Daily Affirmation: My Name Is Blue, And I Am Able To Learn New Skills.

∅ Hi, I'm Blue! ∅ I put the letters on the side this time. I'm so talented!

Good morning! It is, in theory, possible for me to compose and record a new song today. I may as well try. The composition will be for two performers, one singer playing a guitar and another singer playing tapping sticks. I don't have another performer though, so I'll have to do both parts myself. I am not so religious anymore, but I have been encouraged by these words since childhood: Oh sing unto the Lord a new song! Sing unto the Lord all the Earth! - Psalm 96:1

I need to work from home because I get panic attacks. Making music is my best chance at earning a living online. I have depression. I have to start writing the sheet music now, while I'm not feeling well. The mental effort will slowly improve my mood as I work. Waiting for the depression to go away never works. The depression will always be there. The only way to improve the depression is to summon the willpower to be productive. I know that the music will be good enough to earn donations. I just have to have faith and trust the process.

I think, maybe, it can be inspiring to hear someone asserting their own identity and their self-worth. A sense of identity and self-worth are the basic psychological needs that I am working on.

Give me your energy, internet friends. It is so hard to push through the depression and do anything. I'm just gonna borrow your energy for a minute; I'll give it right back.

Okay, maybe my community is more generous than I thought. I got 6 dollars in four hours of begging. That meets my fundraising goal for today. I just want to try to make 5 dollars a day to pay for my nicotine habit. I'm sorry I went off the rails there. I hate it when my anger takes over. The anger, I think, was a response to putting myself in a very phobic situation. Rejection hurts, but I should not wish others ill. Some days, the mental illness wins.

I tried to quit nicotine again yesterday. Cue the instability and mental screaming. I couldn't do it. I bought some more nicotine. Panhandling annoys the conservatives, and it will pay for my nicotine. I really need to get out there and panhandle. The worst thing that could happen is a mugger tries to kill me and take my money. I am a giant. I have never been mugged before. The first person who tries to mug me gets to find out what it's like to have all their joints dislocated one by one. But that probably won't happen. I'll take a picture of the panhandling spot and post a tracing this evening.

I cleaned my room and mowed the lawn today. So that's good.

∅ Behold, the artistic genius of Blue! ∅ I have truly captured the essence of architecture in this glorious image. Magnificent!

∅ Hi, I'm Blue! ∅ I drew my first self-portrait! Don't I look fabulous?