She Has Little Moon Earrings- I Have Star Clips In My Hair. She Goes To The Local Community College And

explode

I am afraid of so much.

Of getting older.

Of change.

Of moving on.

Of sleep.

Of school.

Of never finding love.

Of routine.

Of the fact that my friends probably don’t love me.

Of failure.

Of loss. 

Of me. 

My collection of fears has grown so large, that my brain has become a museum for them.

Stuffed to the brim.

But new fears continue to be added to my collection everyday. 

I wonder to myself, in a whisper of thought, “Will I have enough space?” 

Or will my brain overflow and explode. 

That is my greatest fear.

Explosion. 

Jackie Sabbagh, “Having a Great Time Being Transgender in America Lately”

Art is not my friend right now

I am filled with so much jealousy for other’s art, I am unable to enjoy my own.

Art is not my friend right now.

I can’t come up with anything new. I miss the days where this wasn’t a chore. We aren’t friends right now because I want my art to be something it is not.

Art is not my friend right now. I can’t make my hands create what is in my head.

Art is not my friend right now.

But all I want is for our friendship to return. It may be selfish, I want her to bring me joy. She might be the only one that can. I want to bring her to life, so we can walk hand in hand amongst creation.

Art will be my friend again soon.

not enough e. e. cummings appreciation on this website. reblog if youre a true cummer

Anastasia Trusova, “And the sunset came” Acrylic on canvas / 60 x 80 cm / 2022

They are definitely my holy trinity.

Scraps from today

stupid

After all this time, I am still stuck.

I am still listening to your stupid playlist 

with your stupid songs

that only remind me of how stupid i was.

I can’t really remember why I used to think that caring for you was smart.

Was it because you were?

You answered every question,

but you couldn't describe why you wanted me.

Because you never did.  

Journal Page #2

Joan of Arc rant