May God Break Every Weapon.

New Year's Reflections

At the beginning of 2015, I was broken. Broken like something that didn’t work right. Something had gone wrong in my brain and I was glitching. I had just come out of the worse year of my life, and January 2015 followed possibly the most serious emotional/psychological crisis of my young life. I wasn’t me. My self esteem was virtually nonexistent, replaced by omnipresent self loathing. All of my relationships were in shambles, corroded by incessant deceit and self sabotage. I honestly wasn’t sure how I was even still in school based on my grades. And I had strayed so far from the moral path I wanted to be on that I didn’t even recognize myself. I was broken. My life had become nothing but a toxic cycle of lies, guilt, tears, denial, avoidance, and self destructive habits*.

 And 2015 was the year that God fixed me. I am in awe of His care for me. He had orchestrated the perfect cure for the bugs in my system, because He knows what is good for His children. He reminded me of who I am. Summer 2015 was basically like a hard reset for me. Like when your laptop freezes so you hold the power button until it restarts. That’s what God did to me this summer. He sent me to Africa where I felt more alive and more myself than anywhere else ever before. He reminded me of the purpose He placed inside me and the plan He has for my life. Then He sent me to camp where I met girls who not only understood the regrets and struggles in my past, but could relate and sympathize, and they accepted and loved me unconditionally. I learned that I’m damaged, and I’m not perfect, and I glitch sometimes, but I’m still capable and usable and worthy of love. It’s amazing to feel God’s grace in the realest form I’ve ever felt it. The grace that makes me beautiful despite my flaws. The grace that makes me usable despite my weaknesses. The grace that justifies me. The grace that makes me worthy despite my wretched unworthiness. The grace that is so much greater than my perception of my imperfection. The grace that showed me that I can’t shrink myself into something that God cannot love because His irrevocable love transforms me into something greater than human measures. 

 2015 was a good year, by the grace of God. 

 *for the record, my self destructive habits weren't substance abuse or self harm. They were just skipping school and sucking dick. harmful but not quite as bad.

I can’t understand how anyone can be against people asking to be treated with justice. I can’t understand how anyone can be against people being treated like human beings. I don’t understand why we are still having to protest for these basic rights.

Bottom line is that a horrible crime was committed in broad daylight and we cannot be OK with it being dismissed. Michael Brown is not by any means the only one, it is the one that tested us beyond what we are capable of ignoring. 

do you ever just think about Jesus living here on earth 

i think sometimes we tend to think He just bounced from one miracle to another and everyday was a Bible story but His ministry lasted for three years and the Gospels don’t actually cover that much so

imagine all those ordinary days?? 

He probably had favorite foods and morning routines and sore dirty feet from walking while sweat ran in His eyes in the hot Judean sun and He got blisters and hiccups and colds and maybe He snored 

all the times He laughed till He cried and i bet He had inside jokes with His disciples. imagine having an inside joke with the person who gives you breath to laugh in the first place 

and He had human skills He knew how to build a house and cook and wash his clothes and read 

passing food at the dinner table and bumping hands with Jesus 

talking about silly inconsequential things like the weather 

maybe some nights John was sleepy and he leaned against Jesus and could hear His heartbeat 

maybe some nights a disciple had insomnia and he climbed out of his bedroll to find Jesus sitting against a rock, looking up at heaven, and they sat and watched the stars together 

(the God of the universe looking up through short-sighted eyes at His creation, and the disciple wants so badly to ask what it was like to shape each star, but he looks at those calloused human hands and something in him trembles) 

do you ever think that the ordinary days so far outnumbered the miraculous ones that the disciples, sometimes, almost forgot

and then He goes and turns water into wine and feeds five thousand people from a kid’s lunch and brings dead Lazarus walking alive out of the tomb and they just kind of lose their breath

not because they didn’t expect deity to accomplish the impossible but because this God has been living with them

it’s not the miracles that are unthinkable

simone weil said "absolutely unmixed attention is prayer." to pay absolute attention to the injustice in the world is to recognize the absence of God in the world. to pay attention to God's absence is to manifest his presence in the places where he is most needed, for the most vulnerable, for those who need him the most, for those he loves: the ones to whom he gives attention.

