Close Ups

Yeah, but I'm the four horsemen. Conquest, War, Famine, and Death.

Every part of my fruity being is offended by these comments. @f3ntime

you should probably

(Kidding! You're fun! I don't want you to die…)

Hey, I've been 'disposed' by many people in the span of half a year. My best friend (online), a weird, sensitive fan-server where I've been a part of for 2 years, a friend group that just started but I ruined because I'm silly. I know how it feels to be lonely and hated for your actions, but you need to move forward to change the future. Living in the past won't change much. There are people who love you, there are people who want you to be happy despite you being someone they want nothing to do with, and there are people who think you're a genuinely cool person they wanna be friends with. Your heart is big enough to let more people in. Look at me for example, you didn't know me all too well, but now were here and I'm trying to comfort you. I really care, okay? My chest currently feels very tight knowing that you don't feel the same about how I feel about you. It saddens me to know that it hurts that you can't feel the same the way I feel about you. I just want you to be happy. I really wish for you to be happy. I wanna do anything in my power to make you feel the exact same way I do about you. You're enough. I really think you're enough.

<3

I genuinely feel like I’m a horrible friend. I hear people tell me otherwise, but then again I can’t be sure if I’m being lied to for their sake or mine. And if that was the case, why do I constantly feel guilt? Feel shame? Feel a sense of jealousy or competition for attention, to be noticed, to not feel like I’m gonna be thrown away without a second thought? Why am I disposable? I never had my intentions to hurt people. I’ve been and still am being hurt consistently. I’m at the point I think my groomer is stalking me here too. I’m terrified to lash out and cause damage. I don’t want to give reasons for people to hate me. Then again I feel like they have every right to hate me. I wanted to stop venting like this on my account because I thought I could do better. I’ve broke down like five times already this week, it’s Tuesday. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I genuinely hate seeing others hurt or causing that myself. I never once had the intention to hurt the people I’m close to. And now like a bunch of people hate me because of my ignorance to actions that where never properly addressed or corrected of me that ended up with me hurting someone I loved. Severely. And I can’t help but feel like I deserve this. I deserve to die for my actions. My intention don’t matter. They never did and they don’t now. I can’t do anything to fix this. No one has given me any options. It’s been almost half a year. I can’t do this anymore. I love all my friends. Yet it feels like I put more effort into them then they do back. It feels like they wait for me to mess up. Where did I go wrong? I don’t want this. I didn’t know. No one told me. I’m so tired. I don’t want to keep sobbing until I pass out. Even my dreams torment me of my friends when they still talked to me before all of this. I want this to be over. I can’t do it anymore. I physically can’t. And maybe I need to step away for a week or so. Or maybe i should just be done now. I’ve failed everyone I loved. Everyone I cared about. I’m the failure. It’s my fault only. That’s why ive gotten all the blame. That’s why only I have been left. It’s what I deserve. Nothing else matters. It never did. I can’t ever go back. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate all of this. I hate the actions of those who caused this when I’ve been open to solve it for almost a year now. This was a shit show for pitty points. But none of you listen to me. So I’ll stop trying. Maybe this is what it takes for you to listen to what I’ve been telling you. Maybe now you understand what you have done to me. You won’t try the same way ive tried for all of you. I know you won’t. And by the time you see this it will most likely be too late. You showed your values. You value the quantity over the quality. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t entertaining. I’m sorry I’m a shit person. I’m sorry ive hurt people. I never wanted this. You never listened. Maybe now you will hear. If I was even worth the trouble to begin with. I’m not though. i hate this. I can’t keep doing it. I give up. I can’t fight a battle that I have no options in. If this it what it takes for the hurt to go away, for you to be happy, then so be it. It’s all about you anyways. It’s whatever makes you happy. Because that’s the only thing that matters. Since I won’t be here to see it.

BLUEBERRY

CAN I GIVE YOU A BANANA BESTIE

YES

@bbnotumbl

bbno$ and Big Moist cosplaying Sonic and Shadow

@ombrathefurry @soggythecereal I'm so sorry- 😭 I'm crying this is so bad…

Mordecai and Gideon like I promised-

Hang in there. :)

She's a beauty (having a blast drawing warrior cats rn)

Edit: I forgot the whiskers lmaaooooo

You just started war- I'M NEUTRAL IN THIS ONE GUYS KEEP ME OUT OF IT-

@ombrathefurry @soggythecereal I'm so sorry- 😭 I'm crying this is so bad…

Mordecai and Gideon like I promised-

digitalized version of human rustle