Jesus Is Loving Barrabas Interlude

I'm pretty unexceptional looking...

And I'm about to tell you why that statement means absolutely nothing.

Most people would not describe their appearance as special or extraordinary. If someone were to ask you if you're attractive, you'd either say no, or you'd proceed to give a vague, equivocating description of your mediocre beauty. Even supermodels and movie stars have acute and sever insecurities. There's not a single person in this world who legitimately views themselves as head-turning attractive. In fact, I think we're all too comfortable with the idea of looking "average". We style our hair the way everyone else is doing it. We wear the same clothes every one else does. We all just want to blend in and not draw undue attention to our person. Our fondest wish is to look like everyone else. Do you deny it? 

HOWEVER, not one of us believes that we really are actually like everyone else. Whether you think that's a good thing or a bad thing is not for me to decide, but you know that you're unique. You know you're different from every single other person around you. If you do think that's a bad thing, I'm here to tell you that it's not. You have interests, skills, talents and passions that are unique and entirely your own. And that's awesome and super cool and you are special and amazing specifically because you are not like any single other human on the planet. 

But here's my point. Judging by appearances is literally the dumbest thing ever because the outward appearance gives absolutely no indication of who someone is. Too often we get too caught up in the outward appearance and it consumes us. We narrow our minds to the here and now, the tangible and touchable. Even though the physical body is present and right in front of us right now, it is a meagre representation of the person inside. Every single person is exceptional and extraordinary. People who look perfectly average and even might look "boring" have entire galaxies inside their heads. They have unwritten novels and unheard music and unknown inventions inside of them. They have love stories and ancient histories and imagined eternities in their hearts. So even though we spend most of our time trying to blend into our surroundings, our characters make us stand out from the crowd because of our various vibrant and dynamic personalities. 

That was definitely not as deep as I thought it was. I wish I could impress upon you how incredibly important this is to me. I don't even know if that made sense, I just really really wanted to tell you all my thoughts on this topic. 

Peace and love!  -Katherine

With regards to your homosexuality conversation as a gay Christian man, I don't agree with this. For a number of reasons. I believe God would want everyone of his children to be happy. I am not having sex until marriage but, when I marry my boyfriend I want to adopt children and live a normal life. I have always had a very strong devotion to The Lord, I love him, and I know he loves me. He made me this way for a reason. I don't believe he would condemn me for sharing my love.

Cool! It’s awesome to get your input on this; thanks so much for stopping by to chat :)

I think that also makes perfect sense. After all, Psalm 37:4 says to delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. And later on in that same chapter, it says “The Lord directs the steps of the Godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” 

Okay so I have a question, and you totally don’t have to answer it! But if you’re down to answer it, what’s the deal with your church? Are they cool with your life plan, cause that would be awesome, and I haven’t as of yet come in contact with a church like that. So I’m just really interested to find out. 

Thanks! Peace and love :)-Katherine 

You Are Beautiful - Mike Young

It is time for Christians to stop ranking sins.

Frank Powell (via savedbymercyandgrace)

welp

(via poeticdarkbeauty)

Many christian families seem to almost block or discourage their children from reading certain books, watching certain movies, or just taking out tv and computers all together. Do you think this is because these parents believe that if their children are exposed to these influences, the children will form their own opinions and leave the family?

I sincerely hope not! Haha your question makes me wonder about your opinion of Christian families. :P

I personally think that the primary objective of any parent, whether Christian or not, is to protect their children. And any parent anywhere, at any time, of any religious affiliation, who forbids their child to read or watch something, is doing so because they think that the entertainment in question is somehow inappropriate for their child. This might include gratuitous sexual references, excessive violence, coarse language, or questionable thematic messages. There was lots of stuff I wasn’t allowed to read or watch a a child, because it contained one or several of the content “red flags” I just listed. The real reason parents put boundaries on their children’s intellectual diet is because children’s brains are very malleable, and they form world views based on what they see. And they will quickly become desensitized to anything they see or hear frequently in various media, and they will then assimilate it into their way of thinking and it’ll come out in their actions and speech. If you let a kid play super violet video games when they’re like, 6, they will be more likely to respond aggressively and violently to day-to-day situations. If a kid is watching shows everyday with the f-word in them, they will start saying it too.

