Blowjob? More Like Nojob! #unemployed

i am covered in a combination of my sweat and the sweat of the band i just saw that they actively flicked to into the crowd. 10/10 the closest thing to a religious experience ill ever have

my fucked up rib won't stop me from wearing corsets, the stabbing pain shan't make me less of a whore

the last drawtectives episode (s3 ep 5) made me genuinely cry, everyone was so supportive of eugenes egg cooking attempts

here's one i found a while back while sharing a box of these with my friend, brought me great joy

did you know they started printing contrasting words on either side of sweettarts? like bold and calm, local and global, head and heart? i did not, so you can imagine how startled i was to look down while eating my discount candy and see this:

i fucking love potato salad so much you get some potatoes and mayonaide nd pickles maybe or celery nd you mix and it so good i love potato salas

very stereotypical white guy thing to say but i genuinely think i would be significantly happier if i could eat large quantities of mayonnaise without getting sick

watching the matrix but while in cat ears so people know im watching it in the transgender way and not the alt right way

it is normal and healthy to cry over the first live colossal squid footage

i got that dog🐺 😎in me ‼️and that dog🐺😎 gets very anxious🐺😰 with loud💥 sounds👂‼️ so please🙏 do not🙅 bring me ➡️to places 🏝with helicopters 🚁 or planes ✈️ nearby ⤵️‼️‼️‼️😎

every day i resist the urge to chime into stranger’s conversations but man is it hard sometimes