

—

Stress: look what I picked up! (Places down green carpet) some decor.

False: ni— from where?!

Stress (laughing): I don’t kno—Oh, the village!

False: You been shopping?! Without me?! You bought a new carpet?!

—

Doc: I’m back.

Stress + False: Welcome back.

False: wait, I thought you were going to bed, it's passed your bedtime!

Doc: Yeah, I asked and I can stay up a bit longer.

Stress: *laughing*

False: Ok, well welcome back.

Stress: *completely lost it*

False: I think it's passed Stress's bedtime too, by the sounds of it.

Stress: What do you mean?!

False: What do you mean what do I mean?!

—

Ren: Excuse me Mrs. False Symmetry.

False: Yes. Hi.

Ren: Hi there. Umm, we—

False: The answer’s no.

—

(Doc and Ren squabbling in the background)

False: Oooooooo

Stress: False, False, False. False?

False: Wait wait wait. Wait wait wait—

Stress (insistent): False. False.

False: Wait, look look. Look look. There’s a fight happening.

(Ren and Doc in the background

-The horse face! I want it!

-No! No, I need it! I need it!)

Stress: What face?

False: There’s a fight.

Stress: What?

False (with glee): There’s a fight about to happen.

—

False (about Stress): She’s not even here yet. She’s probably screaming her head off somewhere.

*distant screaming from Stress*

—

Iskall (about his starter base): it could definitely use a few more flowers. *Places down Stress’s head* It’s flowers.

—

Pearl: Ooo! Sapling!

Impulse: I have one myself.

Pearl: ooo! Apple!

Impulse: ok, we still can’t make a full tree.

Pearl: what do you mean? We can make two trees now. Ooo! Sapling! Three trees! Four trees! Five trees!

Impulse: are we gonna— would you stop it!

Pearl: I’m excited ok!

Impulse: are we gonna just trust in what we’ve gathered so far? Or do we wanna stick around for a bit?

Pearl (whispering): six trees.

Impulse (whispering): Oh my gosh.

—

Ren: Beware. There’s a deep troll that lives underground and shouts at you when you walk by, it’s very disturbing.

Cub: It’s true.

Cleo: It’s probably Joe.

—

TFC: I love it! A floating axe! *picks up floating axe*

*dies to trident*

TFC: And now it’s floating again.

—

Grian (watching Mumbo and Scar boat through a cave on land): they have 8 million subscribers, these two.

Mumbo: Well deserved subscribers, I think you’ll find!

—

Bdubs: Doc, you’ve been out in the desert for days, what have you been doing out there?

Doc: I— well, got full diamond gear and—

Bdubs: Yeah.

Doc: Iron farm. Um…and a villager breeder set up and now—

Bdubs: Oh my goodness…

Doc: I need a donkey so I can build a giant gold farm.

Gem: Doc. I have a tree. And that’s all.

—

Bdubs: oh my love! Ok we’re naming this horse Mí Amoré! Gem, did you hear that?

Gem: That’s a good horse name.

Bdubs: Yeah? It’s Spanish!

Gem: Didn’t know you knew Spanish.

Bdubs: Ok, you were supposed to know that that was actually Italian.

—

Ren (to Keralis): ok, um…if you would please sir…um…would you just please remove my head from my body?

Isklall (with zero hesitation): Yes! *smack*

Ren: NOT YOU!!!

—

Ren: I want his face, is that a problem?

Stress + False in tandem: Uh…

False: ..no?

Stress: Can I have your face? Set your spawn Ren. Ren go over there— *pushing him* to the bed

Ren: Wait—!

Stress: Click it. Click the bed Ren. Click. The bed.

False (sitting back casually): This is a real face off.

Ren (now standing on the bed): But I have much things!

Stress: Click the bed!

Ren: Wait a minute—!!

Stress: CLICK THE BED!!