What you will find is that parents who have more conservative beliefs (such as Christians) will put more restrictions on their children’s reading and viewing material because there are more things they want to keep their children from getting desensitized to.

However, I would never agree with the statement that this is to keep the children from forming their own opinions, or being able to think for themselves. In fact, children can’t really think for themselves. You don’t even develop post-conventional morality or abstract logic and decision making skills until after the age of 12, and even then your frontal lobes are still developing all throughout your teens. So especially for young kids, what we see as their “thinking” is really just a product of the input.

So you’ll find that a lot of the age restrictions parents impose are ages like 12 and 16. [sidenote: for me, cell phone was 12, Facebook was 16, and dating was 16.] that’s because these ages are in the period of life when people actually do start thinking for themselves.

Christians aren’t brainwashed; we know that following Christ is a personal decision, and your parents can’t make it for you. I imagine that every Christian parent’s fondest wish is that their son or daughter would think for themselves, make their own decisions, and choose to have a personal relationship with their Lord and Saviour. Lots of us do. :) and those who do..did it because we wanted to. Not because we didn’t know any better :P

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine

Okay so. I'm what one might call an evangelical christian. God is my reality - the foundation upon which my life and my identity is built. And it's pure love and joy.

But sometimes, being a christian really sucks. I feel guilty, like all the time. I feel guilty for stuff i do. For stuff i don't do. For stuff i've done. For stuff i haven't done. For who i am. For who i'm not. Sometimes i just feel guilty, just like, in general? No reason. I'm just chillin and feeling guilty without any idea why. I think that is due, in no small part, to my christian upbringing.

And it really fuckin sucks. the story of God's love for humanity is all about redemption and freedom and perfect unity with God themself. but humans' interpretation of that story is like, "wow, we are shitty. we are all so shitty. we're, like, the worst. we have to feel very bad about this and hate ourselves and punish ourselves for this until we die." Like, way to miss the point!?

And then, kids like me grow up in that environment and end up feeling guilty all the time for no reason! It fuckin sucks!!

I really enjoy your blog, katherine :) you're answers are so interesting and clarify so many things. God bless, xox.

Thank you so very much my darling! You are the absolute sweetest :) I'm very glad you've been enjoying my answers :) hopefully there will be many more to follow :)Lots of love! -Katherine

What are your thoughts on casual drinking?

Funnily enough, I was talking to someone about this today! 

Okay so I have this theory that God tells us not to do stuff to protect us. I know I’m so brilliant, right? lol :P But I mean, he tells us not to get drunk (See Ephesians 5:18, Galatians 5:21, 1 Corinthians 6:10, and 1 Peter 5:8) and not to gamble, and to avoid sexual promiscuity. Now all of these things have a fair amount of risk associated with them. When you’re drunk you can make some pretty stupid decisions and hurt people and probably regret a few things down the road. And also of course there’s the liver damage. Gambling can lead to addictions which can destroy your finances, your family and your life. And sexual promiscuity can lead to unwanted pregnancies, STDs and a whole bunch of emotional crap that I mentioned here. So this theory is that everything God tells us not to do is for a good reason and we’re probably better off without it anyway! 

So basically, if God says not to do something, I trust that he knows what he’s talking about, and I figure that’s a good enough reason for me not to do it. By this logic, I choose not to get drunk. That being said, I see no problem with casual drinking. It’s all a personal decision anyway! I choose not to get drunk, but I always try a sip of my friends’ beers (it ALWAYS tastes disgusting) and I took a shot for my friend’s 19th birthday, but I’ve never consumed enough alcohol for it to have the slightest effect on me. Lots of my friends drink, and I’ve seen my friends get drunk. I’m not gonna tell anyone what to do, and if you drink I don’t care, that’s your business! If you’re a Christian and you drink casually, I’m not judging you. If you’re genuinely wondering my opinion because you are trying to figure out where you stand I say choose for yourself, draw your line and know your limit. 

