Latest Posts by gelamores - Page 2

u cn see the stars in wales das bare cute

no way

the way life goes — five

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: na jaemin x reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: smut, angst, fluff 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: ever since eunbin came back into the picture, you start to truly realise where you stand and what you want from jaemin... but nothing ever really goes the way it's supposed to go 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 30.9k

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: slow burn, so much plot and too much dialogue, friends with benefits, friends to possible lovers, the majority of kpop 00' liners are in this, other nct members make appearances, crackhead humour throughout, a lot of sex innuendos, college!jaemin, black haired jaemin, jaemin is super mysterious and hot, a lot of angst in this one, heartbreaking moments maybe, bring tissues besties, explicit content, swearing, jaemin gets a handjob, jaemin kinda turns into a sub... kinda, the reader honestly controls the situation, reader rides jaemin in a chair yeehaw, lingering kisses as always, soft sex almost sickening, miwoo points out the obvious, the backstory of the ring is FINALLY here, also jeno tells his true feelings about eunbin, eunbin explains relationship from her side, jeno and reader besties, donghyuck yangyang and reader trio moments, also jeno yangyang donghyuck and reader moments, jeno and reader moments, yangyang comes to a realisation, reader also comes to a realisation, jeno meets eunbin, a lot of mentions of anxiety here and there, perhaps new haired jaemin maybe who knows, alcohol consumption, drunken mishaps... drunk words = sober thoughts?, the girls have a moment, reader meets red haired beauty, a lot of mentions of the trip, overuse of the word pretty

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

[the insta posts]

You’re silent the entire trip to the café, head hung low and your hands buried deep into your armpits to keep them warm but the cold air that nips at your face and bare legs distract you, unable to focus on any source of warmth.

Your teeth chatter and you’re so desperate to turn around and go back home but with the constant buzz of your phone in your pocket, you know turning back wasn’t an answer. They are waiting for you at the café, for you and Jaemin.

Anxiety seeps through your veins when you start to think about Jaemin and his long awaited conversation he’s about to have with Eunbin, it makes your stomach churn and your heart race but you try to keep yourself calm as you breathe steadily. There was no reason for you to feel the way that you are, you remind yourself as you near towards your destination. You don’t understand the exact feeling… but you shouldn’t be feeling it.

The bell rings above your head as you push open the door to the cafe, instantly spotting your group of friends sitting around a table near the back. You can’t help but smile when you see them laugh together, watching Donghyuck, who’s already offended at whatever's been said at the table, swat away Jeno’s hand as he tries to reach out and squeeze his cheeks.

A soft call of your name comes from your right and you turn to face the person belonging to the voice, seeing Kun standing behind the counter with Jisung and Chenle at his side. You almost fail to notice that girl standing behind Chenle, staring out into the customers with wide eyes and you nearly awe at the sight until the former snaps his fingers in your direction, ushering you forwards.

“Don’t snap your fingers at our customers” Kun seethes through his teeth, pinching the top of Chenle’s ear as a warning and Jisung smiles in amusement, nudging the new workers shoulder to capture her attention and even she starts to snicker at the sight in front of her.

Chenle rips away from Kun’s grasp, glaring at the trio as he cradles the sore area on his ear. He threatens to hit Jisung for smiling, raising his arm to get ready to strike but Jisung grabs the newest worker and holds her out in front of him, acting as a shield.

Kun looks at them, shaking his head in disappointment before he turns to face you, sending you an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that brat… Do you want your usual?”

“It’s okay, I’m fine” You shake your head, jabbing your thumb in the direction of your friends. “I’m gonna go…”

Kun nods in understanding, waving you away and you bid him a quick goodbye as you turn on your heel, making your way over to the group who fail to recognize your arrival until you stand behind Shotaro, capturing the attention of Renjun and Haru.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Renjun gives you a sarcastic smile and you flip him off with a smile of your own. Shotaro leans his head back, bumping into your stomach and the way he grins up at you makes your heart warm. You coo softly, raking your fingers through his hair and scratching at his scalp as if he was a cute little puppy.

Donghyuck reaches out to grab your wrist and tug you towards the empty seat between Yangyang and himself, forcing you to sit down and he gasps in shock as his knuckles accidentally brush against your cold legs.

“Why the fuck didn’t you wear anything warmer?!” Donghyuck scolds you angrily just as Yangyang slips off his coat and wraps it around your frame. You open your mouth to protest but you sigh in defeat as he fastens a few of the buttons while Donghyuck takes this opportunity to drape his own coat over your bare legs, rubbing for extra warmth and continues to scold you with interesting profanities.

You don't bother explaining to them why you had took so long to come nor did you explain to them why you showed up alone, allowing them to continue talking about whatever they were talking about before you arrived, watching as Miwoo dramatically throws her hands in the air as Renjun nonchalantly insults her way as he tries, and succeeds, in riling her up.

Jeno doesn’t say much, to your surprise, as he watches the two bicker, quietly drinking his iced coffee. He wears a tight fitted beanie on his head which makes his eyebrows and his eyes seem a lot more intimidating when he stares or is focussed on something, it makes your heart thump when he glances over to the table to meet your gaze.

He sends you a tight lipped smile which you give back, a small silent greeting between the two of you, before he turns his attention back to the phone in his hand, using his thumb to swipe across the screen.

“Why are you so quiet?” A voice lowly asks from beside you and you turn your head to meet Yangyang’s concerned expression. You shrug your shoulders, uncertain on how to give him an answer and the frown on his face deepens.

“Are you sick?” Donghyuck asks this time in a sincere tone which he rarely lets out, removing his hand from it’s position on your legs to press against your forehead. He hums. “Your temperature is fine”

“I’m just tired” You tell them.

Donghyuck mocks offense as he points at himself. “From me?” He then points at Yangyang. “From us?”

You roll your eyes, not being able to stop the smile that threatens to spread across your lips. “Shut up”

“We can take you home, if you want?” Yangyang offers and Donghyuck nods beside you. “We haven’t got anything planned for the rest of the day anyways, so we can leave”

“I’m good” You shake your head, reassuring them that you’re fine despite the hesitancy in your voice. Yangyang eyes you for a few seconds before believing your words, nodding his head while reaching for his drink. Donghyuck doesn’t budge, staring straight at you without even blinking and you take this opportunity to stare back, having an inner staring content which Donghyuck catches onto immediately as the corner of lips lift upwards into a smirk.

You shout in surprise when Donghyuck cheats by clapping his hands in your face and you ball your own hands into tight fists, jabbing them at his chest and arms that he tries to dodge, defending himself by karate chopping your own body with ‘whooshing’ sounds.

“If either of you knock over any coffee, I will start attacking” Chenle warns as he appears beside the table with a tray of breakfast specials in hand, eyeing the half full coffee cups that are scattered across the table. “I’m on cleanup duty today and if I see one drop of coffee on the floor, I swear to god I will—”

Miwoo scoffs. “Okay, we get it you little brat”

“Do you want to die?” Chenle mouths scarily just as Kun arrives over to the table, taking it upon himself to grab the plates from the tray Chenle holds, placing them down on the table. Your group gives Kun an odd look to why he was setting all types of pastries and cakes on the table. He tells you all that they’re his newest recipes and he’s handing them out for your group to test try, completely free of charges which makes them all grin widely but Yangyang points at Kun, seemingly not convinced.

“Are you trying to poison us?”

Kun gives him a blank look. “If I wanted to poison you, I would’ve done it with your drinks already”

Yangyang purses his lips together in deep thought. “Hm, touche”

Kun rolls his eyes and takes a hold of Chenle’s upper arm to tug him away from your table. Chenle withstands for a moment before giving in, allowing Kun to drag him away but he keeps his glare on Miwoo who throws her middle finger up in his direction, an evil smirk spreading across her face as Chenle seethes through his teeth before he’s pulled into the backroom.

“Kun treats us so well” Haru says as she picks up a chocolate coated croissant and bites into it, eyes widening and letting out a gasp as she chews. She holds out the treat towards Renjun who takes a bite without question, seemingly impressed as he nods his head, licking the chocolate off of the corner of his lips.

Your mouth salivates as Haru turns the croissant towards the rest of you to show what’s inside, chocolate and what looks like banana slices oozing from where it has been bitten open.

Donghyuck groans. “I think I just came in my pants''

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So…” Miwoo begins after a short moment of silence, the group too preoccupied with eating their breakfasts or drinking their coffees to even start another conversation. Everyone’s heads turn to Miwoo who dips one of her cinnamon breadsticks in a little bowl of syrup, chewing the treat slowly as her eyes roam across the room until they focus on you. “Is nobody going to question the obvious or are you all going to make me do it?”

“What are you talking about?” Donghyuck questions with a full mouth and Yangyang leans over your body to whack the back of his head for his lack of manners, making Donghyuck almost choke on his toast as he coughs uncontrollably. You pat Donghyuck’s back, hoping to help him in some way as you try and stifle your laugh, almost losing as Donghyuck turns to thank you with strained eyes.

“Oh, come on… you can’t be that dense” Miwoo chuckles, attention flickering to Donghyuck for a second before going back to you. “Where’s Jaemin?”

Your throat immediately dries up, mouth clamped shut and unable to answer her simple question. The way the group has their attention on you causes you to panic, legs beginning to nervously bounce under the table and fists curl tightly, nails digging into palm.

Haru’s the first to notice, calling your name softly as she reaches across the table to touch your hand, concern filling her eyes as she tries to slip her fingers between your clenched fists, hoping to discreetly pull your nails away from your skin.

She calls your name again, squeezing your hand gently to help coax you out of your panic state. You blink, trying to out blur your eyes and ignore the faint buzzing noise in your ears as you turn towards Haru, allowing her to slip her fingers between yours.

“You good?” Renjun speaks up first, concern evident in his tone. “We lost you there for a second”

“I’m fine” You lie through your teeth and you know they don’t believe you so you clear your throat, grabbing Yangyang’s coffee to take a sip. He doesn’t stop you, like he’d usually would, whining about how you should’ve bought your own. Instead, he just stares. He watches.

Jeno’s even looking at you now and with all their eyes on you, you feel like you’re going to throw up. You swallow thickly, opening your mouth to speak but Haru beats you to it, easily grabbing everyone’s attention off of you as she whips out her phone to announce new music from an artist that you all liked.

The gasps and the excitement was enough to allow the heavy weight to lift off of your chest and you smile gratefully at Haru who sends a wink your way. She’s always got your back, she’s always the one to help you out of a sticky situation and you couldn’t be more thankful than you already are.

You quietly excuse yourself from the table, pushing Donghyuck’s coat off of your legs and into his lap as you stand up, beginning to unbutton Yangyang’s coat but with the look he gives you, you decide against it, giving him your best smile before disappearing to the bathroom.

Once you’re alone, you make a straight beeline for the sink, twisting the tap and sticking your wrists under the cold running water. Your thumb massages the cold water into your skin and you slowly feel your body relax, the anxiety peeling away from your bones and leaving you at peace.

You raise your head to stare at your reflection in the mirror and tired eyes stare back. Your lips twist into a grimace, you look horrible, but you can’t seem to find the urge to care about your appearance, not when there’s so much shit going on inside your head.

Turning off the tap and drying your hands, you slip your hand under Yangyang’s coat to fish your phone out of your hoodie, unlocking the device and tapping the message icon to bring up yours and Jaemin’s last conversation, eyes scanning over the last text that he sent, how urgent he was for you. Your thumbs begin to move against the keyboard.

you: what are u talki . . . ERASED you: is eunbin still . . . ERASED you: are u . . . ERASED

What the fuck are you even supposed to say? You sigh in frustration, rubbing at your forehead as you stare down at the blank message. You don’t want to interrupt him from the conversation and you most definitely don’t want to seem like a stalker by constantly messaging him, but you’re worried… for him? For Eunbin? Or was it for you?

you: i hope ur okay

You click send, watching the delivered sign appear at the bottom before shoving the device away, not wanting to wait and see if he’s read the message. Taking a deep breath, you hold your head high as you walk out of the bathroom, heading back over to your table and sitting down just in time to hear Renjun and Miwoo bicker back and forth over something that has the others laughing.

Haru smiles at you the second you sit down and Donghyuck loosely throws his arm around your shoulders, his other leaning on the table as he takes pictures of the pair fighting, trying his best to get their worse angles and closeups that almost have you snorting.

Yangyang makes a small, harmless comment to add fuel to Renjun and Miwoo’s fire, he splutters in shock as the two turn on him, throwing creative insults and curse words his way and Donghyuck joins in to defend his friend, his arm dropping from your shoulders and putting his phone down on the table to alternate between pointing at them and throwing up his middle finger.

“You’re quieter than usual” Jeno says to you and you almost have trouble hearing him if it wasn’t for him leaning around Donghyuck’s chair to speak to you. He gives you a smile. “I know you said you’re fine earlier, but… you good?”

“It’s been a long morning” You tell him, wrapping your arms around your middle with a soft chuckle. “I’m just ready for this day to be over already”

“Yeah?” Jeno raises a brow, leaning his chin on the back of his chair as he stares at you. “What happened?”

You pause for a moment, teeth chewing at the side of your cheek as you contemplate on whether to tell Jeno the truth. He deserves to know the truth… that’s his best friend.

