Some Days I Don’t Want To Exist. I’m Not Suicidal, But I Really Just Want To Be Not Here Anymore.

Self-Protection or Self-Sabotage?

Red Flag Culture as a Reflection of Gen Z’s Avoidant Behaviour

From 'icks' to instant cut-offs, from ghosting to job-hopping—Gen Z is a master of raising a red flag and disappearing. Red flag culture is a trendy social practice wherein people actively identify traits from others that could be a warning sign of potential problems, and they then either proceed with caution or disengage entirely. This is essentially the practice of being wary of “red flags” to avoid a toxic situation. However, with its widespread practice through social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram, red flag culture has evolved from a tool for identifying genuinely toxic situations to a justification for disengagement at the slightest discomfort. Rather than fostering open communication or conflict resolution, it often encourages avoidance—an instinct deeply linked to avoidant behavioral patterns. This tendency to cut ties at the first sign of imperfection reflects a broader psychological inclination: the preference to withdraw rather than confront challenges, a hallmark of avoidant behavior. This trend of instant labeling of red flags reflects a broader shift in how Gen Z interacts with relationships, workplaces, and social connections, where digital culture normalizes avoidance over confrontation. Red flag culture, then, is not just a trend—it is a reflection of the avoidant behaviors and tendencies Gen Z has developed.

Avoidance behaviour refers to the actions people undertake to cope with uncomfortable or distressing situations, thoughts, or feelings. This can take the form of ignoring calls or messages, avoiding conflict, or cancelling plans at the last minute (Saxena, 2024). In 2024, Powers discussed with clinical psychologist and attachment styles expert, Dr. Morgan Anderson, about attachment styles and discovered that avoidant attachment style is on the rise, particularly with the younger generation. Avoidance behaviour is often attributed to be a sign of avoidant attachment style. An avoidant attachment style is characterized by strong discomfort with emotions, emotional intimacy, and a strong desire for independence (Cleveland Clinic, 2024)(Gould, 2024). Signs of an avoidant attachment style includes: an avoidance of complaining and preferring to sulk or give hints as to the problem, having feelings of high self-esteem while having a negative view of others, being overly focused on their own needs and comforts, feeling as though their partners are being clingy when they simply want to get emotionally closer, having a strong sense of independence, and withdrawing, or tuning out, from unpleasant conversations or sights (Haghighi, 2023).

This tendency toward avoidance is not just limited to attachment styles but is also closely linked to mental health concerns. Research by Struijs et al. (2017) indicates that increased avoidance is prevalent in people with anxiety disorders and depression, conditions that have been rising among Gen Z. As anxiety and depression become more widespread, many young people may adopt avoidance behaviors as a coping mechanism, steering clear of situations that could trigger distressing emotions and exacerbate their symptoms. A 2019 study conducted by Twenge et al. found that depression rates increased significantly among adolescents and young adults, highlighting a possible link between declining mental health and the rise of avoidant tendencies within this generation. Moreover, anxiety creates heightened sensitivity to stress and uncertainty, leading Gen Z to avoid situations that may trigger emotional discomfort. Due to this, Gen Z seems to struggle with presentations and job interviews—A New York Post divulges that one in five employers that are hiring Gen Z found Gen Z to be unprepared, facing issues with making eye contact, dressing inappropriately, and demands of unreasonable salaries. This could cause them to exhibit avoidance behaviour such as procrastination and dropping commitments. 

Beyond individual mental health struggles, social media plays a critical role in reinforcing avoidance behaviors among Gen Z. Online platforms encourage quick judgments and disengagement through red flag culture, where individuals are more likely to immediately cut off relationships instead of working through conflicts. The emphasis on identifying ‘toxic’ traits, while sometimes necessary, has also led to an increased tendency to avoid uncomfortable but necessary conversations, mirroring the avoidant behaviors shaped by anxiety and attachment styles. Furthermore, social media has made avoidance more effortless than ever. Cutting people off no longer requires confrontation—it is as simple as clicking the “block” or “unfollow” button. The rise of ghosting culture reflects this shift, as individuals can now disengage from relationships by simply ignoring messages or calls, avoiding uncomfortable conversations altogether. Further, the rise of the red flag culture has also evolved to a tool of avoidance.

