For My Sister And Her Soon-to-be Husband

Hopefully this’ll land me a job 🤞🏻

Hidden message

I can't understand it My emotions askew I wish we could talk Somehow I know we never will Sometimes I think of you Your comforting ways what I miss Our bond which burned out Understand what you lost besides bliss

Heavy and empty?

(Warning: low key sad, word vomit)

I don’t know if other people get this way but I have a feeling in my chest that’s empty and almost super heavy at the same time. It’s like someone dug a cavity right into my upper chest and the scoop motion of digging has left that concave feeling into it. I can’t say if I’m sad or not but I definitely feel really lonely and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s not like I don’t have friends, family, partners, etc that can help with those feelings, it’s just that it feels weird. I feel unfulfilled in the relationship dynamics I have, and I feel like I can handle the emotional capabilities of other people but conversely no one really tries to deal with my shit too(?) I don’t know how to really talk about how I really really feel sometimes with other people cuz I get these super awkward faces and then I get frustrated and dismissive of those feelings in the moment which later kinda flexes itself into this loneliness later. It kinda turns into disappointment and a bit of despair because I feel like I tried really hard to get to know other people but the same energy wasn’t put in back(?) (which makes me feel like that’s not fair because it doesn’t come out all the time so to ask other people to figure that out also feels kinda bad because then it’s like, you can’t have relationships where you expect people to gift back stuff just because you gift them). I’m low key gaslighting myself for feeling bad that the people in my life don’t know what to do with me when I get feelings. The people I feel like I want to be closer to, it feels like they drift out. Out of previous rejections I’ve had, I try to fight every instinct to cling because I know clinginess is ugly but I don’t know what to do now. Do I just make new friends at this point? Even with new relationships I can’t tell if I’m putting distance between myself and others because I’m hard or others do because they low key know I’m internally messed up. Do I give up on these other relationships because it constantly feels like no one knows me anyway so what’s the point? I feel like I put in work to them so what do I do to not feel hollow? Am I even right to crave feelings or assurance from others anymore since all I get is awkward face? I don’t really know anymore but it’s pretty exhausting. I know myself pretty well, I’m just tired of constantly maintaining my feelings to the point I feel empty and heavy almost all the time. I’m blunt and can tell people what I’m feeling but the awkward faces I get from people I’ve considered close is getting me, the distance I feel from other people I consider close is getting me, the actual physical distance I have between me and people I consider close is getting me. I guess applications for companionship are below, I promise I’m just low grade crazy inside not outside.

i - last time you felt jealous and why?

Last time I felt jealous huh? Well, I have this very interesting relationship with someone and my friend gets to hang out with them and me all the time during gym. I guess because their neutral ground between us , I can say I'm jealous my friend can be so comfortable with us both . I miss being able to talk to this certain individual but due to circumstance I cannot. But at the same time, I'm glad we have our distance. It's weird and complicated but that's all I have I guess :/

Hello! I'm an old friend of Ben from a few years of high school!

Oh hello! What’s up? I just saw this ^-^’

Dressed up like catwoman for comic con and hallows eve, hope I did her justice ask-thelittleleague

Painted my nails again, now it's #118 Cuz octopus's are cute and I love this game

If you have issues with second hand embarassment, this isn’t for you. It’s amazing though :)

I find you beautiful

When I look at you, all I see are the things I love about you. Your anger, your trust, your fragility, your strength, all of it wrapped up in a bow that encompasses you. When you worry, I want to crease the lines on your face. When you’re sad I wish for the world to burn. There’s days I want to yell, tell you that there’s never a need for you to try that hard, you’re a shining star whose light keeps us warm. You’re strong enough to take care of yourself but you’re so soft I want to hold you like a bird in my palm. You’re so human, with flaws, with trials and with experience but left with so much more to explore. You’re beautiful and I love you.

Made this little guy out of moldable eraser , I'm very prood