Billy Batson Gets Adopted AU, But The Adopter He’s Avidly Avoiding Is Lex Luthor.

Billy Batson Gets Adopted AU, but the adopter he’s avidly avoiding is Lex Luthor.

When Lex first heard of Captain Marvel, he was… unenthused, to put it lightly. Another Kryptonian? It was bad enough when that second one, “Supergirl” had entered the superhero stage; Lex had few hopes for the appearance of a third. Superman even paid Fawcett a visit, and Lex’s grim worries were all but sealed. Except… he started hearing rumors. Different rumors, of the world’s “Mightiest Mortal”. Of a man, human and magic and power, who could stand up against Superman and maybe come out on top. A match. A defense. A man Lex most certainly wanted on his side.

Which turned out to be difficult, since Marvel was impossible to get ahold of. He was nowhere. Sure, he showed up to every disaster, every moment of peril and sign of distress, but he never stayed. He was there precisely long enough to get the job done, and not a second later. It was irritating. It was infuriating. It was giving Lex a migraine. Even Batman, you could occasionally catch at crime scenes or flag down on the rooftops of Gotham, not that Lex had ever tried—Gotham was a beast best avoided. But Marvel? Nothing. At least when he was battling his rogues gallery you could see him flying through the streets, but on his off time? It was like the man stopped existing. Lex Corp’s agents couldn’t find hide of hair of him. The man didn’t respond to public requests for contact, nor any of the more discreet methods Lex and employed. It was astounding. And Lex did not like astounding. He liked answers, and he liked aces in his pocket, and neither of those things would matter if he couldn’t get the Big Red Cheese to talk to him. So he sent Mercy to investigate. To either get Marvel on their side, or get the idiot to speak to them. Mercy marched into his office two weeks later with no contact point, no progress, and a video. a video of a man, a flash of lightning, and then a small, malnourished child.

“Ah,” Lex thought. “Ah.”

So. Captain Marvel was an orphaned, homeless ten year old with inexplicable powers and absolutely zero support system.

Lex was going to steal him.

Steal wasn’t quite the right word, since everything Lex was doing would be completely legal and above-board. Unorthodox, sure, but he had far more than enough money to make it happen in a way that even Big Blue couldn’t dispute. An application, some pressure and a few favors, and suddenly Lex Luthor was a registered foster parent. Now all he needed to do was find the child and ensure he ended up in his care

Billy doesn’t know what the hell is going on or why Lex Corp is suddenly flooding the streets of Fawcett, but he figures this is as good an excuse as any to punch a billionaire in the face

Que several thousand words of Kevin McAllister level evasion tactics, tomfuckery, stranger danger, weaponized baby face, (attempted) manipulation, a very confused and concerned League, telling Superman to fuck off for wildly different reasons, identity shenanigans, and the slow, begrudging mutual understanding and sort-of respect that Billy and Lex are furious is happening

(Luthor and Billy are locked in a battle of wills and guile while the League stands there like “is Luthor… trying to kidnap a child?? Marvel, are you doing anything about this?? We can help, this seems like a multiple hero situation—“ and Marvel is very nicely telling them to mind their own fucking business. They do not. Billy is mad at everyone except Cyborg, who let Billy know he was coming to Fawcett ahead of time)

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Bruce: I would love to adopt you, Billy.

Billy: Uh-huh. No can do, grandpa.

Bruce: *cue internal panic*

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Bruce: I can’t believe you adopted Billy and didn’t tell me!

Jason, who has literally no idea what Bruce is talking about: Wha-

Bruce: I had to find out by him calling me grandpa!

Jason, pretty sure Billy was just calling Bruce old: Oh, well, uh…

Bruce: I have a grandchild now! I had to dig out all my worlds best grandpa shirts from the attic!

Jason: Why do you have grandpa shirts in the attic?

Bruce: Eh, Dick’s early twenties were an adventure. Anyway-

Jason, seeing the opportunity to cause chaos: Well, it’s pretty new…

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Jason: Okay, so sign here please.

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Billy: Huh?

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Billy: Yeah, okay.

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