My Commitment as a Christian

Just wanted to share this. It was written by a young pastor in Africa and tacked on his wall.

 I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

  My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

  I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

  My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

  I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problems recognizing me - my banner will be clear!

Many christian families seem to almost block or discourage their children from reading certain books, watching certain movies, or just taking out tv and computers all together. Do you think this is because these parents believe that if their children are exposed to these influences, the children will form their own opinions and leave the family?

I sincerely hope not! Haha your question makes me wonder about your opinion of Christian families. :P

I personally think that the primary objective of any parent, whether Christian or not, is to protect their children. And any parent anywhere, at any time, of any religious affiliation, who forbids their child to read or watch something, is doing so because they think that the entertainment in question is somehow inappropriate for their child. This might include gratuitous sexual references, excessive violence, coarse language, or questionable thematic messages. There was lots of stuff I wasn’t allowed to read or watch a a child, because it contained one or several of the content “red flags” I just listed. The real reason parents put boundaries on their children’s intellectual diet is because children’s brains are very malleable, and they form world views based on what they see. And they will quickly become desensitized to anything they see or hear frequently in various media, and they will then assimilate it into their way of thinking and it’ll come out in their actions and speech. If you let a kid play super violet video games when they’re like, 6, they will be more likely to respond aggressively and violently to day-to-day situations. If a kid is watching shows everyday with the f-word in them, they will start saying it too.

What you will find is that parents who have more conservative beliefs (such as Christians) will put more restrictions on their children’s reading and viewing material because there are more things they want to keep their children from getting desensitized to.

However, I would never agree with the statement that this is to keep the children from forming their own opinions, or being able to think for themselves. In fact, children can’t really think for themselves. You don’t even develop post-conventional morality or abstract logic and decision making skills until after the age of 12, and even then your frontal lobes are still developing all throughout your teens. So especially for young kids, what we see as their “thinking” is really just a product of the input.

So you’ll find that a lot of the age restrictions parents impose are ages like 12 and 16. [sidenote: for me, cell phone was 12, Facebook was 16, and dating was 16.] that’s because these ages are in the period of life when people actually do start thinking for themselves.

Christians aren’t brainwashed; we know that following Christ is a personal decision, and your parents can’t make it for you. I imagine that every Christian parent’s fondest wish is that their son or daughter would think for themselves, make their own decisions, and choose to have a personal relationship with their Lord and Saviour. Lots of us do. :) and those who do..did it because we wanted to. Not because we didn’t know any better :P

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine

I'm Turning 20 In 10 Days

"I've come so far but I've got so far to go." 20 strikes me as a very odd age indeed. You're two decades old. You're no longer a teenager. You have a different digit at the beginning of your age. I mean, you've had the same first digit since you were 10 years old. And we can all agree that 10 is a very young age. It's a big deal. You're entering into the decade of your life where so many things are supposed to happen. Between the ages of 20 and 30, you might finish post secondary education, start a career, fall in love, move out, get married and have kids. All of those things might happen while the number 2 is the first debit of your age. And I'm not gonna lie, that freaks me out. Adding to my disquiet is the fact that one of my friends is 20 and got engaged just the other day. I'm thrilled for her and panicked for me, and it's implications regarding the stage of life I am entering. Might I add that it did not help when my father said "that's how old I was when I got engaged." It does not worry me that I am single and will not be engaged at the age of 20. What worries me is that I might be expected to be engaged at the age of 20. There's only one day's difference between being a teenager and being an adult. Teenagers have a reputation for doing dumb stuff. But adults are expected to make informed, logical decisions in life changing situations. I know that 24 hours is not going to make that big a difference in my decision-making skills. 20 is a grown up age. But it will not belong to a grown up life. I still live at home. I still ask my parents' permission. I still eat Nutella with a spoon. I still have stuffed animals. I still hate homework. I still have sleepovers. I still get stupid little crushes. For all intents and purposes, I am a child! And yet I feel as though at the age of 20 I'm supposed to undergo some transformation and move out and have a career and find a mate. And then you begin contemplating the future. Do you know what it feels like when all the moments yet to come have weight and they press down on you? When all the breaths yet to be breathed turn to lead in your lungs? When you're suffocating under the expectations of others and your own expectations for yourself? The future is heavy with paths to be chosen, mistakes to be made, hearts to be broken, prices to be paid. Like a stormcloud with rain, it's full of successes and failures, joy and sorrow, triumphs and disappointments. And you begin to wonder, how on earth am I to weather these storms of life without an umbrella? I'm not entirely gloomy about this birthday. I know the future has limitless potential for optimism and that life is what you make it and I'm very excited to become an adult! I can't wait to move out and try new things and explore brave new worlds. That being said, I'm also straight up terrified. And with that thought, I bid you goodnight.

