Huge Shoutouts To @torchrandom For This Piece! They Offered To Make This Piece Early In April As Part

I’ve been delighted to have the chance to work with @torchrandom on all of these items. We’d take some inspirations, and they would use their beautiful art style to make something special. As the finishing touch, I would use my wordsmithing skills to tell the story these items and their inspirations are trying to convey. I have enjoyed the time I spent working to get these decorations together.

However…

We don’t think we’re gonna stop. 😅

Look forward to seeing a few more tournament items, some boss items (Oh yeah, I got a fun Minigame where you challenge a boss for the chance to leave your mark on our community. Maybe even different bosses 🤫) and we might make “item skins” for different themes when we feel bored 🤭

Thanks to the community, and I look forward to seeing y’all when the Beta ends. Or sooner, if you’re fine with testing.

More items

Anti-Slow Lore:

Boundless generosity sealed in an airtight container. Upon opening, the gust trapped inside will give its thanks by bringing you back up to speed.

Anti-Glued Lore:

A handy & reliable paint scraper: provided by the tournament facilities for a small fee. With a precise safety edge, it will help you peel yourself out of any sticky situation.

Anti-Bound Lore (Squid Snack):

A territorial gummy candy shaped like a… Squishy? It looks as if it was plucked from a dream filled with delicious pastries; although it does seem to disappear into jam when given the chance. Eating one will guarantee you to slip out of any tight spot you find yourself in.

Candy Lore:

An excited candy: wrapped like a bow. Some people say the excitement of getting to unwrap it is so potent, you’ll be running around the room for hours. It has such a delightful little sweetness, you’ll feel refreshed in no time at all!

So spiteful. So passionate. And I know you enjoy pescatarian dining. The sins of the f(i)sh are tender(s)

My thoughts on this fish cunt is fervently complicated.

The JamBastard is gonna JamBust-it-down sexual style

I have no idea what possessed me to draw this

I’d tip him for his outstanding works, but does he take tips? He seems to get great benefits already!

I hope every health insurance exec dies from painful and preventable disease

I just know that if Joltz existed in our world in the same capacity they do here, I know a few names of people who would need to enter a 12-step program pretty quickly because of them. Comment or reblog by tagging any of your mutuals who might like sour a little too much!

@universe-4162

Even More Flavor Text for Items:

Anti-Blind Lore:

Dark shades that make the wearer one of the coolest people to exist. So cool, in fact, that not even the sun could manage to blind them.

Anti-Burn Lore:

A perfectly chilled and refreshing bottle of water: provided by the tournament facilities for a small fee. It’s so refreshing that it instantly washes away heat-exhaustion and any burning feeling.

Anti-Paralysis Lore:

A rebellious little candy made by a popular company. The slogan on the wrapper is ‘Joltz: A candy so sour, it’ll jolt you out of paralysis!’

Anti-Confusion Lore:

A small amethyst-colored crystal: smooth in texture and cool to the touch. Holding it and breathing in removes conflicting thoughts and influences to clear one’s mind.

Nah, the best counterattack to all their preconceptions, or predictions; lasers, rays, force-fields, bombs; whatever they got:

Those alien conquerors won’t know what to do when they’re getting battered and bruised by at least 8 feet of aluminum or fiberglass.

Imagine coming from across space to an alien planet, bringing your best commanding fleet in close to bring new glory to your home planet. You announce your intentions to the world and send your armies to the surface.

Then they start lining up to form ranks in the streets. Their cavalry are on scissor lifts, spearmen using 25 foot extension ladders, all of them armed with stools and guarding with stepladders.

You shit yourself in confusion.

Your men are called back: beaten senseless and begging for some semblance of sanity. But the savages do not relent. They chase after your men and board your warships using the most cunning of implements.

Invaders never stood a chance

And for today's hypothetical question, if aliens were going to invade us, do you think they'd be immune to all our attacks, or do you think they'd have anticipated everything but simpler weaponry

Like do you think they'd have actually studied up on how best to deal with their conquer targets or do they just assume all worlds have psychic powers, laser-based weaponry, elemental control, things like that

Day 268 🎪

As someone who woke up and immediately assumed the identity of April’s Fool yesterday by falling on my butt going down the stairs RIGHT AFTER WAKING UP TO PEE IN THE MORNING: I feel seen by these goofballs

Happy Fools in April! :D

Probably your Morpho Knight. Definitely not my Morpho tho. Bro is a full blown interdimensional, insectoid cosmic-horror at this point

Who would make the best pet? Meta, Dark Meta, Galacta, or Morpho?