Hope this helped! :)

Peace and love! -Katherine

*pinned post*

I'm Katherine. She/her. White, cis queer woman.

This is gonna be SO long. I'm so sorry.

TL;DR : uhhh...i'm Christian but hopefully not one of THOSE Christians? (trying, learning and working not to be)

Let's start with side blogs, then a cut.

@tootiredfortiktok personal blog. Ranting, shitposting, whatever I want.

@fandomofisolation tv shows, books, movies, etc. Currently there's a lot of Our Flag Means Death, 9-1-1 and Supernatural (i know, yikes, haha)

@tellmethestoryofyourtattoos art, photography, travel, stories, cute animals

@clearancelevelneedtoknow human rights, social justice, education, science, resources

@justspngifsrbs reblogging Supernatural gifs (made at the peak of my relapse into an obsession with that stupid, brilliant, awful, wonderful, hilarious, tragic mess)

I have one other secret side blog. If I liked a bunch of your posts that don't fit the theme of this blog or any of my other side blogs, you'll know what my secret side blog is about and why it's secret.

If you're here because you saw that I followed you or liked a bunch of your posts, here's what you should know:

Sometimes, the discrepancy between the vibes of this blog and the blogs I follow or the posts I like may give you pause. I get it. Don't worry, I PROMISE I am not trying to evangelize you. I use tumblr for a lot of different things. This was my first tumblr blog and is therefore still my main blog. Over the years, I've made others for different areas of my interests. I mostly reblog from the side blogs listed above.

Now. If you found me through one of the posts that I made on this blog itself, there are some things you should know about me which will allow you to contextualize the stuff I say here.

I AM a Christian. I don't really know how to define that except to say that I believe in a higher power, who has consciousness and will. And I believe that all of reality originated from and is still maintained by that higher power. My concept of that higher power aligns most closely with the Christian concept of God.

I am currently deconstructing and reconstructing my faith.

I grew up in a family that attended a church that's part of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland and Labrador, which is in turn part of the World Assemblies of God Fellowship.

Some stuff about NL pentecostal culture:

- no drinking, smoking or drugs. Most are teetotalers (if someone in the community does drink or smoke, it's a little rebellious/scandalous/taboo). For communion, we use grape juice.

- no sex before marriage

- teeeeeeeechnically, no divorce either

- gambling is also taboo. Older people in small, rural towns even avoid playing cards altogether, just because of the association with gambling.

- my mom's generation is weird about dancing. She almost didn't let me go to prom because it was a dance. It's basically like the movie Footloose - "dances are events where teenagers might engage in risky behavior like drinking, drugs and sexual promiscuity. Therefore, dancing must be banned." That's on its way out, I think.

- similar to the dancing one, my grandparents' generation was weird about movie theatres. That has passed.

- women CAN be pastors (clergy). Divorced people cannot.

- divorced people and unwed mothers are allowed to volunteer at church stuff (as layfolk) but gay people are not.

- my church is trying to be diverse. That means they're trying to create a community that welcomes, includes, celebrates and values people of all ethnicities and cultures. They're not perfect but I can say that they're trying.

- they're pretty chill about mental health stuff, as far as i can tell.

- at my church, the lead pastor is a white man (the lead pastors at most NL pentecostal churches are white men, and the leaders of the paonl are white men). Two other pastors are white men. One is a white woman. One is a woman who is either white or mixed race. I do not know for sure. I've never asked her. Three other people on staff at the church in layfolk paid positions are two white women and a woman of colour. There are also nine women on staff as part of the "Community Connections and Conversation Cafe (ESL)" team. Four are white, five are women of colour.

- so basically, I can say that they are not intentionally, maliciously, overtly misogynistic, racist or ableist. Obviously they are still part of a religious institution that exists in this province and country because of settler colonialism. Obviously the same systematic inequalities that are inherent in schools, healthcare, government and all colonial institutions are also inherent in this one. I can say that, within the obvious limitations of that context, they are trying to be feminist, accessible and anti-racist.

