Lmaooo. LOL Even.

imagine being average federation citizen doing a wikipedia dive on Amanda Grayson for like a book report or whatever and you click on “spouse” and it links you to a guy who was thee vulcan ambassador to earth for like 200 years and publicly called the klingon ambassador a murderer once and you think huh neat and click on “children” and the first person listed is described as “career criminal, activist and religious evangelist” with a rap sheet as long as your arm ending with him taking the entire government hostage in nimbus iii and then no death date he's just listed as “missing” and the second kid is a starfleet science hero you've seen on the poster of like 7 different documentaries on space netflix and you notice his year of death is listed as 2285 but “years active” goes on like 100 years past that and also he's apparently the reason earth isn't completely underwater right now? then you read his sister's article and it's all “starfleet's first mutineer” “blamed for starting the first federation-klingon war” “lauded for ending the first federation-klingon war” but is weirdly vague on what happened to her after that and the article is edit locked and her year of death has like 6 annotations attached to it

#"sure grandpa let's get you to bed" ahh move

Ominous..

Gandalf being sent back to Middle earth because his purpose was not yet fulfilled is like if you called in dead to work and your boss was like "You're on the schedule until the end of the 3rd age we need you to be a team player. Also the shift lead quit to pursue evil doings so here's a manager uniform."

i hate people who know highways. “i’m heading south on I-65” okay man. i’m moving my rook to c2

stacy fakename - a woman of many faces (updated version)

you BOOP miette? you BOOP her tumblr like the football? oh! oh! jail for mother! jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

mixing concrete with chicken stock instead of water to give it a richer flavor profile

"Pluto isn't a planet" Fine.

"Dinosaurs had feathers" Fine!

"Neptune isn't a beautiful oceanic blue, it's actually the same washed-out disappointing color as Uranus" I will kill you with my bare hands

Look how they massacred my boy