Going Into This Bio Exam Knowing Brown Eyes Are Dominant, Blue Eyes Are Submissive, And That Punettes

ten years of fighting and when shit hits the fan tumblr instantly has reddit's back. the greatest enemies to lovers story ever told.

Anyway

Shonen authors writing a hetero romance: They bicker... But... They KISS?!?!?! Revolutionary.

Shonen authors writing two male "best friends": They are friends, partners, family. They complete each-other. They've been together for so long it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, and they know each-other so intimately that they can predict every action the other will take. They're opposites and yet they go together like a pair of gloves, they're yin and yang, they fill each-other's weaknesses and boost each-other's strength. They wouldn't be alive without one another, they wouldn't want to be alive without one another. Even when they're on different paths, they trust each-other blindly. Even as enemies they are willing to put their lives in each-other's hands. Their life goals involve one-another, all the roads in their life lead to their partner. A part of one will always be with the other, no matter how far apart the fates carry them.

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

Yayyy

Thank you so much!

Hiii, I'm not sure how this works but please could i have a match up for haikyuu?

I'm a little shorter than average height and have shoulder length wavy dark brown hair and brown eyes. I'm an introvert who spends alot of time alone. I don't go out alot and i prefer to stay at home. I love spending time with people but sometimes it becomes too much and I get too scared to actually input anything and i stand off to the side. I prefer talking online but it still can be kinda stressful. I like plants and keep some in my room, i like reading, my favourites are the chaos walking trilogy and what makes us (they're really good) and i like occasionally gaming. I'm perpetually cold so i always wear long sleeves and warm clothes.

I really like giving physical affection like hugs but I don't want to make people uncomfortable so i give headpats occasionally instead. I can be super clingy at times especially with my friends. I'm technically considered academically smart but if I'm being honest i have little general knowledge and social skills whatsoever. I can be aggressive but only towards people I'm friends with. Usually its playful aggressiveness but when i do get mad i cry.

Anyways, thank you in advance if you do the match thing! :]

Match: Sugawara

hello Tumblr user,

petting you petting you petting you petting you I'm petting you petting you

I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord

Posting this to spread joy and whimsy don’t mind me

It's okay if it takes a little longer than you thought.

there’s something so fucking magical about bookstores and libraries