I Don't Know Why I'm Doing This To Myself. I Just Bought "The Last Days Of John Lennon". Some Chapters

reread this post and maybe this is an unpopular mclennon opinion? but i think they both didn't actually understand each other as well as they thought they did. i think both of them believed the other could read their mind and then filtered their subsequent actions as a conscious slight. like. john should know that paul is someone who keeps his feelings very closely guarded, who will always choose to keep the peace and to put on a good face when he's upset. but throughout the breakup, when paul seemingly stays as productive as ever, staying distantly polite to yoko while urging john to keep writing, keep beatling, everything's fine, time to put on a show, john takes it that paul doesn't care one way or another about their partnership dissolving, he's a perfectly capable one-man band hit machine anyway. this is seemingly confirmed by paul announcing the breakup to "sell a record," effectively ending all hope of quietly reconciling and supporting john's theory that paul was done with the beatles (john) anyway and had been on his way out once he learned he could write a #1 song without anyone's (john's) help. all he cares about is hits and money and his new perfect family and farm.

meanwhile. paul should know that john wasn't handling the pressures of the beatles well. he should know that he needed more support. but paul seems to be someone who gets stuck in his ways of thinking about people (see also: george), and doesn't seem to have ever shaken the image of john as the older, cooler teddy boy on the bus who he'd do anything to impress. he thinks the world of john and spends the 60s thinking they're in a friendly competition, not realizing john has started falling into the paranoia that he's losing. you can see it in get back. paul is waiting for john to write his next great song, to set a new bar for paul to push himself to reach. paul got john by impressing him with his music and when he's losing john he doubles down on it because he thinks that's the only valuable thing he has to offer. he might have offered the support john needed instead if he knew what that was, but he didn't. but mid-60s john, who still thinks paul understands him, thinks paul knows he needs him but chooses to spend his time flitting around swinging london instead, which deeply hurts him. john clings to yoko because she's a breath of fresh air from the constant race he's been running for a decade. a creative partner he doesn't have to chase down. someone who needs him as much as he needs her. a woman he can marry, can have a real commitment to. he can be everything to the person who is everything to him. but paul sees this as john finally outgrowing him and finding someone better.

paul also should know that john often speaks first and decides whether he believes what he said later. but it seems he only ever takes john at his word. when john leaves the beatles that's it, no negotiation, because if paul has lost john to someone more interesting, more artistic, then that's that. when john starts to talk publicly about paul's muzak and granny shit that must be true too, it's why john left after all. and granted john just wont stop shit talking him and it's not like he just fell on a keyboard and how do you sleep came out. but this is how you get a paul who starts to see himself as a villain and questions whether john did love him. he doesn't think too many people was that nasty compared to what john was saying about him in interviews because he doesn't realize that one of john's biggest fears is that he's incapable of being a great songwriter without paul. so to john, the lucky break line is paul admitting he agrees with that assessment and twisting the knife. but paul wouldn't see it that way because he's only ever had john on a pedestal.

so by the 70s, on their worst days, john thinks paul is cold marble statue who knows he's better than him and delights in it and paul thinks john is entirely out of love or use for him, if he ever had it in the first place. and of course, they could never talk about any of this openly because neither of them were willing to face the pain of confirming that their love really was one-sided.

Oooh, that's cool :3 (I haven't listened to pulp before, but I'll give 'em a listen. after checking out ginger root becuz of you, I trust your taste in music hehe)

Some news, hehe, I'm going to a concert again this Thursday lol :00 (we won the tickets, and it's also a band I like, I'M SO EXCITED, DUDE)

OMG!!! that’s so cool that u won them!!! u must be really lucky… :0

who r u seeing this time?

finally drawing again, take a Paul McCartney

i had a very strange encounter today.

i was going home from a hangout with my friends after school, and i got on my bus. it's always crowded that time of the day, and today was no exception. an old lady took his bag from the seat next to her, and told me to sit down. i thanked her, and did so.

she asked me if i were coming from work, and i said that i'm still in school. then she asked me what i want to be when i grow up. she told me i would be a lovely teacher. then she told me about her kids, her grandkids, and her difficult life of working jobs she hated. when she finally got to study economics in Budapest where she always wanted to study, her husband left her with two small kids.

then she told me how she always wanted to go back to work at Váci street in Budapest, and that she had to work at factories to make enough money for her kids. but after several jobs, she finally got a job at Váci street, and she worked there the last three years before her retirenment.

when she said that, she turned to me, and said: "it took me 50 years to finally do what i want, but i did it. don't worry about what you do, you will get to do what you like. follow your dreams."

i had to get off the bus to switch to train, but that sentence really touched me. i've been struggling lately, because society tells me to have a normal job, to make money, but i always wanted to be a writer. to tell stories, to touch people, to love and create and destroy.

i take it as a sign to follow my dreams to make a revolution in hungary for queer poets and writers my age, to tell what i have to tell and follow my dreams.

whoever that lady was, i hope that she is forever blessed. thanks for reading this little story time, i just wanted to share because it's not something that happens to me every day.

I have too many songs stuck in my head at once, but here's one that's stuck in my mind most of the time:

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

artdump of george.. and a little john OOO

fem vampire george.. wife..

Old starrison or something from Ringo tv special >:333

Yessss >:DDD let's gooo

I didn't know what you would like to see, so I drew both xdd

Old starrison in two ways: "old" in meaning "old/new" like teddyboys era here:

And my favourite:

And for second request, I drew Ognir, I really like him : D He's adorable

Ringo Tv Special 1978 is the best thing ever xdddd

I have some sketches with this universe, maybe I'll finish and post it someday

Paul McCartney: "He (John Lennon) was such a big part of my life (...)" (Staff warning him to redo because a "weird blue flame" appeared.) Paul McCartney: "That was John! Haha! It's him. That's alright, it's ok, leave it in, it was John, he is around, can you see?"