Ctommy My Favorite Little Rat Man

the year is 2025

scientists are still scrambling to figure out what “zigazig ahh” is so that they can give the spice girls what they really really want

the spice girls are getting impatient

war is upon us

this isn’t autism, but when I get stressed about people not emailing me back in a timely manner, I go and make a chart of their past email response times, find the average, plot the average on my calendar, and then wait for that date to be stressed

Eat his toes<3

Reblog to make elon musk explode

thinking about that toni morrison quote that went to the effect of ‘you’re looking in your children’s face to make sure their face is clean and their hair is combed and they’re looking in your face to see love.’ because it’s saur true.

Have you ever read hermit craft smut fics

I think you would like them:)

it sucks that you can only die once and its permanent.. imagine the kinda sex we could be innovating if that wasnt the case

they're married . real

i want to be a vampire so bad. it would open up a whole new world of procrastination. puts off finishing a novel for 100 years. i don’t do the dishes for 20. oh wait i don’t have dishes because i suck blood. another fucking win

I’m sorry friends, but “just google it” is no longer viable advice. What are we even telling people to do anymore, go try to google useful info and the first three pages are just ads for products that might be the exact opposite of what the person is trying to find but The Algorithm thinks the words are related enough? And if it’s not ads it’s just sponsored websites filled with listicles, just pages and pages of “TOP FIFTEEN [thing you googled] IMAGINED AS DISNEY PRINCESSES” like… what are we even doing anymore, google? I can no longer use you as shorthand for people doing real and actual helpful research on their own.

"You're doing it again."

Mumbo jerks his head away from the window and looks at Grian. "No I'm not!"

"You definitely are," Scar says beside him.

"You've been doing it from eight thirty to nine fifteen every day for a week," Grian says, "and I STILL can't figure out what it is that's so fascinating about an autoshop. Mumbo you're a theoretical redstone engineer, if you want to oggle cars there's about a billion governments that would throw some at you to get your attention."

"Oh, it's not the cars," Scar says, cementing Mumbo's opinion that while he is a different kind of menace than Grian, he is still very much a menace.

"N-now see here-"

"Oooohhhh," Grian crows, "is it not?" He's smelled blood in the water and Mumbo clutches his coffee. "It's nothing like that!" He protests.

"Far side of the yard," Scar tells Grian, who sits up a little in his seat. "Working on the sedan. Big, black hair, blue eyes, black denim vest."

"Denim? And here I thought you had taste Mumoh my GOD."

"I know right?" Scar says with delight as Mumbo sinks a little further in his seat.

"Scar, with the understanding that you are right beside me and are the light of my life, partner in crime and eternal tormentor of my soul, that posterior belongs in a museum and so do those arms."

"We are 100% in agreement, pesky bird of my heart. So, Mumbo, what's his naaammee?"

Mumbo knows he could circumvent this conversation. He could take his coffee and run. He could ignore them both. He could go order even more coffee and delay the inevitable.

Instead, as ever cornered by his friends' overwhelming personalities, he caves.

"His name is Skizz," Mumbo says. "You remember I had that flat out of town last week? This is the shop they called."

"And your Knight in Shining Towtruck appeared!" Scar says with a broad grin. "He must be worth something, a hind end that nice wouldn't be enough to persuade our pickiest of engineers."

"He's- very nice," Mumbo admits, passing his coffee cup back and forth. "And smart. And a bit- brash."

"Did he ruffle your apron?" Scar asks.

"No! No he was a perfect gentleman."

"But you got the vibe," Grian probes. Mumbo tugs at his collar. "Maybe? A little? He was just so- so kind and enthusiastic and I couldn't tell if he was flirting or if that's just how he is."

Across the way, Mumbo's Knight in Shining Towtruck closes the top of the sedan and wipes his hands on a rag. Grian can get a better look at him now and the picture gets even better. Scar had been right, he has very blue eyes, and weirdly lots of scars. He says something to someone Grian can't see and gets in the sedan's front seat, firing up the engine.

The megawatt smile he gives is clearly visible even from the cafe, and Grian can almost hear his shout of triumph.

"And what are you doing about it besides coming to the cafe across the street for coffee every day?" Scar needles Mumbo.

"I'm- strategizing!"

"You do any more strategizing you'll end up reoganizing your sock drawer or blowing up another lab," Grian says, eyes not moving from the autoshop. "Besides, we have a next step for you. Look."

"Grian what- ...is that Impulse?"

"Oh no Impulse is hugging Mumbo's man!" Scar says in disappointment.

"Scar," Grian says, "Didn't Impulse mention he was happy with this assignment because it meant he got to spend more time with his best friend in the world?"

"Oh yeah he was able to get housing near him and his shop so he could walk there! I don't remember the name, darn it. Rizz? Lizz?"

Grian grins at Mumbo, who has gone pale as death.

"You know," he says to his colleague, "I think we should meet Impulse's bestie. Don't you, Mumbo?"

"It only seems polite," Mumbo squeaks, and drains the rest of his coffee in one long scorching gulp.

Oh dear.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Climate crisis is coming for all of us. We need to vote for people who are not insulated from reality via donor bribes.

We need a robust EPA. The current Supreme Court wants to end the EPA and Federal power to regulate our air and water. Never forget.

Get involved. Vote.