You suck in a breath. “It’s Eunbin… She’s back”

The silence is deafening and you flinch at the way everyone’s heads abruptly snap in your direction, eyes wide as your words slowly sink in. Renjun struggles to form a sentence, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly and Shotaro remains frozen with a fork hanging out of his mouth while Yangyang and Donghyuck share unreadable looks with each other.

Jeno’s reaction scares you the most and the way Miwoo worryingly glances over at him fails to settle your nerves. He’s silent, eyes staring straight into yours, dark and heavy. Miwoo softly calls out his name and despite them being on not good terms, she reaches to place her hand on top of his in hopes to calm him down.

“When did she get back?” Haru asks first, taking a brief glance at the boys. “Wasn’t she in New York?”

“She said she flew in early this morning”

“You’ve talked to her?” Donghyuck gapes, eyes almost bulging out of his head as he stares at you in shock. You slowly nod your head to confirm and Donghyuck abruptly turns in his seat to face Jeno who’s looking at Miwoo now. She’s speaking to him quietly, words just for him as she pats his hand, trying her best to calm him down which seems to be working as he listens intently, jaw still stiff but eyes gentle.

“How did you talk to her?” Shotaro asks this time with a frown. “How did that even happen?”

“I went to go see Jaemin this morning…” You trail off, nerves beginning to kick in as your teeth gnaw at your bottom lip. “Eunbin’s there”

Yangyang almost chokes on his own saliva. “She’s there?”

You nod your head. “Yeah… She wanted to see Jaemin as soon as she flew in”

“Did Jaemin let her in?” Jeno finally speaks, tone low and scary. You almost gulp at the way he’s now looking at you and you forget to speak, cowering back into your chair with goosebumps rising at the back of your neck. Jeno tongues his cheek, jaw tense and brows furrowing as he stares straight at you, already piecing together what you are going to say.

He knows the answer. He hates that he knows the answer. Jeno shakes his head, reaching for his coffee and taking a lengthy sip through his straw, fingers wrapping around the plastic cup so tightly you’re afraid it will spill.

Donghyuck, Yangyang, Shotaro and Renjun all share a look with each other that doesn’t go unnoticed by you or the girls. You want to say something, anything, but you can’t find the right words and the sentences and the questions that float around in your head refuse to make sense… you also didn't want to make the situation worse knowing that if you say something wrong, Jeno could blow.

“So that’s why you came here alone” Miwoo states, shaking her head with a laugh of disbelief. “He’s a fucking idiot”

“Miwoo” You warn her, shaking your head softly and giving her a pleading smile.

“What? I’m telling the truth” Miwoo shrugs innocently, leaning back into her seat. “He’s a fucking idiot for not being here with us right now. I know you’re all thinking it, I’m just brave enough to actually say it”

Miwoo shoves her spoon into her yoghurt and eats happily, oblivious to the way everyone is looking at her. You can see Jeno wants to retaliate to her words, his jaw tense and eyes rolling in annoyance.

“I mean, I hate to admit it but she’s not wrong” Donghyuck admits, leaning his arms on the table comfortably. Miwoo clicks her tongue and points at Donghyuck, grinning at the fact he’s agreeing with her and Donghyuck flips her off before continuing. “He is an idiot for not being here… but I don’t exactly blame him, you know, the hold that Eunbin has on him is—“

“Dude” Yangyang cuts him off, shaking his head as if to tell him to shut up and Donghyuck does with a sigh, muttering under his breath how he was just trying to explain how unbelievable Eunbin is.

A part of you wanted to hear what Donghyuck had to say, wanting to know how Eunbin was to Jaemin and the type of hold Donghyuck had claimed she had on him but the other part of you is happy that you didn’t have to hear anything, knowing that the weird feeling in your chest will grow heavier, becoming uncomfortable and unbearable.

Yangyang knocks his shoulders against yours and you lift your head to meet his eyes. He smiles at you, a soft smile, a comforting one that you can’t help but let yourself smile back at. Yangyang leans his head down closer to yours, his voice low as he whispers to you, asking if you would like to go home and you nod without even thinking much about it. You didn’t want to be here anymore.

The two of you stand up from your seats together, Yangyang opening his mouth to let them know that you two are going to leave until the bell above the cafe door dings as it's pushed open, revealing Jaemin. He’s alone, sporting his favourite black hoodie with a white cat and some sweats with a cap on top of his head.

The way the group stops talking and turns their heads towards him makes your cheeks feel hot. It’s obvious you were all talking about him and you know that Jaemin knows just by how he’s looking at you all, brows furrowing and his jaw tense.

Once Jaemin’s eyes land on you, he gives you the kindest smile. He looks okay. He seems okay. Maybe the talk he had with Eunbin made everything better… But was that even a good thing or a bad thing?

Yangyang presses his hand on your lower back, a sign for you to move so you both can leave and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaemin who immediately looks at Yangyang with a deadpan expression. Yangyang doesn’t falter, staring right back at Jaemin, almost giving him the same look back.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Yangyang speaks up first and you sigh, closing your eyes in annoyance, not liking the tone Yangyang decides to use.

Jaemin doesn’t even bother to reply, instead he pulls his hand out of his pockets and holds it out for you to take. You stare at his hand, your own twitching at your side, desperate to intertwine your fingers with his own.

“Let’s go” He says to you with another one of his soft smiles.

“But you just got here…” Shotaro states, looking at Jaemin with a slight pout. He gestures towards the empty seat that everyone had left for him if he had decided to show up. “Come eat with us”

“I’m not hungry” Jaemin tells him apologetically, turning his attention back on you. His hand is still outstretched, waiting for you to take but for some reason, you’re hesitant. Why are you so hesitant? Your body earns for his touch yet the inner voice inside of your head prevents you from doing so, not only making you frustrated but annoyed.

“Are you avoiding us because you don’t want to talk about who showed up at your front door this morning?” Miwoo teases with a sly grin, resting her chin on her hand. Your tongue pokes at your cheek in annoyance as you glance over your shoulder at her, shaking your head as she gives you an innocent smile. “Come on, big boy… we wanna hear all about it”

Jaemin lets out a halfhearted chuckle, clearly unamused with Miwoo’s words as he clicks his tongue against his teeth. Haru nudges Miwoo’s foot with her own and gives her a look that immediately makes Miwoo shut down, a pout present on her face as she drinks her coffee while grumbling how she was genuinely curious.

“Can we go to your place?” Jaemin asks you quietly as your attention turns back on him, eyes almost pleading for you to take his hand and leave with him. “I want to talk to you”

You nod your head slowly, reaching out to touch his hand and his fingers clasp around yours just as you make contact, immediately tugging you into his side. He gives your hand a squeeze, letting out a shaky breath as he presses his lips to yours for a quick peck before he guides you out of the cafe, not even saying goodbye to the others who watch with mixed reactions.

Yangyang’s arm drops to his side in defeat, breathing out a huff as he sits back down into his seat and Donghyuck pats his back, giving him a tight lipped smile which Yangyang forced himself to give back, a twinge of sadness in his eyes.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So, how did it go?” The question you’re dreading to ask slipped out before you could even process it, chewing on your bottom lip as you sit down on your bed, scooting backwards to rest against the wall and you go to bring your knees up to your chest until Jaemin pushes your legs down, crawling on the bed and plopping his head down in your lap.

You pull the cap off of his head so he wouldn’t have to lay at an awkward angle and place it down to your side, allowing him to be more comfortable and he sighs softly, relaxing into your touch the second he feels your fingers play with his hair.

He’s quiet for a few minutes, the silence deafening and it makes you uncomfortable, biting back the urge to question him again because you didn’t want to seem desperate… you didn’t want to seem too—

“It went really good”

Really good. His words repeat in your mind and your face turns sour without you even realising, tongue prodding at your cheek in annoyance as you stare at the wall opposite you. Jaemin grins up at you in amusement, raising his hand to flick your forehead and you hiss, rubbing your hand over the sore area as you glare down at Jaemin but all he does is chuckle.

“I told her how I felt about her leaving” He starts off and you listen intently, dropping your hand down to his stomach where his own hands lay, letting him fiddle with your cold fingers. “I was honest with my feelings, made her understand how even though I was happy she wanted to follow her dreams and actually got what she wanted, she hurt me in the process. Eunbin got upset and apologised a bunch of times… she admitted to being selfish, which was weird to hear, I didn’t expect her to say that and I didn’t really know how to react”

You frown softly. “Why?”

“I don’t know” He mumbles with a shrug of his shoulders. “I guess I never really expected the conversation to go so smoothly, you know? But I’m happy I did it… I got my closure, and I think we’re fine now”

And you’re left unsatisfied. You purse your lips together, not liking the weird feeling lingering in the back of your mind. Something was bugging you about his answer and you struggle to pinpoint what it was. He said so much… yet he said so fucking little. You itched to ask more questions, to demand more answers but it wasn’t your place. It will never be your place.

Jaemin’s quick to notice how quiet you’ve become, pushing himself up on his elbows to kiss your lips softly but he pulls back before you can enjoy it so you follow his lips for more. The sound of his deep chuckle makes you pause and you blink a few times before moving away, fighting back a shy smile.

Jaemin tilts his head to the side as he stares at you with a grin, pecking your mouth once more before his hands grip your body, quickly manoeuvring you both into a lying position. His arm slips under your head and wraps around your shoulder as he pulls you into his chest, his fingers smoothing your hair as your own come to rest at his hip, massaging the skin mindlessly.

“Jaem…” You call out his name softly and he hums, letting you know he heard you. “What’s going to happen between you and Eunbin now?” He makes a noise of confusion and you start to cringe at yourself for making this situation a little awkward. “Are you and Eunbin, like, friends now?”

“I don’t really care” Jaemin admits, shrugging his shoulders carelessly as he twirls your hair around his fingers.

You crane your head to look up at him, surprised. “You don’t?”

“No” He answers easily, looking up at your ceiling. “If Eunbin wants to start fresh and be friends, I guess I’d be okay with that… But I’m not going to be making the first move”

“Would you want to be friends with her?”

Jaemin looks at you now, his nose brushing against yours. The corner of his lips twitch upwards, fingers still twirling strands of your hair but he stops to cup your jaw, his thumb delicately rubbing small circles on your cheek. “What’s with all the questions?”

“I’m just trying to figure you out” You’re honest with him this time and Jaemin’s brows quirk in surprise. “You don’t say much in general but when you do, it’s hard to understand where you’re at mentally”

Jaemin doesn’t say anything to that. Instead, he just smiles and goes back to playing with your hair. You hiss in pain when it gets stuck around his rings and he utters small amounts of apologies while laughing as he untangles your hair from around his jewellery, cooing and patting your head to calm you down but you curse loudly, hitting your fist against his chest for payback even though it was a complete accident that your hair got caught.

The two of you relax in silence for a couple of minutes, Jaemin’s fingers resuming in playing with your hair which would’ve pushed away if it wasn’t for the fact it was making you tired, the warmth of his embrace adding to the effect but you force yourself to stay awake, staring at Jaemin who’s eyes flutter shut, his breathing steady.

“Jaemin” You call out his name softly, pushing his messy bangs out of his face and he hums. “Did you… Did you mean what you said earlier?”

His one eye opens to stare at you and he feels hot under your touch, focussing on the way your hand pushes back his hair while his own pauses in yours. He remembers what he had told you earlier before he was left alone with Eunbin, he remembers it well, loud and clear.

Both of his eyes peel open as Jaemin blinks at you and you immediately what the bed to swallow you whole at his lack of words, wanting to disappear and have him forget you asking such a stupid question and you nearly escape from his embrace until you see him slowly begin to nod.

“Yeah” He says, gaze unmoving from yours. “Yeah, I meant it”

Your face warms and you struggle to speak, unable to form a proper sentence. “Cool”

You immediately cringe at your response, almost slapping yourself for being and sounding so awkward but Jaemin seems to find your answer amusing as a smile slips across his lips. With the arm that’s wrapped around you, he tugs you closer to kiss you. He kisses you so softly, his hand stilling in your hair as the other comes up to cup your cheeks.

You melt into his touch, reciprocating the kiss with the same amount of softness he’s giving you. The sounds of smooching fills the room, tongues mingling together with light feathery touches. Your heart hammers rapidly against your chest and you can’t help but wonder if Jaemin could feel it but you’re left unanswered yet again as his hand travels down from your cheek to grip your hip, pulling you on top of him.

You break the kiss to catch your breath, pressing your palms against Jaemin’s chest to sit up on his lap. His hands disappear beneath the sweatshirt you’re wearing, fingers gripping the flesh of your waist and kneading the skin, pressing his thumbs to your stomach.

“I miss feeling me here” He mutters under his breath, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth as he looks up at you, looking so pretty above him. He softly calls out to you. “Baby…”

His hands roam around your body, tickling your back with the pad of his fingers and you arch slightly as you feel his nails scratch at the bare skin, a teasing smile spreading across his face as he realises you’re not wearing a bra beneath the sweatshirt.

Jaemin sits up to pull the material over your head, carelessly discarding it to the floor which you usually would’ve gotten annoyed at if you weren’t already distracted by the way he’s looking at you. He smothers your face in gentle kisses while his hands caress your body. You sigh softly, closing your eyes as you bask in the feeling of his lips, goosebumps rising to your skin in his path. He nips at your jaw, neck, shoulders, making his way down to your chest and you shiver the second you feel his tongue press against your hardened bud.

