This Song Existed Before The Movie Came Out... Methinks

Back on Tumblr for this specific time of year

autism be damned my boy can make an 8ft tall man in his college dorm

How do you think Arthur and Eames were when they first met each other? How did they interact? They disliked each other instantly or did the animosity come later? It took a long time for them to learn to appreciate each other? Did they become friends before falling into romance? Or the attraction was too much?

(Basically, what trope, if any, do you think they most likely embody?)

hello love! I’m gonna use this as a chance to rant about my own personal favourite headcanon about how they were, so double thank you for this :DD

I think they met on a job, both newbies in their respective fields (or eames starting out as an extractor ~an upgrade from theif status~and finding his true calling in forgery) with their worst qualities as their most prominent. arthur being hyper focused in the task at hand and forgetting everything else and eames getting progressively prickly as the job progresses. so I feel they both hated each other, cause they were both very stubborn individuals with clashing personalities. but as the time inevitably went on and the rough edges smoothed out in to professionalism, they both started begrudgingly respecting each other.. and then they fucked. multiple times. mostly drunk. friends with benefits but sth more waiting to happen.

I feel like during that time, one of them started/or tried to start to date someone (let’s be honest, it’s arthur) , which led both of them to realise their respective feelings for each other; oh god I can’t be anyone’s but his” and “oh god he can’t be anyone but mine”. and at the tail end of a blotched job (the very first inception job, which eames regrets and arthur doesn’t talk about anymore) they ran off together and finally, finally confronted and confessed their feelings and, on a whim, got married.

and obviously got divorced/annulled when the shit hit the cobbs and fucked off to opposite corners of the world. and obviously got back together when shit hit the ficshers. and stayed together hopefully. and forever.

i couldn’t think of any pets in t&b but ryan is close enough to a dog

who are thseterius and bareleifdrjas?

anon you have zero idea what youve just unleashed. (this little parenthetical was writtten after everything else in this post but this is focusing on thesterius bc it just got SO LONG. barreleifdrias will have to wait </3)

ok so. hades video game 2018. you play as a dude named zagreus fighting to escape the ancient greek underworld but the point is that when you get to elysium, the two guys blocking your exit are theseus, the theseus of minotaur and ship and labors fame, only hes an annoying pro wrestling vibes egotistical blond (/derogatory /JOKE) dude, and the minotaur, the cannibalistic half man half bull monster in the labyrinth, only hes a chill honorable (hot) dude named asterius. and theyre best bros!!!! despite their meeting and the myth theyre most famous for being theseus killing the minotaur, asterius and theseus are now super best friends. theyre so unlikely but the respect for each other is clearly so deep. reason one why theyre compelling.

here they are btw. (via hades wiki)

and its like, theseus is so annoying that general fandom opinion is that hes the worst character in hades, in a “you love to hate him” playful way sometimes, or real hatred depending on which circles of the hades fandom you trawl, but hes Written to be disliked. even tho hes the hero of the original story, a hero among the ranks of like, heracles and that ilk. and meanwhile, everyone loves asterius bc hes such a bro, hes so chill and respectful and honorable, so many people think hes hot, people are like “dump theseus you could do so much better”, hes such a fan fave. even tho hes the monster of the original story, the villain!!! that role reversal is so so compelling!!!!!! hades didnt even change anything abt their backstories on paper but their personalities are what makes it a sort of roleswap. like theseus’ only redeeming quality is that he loves asterius so much, and asterius’ only real flaw is that hes so dedicated to theseus lmao

(all these dialogue images via @/hadesgamedialogue here on tumblr)

and its especially cool in hades bc its like, asterius, the minotaur, the one that everyone in the hades fandom loves way more, is an actual person. the minotaur is half man of course. theres so much thats added to the story of theseus and the minotaur overall by making asterius a person. but so very few stories take advantage of it. hades game first opened my eyes to the potential of asterius being an awesome character and i love it so much for it.

and THEN through menu stuff you eventually find out how the minotaur got such a high standing in elysium despite being a monster, fighting side by side w his killer-turned-bestie, adored by a crowd of cheering fans that watches your every fight, and especially constantly talked up by theseus himself. and as it turns out!!!!! after asterius died, he actually ended up in erebus. no surprise there, why shouldnt a half-animal monster end up in tartarus 2 electric boogaloo. but then when theseus died, he thought of asterius, and decided that since "their fame and glory were intertwined" (according to the in-game codex), if theseus deserved elysium for being part of the legendary theseus and the minotaur myth, surely asterius did too.

can you fucking imagine??? youre famous for killing a monster, you had an epic one-on-one fight to the death, but then when you get eternal paradise for it can you imagine thinking "hey what happened to the monster. hey what if he was a person. hey what if he was a person i could have join me in literal ancient greek heaven." and the codex says theseus almost certainly risked his own spot in elysium for it — the guy writing the codex would know, he tried to get his own boyfriend into elysium but ended up having to stay in hell in his boyfriend's place. but no theseus literally just got asterius into elysium, kept his own place there, and now theyre basically gladiator celebrities living(ish) their best lives(ish). THE SHEER ROMANTICISM OF IT.

like i was saying before asterius has always been a monster, but now the man who killed him is also the man who first saw him as a person...... a person worthy of paradise, a person worth saving, a person who gave him a glorious fight for the ages, a person. circling back around the roleswap thing, like a comment on one thesterius fic i read puts it, the player hates theseus bc of his in-game annoyingness, but learns to see him as a person through asterius' eyes, through asterius' high esteem of theseus and theseus' decent treatment of asterius. and at the same time, asterius has always been seen as a beast, but it was only through theseus' eyes and esteem and asterius was able to see himself as anything more.