—

BONUS THINGS

•The entire “Matador” “Matress Store” “Master Door” bit

•The whole Stress with the wheat arch which eventually culminates in Doc banning her from going anywhere near wheat

•Joe’s entire episode solely because of the sheer comedic value of him just minding his business and planting his crops while all hell breaks loose around him

•How many Hermits does it take to trap one sheep in a hole going on in Beef’s episode (and apparently the answer is SEVEN)

•The smash cuts in Gems episode. Her saying that she went to the Nether with Impulse and going “It went really well!” Smash cut to her walking through the portal going “THIS IS THE WORST!” Her going “I’ve enlisted Jevin as an escort to the desert. Jevin was a great escort I swear!” Smash cut to Jevin plummeting to his death.

•That one very specific moment in Tango’s episode where you just hear Stress scream bloody murder before she suddenly just jumps off the side of a cliff with explosions going off behind her like the greatest action sequence ever.

•BEHIND YOU GEM

*twinkles cutely*

may i present:

fairydubs

(now in colour!)

Alright, here we are. Back by popular demand, I have favourite moments from Joe and Cleo’s paper model stream Part 3! Y’all asked for this so here we go. (Definitely not a short post anymore)

—

Cleo (singing): Excellent choices!

Joe (singing): Made by me! Made by you!

Cleo (talking): I mean, I wouldn’t say this is an excellent choice made by us. Just as a-

Joe (still singing): As long as we stream together! Nothing can ever stumble us both at once!

Cleo: I mean, I think you’d be surprised.

Joe: There’s nothing we can’t achieve! You and me!

Cleo: …Yeah.

—

Joe: Why’d you leave the cat up on the table?

Cleo: Because she won’t go away! She knows she’s not allowed on the table, but I’m here and therefore it must be awesome.

Joe: Mhm. Yeah usually when I climb on a table it’s because you’re there. This is why my viewers are always like “Joe, Cleo brings out such negative behaviour in you.”

Cleo: *cackle laughing* It’s true. It’s true.

Joe: It is.

Cleo: I am a bad influence on you.

Joe: I mean, you could have just ended that sentence after influence, but you know it’s fine.

—

Cleo (affectionately): Joe you are rude today! I think that’s the second time you’ve insulted me in like 5 minutes.

Joe (not even 2 minutes into the stream): What, already?

—

Joe: You know, you’ve had so many jobs in your career. Obviously night surgeon is going to be the next one.

Cleo (holding a scalpel menacingly): *maniacal snickering*

—

Cleo: *leaves for literally less than 2 minutes*

Joe: *singing The Wellerman at full volume*

—

Joe (reading chat): Is Cleo next to me? You know, I like to think that Cleo’s always a little bit ahead of me, but it encourages me to catch up.

—

Cleo: I mean, to be fair, most things could be me. For I am- for I am…(with drama) I am legion! For we are many!

Joe: Hell is empty! And all the Cleo’s are here!

—

Cleo (reading chat): “Does Joe know what you look like?”

Joe: No…

Cleo: I could send you a photo if you wanted Joe. If you really felt the need.

Joe: See, I- I- I felt like, you know, asking like, uh, women on the Internet to send me pictures of themselves might be a bad look, so I have chosen not to ask? But…I mean if you’re volunteering I am curious- especially because if I am in London and I do bump into you somewhere, it would be nice to be able to say hello.

Cleo: Fair enough. Hang on a second.

Joe: But I am hoping to get over there like next summer.

Cleo: Let’s see if I can find a pho-I don’t tend to take photos of myself because I don’t like showing myself-…ever. So…let’s browse some photos, see if I can show you.

Joe (panicking): …Oh! Are you gonna send it like right now so you can get a reaction, cause my fa-my face is on camera?!

SILENCE

Cleo: There you go. That’s me.

—

Joe (in response to seeing Cleo’s face for the first time): so you’re so- you’re so private about your appearance, I don’t wanna say anything that, like, that could be used to interpolate anything.

Cleo: You can just say I’m minging it Joe, it’s fine.

Joe: What does minging it mean?

Cleo: Ugly as all hell. That’s basically what that is.

Joe: What?! No!

