I Want To Break Down A Common Point Of Conflict When Addressing NPD Stigma.

to the disabled person who needs to hear this:

you don't have to earn or "deserve": resting, sleeping, taking your medications (including OTC meds, cannabis, creams, etc.), using your mobility aids, eating, declining to go to an event, choosing to stay home, having a self care/lazy day, or taking care of yourself in any other capacity. you can be good to yourself today.

fellow heat sensitive individuals. go drink water. learn from my folly.

if heat makes you flare up, GO DRINK WATER

if your meds lower your heat tolerance, GO DRINK WATER

if none of the above apply to you but youre still suffering through a heat wave GO DRINK WATER RIGHT NOW

"Oh you talk to yourself! That's unhealthy!"

UGHHHHH NO ITS NOT SHUT UPPPPPP. I'm tired of people acting like it's a bad thing! I talk to myself because what ELSE am I supposed to down with all this energy??? I talk to myself because it makes me feel like I'm releasing energy! ITS A GOOD THING and actually BENEFITS ME. And I only do it when I'm alone anyways, so who CARES.

DESTIGMATIZE TALKING TO YOURSELF.

misogyny in relation to psychiatry involving treatment and diagnosis of autism is a completely valid conversation to have but i've seen some tiktok girlies acting like more 'problematic' behaviors such as violence in relation to autism are a Boy Thing and a result of entitlement when that's just...not how autism works. of course there are some differences in presentation based on gender roles influencing parenting but there are still girls who have the exact same issues regardless because the truth is not everyone ends up in the same place even when raised a certain way. there is so much bioessentialism in discussions of mental health that are is harmful and ironically incredibly misogynistic--like it's "boys will be boys" rhetoric no matter how progressive you make it sound.

Survival tips for when you're disabled and living in poverty

I've seen a few of these helpful posts on here and I thought I would make my own. These are just what helps me and what I've learned over the years to survive. I will continue to update this so please check back every so often.

Don't be ashamed to shop at dollar stores, Aldi, thrift stores, habitat for humanity stores, dumpster dive, take what's thrown to the curb, use food banks, get assistance. I've gotten some decent things that way. Always check with your counties human service department, churches(if you're comfortable with that) they will likely have resources for you (If in the US, please share info if not in US, all are welcome).

Couldn't brush your hair for a few days? Kids detangling spray helps a lot and smells good!

Haven't showered for a while? Keep around wipes, deodorant, dry shampoo. If you have to just stand in the water and rinse your body off or just wash the important parts ( pits, crotch and butt, if you can do more then add in your feet and hair. If you still smell okay but hairs a little greasy? Just wash hair in the sink. You don't have to shower everyday (if you can great).

Brushing teeth is a challenge? Keep floss(I prefer flossers), toothpaste,toothbrush, a cup, water and a towel by your bed, just do it there while watching something and when you get up take it to the kitchen or bathroom. You can even use a washcloth to quickly rub your teeth with then use mouthwash(if you can stand the feeling of it lol). Keep some of those single use disposable travel tooth wisps. Chew some sugar free gum. I've also learned that if you just wet your toothbrush with water and brush like that it will still help more than doing nothing.

Btw you don't have to just do your washing/grooming in the bathroom. I wash my hair and teeth in the kitchen because it's higher, less back pain for me.

Have chronic pain? Maybe have a hard time bending or just can't seem to change underwear. It's okay, take a box and put all your underwear and socks in it then store it by your toilet. We all have to use it eventually so while you're there you can slip something fresh on.

Can't remember things due to memory issues or easily distracted? Take advantage of your phone timer and clock. Or buy a timer. I personally have to set an alarm for everything from food to laundry. Keep notes in your phone or written down, put down how long things take like laundry or food, it makes it good smoothly.

IF you can afford to, it's always worth buying products that can serve you and make life easier. Like an extendable scrub brush for showers to floors.

Don't be ashamed to use medical aid equipment. You don't have to prove you need it, if it makes your life easier then you need it. Check you local VA office or Human service office or sometimes charity thrift stores, they might have some you can buy for cheap or have for free(at least where I live they do, again for the US).