AND THATS NOT EVEN ALL. this is all the backstory stuff, everything that takes place off-screen before the player even shows up. but zagreus (the player character) shows up and hes a polite guy so hes very nice to asterius bc asterius has been nothing but nice to him, even if they do have to fight often (bc asterius is both a miniboss on his own and the regional boss alongside theseus), its more like friendly and respectful sport than anything by the time they get to know each other. but theseus is constantly insulting zagreus bc of his own skewed sense of honor and dedication to the gods bc of theseus' own willful misunderstanding abt who zagreus is. that isnt super important but the point is, when theseus sees asterius, his bestie, being friends w zagreus, the guy he despises, guess what happens.

thats right. the "asterius is cheating on me 😭😭😭😭" arc. bc theseus is so sad and pathetic that he cant conceive of his bestie having any other friends. asterius Must be abandoning him to marry some other guy who is just so much nicer and cooler than him. and so theseus has a temper tantrum abt it. im bullying theseus rn bc hes a loser but also i dont like how relatable his feelings are during this arc.

if theseus sees asterius as a person worthy of love, then its also the same vice versa: asterius is the first person to see theseus as a real person Also Worth Love. hes not a monster, in fact hes a hero. he should be adored by all. and he does have his supporters in the arena! but do they like the real him? hes deeply annoying. he talks too much. hes desperately clingy to what friends he does have bc he just has so few of them. all of his relationships have ended Awfully, and it was his own fault for reacting so strongly and passionately to the things around him.

he and zagreus are actually kinda similar: theyre endlessly kind to people they deem worthy of it but also scathing to people they hate, theyre both accomplished warriors, theyre extremely stubborn (zag keeps trying to escape the underworld no matter how many times it takes, and theseus keeps meeting him and trying to stop him every time no matter how many times he loses), etc etc. but unlike theseus, zagreus is so charming and friendly. theseus tries so hard to be charismatic, but everyone flocks to be friends w zagreus after like a single conversation, and theseus only has asterius. so its very easy for this deeply insecure guy — no matter how he tries to cover it up by a massive ego and a constant barrage of insults toward zagreus — to believe that asterius might see zagreus as a way better version of him, and break up w theseus and go date zagreus instead. and zagreus does nothing to discourage this notion lmao. (honestly most hades players wouldnt have done anything to discourage this lmao. ive seen so many memes, such as this post, abt wanting asterius to just divorce theseus and "get himself a better man" and date zagreus already.)

and honestly its like, as zagreus himself says in a different dialogue, theseus took asterius up to elysium yes, but like, theseus also killed asterius in the first place, so they should be even. but its not just abt that for asterius. its abt how during their fight in the labyrinth, asterius got to at least experience once during his life what it meant to meet someone as an equal. its abt how theseus was the first person who saw him as a real person, not a mindless bloodthirsty beast. its abt how theseus took asterius to elysium, yes, giving asterius the chance to spread his wings and figure himself out and truly live, in a way he never would have been able to in erebus. its how theseus gave asterius the chance to experience friendship and love. so asterius, of course, doesnt gay divorce. he says this.

“he doesnt even understand it” and its literally so true. zag doesnt understand any of the things abt theseus and asterius being the only people to really understand each other and stay, despite everything repulsive abt the other, and be friends. i would bet the average player doesnt understand it either (see all the common hades fandom opinion “asterius dump theseus already”). but asterius understands it. he reminds theseus of this shared understanding. no matter what, no matter everything that should have come between them long ago, no matter anything that theseus fears might come between them now, asterius and theseus are a pair. its always theseus and the minotaur, their names together have gone down in legend. their theme song in hades is even called the king and the bull!!! bc theyre a matched set, theyre hero and villain, theyre inseparable, theyre gay.

also since theyre really just the regional bosses of zone 3 of hades (almost all of the contents of this essay are entirely missable), they get a cool new best friend battle move called the “counterstrike”, where asterius charges into theseus’ shield to create a shockwave, after they reconcile. to go along with their previously established bestie attack “bullhorn”, in which asterius picks theseus up and literally throws him at zagreus. theseus is such a dork he literally shouts “counterstrike!” and “bullhorn!” when they perform those moves like this is some kind of anime. gay wrath moments <3

tl;dr: thesterius is the ultimate ship of all time. thankyou

they're the same picture

No…

He got the spirit

beta request

finally! fourth chapter of dutch elm disease is done!

if anyone would like to look this chapter over for grammar and plot consistencies, i'd be over the moon! just send me a dm or an ask, and i'll send you the gdoc ♡

caution: you gotta be comfortable with some heavy themes!

I just look up Ambrosius and Ballister's swords since I am not the most well versed in weaponry and all, and guess what, even the swords has parallels going on too. I don't know if anyone pointed this one out but it is really interesting, not much foreshadow but fun anyway. Eh, spoilers warning if you haven't finished Nimona yet, go watch it pls its scrumptious.

Im gonna start with Ambrosius'. His sword is called an estoc, a stabby sword. Nice pointy tip right there, ready to skewer through amours right. And with Bal, we have a chonky, chop-chop broad sword with sharp sides and a triangular looking tip. Suitable to cut through, as opposed to the estoc. They are, once again, the polar opposite of eachother.

But it does not end there. In the course of the movie, these two swords were at least once used with completely opposite intention. The elegant estoc was used to disarm Bal, while the broad sword was used to stab through Nimona as Ambrosius! And the fact that it was used on both of them (well, supposedly)! My oh my this movie is incredible.