“Jaemin” You gasp out his name as he mouths at your breast, sucking and nipping at the skin. You rake your fingers through his hair, gripping the roots as you tug his head back and his mouth drops open in surprise, breathing heavily. You try to steady your erratic heart while you stare at him. “You make me feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes”

He quirks a brow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

You suck in a breath as you feel his hands run down your body, fingers tugging at the strings of your shorts. Your bottom lip gets sucked between your teeth when you feel his hand dip inside your shorts and you let go of his hair to grip his shoulders as his fingers press against the damp patch of your underwear.

You gasp as you feel him push your panties to the side, his fingers prodding at your slick entrance. “Fuck I don’t know”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You and Jaemin spent the entire day in your room, rotating between watching movies and messy makeout sessions that left you both flustered and unsatisfied. Sex was absolutely thrown out of the window the second the entire group walked through the front door, talking loudly and laughing about whatever joke someone had said, completely ruining the mood for you and Jaemin, despite the first few times Jaemin tried to coax you into riding his dick but with Donghyuck and Yangyang on the other side of the wall, you knew you would both get caught and would never hear the end of it.

You really did not want to get teased by the two.

Jaemin stayed over for the night but left early in the morning, waking you up with a soft shake to tell you that he had to leave and explaining that jeno had been blowing up his phone, demanding to talk to him before classes today. He had kissed your forehead, bidding you a silent goodbye before disappearing and allowing you to go back to sleep, but that only lasted for an hour until you were up on your feet, getting your belongings ready for your classes later.

“Good morning” You’re instantly greeted when you step into the bathroom, seeing Haru standing in front of the mirror in just her underwear and a towel wrapped around her hair, pumping her bottle of moisturiser in her hands.

You give her a sleepy smile, sluggishly making your way over to the glass shower door that was already steamed from previous use, reaching around to turn the valve for the water. You yawn as you turn back to face Haru, almost stumbling over your feet while scratching the back of your head.

Haru snickers at your sleepy state and you flip her off while stretching out your limbs, letting out a groan. She eyes the shirt you’re wearing, a celine tie-dyed shirt that clearly didn’t belong to you.

“Did Jaemin spend the entire night?” Haru asks and you hum in response, leaning against the glass shower door as you watch her apply the moisturiser to her face, rubbing it into her skin. She glances at you briefly before looking back at her reflection in the mirror. “Did he say anything to you about Eunbin?”

“Yeah” You nod your head, dipping your hand under the showerhead to test the pressure and the warmth. “Kind of”

“Kind of?” Haru repeats, unwrapping her hair from the towel and picking up a serum bottle, applying small drops to her hair. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He talked about her but—yawn—it wasn’t much. He didn’t go into full detail like I expected him to…” You pause to frown, looking down at your toes. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected him to anyways, it’s not my place”

Haru watches as you strip, kicking your clothes into a pile on the side before you jump into the shower, standing beneath the hot stream of water. Her tongue pokes at her cheek in thought, raking her fingers through her hair and sectioning it neatly.

She pops the question. “What were you expecting him to say?”

“I don’t know, honestly” You say with a shrug, soaping up your body with one of your favourite body washes, the scent of vanilla filling your nose. “But he told me he got his closure that he’s been wanting… that’s all that matters, I guess”

“What’s all that matters?” Miwoo’s voice fills the bathroom as she enters, quickly rushing to the toilet to pee. Haru mutters a quiet good morning which Miwoo responds back with the same greeting, grabbing a wad of toilet paper as she relieves herself. She covers her mouth to yawn. “What are we talking about?”

“Jaemin”

Miwoo scoffs. “Traitor”

You sigh at her tone, applying shampoo to your hair in silence as you listen to Miwoo complain about Jaemin’s absence at breakfast yesterday. She walks over to Haru after she finishes peeing, grabbing her toothbrush and squirting a decent amount of toothpaste all while sharing a look while Haru shrugs her shoulders, braiding two small braids at the front of her hair.

“What was meeting Eunbin like?” Miwoo asks you with a mouthful of toothpaste, almost choking until Haru slaps her hand on her back repeatedly.

“It was fine” You’re honest, you hated it. “She’s actually pretty sweet… I thought it would be different, like, someone completely different”

Miwoo hums, leaning over the sink to spit out the toothpaste before shoving her toothbrush back inside her mouth. “I don’t trust it”

“You don’t?” Haru queries and Miwoo shakes her head quickly. Haru furrows her brows, tilting her head to the side. “Why?”

“It’s strange” Miwoo resumes talking while brushing her teeth, looking at you through the reflection of the mirror as you peek your head around the glass door. “No matter what happened at the end of a relationship, no girl is ‘sweet’ or ‘kind’ to their ex's current girlfriend”

You pull a face. “But I’m not his girlfriend”

“And that’s even worse” Miwoo states, finishing up brushing her teeth and turning on the balls of her feet to face you. “You’re someone he fucks, you’re someone that gives him pleasure… god, she’s probably shaking with anger inside, that’s so funny”

Your eyes narrow at her words, slamming the glass door shut with a mutter. “You have a interesting way of explaining things”

“I just say it how I see it” She shrugs her shoulders, a frown slowly etching its way onto her lips and she places her hand on his hip. “I sense that tone in your voice… Why do you sound irritated?”

You couldn’t answer her, mainly because you didn’t know the answer yourself. You’re not sure why you sound irritated… Does there have to be a reason? Your shoulders slump in defeat. Of course there has to be a reason, so why couldn’t you figure it out?

The lack of answer makes Miwoo impatient and she pads over to the shower, sliding open the door. You yell out profanities and threats from the sudden scare, throwing water in her direction angrily and she snickers, stripping out of her clothes to jump inside the shower with you, making up excuses about how you all need to save water and money when you try and force her out.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You chew on the nail of your thumb in deep thought, scanning over the words written on your document page and sigh, pressing your finger down repeatedly on the backspace button as you type again, changing over your words and moving around the paragraphs that were in the wrong place.

You struggle, deeply, to write a piece for Professor Moon who had previously told his students to write about their most recent or at least favourite place you visited, adding how it needs details and realness… problem was you haven’t been anywhere outside of your hometown in months.

You’re going to fail.

If this wasn’t Donghyuck’s laptop, you’re positive you would’ve slammed the lid down and thrown it out of the library’s window without a care in the world by now, but you know how much he loves this laptop… and how bad he would kill you.

You lean back into your seat with a sigh, leg bouncing beneath the table and you rub your palms on your jeans, glancing around the half empty library, spotting a few familiar faces but the rest were unknown. Your eyes instinctively go to your bag that rests on the chair beside you, teeth sucking your bottom lip in between your teeth as you reach for it, dipping your hand inside and reaching for what you need at the bottom of the bag.

Nakamoto Yuta, NaYuTravels, +82-1-***-***. Professor Moon’s writing stares you back in the face. You purse your lips in deep thought, glancing back and forth between your messy document and the slip.

Ideas start to form in your head and before you can even register what you’re doing, your finger glides across the touchpad on the laptop, opening up a browser and typing in the website name, clicking the link that first pops up.

Your eyes widen as you’re instantly met with the most beautifully aesthetic page you have ever seen. It was minimal, so clean, so simple and organised even with its pictures and writings. Your hand presses to your mouth in surprise, your heart seems to swell at every incredible piece of writing you read and the photos that were attached to them made you feel—

Bzzt. Your phone vibrates loudly on the table and you’re instantly snapped out of your thoughts, reaching for the device quickly and shutting it off. The librarian peeps her head around her computer, narrowing her eyes at you and you send her a sheepish smile back, bowing your head apologetically and she resumes back to what she was doing while you cringe in embarrassment, unlocking your phone to see who had called you. Donghyuck. Of. Fucking. Course.

donghyuck: why did u decline my call bitchass bitch

you: i’m in the library u idiot

donghyuck: lol sorry donghyuck: anyway are u still using my laptop??? i need it back to take some notes for class

You glance up at the screen, biting down on your cheek as your eyes scan over the page, a tight pulling at your chest.

you: yeah u can have it back. meet u outside the music dept in two??

donghyuck: ty, ly

You exit out of the website and shut down the laptop with a sigh, closing the lid and gathering your belongings in your arm as you leave the library, not even sparing the librarian a glance out of pure embarrassment. The hallways aren’t as crowded as they usually are, some lingered around with earphones plugged into their ears and others stood in small groups, mingling with their friends.

A familiar face appears around the corner and you recognise it’s Jeno, wearing his royal blue engineering overalls alongside another student who you’ve seen here and there whenever Jeno’s busy in class, his name tag reading Kim J.

Jeno waves when he sees you and you wave back before he disappears with his classmate, leaving you alone once more until you hear your name being called. You glance over your shoulder, slowly coming to a stop as you realise it’s Professor Moon calling out your name from his class and he ushers you on over.

“Professor Moon” You greet him quickly with a bow as you walk over. “I still haven’t finished the task you asked us to do, but I—”

“It’s fine” He dismisses it with a shake of his hand, adjusting his circular glasses on the bridge of his nose. “I actually called you over for a different reason. Please, come in and have a seat, it’s important”

“Oh” You blink, pointing to the laptop. “I need to give this to my friend before… I…” You trail off, eyes widening in surprise as you finally notice the red haired man behind him, sitting down on top of a desk with an ipad in hand, flicking across the screen. You’re speechless by the beauty of his man: his red hair resting just above his shoulders, ears decorated in the prettiest jewellery and a small chain hanging from his neck.

He’s adorned in a black and white striped button up shirt that's tucked loosely into the belt of his jeans and some converse. It was such a simple outfit that even most students on campus wear but on him, it looked expensive.

It’s Nakamoto Yuta. The voice screams inside your head. You’re unable to tear your eyes away from him. It’s fucking Nakamoto Yuta.

You almost drop your belongings in your hand as you immediately greet him and he looks up from his ipad to chuckle, placing it down on the desk beside him as he greets you back. Professor Moon clasps his hands together, a bright smile on his face.

“This is Nakamoto Yuta, the close friend of mine that organises those trips we discussed and this is the student that I was telling you about, the one that wanted to become a travel writer” Professor Moon introduces you both. He turns to face you, looking proud. “I was just showing him your works”

The red head looks impressed. “You’re really talented”

“Thanks Mr N—”

“You can call me Yuta” He stops you, a look of disgust spreading across his face. “Calling me Mr Nakamoto makes me feel old”

“Thanks” Professor Moon mutters beneath his breath. Yuta grins at that, playfully nudging Professor Moon as he walks by to get to his desk. You can see how close they both are, sending boyish grins to each other and it almost makes you smile seeing Professor Moon so relaxed and chilled, knowing that your class, especially Miwoo, doesn’t give him a break.

Yuta clears his throat and turns to face you. “I heard you were thinking about applying to the writer's trip that's coming up… but I haven’t seen your name on the list yet?”

“I haven’t signed up for it yet… I only just looked at your website this morning” You tell him, holding your stuff close to your chest as you awkwardly look down at your doc martens, feeling slightly embarrassed to be talking about this. “I’ve been busy with things, so… I haven’t really had the time to think about it. I don’t even know if I want to sign up to this trip yet”

Professor Moon eyes you from the side. “I thought you said you wanted to become a travel writer to follow in your mothers footsteps?”

You nod eagerly. “I do! I just…” But that’s when your nodding comes to a stop. You’re stuck again, unsure of the feeling that settles in your chest, unsure of what’s holding you back from agreeing to sign up for this trip that, admittingly, you desperately want to go on.

Miwoo and Haru seemed to support you going after they found out, and the boys didn’t seem opposed to you going, but then again you weren't able to hear their opinions when the subject was changed so quickly. You still haven’t brought it up to Jaemin yet, struggling to find the right moment which never seems to come… maybe that is what's holding you back?

“The trip doesn’t start until next month, so you only have a few weeks to figure out what you want to do” Yuta tells you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Personally, from what I’ve read, I think you should go. Not only do you have talent, but you even said it yourself, it’s something that you want to do… it's as simple as that”

“It’s not that simple” You mutter under your breath with a frown and Yuta chuckles, clearly hearing what you said. Your lips press together in embarrassment, mentally kicking yourself but the way Yuta smiles, you calm yourself down knowing he’s not offended.

“Okay, sure. It’s not that simple” Yuta nods, copying your words. “But nothing should be stopping you from doing what you want to do, especially if this is your dream” You don’t know why, but his words struck something inside you, an unsettling feeling swirling around in the pit of your stomach. Yuta clears his throat, giving you one of his award winning smiles as he tucks his hair behind his ears. “Anyways, I’m sure Taeil gave you my number on that slip, so don’t be afraid to contact me if you need some advice or need to talk about the trip. You can find my email on the website too… I would love to hear from you and I hope I can change your mind”

“I will” You nod, taking this as a sign to leave which you shortly do, bidding the two a quiet goodbye before stepping out of the classroom. You let out a deep breath, holding your belongings in one hand as the other rubs at the back of your neck, closing your eyes in relief.

