What An Unlovable Thing I’ve Become.

i love my boyfriend but I can't stand the thought of being perceived or seen currently. I deleted the photos I sent him last night this morning cause I couldn't stand it.

i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back

i feel like I'm losing my mind the more days that go by without a response from him

it's affecting how I'm treating our other partner

it's affecting me responding to others

i swear im losing my mind, I just want him to come back. I fucking hate his mom for grounding him for so long. why does she have to do that. fuck her. i just want my boyfriend back before I end up offing myself.

"ill need your essay by 3:15 or you'll have to spend time after"

fuck off fuck off fuck off I leave at 130 you cant make me stay. you can wait until fucking midnight when I turn it in. you can fucking wait.

“Made my bed

cleared my head

closed my eyes

let me rest

fuck the help!

fuck my friends!

fuck my life!

let me end!”

is it bad I want someone to do bad things with. to cut with. get high or drunk with. go around at night with. do teenage things with. but no, cant and couldn't have that.

One day everyone will think I’m just offline for awhile but I’ll be gone

high on anxiety my thoughts make no sense and too many too fast wanna find a way to get a gun and shoot myself or I'll just try od-ing when I get home

i hate this I hate this I hate this

I need someone to just talk anything and random nonsense to or I feel like I'll explode maybe im just overwhelmed but I'm also really pissed today

fuck people I hate them I hate them all

i don't know what I wanna do I don't know what to do I wanna just spill blood or random thoughts

“you could’ve just asked for my attention” you dont! get it!!!! its not the same!!

dropping off the Internet again (not posting or responding to anyone for probably a week again) and debate suicide