Procrastinating And Ending It

well that is London

Steam rising from the bed of the Waimakariri River in New Zealand, 1946. (George Silk—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images) #newzealand

This was taken a little while ago at a wedding. She's stunning

does the job

Quickly threw this together and it instantly made me feel less anxious so it might help some of you idek

You: I'd say it's complicated but then...

Life is like that... In the pause between two heartbeats, the curse of broken promises, foolish plans and bitter separation, is undone by the simplest notion of love.

Converting friendship to love (?)

Today I had a very inspiring conversation about love. Someone asked me if my falling in love with my girlfriend was instantaneous. To give a sufficient answer, I had to start from a couple years ago.

In the first years of highschool I had a girlfriend, then we broke up. Then I was attracted to a girl I didn't actually know. It was a very mindless and surprisingly pricey crush/relationship, anyways hard to define and completely irrelevant... I had all these, while my girlfriend and I were only friends.

My experience was, that love is a relationship, where you can't fully trust the other, you have to provide, where feelings are forged and you can't be honest about it, where you kind of get all used-out for a made-up ideal, which doesn't even exist in real life. With this sad and depressing concept I often pictured myself lonely in the future.

HOWEVER, and this however is, I suppose, one of the most important howevers in my entire life, I had a very great friend. She was my secret's keeper, someone, who understood me and whom I understood just as much. She was the most important person to me and I was 100% aware of this but considering what Iknewabout love, I figured it's the best to be friends and not even the slightest bit lovers...

After a long and fruitful friendship, and some disappointing experiences with other girls, the big, romantic turn occured. We (I mean my girlfriend and I (of course)), went to a big christian youth conference, where there was a seminar about how we relate to the people. The preacher said, that we should inspect our lives and find the leaks on our relationships and go and try to mend them. My first thought was a girl I was very keen on getting to fall in love with me, who would've thought... BUT a little later that night, I realised how twisted my life was and more importantly my relationships. And then I started to have faith in love, where you care, you respect, you can be honest, and most of all, you finally are whole.

There was one person, who I felt all this with. And it wasn't and still isn't just some mindless emotional stuff. This is a wonderful, deep and meaningful relationship. It takes you to places you never thought existed. You feel its stunning heights and the somehow hopeful depths. It isn't contrary. It's honest and clean. It makes you balanced and your life seems to finally get on the right track.

I'm in love. Not in the blinded, naiv kind. It's true love and sometimes it comes along with troubles, no doubt, but it feels just right. I'm grateful for my wonderful Girlfriend. Whenever I look at her, or listen to her or just simply think of her, I know, that this is where I belong. She gives me that feeling, that I'm finally home.

I could write houndreds of books about my remaining thoughts on love but this is a piece, which I felt like sharing...

i was with a new friend yesterday and he was telling us how he worked on a maple syrup farm and then he kind of pulls me aside and was like “hey don’t tell anyone but i can get you some maple syrup at a nice discount price but technically it’s not legal but let’s keep that on the down low” and i think i just made friends with an illegal maple syrup dealer

#southbound to Her, to the dentist and to sweet innocent dreams from the past