With the popularization of the term “red flag” through platforms such as TikTok and Twitter, the overuse of the term started to encourage avoidance rather than open communication. From minor flaws to valid red flags—the line starts to blur as people start labeling minor incompatibilities as dealbreakers. There becomes this fine line between healthy-boundary setting and avoidance disguised as self-protection. While recognizing red flags is crucial for one’s mental and emotional wellbeing, however, red flag culture sometimes exaggerates these red flags—often as an excuse to avoid emotional effort. Valid red flags are based on consistent patterns of behaviour that indicate potential harm, toxicity, or disrespect. Frequently, they involve violations of boundaries, displaying manipulative behaviour, dishonesty, infidelity, etc. 

But calling red flags becomes avoidance when people: overgeneralize past negative experience and believe that people who exhibit the same tendencies will be exactly like their past experience; b.) hold their partners at impossibly high standards wherein any imperfections are deal-breakers; c.) use red flags as an excuse to avoid emotional intimacy and possible hurt; d.) project their own flaws or red flag traits on others and pin the blame on them. An example of an exaggerated red flag is “he/she texts dry.” People may end a relationship over dry texting, stating that their partner lacks communication skills and/or they need better communication; rather than genuinely and effectively communicating their needs to their partner, they choose to end it to avoid putting in the emotional effort. 

Of course, this extends beyond romantic relationships. It affects even the workplace and platonic relationships. In friendships, a single perceived red flag can justify cutting someone off immediately. Likewise, red flags can be spotted in the workplace in co-workers or employers. They may quit at the first sight of a pet peeve in a coworker or their employer. Instead of working through workplace struggles, Gen Z could opt to disengage fully. Employees could quit via emails or ghost employers, as long as they can avoid confrontation and in-person conversations. Due to this trend of disengaging and identifying red flags, some members of the Gen Z may forever seek out the perfect job, never settling for anything as they view every hurdle as a deal-breaker. This pattern of premature disengagement fuels job-hopping, workplace instability, and weaker conflict resolution skills, as every hurdle is seen as a deal-breaker rather than an opportunity for growth.

At its core, red flag culture serves a protective purpose—raising awareness of genuine toxic behaviors and rejecting the tolerance of unhealthy dynamics that past generations often endured. Gen Z, with its heightened focus on mental health, may have embraced this mindset as a way to break the cycle of normalized toxicity. However, in prioritizing self-protection, they risk self-sabotage, disengaging from situations that require emotional effort and resilience. In some cases, avoidance serves as a necessary mechanism to protect individuals from harm. For example, young people may choose to distance themselves from family members exhibiting abusive or toxic behavior to safeguard their mental health. Conversely, the normalization and glamorization of toxic relationships in media consumed by Gen Z can lead to the acceptance of unhealthy behaviors, potentially perpetuating a cycle of maladaptive coping strategies.

In an era where red flag culture dominates online discourse, Gen Z has embraced avoidance as both a protective mechanism and a social norm. While the practice of identifying red flags initially aimed to safeguard individuals from toxic relationships and unhealthy environments, its widespread use—especially through social media—has blurred the line between valid caution and excessive disengagement. Social media platforms amplify this tendency, making avoidance effortless through ghosting, blocking, and instant cut-offs. Consequently, what once served as a means of self-preservation has evolved into a habit of sidestepping discomfort, emotional effort, and conflict resolution.  

This avoidance pattern is deeply rooted in broader psychological and societal trends. Rising levels of anxiety, attachment insecurities, and workplace dissatisfaction contribute to Gen Z’s reluctance to engage in difficult but necessary conversations. Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or professional settings, the impulse to disengage at the first sign of imperfection fosters instability, weakens resilience, and hinders personal and emotional growth. The normalization of avoidance, while sometimes a justified reaction to past generations’ tolerance of toxicity, also risks promoting unrealistic expectations and an inability to navigate life’s inevitable challenges.  

Moving forward, Gen Z can benefit from shifting red flag culture toward a more balanced approach—one that distinguishes between legitimate boundaries and avoidance disguised as self-protection. Media literacy and emotional intelligence play crucial roles in fostering this shift, encouraging individuals to engage in open conversations, practice constructive confrontation, and critically assess whether disengagement is truly necessary or simply a reflexive response to discomfort. Red flag culture, when wielded thoughtfully, can serve as a tool for empowerment rather than an excuse for avoidance. By embracing a mindset of growth rather than retreat, Gen Z can transform avoidance into an opportunity for deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and lasting resilience.