Where do you draw the line at what's appropriate sexually before marriage?

I’m pretty conservative, so kissing is my limit. Like, I don’t want hands going ANYWHERE, not even above the belt. :P I try to follow these rules: 1. No clothes are coming off. 2. Don’t touch me anywhere that would be covered by a bikini.

I just do this because the road to sex is a very slippery slope, and I’m worried that once you start down that slope, it’s really hard to stop. And to me, it’s too much of a risk to take, so I’d prefer to stay faaaaaar away from that slope at all, and make absolutely certain that nothing’s gonna happen. I just don’t know how strong my will power is, and I’d really prefer not to find out, haha :P

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine

Do you think God or Jesus would get mad if someone had sex before they got married?

No, I absolutely do not think that God would get mad. Because, you see, God is very consistent, and all sin is equal to God. Sex before marriage is just as bad as murder, but also just as bad as saying hurtful words. And you don’t see God smiting me with lightning every time I lose my temper. Thank goodness for that!God loves us. He knows that we’re going to screw up. And yes, our screw-ups separate us from His perfection and His glory, but He didn’t want that, so He made a way for us to be close to Him even though we’re imperfect and corrupt. That was the cross. God’s grace is infinite! It’s like a tidal wave that crashes over you and snatches you up in the inexorable current and tumbles you head over heels in it’s wake. It submerges you completely, until you don’t even know which way is up anymore. But that’s okay, because unlike real life water, God’s living water makes you feel like you can finally breathe again, and that there’s no weight pushing down on you at all. It makes you feel like you can fly, like you’re soaring high up in the atmosphere, weaving in and out of clouds, and you haven’t a care in the world! God’s grace is vast enough to handle our mistakes. He will not get mad at us for having sex before marriage. He wouldn’t necessarily be delighted with us, but I picture Him as the father who’s all like “I’m not mad…I’m disappointed." I know, that kind of makes me want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out again. BUT! Here’s the really big, gigantic, ginormous, massive, humongous BUT! When we go to God and we’re like "I know I screwed up, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me and make me all perfect and beautiful and spotless again." He does! The bible says that He will throw our sins into the "sea of forgetfulness" - that expression comes from Micah 7:19: 

 19 

You will again have compassion on us;    you will tread our sins underfoot    and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

The bible also says that He has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west in Psalm 103:12: 

12 He has removed our sins as far from us    as the east is from the west.

So basically, never be afraid of God if you feel like you’ve done something He wouldn’t like. Because the minute you approach Him in contrition, He is so ready to hug you and say “It’s okay, I forgive you and I love you.” That applies to any and every sin out there! Peace and love! -Katherine 

Layin' some truth on ya...

Jesus loves everyone. I mean everyone. Every single person on this planet.

“But what about ga..”

“What about divor…”

“Are you sure he likes trans…”

“Hey! What about prosti…”

“You can’t mean musl…”

And if you dare to call yourself a Christian you better love the crap out of EVERYONE too! No matter what.