You’re happy to be out of the classroom, no longer being watched by the two, your skin crawling with nerves beneath their stares. Despite feeling a little awkward and uncomfortable, you would be lying to yourself if you said you weren't excited that you met Yuta. It definitely put you in somewhat of a good mood and you can’t help the smile that etches onto your lips.

“What the hell?! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?!” Donghyuck exclaims as you finally meet him in front of the music department, his arms thrown up in the air in disbelief before he taps the non-existent watch on his wrist. “I’ve been waiting for five minutes!!”

“You don’t even have a watch” You fight back, handing over the laptop which Donghyuck snatches from your grasp with a scowl which makes you roll your eyes. “Why did you want it back anyway?”

Donghyuck looks at you incredulously. “You’re asking me why I want my laptop back?” You give him a blank look, not amused with his attitude but he grins, reaching forward to pat your head. “Mark wouldn’t let me borrow his to write down some notes and Yangyang’s being a little bitch, so I had to use mine”

Your brow raises. “Mark?”

“Canadian”

“Oh”

“Apparently Aisha lied about seeing him by the w—” Donghyuck cuts himself off with a huff when something, or someone, knocks into his shoulder, making him fly forwards. Your hands reach out, immediately steadying him when he almost trips over his shoes. His head snaps towards the suspect, opening his mouth to attack with countless profanities and threats… but he’s quiet, eyes wide and round as he stares.

The suspect, a girl around the same age as you both, looks at him alarmed and quickly bows her head, multiple apologies coming from her lips with a muffled explanation of not knowing her own strength. You side eye Donghyuck who remains quiet and frozen, mouth ajar and you take it upon yourself to place your finger beneath his chin and push upwards to close his mouth, sending the panicked girl a kind smile.

You reassure her that everything is okay and she nods, sparing a quick glance at Donghyuck before she slips through the door of the music department, letting it fall shut behind her. Donghyuck blinks as he slowly turns his head towards you and you bite back a chuckle at the expression on his face.

“I think I’m in love”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“I love Professor Moon but if we ever get separated to do an assignment again, I will commit arson” Miwoo threatens as the three of you manage to meet up for lunch, sitting outside on campus due to the sunny weather, picking a spot beneath a try to hide in the shade. Miwoo pulls a plastic container out of her bag as she eyes you both. “I’m being serious, by the way”

“We know” Haru nods, opening up a pack of BBQ chips, munching on one slowly as she looks at the container. “What is that?”

“It’s a quinoa salad!!” Miwoo grins, ripping off the lid and showcasing her food like she had just won a trophy. “Doesn’t it look pretty?”

You hum with a nod, clearly impressed with her presentation while you unwrap your poorly made sandwich. Miwoo cheers to herself, grabbing her fork from her bag and happily digging into her food. You go to bite into your sandwich until she leans forwards, holding her fork out to you with a decent amount of food at the end.

She urges you to try and you don’t need to be told twice, already leaning in to try a bite. You chew, you swallow, you pause. Holy shit. Miwoo proudly pats herself on the back at your reaction, scooping up some more on her fork and holding it out to Haru who happily tries it next.

“What else have you put in that?” Haru grills her immediately, trying to take the plastic container out of her hands but Miwoo fights back, holding it close to her chest. Haru points at her. “You’ve put something else in there!! I’ve tried you quinoa salad before, you little bitch…”

“It’s a secret ingredient” Miwoo jabs her fork into the salad as she mutters. “Probably my tears”

“What?” You instantly say, hearing her loud and clear.

Miwoo’s head snaps towards you and she laughs, dismissing you with a shake of her hand. “I was kidding! You know I don’t cry!” You and Haru don’t seem convinced and Miwoo notices that straight away, sighing as she puts down her salad. “Look, I didn’t cry. It was a joke… but I made this salad in the midst of me and Jeno breaking up so that’s probab—”

“You and Jeno broke up?” Haru cuts her off out of shock, her eyes wide and unbelieving. Miwoo nods her head as she plays with her food. You and Haru share a look of disbelief and you gesture for her to continue. Haru blinks and turns back to Miwoo. “How? When?”

“Last night. It was a mutual discussion” She tells you, tucking her long hair neatly behind her ears as her bottom lip gets caught between her teeth. “Well, I initiated the conversation… he just went along with it and then we broke up, both agreeing that we argue too much”

You send a disappointing look her way. “And you didn’t think to talk before just… breaking up?”

“We would end up just arguing even more anyways” Miwoo’s brows furrow with a deep frown. “Why are you both looking at me like that?”

“I’m shocked, to be honest” Haru states, munching on another BBQ chip, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you guys try and talk before deciding to call it quits? Did you even want to end things?”

Miwoo is silent for a moment, taking in Haru’s words without making eye contact with anyone, staring down at her lunch with a blank expression that starts to make you worry. You’re not used to seeing Miwoo so quiet, unless she passed out from being too drunk or too tired, so hearing nothing but silence from her rang the alarm bells in your head.

You want to know what’s going on inside her mind, what thoughts she’s thinking, what she’s feeling but you know deep down that she doesn’t want to open up… she doesn’t like opening up. You respect her wishes, always, but it’s hard seeing someone you truly care about suffer alone in silence.

So, instead, you reach over and pat her arm. She looks up, giving you her full attention with sullen eyes and you smile, pointing at her salad that she’s been playing with for the past few minutes.

“Can I have some more? It was really good” Miwoo starts to smile at your words and nods her head excitedly. Haru watches you both with a soft grin, happy to see Miwoo lighten up from her previous sour mood and you help keep the smile on her face, keeping her preoccupied.

She takes out her phone when it buzzes to see a message from Renjun, cheeks becoming sore from the grin that remains on her face. Tapping the little camera icon in the left hand corner, she raises the phone up, making sure that the three of you are in frame when she calls out your names.

You both turn to face her, Miwoo throwing a middle finger to the camera with one hand while the other feeds you. Your eyes are wide, a fork hanging from your mouth but you give the camera a peace sign, ignoring the way Haru snickers as she takes the photo.

“Was that Renjun?” Miwoo asks, even though she knows the answer. Haru nods. “Are they meeting us out here?”

“He said he’s going to be a few minutes late” Haru says, thumbs quickly tapping against the keyboard on the screen before she swipes to the side, pulling up the groupchat. Her brows furrow as she reads the recent messages. “Yangyang and Donghyuck are on their way, Shotaro is staying behind and there’s nothing from Jeno or Jaemin”

“I saw Jeno earlier” You pipe up, biting into your sandwich as you side glance at Miwoo who hardly pays attention, staring down at her blood red coloured nails. “He was with that guy that hangs out in his class… Kim J?”

“Kim Jungwoo” Miwoo grabs her water from her bag, unscrewing the cap as she looks up at the two of you. “Whitish hair, tall, body like a greek god. He’s dating that girl that's studying economics: Nabi”

“Nabi?” You repeat. “Like the butterfly?”

“Yep” Miwoo nods, shoving a forkful of salad into her mouth and chewing quickly. She swallows but still covers her mouth to speak. “She’s super pretty but I don’t really like her attitude that much. She seems full of herself, thinks she’s better than everyone… which is weird because her little sister is the exact opposite, she’s cool”

“Who’s her sister?”

“Her name is—” Miwoo pauses, staring over your head with a look of disbelief before she starts laughing, shaking her head with her tongue poking at her cheek. “You’ve got to be kidding me”

Confusion is written all over your face but when you turn to look over your shoulder, you understand why she had that reaction. You see Eunbin walking across campus with Mia and Yeeun at her side, laughing at what Mia was saying. Your nail nervously scratches at your thumb as you watch her, heart thumping erratically in your chest at the way she carries herself. So confident. So pretty.

It’s like a bright light shines around her form, sparkles twinkling whenever she smiles, her laugh sounding like musical notes. Her beauty continues to make you speechless, struggling to comprehend how someone can be so perfect.

Your eyes widen comically as you notice she’s making her way over to your little group, waving happily when she sees you and you awkwardly wave back, a tight smile stuck on your face.

“She’s friends with Mia and Yeeun?” Haru questions, raising her brow at the trio.

“Told you… she’s strange” Miwoo says as they get closer, giving them one of her most famous fake smiles, tilting her head to the side as they stand in front of you both. Eunbin’s the only one to greet you three, the others remaining quiet and staring with a look in their eye that you fail to pinpoint but you ignore them, paying attention to Eunbin who calls out your name softly

“It’s great seeing you again” Eunbin says with a genuine tone that makes your stomach churn. “I’m sorry if I made you awkward or uncomfortable yesterday… I didn’t realise how tense the situation was until you left yesterday”

“It’s fine” You lie, shaking your head. “It was probably weird for the both of us”

“Very” Eunbin chuckles before she speaks again, but you struggle to focus on her words when you see Mia staring at you from behind her shoulder, smirking. She’s finding this whole situation hilarious and it makes your blood bubble.

Jaemin and Eunbin never ended on bad terms, he’ll throw you away when she comes back. Mia’s voice repeats in your head again but you know the beginning part is wrong, he told you the truth… He’ll throw you away when she comes back. You tear your eyes away from Mia to stare at nothing in particular, biting down on the skin of your cheek. Would the last part be true?

Wait. Does it even matter if Jaemin goes back to Eunbin? You brows furrow in deep thought. There’s no reason for you to be upset or even mad if Jaemin decides to go back to Eunbin… So why are you so against it? Why does the thought of it make your head hurt?

“So, yeah, I hope that we can be friends” Eunbin’s voice yanks you out of your thoughts and you blink rapidly, feeling hot underneath everyone’s stare as you realise you weren’t exactly listening to what she was saying, but you nod anyway which earns a grin. “Good! I’m glad! I should get going, I’m not supposed to be h—”

“Hold on, why are you here?” Miwoo interrogates this time, crossing her arms over her chest as she remains in harsh contact with Eunbin, her brow raised in suspicion. Miwoo’s challenging her, making her feel uncomfortable and uneasy, something she likes to do whenever she doesn’t like someone. Haru bites back an amused smile while you stay still. You can hear Yeeun scoff behind Eunbin.

“I came to get my old stuff from my class. I used to go here before I left” Eunbin explains with that sweet smile, not faltering under Miwoo’s eyes. She adjusts the bag strap on her shoulder as she turns to face Haru. “Actually, I did message Renjun on insta to see if he could pick it up for me… but I don’t think he saw it”

Unsurprisingly, Haru doesn’t react, remaining calm and collected as ever as she opens her packet of twizzlers, chewing on the red licorice nonchalantly while Miwoo’s eyebrows furrow at that, cocking her head to the side with her tongue poking at her cheek. Fuck, she’s getting angry. You stretch your legs and nudge her foot with yours discreetly, giving her a look that she doesn’t even take notice of as she keeps her gaze locked on Eunbin.

She speaks slowly. “You messaged Renjun?”

“Well, yeah, we were in the same art class” Eunbin explains further, holding up her hands in defence. “I just want my stuff, that’s all”

“Then go get it” The tone Miwoo uses surprises you all and Eunbin nods slowly, giving you and Haru a short smile for a goodbye before she walks away, Yeeun and Mia following close behind but not before sneering at Miwoo who flips them off, uninteresting in the pair as she turns to face Haru who watches the chaos quietly, still chewing on her twizzler. “Dude, she messaged your fucking boyfriend, how are you not livid right now?”

“I’m not worried” Haru shrugs her shoulders. “Renjun hates her as much as the others do. Besides, he showed me the message earlier on his phone, he deleted it”

“I don’t like her, at all” Miwoo turns her head in the direction they left in, face scrunching in disgust. “And the fact that she’s friends with Mia and Yeeun… It just screams ‘red flag’”

“What does?” The three of you turn your head at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice, seeing him and Yangyang standing above you with curious expressions on their faces.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Miwoo huffs angrily, despite making space for the pair to sit down in the circle. “Eunbin just made an appearance”

“Really?” Yangyang pulls a face, sitting down beside you and knocking against your shoulder in the process. You wince at the harsh contact, rubbing the sore area as you kick him in return and he yelps, pushing you in retaliation. You’re about to fight back harder, raising your hand to wallop the back of his head until you notice Jeno and Jaemin walking out of the building, heading straight to your little group.

Miwoo explains in depth to Yangyang and Donghyuck about Eunbin, cursing multiple profanities and over exaggerating parts of the story that has Donghyuck gasping in shock. Your eyes remain on Jaemin whose eyes are already on you even though he speaks to Jeno, a grin spreading across his lips and you mirror his expression, raising your hand in a shy wave.

Yangyang follows your stare in wonder only for his shoulders to slump once he sees Jaemin, taking this opportunity to shuffle to the side, using his arms to move himself over to Donghyuck and Miwoo, creating a distance between you and him, a space he knows that Jaemin will sit.

Yangyang looks away when Jaemin does settle down beside you with a hand resting on your knee, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You sprawl across your couch, legs stretching over Jaemin’s lap as your laptop rests on your stomach, engrossed in the work that should’ve been completed in the library earlier, but you’re thankful that Professor Moon is laid back and chill when it comes to your class, allowing you to have extra time if needed.

Your eyes flit over to Jaemin, watching as he stares at his editing tablet on the armrest while his hand rubs your thigh in soothing motions, gripping the skin between his fingers every now and then before mindlessly tracing little patterns, making goosebumps rise in his path.

