Here's A List Of Programs/sites/whatever That Were Helpful To Me When I Was Moving Away From Using Spotify

09/26/2022

ah... I've been neglectful. Hello, readers.

I am back at my desk. I have spent the past several days trapped in my bed again, shifting in and out of consciousness. I have taken ill. My father came down with it a few days past, and I was foolish enough to believe that if I locked myself in my room, it would pass me over.

Not so! I am absolutely miserable. My throat is swollen and on fire. My chest has begun to hurt. I am so frail already, and Cruel Fate has taken it upon herself to make my life even harder. Mm.

I went to the doctor yesterday to confirm my diagnosis, and she was... really something. She told me that there really are other illnesses out there, still, other than the crawling mist, and made me feel really quite stupid. Then, a few hours later, her receptionist called me to apologize--that the doctor had never actually looked at my test results, and had simply assumed I was looking for attention.

Well.

My supervisor is working from home today. He seemed to think that I should be fine to work in the office, despite the fact that I barely have a voice with which to speak.

I've gotten to speak with Jonathan a bit more. We got to talk for a whole 20 minutes yesterday when I got my test results--I could barely breathe, they were very kind with me. Their head is feeling a bit better.

The road will have to wait a few days more, unfortunately. Gracie has been very helpful. I found and washed her favorite pillow, and she has been cuddled up beside me in bed. I will share a picture later.

I have barely been able to eat today. I made myself a bowl of rice with furikake, but it tasted every oddly of wood, so I threw the entire thing away. Hoping I don't pass out at my desk.

i think the near-extinction of people making fun, deep and/or unique interactive text-based browser games, projects and stories is catastrophic to the internet. i'm talking pre-itch.io era, nothing against it.

there are a lot of fun ones listed here and here but for the most part, they were made years ago and are now a dying breed. i get why. there's no money in it. factoring in the cost of web hosting and servers, it probably costs money. it's just sad that it's a dying art form.

anyway, here's some of my favorite browser-based interactive projects and games, if you're into that kind of thing. 90% of them are on the lists that i linked above.

A Better World - create an alternate history timeline

Alter Ego - abandonware birth-to-death life simulator game

Seedship - text-based game about colonizing a new planet

Sandboxels or ThisIsSand - free-falling sand physics games

Little Alchemy 2 - combine various elements to make new ones

Infinite Craft - kind of the same as Little Alchemy

ZenGM - simulate sports

Tamajoji - browser-based tamagotchi

IFDB - interactive fiction database (text adventure games)

Written Realms - more text adventure games with a user interface

The Cafe & Diner - mystery game

The New Campaign Trail - US presidential campaign game

Money Simulator - simulate financial decisions

Genesis - text-based adventure/fantasy game

Level 13 - text-based science fiction adventure game

Miniconomy - player driven economy game

Checkbox Olympics - games involving clicking checkboxes

BrantSteele.net - game show and Hunger Games simulators

Murder Games - fight to the death simulator by Orteil

Cookie Clicker - different but felt weird not including it. by Orteil.

if you're ever thinking about making a niche project that only a select number of individuals will be nerdy enough to enjoy, keep in mind i've been playing some of these games off and on for 20~ years (Alter Ego, for example). quite literally a lifetime of replayability.

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

current project: cyber tech vest with built-in backpack

materials: $5 thrifted backpack disassembled for all the buckles & mesh, upcycled black fabric, and circuit printed fabric for the lining, clear neon yellow vinyl leftover from a project from like 8 years ago, and zippers i stole from an old job and resized for this.

this is phase 1 of this build, i plan to add more buckles on the front & make detachable sleeves with thumb holes that clip on and expose the shoulders.

design inspo: namilia, crisiswear, and lip service's vintage "circuit city" collection. custom made to fit my fiber optic whip in the back and my phone in the mesh pockets. there's secret features, like places to attach glow sticks 💚

i know we're all sick of self-care being a marketing tactic now, but i don't think a lot of us have any other concept of self-care beyond what companies have tried to sell us, so i thought i'd share my favorite self-care hand out

brought to you by how mad i just got at a Target ad

so matt's absolutely giving scorched earth orders behind the scenes right. Not only are publically visible transfems dropping like flies, but every third person who musters up the audacity to comment negatively on Staff or Matt about this vanishes fucking instantly

How to REALLY Learn Tarot in One Day

Reading tarot like a master requires a natural talent for divination. Barring that, years of constant practice will suffice.

But anyone can learn the basics. And it should not take longer than a day to cover. Start in the morning, and by evening, you will be a tarot reader.

This post is Day 1 of the Divination class that I teach. By 8:30 PM, my teenage initiates were already correctly predicting each other’s crushes and the winners of tennis matches.