If able to and it serves you, get a shower chair, a detachable shower head, a foot scrub mat, a bidet(seriously though if you have IBS or bleed heavy on your period it's so worth it and you save money on toilet paper, especially if you get one with a dryer)

Have heavy periods? Buy the adult diapers, don't be ashamed and for extra protection lay a training pad or dark towel down to lay on.

Always keep a big jug of vinegar around, you can do so much with it, from cleaning house, laundry, cooking, and much more.

Cleaning your home or space can be very overwhelming. So just do what you can. You don't have to do everything at once like you can just do one small thing a day or when you have time. If you're not going to wash dishes rinse them off first before putting it in sink. Use empty food containers(like butter or whipped cream container) or freezer bags to store food because if you aren't feeling it you can just toss it.

Keep trash bags in your room. Get a degreaser dish soap. Get a scrub wand. Get gloves if you don't like how it feels to do dishes or clean. Let your pots and pans soak in soap and hot water, but don't let it set for long or it could rust. If you can buy nonstick pots and pans, cleaning is so much easier just never use metal utensils on it. Washing one plate is better than washing no dishes.

Listen to music or a podcast or anything while you do things to help pass the time

Keep water by your daily meds.

Don't feel guilty for using disposable dishes. Sometimes you just need it to get by and make things a little easier in a life that's really hard.

When you get up to go somewhere just take a moment to stretch and move a little.

If you're going outside, take trash with you and check your mail, take a moment to breathe and let the sunlight and or fresh air greet you. Just enjoy it for a moment. If it's at night enjoy the fresh air and night sky.

If you have a pet, ask your vet if they have any financial aid programs to help with vet bills. Where I live they have a financial aid program and the option for a special credit card (mines called Care Credit it pays for vet visits and dentist) you make a payment every month but I will warn you interest is high and you will have to take out personal bank loans just to pay it off, it barely goes down and these aids are unfortunately hard to get accepted for, but worth a shot. Sometimes (be smart about this though) you can solve the issues with your pets on your own. I've delt with a lot and couldn't afford many vet visits for my cats, so I'd do my research and oftentimes just call the vet for at home advice, and I'd buy what I needed in the pet store. (I've treated, hotspots, UTIs, wounds, and lots of other situations) but like I said be smart about it, if something is wrong and it's out of your control take your fur babies in, please.

The library is your friend, use it. It has so many resources for you to use. If you're not sure they have what you need just call or email them. Some offer items like sewing machines, kitchen appliances you can check out. Some if not most even have books you can listen to by audio or a free streaming services (it ain't Netflix but it's free). Just ask, those librarians are there to help and want to help.

Download apps like Pluto tv, you can watch free shows and sometimes movies, there are break ads and it's not as nice as other streaming services but it's free.

If you need a phone try applying for a government cell phone, I'll be honest they aren't like the nice new ones and can be slow but you can call and text and use some apps and if you stay within your minutes that month you never have to pay.

You can sometimes find government programs that help with internet and sometimes a computer or tablet.

Get a slow cooker, rice cooker, any kitchen appliance that makes cooking easy. You can get these at thrift stores, Aldi and other places for cheap.

If you have earrings like studs or any piercings I suppose, keep rubber gloves and alcohol pads on hand and find some baggies. Every so often take them out, they will probably be gross, just clean them with the alcohol pads and put them in the bag, the clean your ears. Let them breath then change to new jewelry. If they are stuck like mind sometimes do (this happens usually with screw on backs) don't panic. Wipe it and your ear with the alcohol pad then put on the gloves and twist, it might take a few goes. It that doesn't do anything, take some pliers sanitize it with alcohol, put something like the glove between the jewelry and pliers then twist, that should get it off. I need to inform people that earrings do get dirty, it happens, you can be super clean and still get some gunk. Doesn't mean it's infected or you're gross or doing a bad job. Some people produce more oils and stuff then others. In my case I have a skin condition, I'm very clean. They get a lot of "ear cheese" but they're not infected, it's just I produce more oils and stuff there.

If you struggle with laundry whether it's affording it or doing it, let me tell you my secret, I WILL get hate for this. As long as you're clothes don't smell or are dirty or full of sweat, or you just keep wearing them for a short time, you don't have to wash them. But like if they do start to smell and are dirty and full of sweat, yeah wash them. This is just for pants, hoodies, jackets, tops and dresses. ALWAYS wash underwear and socks, and you can let your bra or binder go but you gotta wash it sometimes. You can just give it a good wash in the sink and air dry it too. And with blankets, just wash the sheets and pillows cases, unless the comforter or top blankets need a wash.