Jaemin sighs softly, putting down his stylus pen to adjust the glasses that rest on his nose and rubs his forehead, resuming back in his editing and englaring the photograph he previously took of Shotaro to smooth out the edges and you peer over your laptop to see the stressed out look plastered across his face.

Your lips purse together in thought, removing the laptop from your lap and placing it down on the ground. You capture his attention just as you move around on the sofa, watching as you shift onto your knees, resting your bottom on the heels of your feet. His lips twitch upwards into a smile, finding you all too cute looking at him the way you are. He shuts off his tablet, carefully placing it down on the coffee table in front of him, giving you his full attention.

You both look at each other for a while in complete quiet. It was so natural to do so. No awkwardness, no uncomfortableness, it was just peace. This would be a good idea to tell him about the trip. That little voice in your head speaks and you struggle to swallow, eyes faltering from him. Tell him.

“Let’s take a break, hm?” You suggest and Jaemin nods slowly, agreeing. You clear your throat. “Also, I want to tell you something”

His brow quirks up. “Okay?”

“Okay” You repeat, sucking in a deep breath, palms becoming sweaty. Tell him. “There’s this trip that my, uh, my professor told me about not so long ago. It’s for aspiring writers, especially travel writers, which has been a huge dream of mine. It’s a pretty big trip, you know, and you get to travel around the world for a few months, writing about the places that you visit… And I got offered to go on that trip”

Jaemin’s silent. He’s staring at you. He’s staring through you. There’s no expression on his face, his smile gone. Your heart rate spikes up, you find it hard to breathe. Your vision is fuzzy and your fingers pinch the skin of your thigh to try and calm yourself down from the anxiety attack you’re about to have, from the thoughts that circle around in your head.

But, he smiles. He genuinely smiles.

You’re too frozen in shock to comprehend him leaning towards you, his hand fondly rubbing the back of your head before trailing down your back, pressing you against him. You fall into his side, unable to tear your eyes away from him as he tilts his head.

“I’m so proud of you” Jaemin says and your chest immediately bursts, feeling like little sparkes are prickling your skin and a weight is lifted off of your shoulders. You immediately relax, letting out a deep exhale of relief as you feel his fingers gently tug at your earrings affectionately. “I’m really proud of you”

“You are?” You ask and Jaemin nods, chuckling at the expression on your face. You let out a groan, slapping the palm of your hand against your forehead. “That was—oh my god—I’m such a—that was so—”

“You’re rambling” He cuts you off, amused.

“That was so anti-climatic” You tell him, shaking your head as your hand falls to his lap. “I was expecting some big negative reaction but… wow, that was so easy? Why was it that easy?” You eye him suspiciously. “Do you have something to tell me?”

“What? No” Jaemin laughs, letting his arm rest around your shoulders. “I’m genuinely proud of you… did you think I wouldn’t be proud of you?”

“It’s not that” You shake your head. “I just… I thought that you’d be upset or angry that I’d be leaving for a few months if I go on the trip. I thought it might, you know, bring back bad memories…”

“Oh…” Jaemin hums, pressing his lips together in deep thought. “This isn’t like that, though” You blink at that, unsure of what he means. “Eunbin didn’t tell me about her trip. She left without saying anything so I was clueless. You told me about the trip, you’re letting me know things… I mean, I’d be pretty angry and upset if you did what she did and kept it from me”

You laugh awkwardly. “I’m glad I didn’t decide to go with that then”

He gives you a deadpan expression. “You were going to keep it from me”

“Not exactly!!” You shake your head, quick to defend yourself even though that was the case. “I was scared about telling you. I didn’t know how to tell you—I didn't know how you would react!! I thought the others would—”

“The others know?” He cuts you off, his mouth dropping open in mock offence and you roll your eyes as you realise he’s been joking around with you this entire time and that he’s not actually upset. You go to speak but he beats you to it. “Oh, you’re evil”

Now it’s your turn to be offended. “I’m not”

“You are” He nods rapidly. “You’re evil. You told everyone but me”

“Actually, they found out. I didn’t tell anyone” You mutter under your breath through gritted teeth and Jaemin laughs, leaning forwards to press his lips against your temple in a short peck. You raise your head at that which makes him come forwards again, capturing your lips with his.

You hand cups his jaw, bringing him to you as close as possible, stomach swirling with excitement as you feel him smile against your lips. His tongue mindlessly plays with yours and you’re desperate, you’re so fucking desperate to climb onto his lap and makeout with him all even until you feel him pull away.

You whine, chasing his lips but he tuts with a shake of his head.

“You were mean to me” Jaemin whispers, his nose brushing against yours and you notice the way his mouth quirks up in a sly grin. This isn’t going to be good. “You could make it up to me?” You give him a blank look, crossing your arms over your chest as you nod for him to continue. “Give me a blowjob?”

You snort. “Pig”

Jaemin frowns. “Handjob then?”

“You want me to give you a handjob? Right here? In my living room?” You giggle, gesturing towards the door with a quick nod of your head. “Where anyone can walk in and see us?”

Jaemin hums with a slow nod, tongue darting out to lick his lips as he stares at you with a smirk. Your thighs clench together at his expression, excitement pooling in the pit of your stomach. He leans his head closer to yours. “Doesn’t the thought of getting caught sound fun?”

You tut even though a smile spreads across your lips, crawling your fingers up his leg and stroking his thigh over his sweatpants. The smirk falters from his face, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watches your hand cup his boner, instinctively pushing his hips up into your palm. Undoing the strings on his sweatpants, you slip your hand beneath the waistband, eyebrows raising in surprise as you realise he’s wearing no boxers.

He gives you a sly wink to which you roll your eyes at, drawing his length out of his sweatpants and wrapping your fingers around him, thumb rubbing along the underside, watching as he grows bigger. Jaemin shifts beside you, sighing at the way you touch him, head lolling to the side.

Once you start jerking him off at a slow pace, his head drops to your shoulder, watching your hand work him. He’s in awe at how perfect your hand wraps around him. Made just for me. He hums as your fingertip spreads the precum that leaks from his slit and he jolts when you smear it around his sensitive tip, a breathy moan falling from his lips.

You pump his cock with long, languid strokes and Jaemin parts his lips to groan, pupils dilated and filled with lust, brows contorting in pleasure. He can’t control himself, lightly rolling his hips upwards to meet your pace but he shudders as your thumb presses down on his leaking slit in warning to not move or change the pace.

You tut. “You’re so nee—”

“Don’t” He breathes out heavily, broken moans ripping through his throat as you stroke his cock faster, leaning over to drool over his tip. The wet sounds of your hand twisting over his cock sends an ache to your core, desperate to be touched. You squeeze your thighs together for some friction, your own breathing labouring.

A guttural groan leaves him, head flinging back against the sofa, mouth open wide as he pants. He’s losing it. He feels like he’s going crazy. The way you’re looking at him, the way your hand moves against him, the dirty wet sounds. Fuck, he’s going to cum soon. Jaemin’s grunts, trying to control himself and not focus too much on your hand rubbing his sensitive head. He doesn’t want this to end. Please. Please Plea—

“Fuuuuck” A grunt rips from the back of his throat, biting down harshly on his bottom lip as he screws his eyes shut, body stilling just before cums. It shoots out in long strings, coating your hand and his t-shirt, and your eyes widen in shock to see how much he’s giving you, your hand refusing to stop its ministrions on his spent cock.

You laugh at his weak attempts at pushing your hand away, grinning at the way he whines at the overstimulation and you finally let go, watching as he flops back against the sofa, chest heaving as he sucks in deep breaths.

“Am I forgiven?” You ask, voice quiet and soft. His head turns to look at you, eyes filled with adoration and affection. Your brows furrow at the hazy look he’s giving you, wondering what’s going on inside of his head and your cheeks warm at the attention, wanting to break eye contact out of shyness but you can’t seem to do so. You feel stuck, you feel hot… you feel—

You’re snatched out of your thoughts when Jaemin lurches forward to kiss you, knocking the air out of your lungs. Your fingers curl at the front of his shirt, drawing your bodies as close together as you can with the help of his hands on your waist that help you onto his lap, throwing your leg over his hips.

You’ve been sex deprived for so long that you already feel the pool of slick between your thighs, underwear uncomfortably sticking to your folds and you pull away from Jaemin’s lips to get rid of your leggings, laughing at Jaemin’s failed attempts to help you, eager to get you out of your clothes.

He flings your leggings somewhere behind you, the two of you not caring where they land as he reconnects your lips in a messy kiss, a clash of teeth and tongue. He nips down your jaw and finds interest in your neck as his fingers hook in the waistband of your panties, ready to rip them off of your body and have at you but the sound of his phone buzzing captures your attention, craning your neck to see the culprit.

You freeze on top of him, seeing Eunbin’s name flash across his screen. Why is she calling him? His phone stops buzzing for a few moments and you allow yourself to get lost in his kisses again but his phone lights back up, her name appearing on the screen.

“What’s wrong?” Jaemin mumbles against the skin of your neck, pulling away with a pop as he realises you’re not speaking. He moves away from the marks created on your neck to look up at you, moving fallen hair out of your face before following your line of sight, his hands slowly dropping from your face as he sees the caller ID.

“Ignore it” You say, almost pleading. You turn back to Jaemin to see his attention on the device. You grab at his face, angling him towards you to brush your lips against his. “Ignore it”

He kisses you again, tongue sliding against yours. Your fingers rake through his hair, gasping into the kiss as he tugs at your underwear again, hearing the seam rip a little at the force. You’re ready for him to tear the flimsy material off of your body and take you on the sofa, but it never comes, not when the phone buzzes again.

Jaemin’s the one to pull back this time, reaching for his phone on the arm rest. Eunbin’s name flashes across the screen and you sigh, your hands leaving his hair and falling into your lap. He stares at the screen for a few moments, tongue poking at his cheek in deep thought before he slides his finger across the bottom and raises the phone to his ear.

You blink, shocked that he answered the phone while you are both in a pretty serious position and instantly, you yearn for him withers away into nothing.

His brows furrow as he listens to Eunbin speak on the other side, something about wanting to talk, something about Jeno. Jaemin meets your eyes as he tells her he’s busy but you can faintly hear her pleas and you can feel yourself slowly get frustrated. Is it sexually? Are you just angry? You slide off of his lap the second you sense his demeanour change, adjusting your panties as you sit beside him in silence, chewing at your thumb nail.

Jaemin mutters a quiet goodbye and hangs up the phone, looking over at you with the most apologetic frown and your blood bubbles.

“Are you—are you serious right now?” You look at him in disbelief, sitting up straight as you turn your body towards him. “You’re leaving, aren’t you? Are you kidding?”

“Y/N…” Jaemin calls your name softly, tucking himself back into his sweats and you laugh, shaking your head in bewilderment. He puts the phone to the side and grabs your hand, trying to interlock your fingers with his own but you pull away, not allowing him to have what he wants. He sighs. “Don’t be like this. Please”

“How can I not?” You mutter, refusing to look at him, feeling embarrassed at your next words. “Jae, we haven’t had sex in days… it feels like everytime we try, we’re always interrupted and then when we finally get a chance to be alone…”

“Hey” Jaemin reaches towards you, cupping your face with his hands and forces you to look at him. “Whatever you’re thinking inside your head right now, stop it. You know that I’d choose to spend time with you over anyone in a heartbeat… I’m only leaving because I know Jeno will snap if she shows up at the house and I can’t be bothered to deal with the arguments. She just wants to talk again and I promise you, I’ll be right back”

You take in his words, nodding slowly. “What does she even want to talk about anyway?”

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, his fingers delicately caressing your face. “I don’t know. I think she’s just trying to be friends again, you know, like we talked about before”

When you don’t respond, Jaemin shifts beside you, pulling you towards him to give you a kiss. It’s soft, slow, gentle. It makes your head spin and you feel giddy, a smile threatening to make its way onto your lips. The way he makes you shy and putty in his grip will always be a mystery to you, you never understood how easily he makes you weak.

He tilts his head to deepen the kiss, fingers moving from your cheeks to grab the back of your neck, his hold desperate and the second your hands go to grip his shoulders, you’re reminded of the kiss you shared at his front door yesterday morning when Eunbin was in the kitchen, you’re reminded of the talk they had yesterday and you’re reminded of the previous phone call.

The thought of Eunbin makes you move back from the kiss and Jaemin chases your lips, kissing you one last time before he stands from the sofa. You remain seated, watching him as he adjusts himself in his sweats and glances down at his cum stained shirt that he knows he’s going to have to hide and change as soon as he gets home.

He runs his hands through his messy hair as he leans down, planting a kiss on the top of your head and you give him a tight smile, watching as he walks towards the front door.

He never came back that night.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You haven’t seen Jaemin fully in three days, his life being completely taken over by classes and hanging out with Eunbin who seemed to not want to leave his side, according to the majority of your group. He makes the effort to see you, even if it's passing through the corridors on campus, at lunch or even if it's a quick facetime call to see how you’re doing, sometimes he even has a few minutes to help you get off over the phone. But still, it’s not the real thing.

You miss him, but you were unsure if you miss the sex or if you miss his company. It could be both, you think. Let it be both.

