Hey Guys Let Me Tell You About Advance Fee Scams

so so sorry to all the underrated faves i couldn’t fit on here (farmer maggot)

(i know butterbur was kind of in the films, but he got way way way more depth and dialogue in the books and was like a flushed out character rather than a quick cameo)

Silm Ways to Die

Kill a dragon and then yourself Run afoul of the Kinslaying Elves Be crushed by God with the biggest mountain Break both your arms and then drown in a fountain

Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die-ie-ie So many dumb ways to die

Set on fire by your dad Make Sauron really mad Be poisoned by a javelin thrust Fight all the Balrogs then spontaneously combust

Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die-ie-ie So many dumb ways to die

Insult some Dwarves to their face Get crushed by Morgoth's mace Take advice from the guy who's really cursed Stabbed by your best friend; that's just the worst

Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die-ie-ie So many dumb ways to die

Enrage the father of the Black Sword Fight a suicidal battle with the Dark Lord Believe what Sauron says about your wife is true I wonder … what does this Silmaril do?

Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die-ie-ie So many dumb ways to die

Have a bunch of kids and then eat yourself alive Have one great kid then refuse to be revived Get thrown off a wall while kidnapping your cousin Jump in a volcano after stealing a Silmaril Have such amazing hair that it kills you They may not rhyme, but they're quite possibly

Dumbest ways to die The dumbest ways to die Dumbest ways to die-ie-ie-ie So many dumb So many dumb ways to die

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Characters referenced as well as explanations are under the cut in case you want to guess:

Túrin Turambar (killed Glaurung and later threw himself on his sword) Unspecified residents of Alqualondë, Doriath, and Sirion Ar-Pharazôn (buried under falling hills in Aman. He was probably not crushed by Taniquetil itself, and is possibly not technically dead, but poetic license.) Ecthelion (in The Fall of Gondolin he's said to have lost the use of both his arms but still managed to kill Gothmog the Balrog by stabbing him with a spike on his helmet and then throwing them both into a fountain)

Amrod (in one version he was asleep on the Swan-ships when Fëanor set them on fire) Celebrimbor (refused to give Sauron the location of the Three Rings, so Sauron tortured him to death, shot him full of arrows, and displayed his corpse as a war banner in front of his relatives) Aredhel (killed by a poisoned javelin thrown by her husband Eöl) Fëanor (fought with several Balrogs almost alone and received mortal wounds, and his body fell to ashes as his spirit left him)

Thingol (insulted the Dwarves who had set the Silmaril in the Nauglamir for him, so they killed him) Finwë (killed by Morgoth while defending Fëanor's house. In some versions his head is said to have been crushed.) Orodreth (listened to Túrin's counsel about the bridge of Nargothrond, which caused it to be discovered and lead to his death) Beleg (tried to free Túrin and was mistaken and killed by him for an Orc)

Mîm (killed by Húrin for his betrayal of Túrin) Fingolfin (rode out to duel Morgoth alone after Dagor Bragollach) Gorlim (betrayed Barahir's outlaws to Sauron in exchange for being set free to be with his wife; Sauron then killed him since his wife was already dead) Dior (refused to give up the Silmaril which led the Fëanorians to attack Doriath)

Ungoliant (had many spider children including Shelob and eventually ate herself when her hunger grew too great) Míriel (spent her spirit in giving birth to Fëanor and then bound herself to stay in Mandos forever) Maeglin (laid hands on Idril during the Fall of Gondolin and was thrown from the walls by Tuor) Maedhros (cast himself into a fiery chasm after he was burned by the Silmaril. I really don't think it can have been any named volcano but "gaping chasm filled with fire" does fit the technical definition of "volcano") Glorfindel (fought a Balrog on a mountain pass who dragged him off the cliff to his death by his hair)

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Thanks for playing! Remember to never 1v1 a Balrog, love not too well the work of your hands, never swear any oaths, and always listen to your wife.

Oh my god oh my god Faramir put Éowyn in (okay something closely resembling) the HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR’S CELESTIAL MANTLE.

*it’s not clear when you first look, but it’s showing stars in the celestial sphere. I swear.

McCluskey, Astronomies and Cultures of Early Medieval Europe

(X)

Shut up I’m having a fan moment. Clenching my fists. I love the stupid star mantle. This mantle is a celebrity to me.

reblog to remind prev they're not a bother and their presence is wanted <3

A Fflam being fflamtastic is a new comic page worth a Tumblr.

Agents of B.A.R.B.I.E. -> Phil Coulson

This Barbie is a dad!

A List of Very Convincing Reasons why Elrond Peredhel Cannot become Noldor High King after Gil-Galad, written by Dnorle Lehderep

He's like Finwe's great great great grandson; that's clearly too many generations away.

Also he's technically a Feanorian and they're like, super cursed and also dispossessed so maybe he shouldn't be in the line of succession.

No one can agree on whether his claim comes from the Nolofinwean or Feanorian lines. Clearly the best solution to this is for him to not be king.

Galadriel is right there.

He turns into a bird sometimes and everyone knows that birds can't be elf-kings that would be silly.

Yes, he does have one of the three rings "for elvish kings" but Cirdan also has one of those, and he's not an elvish king, so frankly it doesn't matter.

Gil-Galad's will, which states that Elrond inherits the crown, was clearly forged. I will not explain how. Trust me on this one.

C'mon guys he's not even technically an elf. Yes Melian was a queen over elves without being an elf. Yes Dior was a half-elf elf king. I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Do we really need a king?? Apparently some edain are experimenting with a new system called "democracy" and fraknly that sounds a lot better and cooler than having another king.

We'd have to get the crown resized again and that would be a lot of work.

He wears his hair partially down. In public. If that's not scandalous I don't konw what is.

I know his followers keep talking about how great of a leader he is, but they're mostly Feanorians, so clearly that doesn't count.

Galadriel. Is. Right. There.

He probably doesn't even speak Quenya. Don't ask anyone at court to confirm this.

He's very busy revolutionizing the field of medicine in Rivendell right now, please leave me him alone.

Clearly he doesn't wear enough jewelry to be a proper Noldor king.

Your original WIP is getting an adaptation! Spin this wheel to find out what it is!

Feel free to ramble about your results in the tags!

Disney princesses in their historical costumes

by eneteeme

sophie is trying so desperately to view the moving castle and everything inside it as just a stop on her magical self-discovery journey. she tries to leave like four times because she thinks the narrative is ready for her to move on to a new adventure but she doesn't realize she's been rooted here. she thinks the fairy tale has to keep moving but what she doesn't realize is in real life there aren't perfect beat changes. sometimes you don't leave to represent a change in your perspective or goals. in real life you fall in love and get curious about new worlds and get attached to little brothers and fire demons. in real life you make a home.