I Don't Know What The Inverse Of Fun Is But I Just Had A Ton Of It

Small town syndrome in a big, big, city?

My grandma dropped something off for me to eat, she kept asking me questions about my sister. Everyone's proud of my sister- and for good reason, I guess. She always wears nice clothes, keeps all her grades in the 98s or so, and wins a ton of RG competitions.

It feels even worse eating fast food now, thinking of what I could have been. What an extraordinary family, with such a failure slapped into it. I need an escape from this life, I think.

It feels a lot like the 'small town syndrome' that people who live far from big cities and stores get, the feeling of "I need to get out of here".

Thank goodness it's spring break, though- now I have time to clean myself up from all this garbage I've surrounded myself with.

I really hope I can- I'll pack together all the motivation and energy I have left into this one project.

"Wait, wait, so you're telling me..." *Joe leans into the mic* "that magical girls are real?"

"Well, Joe, I was using a metaphor, like, emphasizing the difference between the online and real-world selves, but honestly, from the happiness brought from logging in and posting, magical girls may as well be real—"

*puts his hands up in surprise* "Oh my god. So they are real. I thought it was all just some anime nonsense. Jamie, Google this right now. Google magical girl sightings nearby. Maybe we can get an interview. And you were saying earlier, some of these girls explode?"

"That's where the whole subculture comes from, Joe. Like a landmine, if you get too close to one, they'll explode, but that's more of an emotional—"

"CHRIST. Is that even legal? How can they DO that? I want to know, like, the science behind it." *leans in closer* "Do you know what makes the explosions? Jamie, google some explosion gifs right now. Yeah, pull that up. I wonder how strong those are. Like, something like that could probably kill a silverback gorilla."

Valentine's Day - 1

Sen and I went out today. He's really good at arcade games for some reason, so we went to play Taiko and some air hockey! His score in Taiko was insane... I guess that's why 王(king) is a radical in his name. Meanwhile, I'm named after some silly artsy things...

I think my brain growth or maturity or whatever was stunted when I was little, must've been honestly

Scared of losing a close friend rn I just wanna make him happy I hope he knows

School air is unbearable... Let me out of here! I want to sip drinks with heart-shaped ice!! I want to take a warm nap in the softest pajamas! I want to pet a cat!!!

No matter how much comfort food I treat myself to these days, I always wake up the next day feeling the same.

Maybe it's the world telling me to just lock in and work without caring...

(´д｀、)

look upon your sins

Need your favourite vegetable

And thoughts on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)

carrot

kinda based

on the bright side one of my packages arrived but the quality kinda sucked :/ That one’s on me though, ordered from a bad seller

hihi caramel my wonderful mootie!

hope you have an amazing day today!! <3

Ahh thank you!!

I held off on replying to this a little bit to save it for today. I've got a midterm and a quiz, so am really busy and stressed (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠)

But, thanks to your kind words, I feel like today will be a good day. You have a wonderful time too, I love you <3

Who, me?

I’m not depressed. I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t feel depressed.

So why does everything point to me being depressed? I can’t even keep up a personal blog, which kinda sucks :/

Recently, I stumbled upon a little text-adventure game that pretty much summed up how I was feeling for the last two years or so- I can definitely turn my life around, but I just don’t. Maybe it’s a choice. Maybe it’s something I can’t control. Who knows. I blame laziness, mostly, but I’d suppose that’s a bandaid on the entire situation. I’m probably just a coward for responsibility. Here’s the game, by the way: http://www.depressionquest.com/dqfinal.html

I guess I do have my moments where everything feels like it’ll turn around and I’ll have a completely new life and all that, but I don’t think I’ve ever followed through. Sure, I definitely can make things better, but sometimes things just don’t work out. 

Hope I can do what it takes, though- I’m really banking on the hope I can clean up my own mess and pick up my slack. Being able to make choices for myself I like, having the energy to accomplish simple tasks like doing my homework and agreeing to go out with my friends. It sounds so wonderful to live without this barrier. Please, please, please. God, I just need this one wish. I’d absolutely love to live with energy and the ability to go out and do what I want to, what’s good for me- God, please, I’m sorry I didn’t have faith, I just need this one thing. Please help me out, please listen to my prayers now. I’m sorry. I really want to live without this.

Results?!

Starting to see some changes in daily life once I decided to finally crack down and improve whatever feckless dance around life I was trying to do.

Finally getting a new bed for the first time in my life, I'm giddy with excitement since I no longer have to have a broken, splintering woodframe that catches on my hair and makes me want to cut it off. Big win!!

Time to happy clean I guess, today is good :)

<3 Caramel