Your days have been spent mostly with the group, Jeno, Donghyuck Yangyang never failing to leave your side, even coming over uninvited (not that they needed an invitation to come over anyways). You begin to notice that Jeno comes around when Eunbin’s at their house, refusing to be anywhere near her whenever she appears which, truth be told, you find amusing, secretly wanting to know the lengths Jeno would go to not be around her.

Even with Miwoo here at the apartment, they hardly acknowledge each other much. Just a simple look before one of them turns away. You feel bad for the both of them… but you also wants to smack them across their heads for being so idiotic and not talking to each other.

“Honey, we’re home!” Donghyuck’s voice sings as soon as the apartment door unlocks, kicking off his shoes at the door and rushing inside while Jeno and Yangyang linger behind, taking off their shoes and coats.

Originally, you were going to spend the day alone due to Haru being at work with Renjun tagging along and Miwoo taking Shotaro shopping, and knowing that those two shopaholics wouldn’t be back for a good few hours, you decided to have a you day; your favourite food, your favourite alcoholic drink and your favourite movie while possibly feeling sorry for yourself.

But the entire idea is flushed down the drain as soon as the trio enter your apartment, yet you’re grateful. You really didn’t want to be alone.

“Hi” You greet them happily as they walk into the kitchen. Donghyuck immediately darts for the refrigerator, pushing the hood down on top of head and drums his fingers across the open door, staring at the goods inside with a pout. Jeno sits down at the island, adorned in a pair of black gym shorts and a white hoodie, bangs messily splayed across his forehead. His fingers play with the little tuft of hair at the back of his neck, the mullet growing in nicely.

Yangyang, on the other hand, is wearing something less comfy and casual. Your brows pull together as you eye the black balenciaga sweatshirt he’s wearing with his baggy denim jeans and black converses.

He senses your staring and presses his palms against the marble counter to lean on them, popping out his ass. “What? Do I look sexy?”

“You wish” You scoff, sitting down opposite Jeno who’s chuckling. Yangyang flips you off as he sits down beside him and Donghyuck soon joins you with a yoghurt cup in hand. You point to it. “That’s mine”

“Oh” Donghyuck sounds defeated even though he rips off the plaster lid and dips a spoon inside. He blinks at you before he smiles. “Mine now”

You huff. “All you losers do is come to my apartment and eat my food!”

“Correction, we come to your apartment and eat your food with you so you’re not alone” Yangyang grins, resting his chin on his hand as he looks at you. “Who’s the loser really?”

“Still you” You grumble, leaning back into your seat with your arms wrapped around your middle. “Way to put me down, by the way. Mentioning that I’m alone here.. Thanks for that”

Yangyang sends an air kiss your way and a wink. “You’re welcome, sweetheart”

“Has he not talked to you today?” Jeno asks you as he fishes his phone out of his pocket and you nod your head, informing him on your brief interaction you had with Jaemin this morning on campus. Jeno doesn’t seem too impressed with your answer. “Really? That’s it?”

“He’s been busy” You shrug your shoulders, unable to look them in their eyes as they all stare at you. They know you’re making excuses. You know you’re making excuses. “Is Eunbin there?”

“No, thank god” Donghyuck answers this time, shoving a spoonful of yoghurt in his mouth. “I can’t take another second of her trying to talk to us and act like everything is okay. I’m tired of hearing her voice”

“Aren’t you, I don’t know, annoyed?” Yangyang queries, looking at you with concerned filled eyes. “I mean… his ex-girlfriend is trying to spend time with him while you’re here, alone at home”

“I don’t have a reason to be annoyed” You shrug your shoulders again, not knowing what else to do. “What Jaemin does is none of my concern… and neither is Eunbin for that matter. They can do whatever they want”

“But you guys are official” Donghyuck points out, putting the empty yoghurt cup to the side and licking the spoon clean. “You’re allowed to be annoyed, right?”

“I think I can only be annoyed if he ends up sleeping with her” You mumble under your breath. Suddenly, you’re filling with dread. Would he sleep with Eunbin again even after everything they’ve been through? Would he ever sleep with her? The thought makes you feel sick and you rub at your forehead, trying to get rid of the images of the pair inside of your head.

Jeno knocks his foot against yours beneath the table. “Jaemin wouldn’t sleep with Eunbin” His eyes darts to Donghyuck as he speaks, giving him a hardened glare which has Donghyuck shrinking in his seat with a sulk. “Jaemin wouldn’t do that, not after the shit she put him through…”

You frown. “That bad, huh?”

“He was depressed for a long time. All he would do was cry, drink, take drugs, feel shittier and repeat” Jeno sighs as he recalls the moments of his best friend in pain, chewing at his cheek. “It was a constant cycle that he couldn’t get out of. There was a short period where he wanted to sleep around with people, to forget the pain, to feel something different… but he couldn’t do it. He kept seeing her in his mind, it made him feel worse”

The way Jeno explains Jaemin’s post breakup, it reminded you of yourself. You were reminded about how shitty you felt, how disgusting and lonely you were, how alcohol was your coping mechanism and how badly you wanted to feel something different… just like how Jaemin did. You frown at that, heart dropping into your stomach at the thought of him so upset.

“Which is why we were kinda surprised when we found out he was sleeping with you” Yangyang tells you, awkwardly fiddling with the ring on his thumb as he refuses to meet your eyes. “We didn’t expect him to get into this type of situation with someone… It’s the same for you too, we didn’t expect you to do it”

“Yeah” You breathe out. “Me neither”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So, little lady, are you going to tell me what’s actually going on in that little head of yours?” You hiss as Jeno knocks his knuckle against your head, rubbing the sore area as he drops down beside you on the sofa.

Your eyes flitter over to Yangyang and Donghyuck, the pair dead asleep on the loveseat, limbs sprawled across each other with their mouths hanging open, light snoring sounds coming from them both. Empty beer bottles and takeout bags are scattered on the floor around them, it makes you snicker at the sight and you pull out your phone to take a picture, completely forgetting Jeno’s previous question.

Jeno seems to have forgotten his own question too as he peers over your shoulder at the photo, watching as you draw around their bodies in the snapchat app with funky coloured lines and Jeno reaches his arm around to draw devil horns on top of Donghyuck’s head while you add black love hearts around Yangyang.

You post the picture on your private snap before saving the photo and posting it in the groupchat, already receiving quick messages and reactions from the others who find the picture funny just as much as you two do.

“I’m fine” You finally answer him, putting your phone down and bringing your knees up to your chest comfortably. Jeno gives you a look, clearly not believing a word you say and you put your hands up. “I’m serious! I’m fine”

He purses his lips in deep thought. “Would it make you talk if I told you that I wasn’t fine?”

Your hands instantly drop to your sides. “What’s wrong?”

“Nuh-uh, you first”

“You’re unbelievable” You sigh, shaking your head. “Fine, okay, I’ll tell you” Jeno grins happily, shifting around in his spot to get comfortable. “Since Eunbin has come back into the picture, I’ve been feeling very… I don’t know, replaceable, maybe? Is that even the right word?” The grin slowly drops from Jeno’s face as he listens to you speak, expression becoming stone cold at the mention of Eunbin’s name. “Even though Jaemin has been reassuring me, in his own little way, I’m still on the edge with a lot of things… I feel like something bad is going to happen, it’s making me uneasy”

“You make Jaemin happy” Your heart thumps at that. “You make him really happy. He’s so comfortable around you, you know, I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. Eunbin is doing her Eunbin thing… I see her as a leech, she latches onto things and she doesn’t let go. Jaemin has always been her target since they first met, she was obsessed with him and Jaemin became obsessed with her”

“Are you saying this stuff because it’s true or because you don’t like her?”

Jeno chuckles, leaning his head back against the sofa cushions as he looks at you. “Both”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head with a small smile. “Have you ever liked her?”

Jeno’s silent for a moment, deep in thought. Has there been a time where he liked Eunbin? He remembered when he first met her, when Jaemin first pointed her out in the art store she worked at. She was quiet but confident, which Jeno found interesting, and he liked how artistic she was, it reminded him of Renjun. Eunbin fought hard for what she wanted, which Jeno respected a lot… but she was selfish.

He wasn’t fully sure if she even meant to do it, but she wanted Jaemin for herself. She took up most of his time, pulling Jaemin away from him and the rest of the boys. He felt like she invaded Jaemin’s personal space, his too.

She was everywhere Jaemin would be and Jeno hated it. Was he jealous? Of course, he hardly got to spend time with his best friend who lived with him. Was he angry? Of course, Jaemin became too fixated on his relationship to even think about anything else… But Jeno always respected Jaemin, so he pushed all his emotions and feelings about Eunbin to the side when he saw how truly happy Jaemin was.

His mood turns sour when he's reminded of the breakup, remembering seeing Jaemin’s face, so broken and red raw from the tears that streamed down his cheeks. He let Jaemin cry into his arms, holding him tight and consoling him as Jaemin made excuses for Eunbin’s departure. I wasn’t good enough for her. I didn’t do enough. Am I a bad person? What did I do to deserve this? Jaemin’s fragile voice repeats through his head and Jeno sighs, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“No” He answers honestly. “Never”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

you: do u want to come over??? you: i was thinking maybe we could watch a movie or something??? you: i’ll cook dinner later :)

jaemin: i can’t rn baby i’m busy

you: oh

jaemin: can u come over later? [read 1:01pm]

You shut off your phone, shaking your head as you carelessly throw it to the side, not caring about the noise it makes as it lands on the kitchen island. Your fingers grip the roots of your hair, lips pressing together in a straight line as you exhale deeply through your nose.

It’s now been a week since you last hung out with Jaemin in person, the two of you having to cancel plans due to your assignments and schedules getting too hectic or, in Jaemin’s case, always being too busy to do something.

Deep down, you knew that his big photography projects were nearing their deadlines and he had to get them done… but there was always that little voice in the back of your mind that told you he was deliberately ignoring you, that he actually wasn’t busy and that he didn’t want to spend time with you anymore… that he’s back with Eunbin.

Your head falls into your hands as you sigh. Eunbin’s name makes you feel sad. The thought of Eunbin alone makes you feel like your throat is tight and you’re about to lose breath, but the thought of Jaemin being with Eunbin makes you feel like you’re going to lose your mind. It makes your chest feel painful and your eyes burn, almost like you’re holding back the tears but why would you need to cry? You have no reason… or maybe you do.

No you don’t, you tell yourself. You push back any thoughts and feelings about the situation, taking a sip of your water at your side before deciding to work on your assignments to keep yourself busy, not wanting to think about anything regarding the pair.

It doesn’t take long for Haru to join you, strolling into the kitchen with her arms full of notebooks and papers. You pull out the chair beside you for her to sit down and she huffs, dropping her stuff down on the island as she flops down in her chair.

“I’m so ready for these assignments to be over” Haru tells you, ripping the scrunchie off of her wrist and gathering her hair on top of her head to keep it out of her eyes, ignoring the little strands of hair that frame around her face.

“Me too” You mutter, eyeing the striped yellow and brown long sleeved shirt that’s covering her body, noticing the little specks of paint on the sleeves. “Is Renjun here?”

“He was” Haru nods, quickly pushing herself up from her seat to walk over to the miniature espresso machine to make herself a mug of coffee. “He left a little while ago. He asked Shotaro if he can paint him while he dances”

“That’s sweet” You say, leaning your elbows on the island. “Miwoo’s still sleeping”

“Speaking off Miwoo…” Haru begins, sitting back down beside you and taking a sip of her coffee. She pulls out her phone out of her shorts, fingers tapping quickly against the screen. You watch curiously, seeing her pull up Miwoo’s instagram and tap the first photo that she posted a week ago in her new gorgeous black dress that you’re obsessed with, she looked so pretty.

Haru faces the phone towards you, telling you to read the comments after your own. You do as she says, reading through the comments with a smile, loving the appreciation and the compliments she’s getting until you focus on the most recent one. Your eyes go wide, taking the phone out of Haru’s hands to get a better look, making sure you wasn’t reading anything wrong.

sunwo.o pretty

You gape, glancing back up at Haru in shock before looking back at the phone. Haru nods, silently confirming that it is actually Sunwoo’s account, that he did comment the compliment under her photo.

“Are they friends?” You ask as you tap on Sunwoo’s account and go through his photos and comments to see if Miwoo was active in them. You spot a few likes on his recents but no comments. You hand the phone back to Haru. “Do you think they’re talking?”

“I have no idea” Haru shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe he knows about the breakup between her and Jeno? Could be trying to get into her pants or something?”

“Sunwoo likes sleeping around but he’s pretty picky about who he sleeps with” You inform her. During your relationship with Eric, you got super close with Sunwoo too. He told you everything, he found a safe place in you and didn’t hold back from telling you things that sometimes you didn’t really want to know or found concerning. He liked sleeping with people who didn’t know him and vice versa. All he gave them was his age and his consent, nothing more, nothing less. “Plus, he used to be friends with Jeno too and he respected him so I doubt he would sleep with Miwoo…”

“Sunwoo now might be different from Sunwoo then” Haru points out and you hum, knowing that it could possibly be true. “How are you and Jaemin?”

You freeze at the name, staring down at your notes. You’re unsure how to answer that. Did you even want to answer it? Your lips press together and you give her a short nod, indicating that you’re both good as you decide now’s the time to get back to your assignments, not sparing her a glance.