Cleveland Clinic. (2024, December 13). Is Avoidant Attachment Style Getting in the Way of Your Relationships?. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/avoidant-attachment-style.

Gould, W.R. (2024, September 19). What Avoidant Attachment Looks Like in a Relationship. Verywell Mind. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-avoidant-attachment-in-relationships-8600201.

Haghighi, A.S. (2023, November 16). What is avoidant attachment?. Medical News Today. Retrieved February 22, 2025, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/avoidant-attachment. 

Power, C. (2024, October 16). The attachment style that's growing faster than all the others. Mamamia. Retrieved February 22, 2025, from https://www.mamamia.com.au/attachment-styles-dr-morgan-anderson/. 

Saxena, S. (2024, September 20). Avoidance Behavior: Examples, Impacts, & How to Overcome. Choosing Therapy. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/avoidance-behavior/. 

Stabile, A. (2024, January 6). Gen Z grads are tanking job interviews, struggling to find full time positions: study. New York Post. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://nypost.com/2024/01/06/lifestyle/gen-z-grads-are-tanking-job-interviews-struggling-to-find-full-time-positions-study/. 

Struijs, S.Y. et al. (2017, October). Approach and avoidance tendencies in depression and anxiety disorders. Psychiatry Research, 256, 475-481. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165178116309003. 

Twenge, J.M. et al. (2019). Age, Period, and Cohort Trends in Mood Disorder Indicators and SuicideRelated Outcomes in a Nationally Representative Dataset, 2005–2017. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 128(3), 185–199. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/abn-abn0000410.pdf. 

Ends up binging “Somebody” on Netflix after Mad Dog 🥹😭💀

Me: I’m gonna write so much today

Also me: *ends up binge-watching Mad Dog on Netflix*

Working on a new thing instead of working on WIPs part 138024

THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL, I CAN'T OJSP;FDOHPICSD;OJNCPS;DLN STOP

Dark Mark

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

-Sylvia Plath

That Which Marks the Future (of Literature)

The history of literature has been lined with technology, giving us the copious amount of literary works influenced by technology and the imagination of people who’ve taken fictional technological systems to new heights which offered readers a fresh idea on how technology could advance. The contents of works aren’t the only thing impacted by technology, as the medium of writing and reading are also affected by it. With every passing year, technology’s impact on literature and its future only continues to grow in numerous ways, most of which I find beneficial.

The rise of technology within our society opened the doors for people to have the ability to write through blogs, social media platforms, etc. and spread their ideas to a wider extent. With technology, knowledge is easier to access. Everyone with the means uses the internet to scour for news and information for various reasons. Technology could help people with learning disabilities by aiding them in reading. People with dyslexia might be more inclined to use e-books as it helps them read better because of the more dyslexia-friendly formatting which you can also change.

Though technology isn’t always available to everyone and the access to information isn’t always easily accessible. In fact, there is an estimate of 37% of the world population who have yet to even access the internet. Furthermore, studies show that people retain more information when reading from a printed medium rather than e-books. Not only that, but using digital methods for literature erases the use of books which have certain aspects that make people love literature.

However, a study by Melinis (2011) showed that students’ motivation and engagement increased with e-books and strengthened comprehension skills. Furthermore, a study by DeGroot (2019) states that there is an implication that e-books are as effective for learning as printed versions are. Similarly, audiobooks also help people with learning disabilities and those that have problems reading chunks of texts for several reasons. Moreover, audiobooks are more engaging and entertaining due to their nature which is more likely to hook.

As our world continues to advance with technology, it seems that technology’s impact on literature is immense. Digitized methods of reading and writing literature will only continue to rise in popularity. Even in current times, technology’s impact on literature is already vast as it is, with blogs being popular, and online sites wherein writers can post their works to be accessed by a wider range of people. Due to that, there may even come a time where the hardback and paperback books we’re fond of disappearing to be replaced. As we see it, technology marks the future of literature

Someone commented on a fic of mine which I honestly thought was the worst one in my series, so I decided to read it. Wow, I feel like I worded some things poorly. Get what people mean by “reading your own things is awesome” now, though. It’s like the author read your mind

i’m screaming