THE DAY BEFORE

Get a deck and a resource.

Acquire a Rider-Waite deck or a clone of it. You may opt for something else, but be forewarned that you could lose out on a multitude of symbolism. The Rider-Waite may not be the prettiest, but there is nothing more complete.

Find a reliable resource. The Ultimate Guide to Tarot by Liz Dean is a perfect book for beginners. So is Labyrinthos’ website, if you prefer something free of charge.

THE DAY ITSELF

9–10 AM

Pick one keyword for each card.

With a belly full of breakfast, quickly skim through your resource and pick just one keyword per card. For example, “destruction” for The Tower, “happiness” for The Sun, and “wealth” for the Ten of Pentacles. Note it all down on paper or on your phone.

10–11 AM

Associate the word with the image.

Look at your keyword side by side the card. Make an undeniable connection. 

Why is The Tower “destruction”? Because the tower on the card has been “destroyed”.

Why is The Sun “happiness”? Because the child on the card looks “happy”.

Why is the Ten of Pentacles “wealth”? Because the family on the card looks “wealthy”.

Memorization becomes much easier when based on visual correlation.

11 AM–12 PM

Quiz yourself.

Hide your notes from view. Keeping in mind the word-image associations you made, go through each card, reciting its keyword. Put in one pile all the cards you remembered the keyword for, and in another, the ones that escaped your memory.

Then look at your notes side-by-side the second pile to remind yourself of what you missed. Go through the whole pile again, repeating the process until you can recite the keywords for all 78 cards without making a mistake. One card, one word. Should be as simple as pre-school.

12–1 PM

Take a break.

Have a meal. Nap a little. Stretch a bit. Give your mind space to absorb everything you just memorized.

1–2 PM

Quiz yourself again.

You are guaranteed to forget some of your keywords. That is fine. It is why you are doing this again, to strengthen your memory. Be patient with yourself, and keep going through the whole deck until you are no longer making any mistakes.

2–3:30 PM

Pick a key phrase for each reversed card.

Quickly skim through your resource again. Now that you know the upright meanings, reversals should be fairly easy, because they can only be one of three: the opposite of the upright card; the upright card watered down; the upright card made worse.

To illustrate:

If The Devil upright is “addiction”, reversed it is “overcoming addiction” — the opposite.

If the Nine of Cups is “fulfillment”, reversed, it is “fulfillment delayed” — watered down.

If the Seven of Swords upright is “manipulation”, reversed it is “betrayal” — made worse.

Note it all down next to your upright keywords.

3:30–5 PM

Quiz yourself on both upright and reversed meanings.

Hide your notes from view. Keeping in mind the upright-reversed meaning associations you made, go through each card one by one, reciting its upright meaning followed by its reversed meaning.

Like before, put in one pile the cards you had no problem with, and in another, the cards that escaped your memory. Look at your notes for those you missed. Go through the whole pile again, repeating the process until you can recite the upright keywords and the reversed key phrases for all 78 cards, without making a mistake.

5–6 PM

Take another break.

Have another meal. Nap some more. Stretch again. Let your mind and body breathe.

6–7:15 PM

Quiz yourself again on both upright and reversed meanings.

Go through each card one by one, reciting its upright meaning followed by its reversed meaning.

Like before, put in one pile the cards you had no problem with, and in another, the cards that escaped your memory. Look at your notes side by side the cards you missed. And go through the full deck again until you are no longer missing a beat.

7:15–8 PM

Read.

For the last time today, bring out your resource, and from it, choose any spread you like. But if you really want to do it right, the Celtic Cross spread is recommended. Do not worry about being overwhelmed. You can leave the book or the website open on the page where the spread is.

Ask tarot your question. Without looking at your notes, interpret its answer to the best of your ability using the keywords and key phrases you just memorized.

Congratulations. You are now a tarot reader.

But if you wish to keep learning, then keep reading.

THE DAYS AFTER

Day 1 – Day 4

For the next four days, quiz yourself again on both upright and reversed meanings, to really cement them in your mind. Then perform the same spread you did the first time, but ask a different question each time. Interpret the cards to the best of your knowledge. This should only take an hour at the most.

Day 5

By now, everything you learned has been drilled into memory. Feel free to expand your knowledge. Read your book cover to cover. Fully explore your chosen website.

Most of the new meanings you will learn will be related to the ones you committed to heart, so do not worry about being confused. For example, if your keyword for The Empress is “abundance”, you will find that its other meanings are “harvest”, “creativity” and “fertility”. “Harvest” is financial abundance; “creativity”, an abundance of skill; “fertility”, an abundance of growth. They vary slightly, but they are all the same, essentially.

All the best in your tarot journey.