- they're struggling with fully embracing non-cishet folx. I know that within the NL pentecostal community, there are individuals who support me and are fully affirming of my relationship with my wife as a normal, healthy, God-honouring relationship. But they are the minority. And like officially, my wife and I are not allowed to volunteer at any NL pentecostal churches or with any NL pentecostal events. We are welcomed and accepted and included as attendees when we go to church. It's just that, for us, volunteering with kids and youth programs has always been an integral part of faith and participating in church so it kinda sucks that we can't do it anymore.

Some stuff NL pentecostal churches believe:

- God is sort of like a person, more or less. An intangible, invisible, immortal, pure-spirit, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent person-like entity. With will, consciousness and feelings. He loves, He hurts, He gets angry, He gets sad, He grieves.

- God made the whole universe from nothing, by speaking.

- God is the only God. He's the only entity like Himself that exists, and everything else in existence came from Him. I am pretty sure that PAONLers believe that if there is some kind of spiritual entity that is neither God nor human, it's either an angel or a demon. Christians in general don't believe in djinn or in other deities/minor deities.

- humans were made in the image of God. So i guess it's less that God is a person-like entity, and more that humans are God-like little dudes.

- humans have souls, which are...from what I understand, one of the three essential things that make up a human (body, mind and soul), and are sort of like intangible, immutable, immortal imprints of one's identity and one's choices on earth. I think many people think that a version of your consciousness is stored in your soul, which will have awareness after your earthly body dies.

- the bible is the "inspired, infallible, authoritative" word of God

- the trinity: God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit, three in one

- Jesus is the Son of God. He was fully God and fully man. Virgin birth. He died and came back to life then ascended to Heaven where He is now chillin and will eventually come back to earth "in power and glory to rule a thousand years"

- the Holy Spirit allows people to speak in "toungues", which is a supernatural prayer language unique to each person. It is the Holy Spirit speaking directly to God the Father through a believer's mouth, without involving the believer's brain. It cannot be understood by any human, including the one speaking it (unless the Holy Spirit gives someone else the supernatural gift of interpretation).

- angels, demons, demon possession and miracles (including raising people from the dead, healing the body, and "signs and wonders") are all real, actual things that exist and have happened and do still happen today

- believers are supposed to get baptized in water as a public declaration of their faith

- believers are supposed to participate in communion (which, for pentecostals, is the metaphorical, not literal, consumption of Jesus' flesh and blood) as a reminder of Jesus' death and resurrection until He comes back

- on the topic of Jesus coming back, NL pentecostals believe in "the Rapture" which is supposedly when Jesus comes back, all believers living and dead will be raised up into the air, like being beamed up onto a spaceship. Or they'll just vanish into thin air, leaving behind clothing, shoes, glasses, etc., if you believe the "Left Behind" book series.

- there is an eternal afterlife, and the only two options are Heaven or Hell

- preeeeeeeetty sure PAONLers officially don't believe in ghosts. I'm pretty sure they think the door to another plane of existence is one-way only. Like I said, only two options, and PAONLers believe that both those options are eternal and irrevocable.

- anyone who is "saved" goes to Heaven

- anyone who is not "saved" goes to Hell

- God doesn't want anyone to go to hell so He sent Jesus to take our sins upon Himself

- When Jesus was dying on the cross, He assumed all the guilt for all humans who ever were and ever would be

- the only way to be "saved" is to believe in Jesus as the Son of God who died and came back to life, accept Him as your Lord and Savior, and profess said belief and acceptance

If you're into theology, and these words have meaning for you, here are some terms that apply to NL pentecostals:

- Protestant

- Evangelical

- Charismatic

- Biblical inerrancy

- Finished Work Pentecostalism (progressive sanctification)

- Trinitarian

- Premillenial dispensationalism

- Pretribulation Rapture

- Arminianism

- Security of the believer (conditional upon continual faith and repentance)

- Continuationism

So that's where I come from. That's how I grew up. That's what influenced the beginning of my faith.