On that note if you get a mattress use a protector sheet under the fitted sheet and freshen it up once in a while (find how to online) it will last longer and stay cleaner and you won't have to buy a new one for a while.

If you're feeling stressed or going through trauma, don't be afraid of play! Buy those toys(child or adult toys whatever you want), play, it helps with stress so much! Forget about what others may think.

And if showers or baths bore you, buy toys or shower bath crayons or paint or those color tablets. You can even buy a bubble machine for the bath tub, so much fun I swear.

If you want to relax by reading but don't like anything out for adults, get books for kids! Who cares!

If you have a habit of getting fruit flies, if you are able to try getting carnivorous plants.

I just learned that if you have a paper shredder and shred a bunch of stuff you can use the shreds as cat litter! You need to change it completely out about everything other day so I'd use a litter liner or wear gloves. Litter is expensive and this way it insures no one will steal you document info.

Just a hack but if you have anxiety or trouble reading the menu or deciding. Bring up the restaurants menu on your phone before ordering (this is more for fast food), it always helps me a lot.

Always keep vinegar, applesauce, flour, sugar, brown sugar, spices, coco power, butter, salt on hand.

A very common trick to make milk or soap stretch is to add water. It's not great but it can help. Also don't be afraid to but powdered or boxed milk.

So that's all I can think of that helps me survive that also might help you as well. Also I shouldn't have to say this but this is a judgement free post, if you're going to make judgemental comments then you're not welcome here. To Everyone else please feel free to add on to this post with what helps you and would like to pass on. You do not have to be disabled to like or reblog this post, If you find it helpful, wonderful. 🤓✌️

Update with any helpful resources I can find, ease add your own.

If you're on EBT/SNAPs you can install the app called providers to check your card balance instead of calling, it also had resources. (It was much better before the update change but still nice)

If you need a phone go to SafeLink wireless and Q Link wireless. When I was first starting out that's what I used it was a life saver.

If you live in Wisconsin (Dunn, Eau Claire, Chippewa falls and Barron county, and likely more) you can call your counties human service department and ask them about a program called CCS. There are many more programs but this one helps you if you are struggling in like and need help. Like for me I got jobs, made money, got an apartment, learned to be independent, got my driver's license, got my GED. It completely changed me, I'm a hole new person after it. They can help you with paperwork, your benefits, and when I need to stop working I was able to get set up with a county lawyer who helped me get on SSI (and took care of some past issues). They can even help with mental health. I did horse therapy, and many more places that helped so much to relax and develop skills (like a ranch with animals and we'd cook a lot). They even provided someone who prescribed me medication a nurse and therapy sessions at the human service department. I got connected with peer support. Just ask your human service department.

Some museums(I only know of Minnesota doing this) give you a discount (you only pay $3 per person instead of like $14) if you have proof of like EBT or any assistance. Just check their websites or call for information.

If you have a forward health insurance card or are on Medicaid and struggle with rides to appointments there is a medical transportation company called Veyo, previously called MTM. I am not sure if they service outside of Wisconsin. They aren't perfect but can definitely help. You call with your forward health ID number and you can schedule rides for appointments and get gas mileage reimbursement. You need to schedule two days or more in advance. The website is https://wi.ridewithveyo.com/

And the phone number is 1 866-907-1493

You can set up you're membership online.

If it's on the way and needed they can stop by your pharmacy after appointments as well.

sick of people watering down mental illnesses online.

people who are severely mentally unwell are likely to do things that are unhealthy, irrational and sometimes just completely fucked up. that is the reality of severe mental illness, especially if left untreated.

we may do things that are harmful or damaging to others, this doesn’t make us dangerous or evil, this makes us ill. if you cannot handle the fact that fucked up people might do fucked up things as a result of their severely shattered mental state, then do not surround yourself with people who are mentally ill. don’t make your inability to accept the severity of my mental state into my fucking problem.

