Okay I'm Curious. If You Feel Like It, Reblog This Post With Your Top Five All-time Blorbos. Not Your

Friends, bookworms, bitter lovers of classic literature’s greatest and most greatly cheated horrors, I have a request to make of you:

Send me the absolute worst film and TV series you know of when it comes to adapting—read: ruining, rewriting, and/or bastardizing beyond the point of recognition—the books of classic horror we know and love.

Give me your fanfictions of a fanfiction-level headaches. Your reincarnated wife plots. Your no-homo’d friends and/or siblings. Your heroes made into sudden assholes, your grating girlbosses full of contemporary wink-at-the-camera edginess, your dull damsels sanded down into corseted props, your monsters alternately stripped of their proper menace or their intelligence in order to fit the Universal Classics mold.

Give me the worst of your slop.

Plague me with your anti-recommendations in their dozens and hundreds.

Why do I make this request? So I can form a list. Ideally with cited sources, though I think we’re all aware that the easiest way to form said list is to just link to Wikipedia. I am at a loss for any known work that faithfully does right by our dusty old monsters and their foes.*

*Incidentally, if anyone has anything they would sincerely recommend to take the edge off, pass those my way too with your review. No need to suggest the Substacks or @re-dracula. They are my sole refuge as-is.

The reason for the list is that I would like to have it as reference material for what I hope can be a decently public-facing open letter to Hollywood as a plea, a curse, and a general shaming for the industry that has refused to actually read, comprehend, and acknowledge the books they continue to harvest for content without ever doing right by the stories, casts, or themes. Their notion of ‘adaptation’ has dissolved entirely into a game of Telephone with the last half a dozen filmmakers who barely skimmed, let alone liked, the books in question.

That said, I have some specific books in mind already, starting with Dracula and The Picture of Dorian Gray. You know why. But others on the roster include Frankenstein, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Carmilla, and The Phantom of the Opera. Let me have the worst of the worst of their movie and television counterparts; that goes double for the ones that have made you full-body cringe at their popularity.*

*It goes without saying that Francis’ fanfiction is at the top of the list. No need to rub more salt in that wound.

My inbox is ready for your worst, friends. Hand over the bile.

my hungry ass could never be a brain depositor

found this in my google docs

what if you were willing to do anything to achieve your ambition of making a geographical and scientific discovery to benefit all of mankind via being the first to find the northern passage and get to the north pole but i said "Learn from me, if not by my precepts, at least by my example, how dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge, and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be the world, than he who aspires to become greater than his nature will allow" (and we were both boys) 

Update: They have coats :]

link to my other post with these dolls

say what you will about victor, but upon victor and the creature’s first real meeting, note that victor first sympathizes with the creature by discerning his feelings, before he makes any remark on his physical appearance:

she herbert on my west till my dan cain

walton is a stronger man than me because if i found the man who was the culmination of my lifelong dreams of true connection and everything i could possibly want in a friend, who talked to me about my interests at length and encouraged me and told me i would be successful in my endeavors, who wept for me after i confided my deepest desires and ambitions to him, who used the language of my heart, who sympathized with and loved me, and who told me all of his greatest flaws and mistakes and his harrowing several-hundred-pages long life story including the murders of his entire family, upon which i treated him with nothing but understanding and kindness and would do anything to return him to happiness and shoulder his woes, all while tenderly nursing back him from the brink of death while expecting nothing in return, even despite my growing concerns of a mutiny going on, and after all this he told me "I thank you, Walton [...] but think you that any can replace those who are gone? Can any man be to me as Clerval was?" i would just walk off the boat

Folks often make fun of the fact that Ernest says "my brother" instead of "our brother" during the Frankensteins' reunion after William's death as if throwing shade at Victor but like

There's some 10-ish years age gap between Ernest and William, for Victor and William it's 17. William was most likely not even a year old when Victor left to university and there's been radio silence from him ever since. Victor and William literally don't know each other, for pretty much William's whole life Ernest has been his only brother. It was just the two of them and Liz, Victor was never part of it. So it's natural that Ernest would slip like that.

Victor lost the idea of a brother but Ernest actually lost a brother

Girl the egg ☹☹ girl the bird ☹☹☹☹☹ girl it flies to god ☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹ girl that gods name is abraxas ☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