Haru doesn’t believe you, not one bit. She senses something is off and her brows furrow, concerned and worried. She contemplates on asking you again, on demanding a full answer out of you but she knows how stubborn you can get sometimes, especially when you don’t want to talk about something.

She’s aware Jaemin hasn’t been around as much and she secretly hopes it's for a good reason, but she has a feeling it’s not. Haru see’s how different you and Jaemin both have been acting since Eunbin came back from New York and despite not fully knowing Eunbin, she feels a little bit of hatred towards her, knowing that she’s upsetting you.

You both remain quiet as you work, only sharing a few mutters back and forth when you’re stuck on a certain word or in need of some advice. You write, you ask for some help, you refill your drinks and repeat.

Haru finishes way before you but still decides to keep you company, remaining silent at your side and drinking her coffee as she scrolls through her phone. You ask for help again but when she doesn’t answer, you lift your head to look at her, noticing how engrossed she is with something on her phone and you don’t really think much of it as you go back to your writing, filling in what you think is right.

She quietly calls out your name just as you finish your paragraph and you hum, glancing up from your papers to give her your attention. Your lips curl into a frown as you notice the confusion and hesitancy on her face and it’s you that calls out Haru’s name this time, scrunching your brows together as she looks between you and her phone repeatedly.

“Have you…” Haru pauses, tilting her head to the side as she blinks. “Have you seen Eunbin’s post on instagram?”

“No” You shake your head, leaning back into your seat. “I don’t follow her”

Haru finally rests her eyes on you. “I think you should look at it”

Your hands move faster than you can blink, reaching across the island to retrieve your phone and hurrying to the instagram app in record speed to type in Eunbin’s username that Haru reads out loud to you. You bring up her page, teeth gnawing into your bottom lip nervously as you wait for it to load in, not realising your hands are starting to shake.

The page loads and your mouth instantly dries as a familiar person appears on her recent post.

You tap the photo, unable to form a proper sentence as you take in all it’s details. It's Jaemin, you know it’s Jaemin. You know Jaemin like that back of your hand. He’s holding his camera, those are his hands and his rings… that’s him. His hair is no longer it’s perfect black that you liked, it’s blonde. The caption: “still my favourite person” throws you off more than the time it was posted, which was an hour ago. He was spending time with her… that’s why he was busy.

You’re not sure what kind of mixed emotions washes through you but you hate it, it makes you feel uncomfortable and you fear you’re about to throw up, immediately shutting off your phone and placing it down on the side as you go back to your papers without another look or word.

Haru stares at you, the frown on her face deepening at your odd behaviour but she knows how much you’re affected by what you just saw despite being quiet. She hurts for you to the point she decides to get up from her seat and stand beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and you furrow your brows at her touch, giving her a confused look which she responds with a soft and gentle smile.

“What are you doing?”

“Hugging you” She answers simply as she pulls you closer to her chest, her hand delicately caressing the back of your head, her touch so comforting and warm. “Is that a problem?”

“No” You speak softly, fighting back a smile as you melt into her embrace. “Can I ask why you’re hugging me though?”

“It just looks like you need it” Haru shrugs, moving her hand from your hair to rub your back as she glances down at your phone, chewing the inside of her cheek in thought. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here for you and if something, anything, is on your mind I’m happy to help with whatever is”

“I know” Your voice cracks. You’re doomed. Your eyes start to sting. “I don’t even know what’s on my mind right now, Haru… It’s just a mixture of things and I’m struggling to find the real one, you know?”

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this but, it’s obviously jealousy and hurt towards Jaemin and Eunbin for starters” Haru tells you and you go to disagree until she shakes her head, motioning for you to stop. “Come on, Y/N… it’s completely normal to feel like this, especially in this situat—”

“I’m not supposed to feel jealous” You cut her off, ripping yourself away from the hug to face her completely. Your eyes water. “What we have is just sex, okay? We got into this friends with benefits type of relationship because we missed sex. We told each other that we wouldn’t fall for each other or claim ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend—We made rules!! I can’t, Haru… I can’t feel jealous”

“It’s hard to control your own feelings and your own emotions” Haru tells you with a soft tone. “It’s okay”

“It’s not okay—”

“Why?”

The tear slips from your eye and down your cheek, dripping onto your papers. “Because I think I like Jaemin”

The walls that you’ve built up, the real feelings that you locked away in the back of your mind, the emotions that you’ve held in for so long, it all crumbles. The weight on your chest withers away and you can finally breathe again after struggling, gasping for air. Your hand slaps against your mouth, the sobs that rip from the back of your throat are loud, the tears stream uncontrollably down your cheeks and you’re unable to control your erratic breathing. You feel free.

Haru looks at you in pure shock as you break down and she flings her arms around you, allowing you to sob into her chest. Your fingers grip her shirt, surely staining the material with your salty tears but she doesn’t seem to care. She kisses the crown of your head, cooing and whispering sweet words: you’re going to be okay, it’s okay, let it out.

You like Jaemin, you like him a lot. You started liking him the day of Eric’s party when he showed up at the apartment all ready to go but dropped everything to stay with you, when he told you that if you’re feeling low or if you feel like you’re going to lose yourself to your bad thoughts, you got him. You’ll always have him.

Parting from Haru’s embrace, you sniffle as you wipe under your eyes. Haru is sweet enough to help you, pushing your hair out of your face and using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at your cheeks. You let out a shaky breath, looking up at Haru and giving her your best smile which she coos at, affectionately pinching your cheeks.

“I’m proud of you, you know” She tells you, moving to sit back down beside you. “It takes a lot of guts to admit something like that, it must’ve been hard”

You shrug your shoulders and adjust yourself in your seat, bringing your knees up to your chest. Your cheeks feel warm at her praise but you don’t say anything, opting to rest your chin on the tops of your knees as you look at nothing in particular, mind filling with thoughts about Jaemin.

You’re shocked at yourself for revealing your true feelings and you’re unsure on where to go from here. You broke one of the biggest rules that you and Jaemin listed. Rule number three: no feelings, no falling in love, no getting jealous. You mentally crossed the rule out in your mind, teeth gnawing at your cheek as you realise you did all of them.

You want to knock some sense into yourself, to scream at yourself how wrong you are for breaking the rules. You’re embarrassed, you feel stupid. It’s one-sided, you think, and that’s the most pathetic.

“I think you should talk with Jaemin”

Your eyes flick towards Haru. “You’re kidding… I can’t do that”

“Why not?” She furrows her brows. “It’s better than to keep this all to yourself. You need to tell him how you feel before you get stuck down a rabbit hole”

You laugh at that. “I think I’m already stuck. There’s no way I can just outright tell him that I like him… do you realise how embarrassing that is? I’ll get laughed at, I’ll look like a fool—”

“You’ve known Jaemin for, what, almost three months? Do you really think he’d be the type to laugh at you?” Haru questions you instantly, shaking her head. “You know Jaemin better than anyone… he’s not the type of person to laugh at you, especially when you’re being honest and talking about your feelings”

“It’s been three months already?” Your eyes are wide, mouth agape. You couldn’t wrap your head around it, there’s no way you’ve been friends with benefits for that long. It makes you feel dizzy.

“Well, it’s coming up to three months” Haru corrects herself. “Still, you should talk to him. Text him right now and ask if you can meet up”

You blink. “So suddenly?” You gulp at the thought. “Isn’t he with Eunbin right now?”

“Fuck Eunbin” Haru curses and your eyes bulge in surprise, not expecting those words or the tone she uses. “This isn’t about her. This is about you and Jaemin. Don’t ever let her get in between that… no matter what”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

After your conversation with Haru, she left to go spend the rest of her day with Renjun while you sucked up the courage to go talk to Jaemin, to tell him how you truly felt. You sent him a quick text previously to let him know that you would be over soon but you still stand in the middle of your room, staring at the heaps of clothes on your bed as you nervously nibble the skin around your fingers.

You’re unsure why you even care about what you wear, knowing that Jaemin doesn’t really care about your appearance, not when you’ve been around him in an old ratted shirt and sweatpants. Why did you feel the need to impress him all of a sudden? You shake your head, rummaging through the pile of clothes, flinging some over your shoulder with a noise of dissatisfaction at the ones you thought weren’t suitable.

“What are you doing?” You hear a voice question behind you. You spin around, seeing Miwoo standing in your bedroom doorway, rubbing at her eyes. You frown as you drink in her appearance. There are bags under her eyes and her face is paler than usual, hair messily tied on top of her head.

“Just looking for clothes” You answer quietly, dropping the items in your hand as you straighten up, looking at her in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” Miwoo gives you her best smile, stepping further into your room. “Why are you looking for clothes? Are you going somewhere?”

“Jaemin’s” You eye her warily. “Have you been asleep this entire time?”

“Not really” Her answer is short, which isn’t like her, at all. You watch as she sits down on your bed, making herself comfy and staring down at the pile of clothes, touching the fabrics softly. Her lips jut out in a pout. “Will you be leaving soon?”

“I don’t know—What’s going on?” Your brows furrow together, your arms crossing over your chest as you kick the pile of clothes to the side and sit down beside her. She doesn’t answer your question, instead she stares ahead, eyes scanning around your room. The frown deepens on your face as you call out her name again. “Miwoo?”

“It’s nothing” Miwoo shakes her head but oddly, she continues. “It’s just you’ll be leaving soon, right? And Haru’s already gone… so, I’ll be here…” She scratches herself, feeling awkward as she mutters the last words. “...by myself”

You’re surprised at her honestly, and you really didn’t expect her to speak in such a way. You decided to press on. “And you don’t want to be here by yourself?”

“Not really” She repeats her answer from earlier, a lot quieter this time.

Miwoo keeps her attention on your carpet, fiddling with the jewellery on her fingers. She feels uncomfortable, being this honest with you. She doesn’t like the feeling it gives her, she feels too vulnerable, too exposed… but she can’t seem to stop admitting what she’s thinking or feeling, there’s something pushing against her, egging her to continue on but she remains silent again, waiting for you to say something which she hopes you will soon, the silence becoming a little too much.

You make a noise of understanding, nodding your head as you relax beside her. Your arms drop, hands placing in your lap as you pat a rhythm on your thighs. You can sense Miwoo feels awkward, which you hate, but you want her to keep talking about what’s going on inside her head.

“Have you spoken to Jeno?” Great work.

“Nope” Miwoo shakes her head. “He tried talking to me yesterday but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to argue, I wasn’t in the mood for it”

You hum. “Maybe an argument wasn't going to happen? It could’ve been a normal conversation”

Miwoo shrugs her shoulders. “I didn’t want to risk it”

“Miwoo…” A sigh leaves your lips and she looks at you, eyes big and round. She looks like a hurt innocent child that’s getting scolded and it aches your heart. The expression she wears on her face almost makes you want to tear up but you remain calm, reaching over to tuck the stray strands of hairs behind her ears. “Not every conversation is going to end in an argument, not if you and him promise to talk things out…”

“I guess” She mutters, letting out a soft sigh. “It’s whatever, it’s done”

“Do you want it to be done?”

The question makes Miwoo freeze. She’s unable to answer. She doesn’t know how to answer. Of course she doesn’t want to lose Jeno. Jeno has always been her number one, he’s been her person, he’s been the one that makes her shitty days calm… but he’s also the one that she has the most arguments with, that makes her feel like she’s going crazy.

She knows that she herself isn’t an angel. She knows that she definitely makes Jeno angry and says the wrong things, on purpose and on accident. We’re not good for each other, she thinks. It’s done.

Miwoo shrugs her shoulders again, not answering the question which makes you sigh again. You retract your hand from her face, letting it fall to your side. The side eye doesn’t go unnoticed but you don’t comment on it, allowing her to remain silent, waiting for her to be comfortable enough to speak up again.

“I…” She starts but immediately stops, her brows scrunching together in confusion.

“What?” You press. “What do you want to say?”

“I don’t.. I don’t really know” Miwoo mumbles as she leans back against your wall, bringing her knees up to her chest, chewing her bottom lip anxiously. “I guess…” She pulls a face, struggling to find the correct words to say while refusing to make any eye contact with you, keeping her attention focused on her nude coloured nails. “I guess I just… I feel alone, I think”

“Alone?”

“Yeah” Miwoo clears her throat. She holds her head up high this time and turns to you with one of the fakest smiles you’ve ever seen her wear. “But that’s why I’m here, that’s why I came to you… because you don’t make me feel that way”

You immediately reach over to wrap your arms around her and she yelps in surprise at your sudden movement but is quick to hug you back, hands gripping the back of your shirt. You squeeze her tight, tears burning your eyes at her confession. You’re proud of her, to say the least. You are aware of how that must’ve been to confess. It makes you happy knowing that she can be honest with you.

You rock back and forth awkwardly, and the giggles she lets out makes you smile. She rubs your back before being the first to pull away, eyes slightly red as she holds back her own tears.

She rubs at her nose aggressively and sniffs. Miwoo gasps. “Shouldn’t you go see Jaemin?”

You think about it, hard. You could go and see Jaemin, to tell him about your feelings, to tell him you’ve broken one of the biggest rules you could’ve broken. You could finally be honest with him and see if the feelings are reciprocated or if everything has always been one sided… but you won’t, not tonight.

