TES Shiptober 16-18: Party

1987, so that's fun

Your phone battery percentage determines what year of the 1900s you'll live in.

How screwed are you?

Valdemar: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank You” will suffice. None of this “How did you get in my house” business. So rude.

A New Hampshire Republican State Representative anonymously created the “Red Pill” subreddit.

Wow.

Hoetator.

Post this version bc I can and will.

and here without the passionately participation of dagoth ur.

Something didn't go as planned

I love vivec sm when you ask them why dagoth ur is winning i can’t help but read this part with ultimate sass

The courtiers as the five languages of love

Vlastomil: Quality time

- take care of his worms with him, or just watch if you don’t like them

- have tea and gossip

- listen to him talk, help him with his duties, just be there for him

- you can bet he’ll always drop anything to spend time with you

- “*comes into his office* Hey, Vlastomil, I have the afternoon free and I was wondering if you would like to-”

Vlas:” *flips table and is already at the door* YES!”

- moved your desk in his office just so you can be together as much as possible

- cuddles his worms and is sad when you’re away on palace affairs

- Nadia once reprimanded him for neglecting his duties and running off the moment he sees you. She later found a worm on her pillow.

Valerius: Acts of service 

- if he loves you, he will try everything in his power to make your life easier

- not so open about it like Vlastomil, you will simply find everything clear in your path

- will subtly try to find out what you need help with (he’s like a fairy godmother y’all) so you don’t think he’s belittling your abilities

- yes, will be sassy about everything, while helping you. “Oh, MC, how careless of you to leave those documents on the table where anyone can find them.” And when you ask what happened to them he will shrug and say “I took care of it, love” while sipping wine

- always pours the wine in your glass. he says it’s chivalry. we know he just wants you to never lift a finger in your life.

Volta: Gifts

- first, food. 

- will bring you food she found and that she enjoys and watch your reaction when you try it

- also, cute things, clothes etc

- she loves the way your eyes lit up when you receive a present from her

- will bring you something, no matter how small, whenever she goes somewhere (a different city on court affairs or even just the market)

- “Oh, my dear MC, I know you told me to refrain but I got you something. *brings in two treasure chests and a bag of fresh baguettes*”

- don’t try to stop her, it’s canon that she’s a hoarder, and now she has you to buy things for.

- will also buy magical artifacts, tools, herbs etc. You don’t know where she got those from. She knows a guy.

Vulgora: Words of affirmation (shocking right? hear me out)

-they are basically the most vocal of the courtiers, they say everything they think and LOVES talking so yes, if they love you they will shout it from the rooftops

- encouraging af. you basically got yourself a cheerleader. you feel like you can move mountains with them on your side

- will constantly praise you, in private and in public

- will BRAG about you

- even if you fail at something they’ll be there like “i wasn’t born perfect at fighting either, c’mon, you can do this”

- someone badmouths you? hellfire comes out of her mouth (and blood out of that guy but oh well)

- you about to fight someone?

 “GO KICK HIS ASS, HONEY, I’LL HOLD YOUR TAROT DECK” *makes throat-cutting gesture at the guy and mouths ‘drop dead’ *

Valdemar: Physical touch (yes shocking again but-)

- correct me of i’m wrong but out of all the courtiers they are the most touchy with MC and in their personal space. yes, the fear factor is there but let’s be honest, they could scare the hell outta ya anyway without touching you.

- touches you whenever they see you, either fleetingly or all out pushing you against the wall and embracing you, wrapping their arms around you from behind or mindlessly petting your head while they’re reading something. they have to feel that you are there

- if you try to run (you know u will the first times) they’ll just chase you cuz it’s funny, but then they’ll do it cuz you’re warm and soft. they’ll tackle you and just stay there with that devilish grin. just accept your fate.

- the first time you touch them they’ll be Error 404. why would you ever wanna touch something like them?

- now if you stop caressing or cuddling them they’ll hiss at you  they’re basically a homicidal cat, hold them in your lap

- if they see someone else touch you, they won’t say anything at first, you’ll just hear a low growl and the earth might start shaking. 

-they saw you shake hands with Julian once. they disinfected you afterwards.

Don’t say anything, just reblog 

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