Now. Where am I going? Well, I don't know. But like I said, I'm still a Christian. That label still feels right. I'm currently in the process of deconstructing and reconstructing. I don't want to just take away from everything I was taught by the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland and Labrador. I only want to add to it. Not in the sense that I want to believe everything. That's admittedly rather difficult, because a lot of different Christian beliefs are opposites of each other. I want to add to what I've been taught in the sense that I want to know, and understand, what other sects believe and why. I probably won't know, within this lifetime, which view is "right". Maybe it doesn't matter.

My wife, who is very wise, said, "I just don't have the energy to try to figure it all out. I know I love God, and we have to love other people. I guess we'll find out the rest eventually. I am hanging on to my faith with my last little bit of strength. So I just want to use that bit of strength to focus on loving God, being loved by Him, and loving everyone else the way He loves them."

Some highlights of my current belief:

- "God" is an entity. God has consciousness and will. God is the only *anything* that is real and has always been. All of reality as we know it flows from, is part of, and is maintained by God.

- i think that God's form is pure energy. And I think that energy is love. I think God = love = energy. I don't just think that all love is from God; I think all love is God. Same goes for energy. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. God always was, always is, and always will be. All of matter is made of molecules, which are made of atoms, which are made of protons, neutrons and electrons, which are made of quarks, which are energy. God is over all and through all and in all. So I think that all of reality is energy which is love which is God (like the force in Star Wars). And love, as a force, is the most powerful force in reality. Stronger than gravity (like in the movie "Interstellar"). Faster than light. More powerful than life and death.

- science is legit. Science is just an attempt to understand reality. If all reality is God, then science is one way to understand God. Science, math, art, music, language, belief, thought, relationships between humans are all ways to understand, and engage with, the divine. So whatever the scientists can prove with evidence and solid methodology and peer reviewal, i'm on board. Evolution? Yep. I'm good. Climate change? Yeah. Same page. Age of the earth? Yes. Dinosaurs? Yes. Hominids other than homo sapiens (e.g. H. neanderthalis)? Yes. All of it. Whatever science is offering, I'm taking.

- Trinitarian vs Oneness (i.e. is God three in one, God the father, God the son, or God the Holy Spirit, separate entities but all God? Or are the father the son and the holy spirit all different forms of the same dude - just God?) My belief: yes? Both? Who cares?

- was Jesus fully God AND fully man? Was Jesus the Son of God? Or just a normal human fully filled with the Holy Spirit? My belief: Yes? Both? Who cares?

- did Jesus actually die and come back to life? My belief: mmm.....yeah, I'm still feelin' that it's a yes on that one. That's important to me. Haven't let go of that one yet.

- is the Bible infallible and inerrant? My belief: ummmm.......I don't think so. I am no longer really vibing with that particular theology.

- did God make the world in a literal seven days in the exact order described in Genesis chapter 1? My belief: nahhh.

- When Jesus comes back, are believers, living and dead, going to float up into the air like they're being beamed up onto a spaceship? My belief: I mean, I feel like this could go either way. On the one hand, I see no reason to take that literally. On the other hand, why not? I'd believe weirder.

- are angels and demons real? My belief: well, i think so. But i doubt that they are anything like what we think. I believe in a spiritual realm and i believe that there may be entities that exist on that "plane".

- do people get possessed by demons and can those demons be cast out of the hosts? My belief: i'm thinking yes and yes.

- does each individual human have a specially-assigned guardian angel? My belief: i mean, I feel like that's unlikely,but what do I know?

- are people who speak in tongues really filled with the Holy Spirit? Is that a legit supernatural event? My belief: yeah, I think so. Why not? I'd believe weirder.

- do miracles still happen? Like raising people from the dead? Healing the sick and injured? Signs and wonders? My belief: yeah, I think so. Why not? I'd believe weirder.

(To be continued. I am working on this post in fits and starts. I will talk more about my de/reconstruction journey eventually)

Stop feeling ashamed of being human.

A lesson I am still learning.