Cleo: It’s fine! I know…

SILENCE

Cleo: *laughing* I’ve made Joe feel awkward now, that takes a LOT to do! *laughing harder*

Joe: No no! No! No! So the thing is I’m running through the, like, security mode threat model thing where I’m like “ok, so Cleo definitely benefits from people thinking shes ugly, so I don’t wanna like mention how attractive she is because then that gets that weird in multiple ways while also revealing that she’s very attractive which th- somebody could use to track her down” and I’m just like, eh I’m just gonna let this one slide.

—

Joe: I have tried a few adjustments Cleo, but in the end I never made it as a wise man.

Cleo: I mean-

Joe (singing): I couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealing.

Cleo: To be fair, you do strike me more as a- as a… (trails off)

SILENCE

Cleo: I was trying to think of a non-insulting…

Joe: Just go ahead and insult me, it’s fine.

Cleo: I- I- ah-

Joe: You’ve already insulted yourself enough this stream.

Cleo: I see you as a sheep is what I said.

Joe: What?

Cleo: As in not a wise man, not a shepherd, you’re a sheep in that nativity.

Joe (delighted): Awe!!

—

Cleo (reading chat): “Do you often lie to spare Joe’s feelings?” Umm…

Joe: N…no.

Cleo: Not often no. *giggling*

Joe: I mean, she doesn’t have to. I’m great.

Cleo: No, it’s alright, Joe doesn’t have feelings it’s fine. I mean, not that I’ve noticed.

Joe: if Joe had feelings we’d have to start acting ethically around him, so it’s in our best interest to ensure that research does not detect any.

—

Cleo (reading her chat): “I just wanted to say your voice is very pretty”. I don’t know how to take that.

Joe: Oh, thank you!

Cleo: I think Joes voice is very pretty. I appreciate that.

Joe: I was gonna say, they know that you’re not me, right? I know it’s confusing cause we’re both talking on both peoples streams.

Cleo: I mean, I think- I think they might know that you are the pretty one.

—

Joe (reading chat): “not gonna lie, I’m kinda jealous of those glasses.”

Cleo: Umm…in the fact that they’re on Joe’s face? Or just-

Joe: Oh yeah, you know everybody’s jealous of anything on my face, I get it.

Cleo: *wheezing intensely* Yes Joe… *cry laughing* No, I’m done… *laughing continues* Ok… *trying desperately to compose herself*

—

Cleo (about Scar jump scaring Joe): Again, if you haven’t seen Joe scream like an itty bitty baby-

Joe: I’m sorry, babies don’t have lungs this powerful. I screamed like a man. Screaming like, very loudly.

—

Joe: I’ve gotta do this 3 more times and what’s deeply deeply upsetting is I know I’m gonna do an equally bad job every time.

Cleo: No!! No! I believe in you Joe!

Joe (with heavy dead-voiced sarcasm): I’m sure the 4th one will be perfect Cleo, you’re right. I should’ve believed in myself all along. Thank you. For those words. Of affirmation. They mean so much. Coming from such a close friend.

Cleo: I dunno about you chat, but I definitely felt sarcasm.

—

Cleo: I’m crushing it right now! I wish I wasn’t. *dejected* Why do I always hurt the things I love?

—

Cleo (entertaining Joe’s chat while he’s away): Do you think Joe grants wishes? Because if he does grant wishes, I don’t think it’s the wishes we think he’s gonna grant. I mean, it would explain Joe, because he could grant wishes in the way that, umm…Hmm…I’m thinking…

Joe: I’m back Cleo if you need me to grant you any wishes.

Cleo: I mean, could you?

—

Cleo: Awe! Practical Magic was one of my favourites when I was growing up!

Joe (heavy sarcasm): I can’t imagine why!

Cleo: *snickering* I built my whole life around it. *laughing* shut up Joe.

Joe: *snickering* Surprising no one!

Cleo: SHUT UP JOE *laughing*

—

Cleo: To be fair, if Joe really didn’t like me threatening him I would stop.

Joe: Yeah no it’s fine.

Cleo: See?

Joe: It makes me feel important.

Cleo: You are Joe. You are very important.

glowdubs 😻😻😻

your honor, they’re friends.

x gon give it to ya i’m gon give it to ya oh x gon give it to ya