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

Recently saw an insta vid where a musician was singing lyrics that described their intrusive thoughts as a person with OCD, and in the comments every so often there would be people writing like "bro what is this 🤨🤨" and "keep this between you and your therapist dont post it on the internet" and it just further fueled my belief that OCD symptoms and intrusive thoughts need to be talked about more because a majority of the struggle with the disorder is the shame surrounding its symptoms. OCD is not able to be easily romanticized or 'quirky'fied like other disorders or neurodivergencies have been*, and as a result its symptoms are more quickly met with disgust or repulsion.

Other people in the comments were thanking OP because it captured the struggle of real intrusive thoughts instead of impulsive ones. Impulsive thoughts are more of the 'I'm gonna dye my hair randomly on a thursday night' thoughts vs the intrusive 'what if I drove my car into that family and suddenly killed us both' thoughts, the latter of which make OCD as a disorder truly debilitating. And the people that immediately assign bad morals to intrusive thoughts? They only further condemn people with OCD to never wanting to talk about the symptoms they've already been struggling with shame about.

I feel it needs to be made more blatantly explained to the public that OCD intrusive thoughts aren't desire based. They're fear and disgust based. You fear hurting anyone so badly your mind can't stop thinking about what if you hurt someone. You fear molesting anyone so you never want to even touch anyone. Your mind fixates on the 'what ifs' and distorts them into the idea that, because you think this way, you must want to act this way--when the reality is the exact opposite.

If a person with OCD ever confides to you one of their intrusive thoughts and you feel a knee-jerk reaction of disgust towards them, it needs to be reiterated that:

1. the person does not want to be thinking about this, their brain is legit hardwired to make those thoughts pop up

2. the person themselves also feels this disgust, often intensely, and they very likely resent themselves for ever thinking it

and

3. they have no desire to enact the intrusive thought, because its intrusive nature hinges on the person's fears and dislikes.

*And to clarify what I mean by romanticization and 'quirk'-ifying, I do not mean to imply that romanticizing any disorder or condition is inherently a good thing. It's only to state that conditions like anxiety and ADHD have been made such common/'trendy' topics recently that they're less taboo to speak about--leading to more people talking about their struggles with it, and helping others realize they might have it too and aren't alone. Because certain OCD traits aren't as marketable (obviously) a lot of those with it are left rather isolated.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

For all my over-heating spoonies out there:

While doing chores/moving around, if you start to get really warm, put ice packs in your pockets, 10/10

Drink lots of ice water, but not all at once, your body might freak a little and go nauseous

Have a large amount of tank tops in various colors, when you go out and have to look a bit more formal, use a cardigan/very thin jacket so you always have the option to take it off

Spray bottles on mist form <3

Sometimes resting, or laying down, helps to cool off cause you're not using energy

Keep your bare feet on the cool tile/wood/etc. as often as possible

Bowl of ice in front of a fan works weirdly well

Popsicles, but make sure they're not high in sugar/dairy/etc. because those can make it worse

I know it would seem like tiny tight clothes would be best, but make sure your clothes aren't tight, you don't have to wear long flowing capes and gowns but having shorts that are cotton/loose are always much better.

The backs of your arms (the upper half) your feet, and your knees are often colder than the rest of your body, utilize that

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Happy disability pride month to:

Physically disabled people

Mentally ill people

Mentally disabled people

Neurodivergent people

Psychotic people

Multiply disabled people

Visibly disabled people

Invisibly disabled people

Mobility aid users

People with chronic pain

People with chronic fatigue

People with neurodevelopmental disabilities

People with neurocognitive disabilities

People with intellectual disability

People with neurogenic disability

People with cognitive disability

People with motor disorders

People with rare disabilities

People with common disabilities

People who were born with disability

People who acquired a disability/disorder later in life

People with bodily differences

Nonverbal people

Semiverbal people

People who experience speech lose

AAC users

People with ‘gross’ symptoms

People with sensory disabilities

People who aren’t sure if they are disabled

Disabled people who don’t know they are disabled

Disabled people who want treatment

Disabled people who do not want treatment

Disabled people with disorders that ‘don’t match’ their assigned gender

Zebras

Spoonies

Cripples

Happy Disability Pride Month to all disabled people!

May your tomorrow be kinder than today.