It’s So Crazy That John Was The Gay One

January 13th, 1969 (Twickenham Film Studios, London): During a discussion on how the rest of the group should move forward after George’s departure on the 10th, John wonders if they should get George back at all, suggesting his role as a Beatle is replaceable (unlike his own or Paul’s), and likens this unkindly to how Ringo first replaced Pete Best. Paul notes that John has been the top buck in getting himself heard (and getting his way) since the inception of the group (which John protests) and quickly reassures Ringo when he wryly declares himself to be little more than rabbit food for the group.

Paul admits that both he and John have done one over on George, albeit unconsciously as an effect of the competition and unaware of how it may have hurt George in the process, but John argues that he’s known since early childhood how manipulative he himself can be, and has tried to curb it to little avail.

PAUL: See, I’m just assuming he’s coming back, you know. I tell you, I’m just assuming he’s coming back. RINGO: If he wants— JOHN: What if he isn’t? PAUL: If he isn’t, then… if he isn’t, then it’s a new problem. RINGO: He would like the four of us to sit down. JOHN: It’s like we’ve said— PAUL: Yeah. RINGO: He wants the four of us to actually— JOHN: See, if we want it – if we do want it, I still won’t tour, man, but I do want to— PAUL: But you seem to – you seem to think— JOHN: But if we do end up deciding we want it, as a policy, I can go along with that. Because the policy has kept us together. RINGO: But the thing is that if we want him— JOHN: If we want him, because we want him – but the thing is, like George said, it’s that The Beatles, to me, isn’t just limited to the four of us. I think that I, alone, could be a Beatle. [to Paul] I think you could. [to Ringo] I’m not sure whether you could, because you’re doing… Well, like, but I’m just telling you what I think! I don’t think The Beatles revolve around the four people! It might be like a job— PAUL: But you know what, John, I’ll tell you one thing— JOHN: [to Ringo] It’s like you joining the band instead of Pete. It’s like – to me, it is like that.

PAUL: Tell you what— [inaudible] Let me tell you what I think. [pause; inaudible] —thing is this. [to John] You have always been at the front of the chute. Now, there have been some secondary rungs, but George has been third rung— RINGO: And I’ve been the cabbage. PAUL: [immediately] Never. JOHN: [dismissive] No, we haven’t— PAUL: No, just, no – listen here. You’re the rabbit, he’s right. JOHN: But not always, though— PAUL: [anxious] No, listen here – listen – always! But! But! [pause] I do think – no, I do think that as grim as it all is, that [George]’s right. And I do think that like our sole approach is exactly what he’s been saying. And that our brains sort of… con him. It’s all nothing. I do think that is a – I mean— [stumbling] As a first way out, I can’t really even say that, but I do think, you know, that when you get right down to it— JOHN: Yes. PAUL: ’Cause the moments of clarity, that I’ve just been – are just so innocent, and so simple, that all my connive, and all my – urge, or— [inaudible] JOHN: But don’t give me like – ’cause I’ve at least been aware of my conniving since fourteen. Real aware of it. PAUL: Sure. JOHN: And before that. You realize that I’ve known I’ve been conniving from – from Dovedale, you know that. I’ve been aware of that. Just because – I don’t know whether it’s him. It’s not him. It’s just me. That I’ve realized where it’s nowhere – but the thing is, I only know where it is when I’m in the middle of all of it— PAUL: Yeah. JOHN: —that I am sort of at it again. And that’s why I’ve had to fight for the last three years. And I’ve done it – the other way. Just – rather than allow myself to connive, I thought, “Stop it now. Stop it.”

mclennon monday (80s)

he knows what you are

This is, by no means, original thought. However, after the release of Beatles ‘64, I just want someone to make a Beatles film that is for us. Forget the mainstream and do what Cynthia said had never happened - people getting the emotion right instead of just the facts. The Beatles story isn’t a success story, it isn’t a rags to riches story, it isn’t an even a story about genius, it’s a story that has the power to change the world and one that will be told for ever. We are living in an era where we get to witness a myth being made and so in tribute to the oral tradition, we need to be the myth-makers. Someone needs to tell the story. I hope it will be Paul. I fear it won’t. Perhaps he can’t or shouldn’t, perhaps he won’t be believed. He definitely won’t be if everyone, including him, keeps recycling the same tropes. We know there’s no new stuff to be created, but there is a new light to be shed on what we know is there. This is beginning to sound a bit like the discovery of the Book of Mormon. No one needs another religion, but we do need is for someone to actually attempt to approach this seismic cultural event with an honest and open perspective.

Yoko allowed John to believe he was the genius. John’s canonisation (his manufactured image does him no favours) means that we can forget that Paul was the revered one in the 60s. He was the chosen one - in every way. John clocked it at their very first meeting.

“I half thought to myself, He’s as good as me, I’d been kingpin up to then. Now, I thought, if I take him on, what will happen?”- John

He took a risk, he made his choice and then never again believed in his own ultimate superiority. The story he’d told himself growing up, was that nobody was capable of spotting his genius because they were all below him. Surely a trauma response to being abandoned by his parents. Never could stand to be ignored, forever desperate to be seen and yet incapable of taking off the armour of cruelty. Look at me! Paul was the same, not armour but a wall of charm. Underneath John was soft and Paul is that almost impenetrable wall. They let each other in, and each betrayed the other. Those instincts of self-preservation that John spoke about.

Anyway, he took the chance on Paul, because he wanted to be somebody and Paul and him together made that a real possibility. Also, Paul was fucking hot and clever and talented. He was also a non-conforming weirdo who made everything look effortless and wouldn’t join John’s gang and wouldn’t let him lead. I wonder if this was Paul knowing, from the first moment of seeing John as was then confirmed by subsequent sightings and (I suspect) recces, strategically carried out to observe John (oh that bus worship carries some significance beyond an appreciation for public transport), that he knew how to handle John. Handle and manage John, in order to make him his very own.

(Is it him? Does it matter, because Paul has told us he “noticed” John many times, even before the chocolate bar.)

But, all the Paul adulation, especially John’s own uncontrollable, unconditional veneration, got to be too much. He couldn’t keep his jealousy in check. No quantity of material objects, women, money, food, fame soothed the ache for long enough. He thought Yoko, and because I am sure this is what Yoko promised him, was the only person who would always be in awe of him. She wasn’t, and the really tragic part is that Paul was from the jump, he still is and his faith never waivered.

If only they’d been able to maintain the connection and never lose the ability to read each other’s minds.

They burned too brightly. They loved too hard.

John and Paul in Midas Man part 3

George Harrison and Paul McCartney recording the backing vocals for "Octopus' Garden" at Abbey Road Studios, July 17, 1969🎸🎸🎸

📸Linda McCartney

Via @thefab4archive on Instagram🎸

Paul McCartney selecting John Lennon’s “Beautiful Boy” as one of his Desert Island Discs for the programme, broadcasted on January 30, 1982.

(Why did I only just realize he’s singing along to the “it’s getting better and better” lyric. Reminiscent of a Beatles song with that title perhaps..? I chose pain today.)

what if I just jumped off a bridge

Cynthia & John Lennon during a fishing trip on Star Island in Miami Beach, FL | 15 February 1964

Paul McCartney and John Lennon having little concept of personal space on The Music of Lennon & McCartney (1965)