Bluesapphirevirgo22 - E.Z@22

Poetry is what helps me remember that even in my fragments, I am whole.

- Jennifer Huang

"Chase your dreams with persistence, and success will chase you."

“Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and only become bigger and bigger, but when exposed to the light of truth, they shrink. You are only as sick as your secrets. So take off your mask, stop pretending you’re perfect and walk into freedom.”

— Rick Warren

I fucking hate most people. I don't get them. Their lack of empathy or even emotionally understanding anyone else, even on a basic level. I'm so goddamn sick and tired of being abused and feeling helpless to make it stop. And meanwhile assholes in my life want to play devil's advocate to people that they don't even like themselves, against me. I'm fucking sick and tired of being gaslighted and treated like shit by people in my life THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE. Seriously, WTF is wrong with people??? Anyone? Everyone??? I feel like I cannot trust anyone to have my back anymore, ever. I'm so fucking sick of questioning myself, after knowing how I've been abused and gaslighted. I'm far from fucking perfect, I've sinned. I'm only human. But I would never fucking do what people have done to me. I would rather fucking die than treat someone else the way I've been treated. I would NEVER hurt someone else the way I've been treated, even after they've hurt me already. I don't give a shit about revenge. I don't have it in me to hurt others, even if they've hurt me. That's not me. But for these fucking psychos that still want to hurt me, for whatever selfish, jaded, fucked up reasons... I just don't get it. I'm a feral cat backed into a corner at this point, and in order to make it stop the innocent involved are going to be hurt. Because I'm out of options and people = shit. Everyone needs to grow the fuck up. I just do not get how most people can live with themselves. I'm far from perfect, but I pay the price of self loathing daily and don't like hurting others, even if they 100% deserve it, because that's not me. But at some point something has to change. Sorry if this is pretty repetitive. I'm really upset and tired of being abused.

“I take great care of myself by carefully shutting myself away.”

— Vincent van Gogh, Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh

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You didn’t do anything to deserve the pain and suffering you went through. Part of healing is understanding that and lifting that blame and guilt off of yourself. 💛

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