I Just Wish I Could Run Away From Everything, And Everyone.

I…

I have never been okay.

But this I’ve been reaching, this level, I didn’t know.

I want someone who I can love.

Up to this point, I don’t really expect them to love me back.

I just need someone to love.

And if they like me, and if they stand me, even if it’s a little bit, then that’s fine.

I need someone to love.

Yet is, my love, so unmerciful and hatred, no one would dare to be loved by me.

Not even myself.

We are all lonely. We want love. Towards us; from us.

You are not special for wanting it.

And I am not, either.

Like a child running all alone towards the ocean without knowing how to swim.

I wish tomorrow didn’t exist.

Therefore, my mere existence would have ceased the very moment I opened my eyes in the morning.

I wish, I heavily wish, tomorrow didn’t exist.

And so, I would not be able to wake up ever again.

I need to hide from everyone, I don’t deserve their care.

There is this pressure in my heart. It keeps tightening and tightening and it hurts. It blocks all my thoughts and it fills me with just fear. It won’t stop.

I want to run away.

I am worried. I am scared.

I can’t live peacefully, and I know I wouldn’t deserve it either.

Rain isn’t anything but a haven to those who cry alone.

I know… Rain wouldn’t lose her time joining us loners.

But I like to think she’s a crybaby herself.

And as I’ve got no one to love, let aside ask out, tonight, I will hold hands with the rain.

And both she and I will tell each other our tragedies.

I hope she laughs at mine.

Why does every single thing makes me uncomfortable?

Even my own thoughts do.

I don’t know what to do anymore.