You shake your head and Miwoo grins, repositioning herself on your bed and laying her head in your lap, looking up at you with the happiest of expressions. You smile back, running your fingers through the top of her hair and massaging her scalp, letting her relax into your embrace as she plans a girls night between the two of you, swinging her feet excitingly off the edge of your bed and you laugh, nodding your head as you agree along with her, even adding your own ideas and plans.

You never notice your phone lighting up on your desk with Jaemin’s name flickering across the screen.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

[the yock aka yangyangs fat cock — groupchat]

yangyang: rumour has it eunbin is planning her own welcome home party

donghyuck: shes planning her own??? donghyuck: thats lame lol

jeno: who changed the fucking gc name again

yangyang: who do u think ;)

jeno: ive seen it its not that impressive dude

yangyang: fuck u saggy balls bitch [donghyuck laughed at this message] yangyang: anyway yangyang: eunbins planning her own welcome home party and apparently we’re invited

haru: who said that

yangyang: overheard eunbin say it to jaemin

miwoo: lol no [renjun liked this message] miwoo: thanks ren [renjun disliked this message]

jaemin: yeeun and mia are planning it with her. she invited us all to go

jeno: or did she just invite u

jaemin: its all of us jeno. its this saturday jaemin: told her im not giving the answer until all of us are going

shotaro: i dont really want to go :( its awkward

renjun: if shotaros not going, i'm not going

miwoo: why the fuck does she want all of us to go miwoo: her friends hate us

yangyang: correction yangyang: her friend hates u

miwoo: fuck off yangyang [donghyuck and yangyang thumbed down this message]

jeno: im not going fuck that jeno: i dont want to be anywhere near her jeno: u of all ppl should know that jaemin

jaemin: thats why i said im not giving the answer until all of us are going

donghyuck: i mean donghyuck: i dont like her at all donghyuck: but guys donghyuck: when have we EVER turned down a free party with free drink???

yangyang: he has a point [donghyuck loved this message] yangyang: eric and sunwoo are going too so yk sunwoo's got the good shit

miwoo: lol pretty miss perfect is letting sunwoo and eric go??? miwoo: does she know sunwoo sells

donghyuck: probably told him not to bring anything

you: like he'll listen

jaemin: are u gonna go baby

you: oh you: idk

yangyang: wait im not going if ur not going

jeno: me neither

miwoo: and me!!!

jaemin: ok then we're not going

donghyuck: BUT GUUUUUYYYYSSSS donghyuck: FREE BOOOOZE?!?!!

yangyang: :/ making me conflicted

shotaro: free drink does sound nice... shotaro: yeji just texted me to go with her too [everyone liked this message] shotaro: i would like to see her

haru: if we go haru: we go for shotaro?

donghyuck: and free booze

haru: for shotaro and free booze?

renjun: idm that

miwoo: sure

jeno: yn what do u think

yangyang: ?

you: yeah sure ok

donghyuck: fuck yeah donghyuck: ily guys donghyuck: gonna make out with u all brb

miwoo: dont come anywhere near me with ur disgusting stinky ass breath

donghyuck: im coming for u first whore

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

jaemin: baby?

you: oh hey you: :)

jaemin: hey :) jaemin: u didn't come over yesterday jaemin: what happened

you: oh yeah sorry you: i got busy. miwoo wanted a girls night

jaemin: oh ok thats cool

you: yeah

jaemin: why does this feel awkward

you: i have no idea you: maybe we haven't seen each other in awhile???? idk

jaemin: im sorry

you: its not ur fault :) ur busy

jaemin: still jaemin: i just feel bad jaemin: eunbin keeps coming over too when im in the middle of working or wanting to call u

you: she really wants to be on good terms with u huh

jaemin: seems like it jaemin: she dyed my hair btw

you: oh you: it was her that did it???

jaemin: well i dyed it first to surprise u but eunbin came over halfway through and touched it up to make it look good

you: to surprise me??

jaemin: yeah jaemin: i was gonna dye it then come surprise u but

you: i you: fjck you: i miss u

jaemin: i miss u too baby jaemin: im free saturday morning. can i come over before we go to eunbins

you: please you: also you: i have something to tell u

jaemin: me too

you: like its so serious its important

jaemin: thats ok baby mine too jaemin: i have to go. jenos calling for me jaemin: see u soon baby jaemin: <3

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“You look unbelievable” You gush, mouth gaping wide as your fingers rake through his newly dyed blonde locks. Jaemin sits beneath you motionlessly, head resting against the headboard of your bed as he looks up at you with the most goofiest smile as he relishes in the way you touch him, his own hands resting on your hips, sliding his fingers beneath the material of your skirt to grip your skin.

He came over a few hours prior to Eunbin’s party, much to your surprise, adored in a hoodie and beanie, a backpack resting on his back with clothes he would be needing tonight. He swept you off your feet before you could even react at his arrival, carrying you to the privacy of your room as the pair of you shared a laugh, ignoring the looks Haru and Miwoo gave you as you disappeared.

So that’s how you ended up here, sitting on top of his lap, giving him the best of your attention with your eyes locked on his blonde hair, beanie and hoodie thrown to the side without care.

He looks so handsome. You smile, twirling the strands between your fingers. Jaemin doesn’t say a word while you mutter a hundred compliments, watching you with affectionate eyes and that goofy smile you love so much, sliding his hands around your hips to push against your back, bringing you as close to his chest as possible.

He cuts off your babbling soon enough, crushing his mouth against yours in a long awaited kiss. You melt into his embrace, fingers gripping the roots of his hair, afraid he’d slip away or leave again. You haven’t felt his touch nor his lips in so long you almost forgot what it was like. Your heads fuzzy, your skin hot. You missed this.

Jaemin lets out a groan as your tongue slides against his and your grip on his hair becomes harsher. You’re tugging, you’re pulling and his scalp is burning but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t even try to stop you, instead he tugs you closer, teeth snagging down on your bottom lip which you wince at.

“Sorry” He mutters apologies against your mouth and you shake your head, pulling at his bottom lip instead and sucking it. He quietly moans this time, shifting beneath you and heat pools between your legs as you feel the bulge brush against your ass. You pull away from the kiss to toy with the strings on his sweatpants but his hands are quick to latch on your wrist, stopping you.

You look at him in surprise. “What’s wrong?”

Jaemin breathes heavily as he looks at you, lips swollen and red. “I would do anything to fuck you right now, but we can’t”

“Why?” You ask, almost whining. You twist your wrists in his grasp, interlocking your fingers together instead. “We can be quick”

Jaemin hums, squeezing your hands with his, his thumb soothing over the back of your hand while a sly grin. “We could… but I wouldn’t want to be quick, I’d want to fuck you all night, make up for lost time”

“Don’t” You warn him, glaring jokingly. “You can’t say shit like that if we can’t have sex right now, it’s not fair”

“Sorry, baby” He chuckles, leaning forwards to capture your lips with his. You kiss for a few more moments but you part before you allow yourself to get too far into it, going to move off of his lap but he whines, ripping his hands from yours to grip your waist, keeping you on top of him.

Rolling your eyes, you remain still, staring at his face. He’s so pretty. The corner of your lips twitch, cheeks feeling hot as you duck your head, becoming too shy to look at him. Would now be a good time to tell him? Your heart hammers in your chest at the thought and you wonder if he can feel it. You’re alone, there’s no interruptions.

“I really missed you” He confesses quietly. Okay, maybe one interruption. One hand pushes the hair out of your face, cupping your cheeks as he smiles. “Like really missed you”

“I missed you too” You tell him, leaning into his touch.

“I’m sorry that we haven’t seen each other too” Jaemin frowns this time, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. “I didn’t realise how long we didn’t see each other until—”

“It’s okay” You interrupt, shaking your head. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, it’s okay”

Jaemin nods, kissing your lips once more before securing his arms around your waist, drumming his fingers against your back. He’s thankful to you, he always has been. He loves how comfortable you make him and how understanding you constantly are. It makes his cheeks flush at the thought of how lucky he is.

“What are you looking at?” You ask him after a moment of silence, brows pulling together curiously. Jaemin blinks as he’s ripped from his thoughts, still staring at you. It takes a few seconds to register in his mind what you had asked and a smile slowly spreads across his lips, soft and genuine, one that makes your heart flutter in your chest.

“You, baby… always you”

You snort at that, jabbing at his shoulder. “What’s gotten into you? Huh? Cheesy fucker”

“What?” Jaemin laughs, rubbing at the spot you jabbed. “I’m not cheesy”

“Oh yeah?” You quirk a brow, crossing your arms over your chest. “You’re telling me that what you just said wasn’t cheesy?”

“What did I say?”

“‘You, baby… always you’” You repeat, deepening your voice to match his. His lips quirk in an amused smile as he shakes his head, claiming how that wasn’t the cheesiest thing he’s ever said. You fake retch, pulling yourself out of his grasp despite his attempts to keep you in his arms, laughing as you walk over to your closet away from him.

He lays down on the bed, tucking his arm under your pillow as he watches you on the other side of the room, flicking through the clothes with a sigh. His eyes wide in surprise as you pull out a black mini skirt from a clothing hanger, holding it on your arm while searching for something to wear it with.

You piece it together with a white bustier top and grin happily, making a mental note in your head to wear your best jewellery and a jacket as you walk back over to Jaemin to set it down on your bed beside his feet neatly. The way you stare so proudly at such a simple outfit makes Jaemin smile, loving how easily pleased you can become with such the smallest of things. Cute.

You both decide to take a shower together, helping each other wash and even sharing a few lingering kisses and touches, the two of you trying your hardest not to do anything inappropriate for the time being despite the urge to.

Later, he promises you and you hold him to that promise, locking your pinkies together before you slip out of the shower while Jaemin stays behind, allowing you to have the time to do your makeup without him standing behind you and questioning everything that you’re doing.

Miwoo, being the expert that she is, comes back and forth between your room and hers to help you with your makeup, cursing at you for moving too much when she uses the eyeliner and forcefully holding your chin in her hand, daring you to talk as she applies your lipstick.

“Haru told me what happened” Miwoo informs before instructing you to rub your lips together which you do. She twists the cap back on the lipstick as she admires her work on your face. “Have you told him yet?”

Your eyes flitter over to your bedroom door in alarm, scared that Jaemin might somehow overhear the conversation over the running water. You shake your head, turning to look at your reflection in the mirror to slightly push up your lashes.

“And why not?” Miwoo crosses her arms over her chest tightly. “Dude, just tell him!!! The feelings could be mutual and—”

“Will you keep your voice down?!” You hiss, waving your hands erratically to shut her up the second you hear the water turn off. You lower your voice. “I’ll tell him… I just need to find the right moment”

“There will never be a right moment” Miwoo says, dropping her arms to her side as she leans down to smooch your cheek. She brushes her lips against your ear to whisper just as Jaemin walks into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Just rip the band-aid off and suck his cock”

You whack her arm repeatedly, cursing her out as she giggles and runs out of your room, not forgetting to slap Jaemin’s bare chest on the way out. Jaemin grunts at the impact, rubbing the sore spot on his chest, glaring at Miwoo’s figure as she rushes out of the room in a laughing fit.

“What was that about?” Jaemin asks as he stands beside you, reaching for his phone off of your desk. He looks at you as he does so, taking in your appearance. He reaches out to gently caress your face, careful not to smudge the lipstick as he presses a chaste kiss to your lips. “You look pretty”

You think about his question for a moment and Miwoo’s words. There will never be a right moment. You chew on the inside of your cheek, nerves tingle through your body and your anxiety spikes, fingertips feeling numb. Rip the band-aid off. It’s so easily done, all you have to do is say those three words.

But you can’t. There’s something forcing you back from saying what you truly want to tell him for reasons unknown, you can’t voice the words that are literally sitting at the tip of your tongue.

So, you dismiss it, muttering under your breath how it’s nothing important and Jaemin stares at you with an odd look in his eyes before dropping the conversation, turning his attention to his phone as he scrolls through his spotify, choosing a playlist for the two of you to listen to while you sit still, annoyed and confused at yourself.

It is important… So why can’t you say it?

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You eye your reflection in the mirror, patting down the creases in your skirt with a sigh and adjusting your top. Jaemin stands behind you with your necklace in hand, helping you clasp the jewellery around your neck securely. He presses a chaste kiss to your shoulder blade when he’s done, reassuring you as feels your anxiety about your appearance and you calm down, sucking in a deep breath.

The commotion you hear in the living room tells you that the others have arrived and Jaemin hands you his leather jacket to which you’re confused about but you don’t question it as you slip your arms through the sleeves. He leads you out of your bedroom, his hand placing your lower back as he guides you down the hallway, the voices of your friends getting louder as you get near.

“Look at you…” Yangyang low whistles as he watches you and Jaemin approach them, reaching out to take your hand in his own to slowly spin you around, biting his lip as he scans your outfit. You roll your eyes as you twirl, fighting back a smile as Donghyuck cups his hand over his mouth and hollers behind him. Yangyang wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Sexy”

“Shut up” You laugh, ripping your hand from his grasp to push at his shoulder and all he does is grin widely and reach for you again but stops when an arm slithers around your waist, a hand resting low on your abdomen as you’re pulled into Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin’s eyes bore right into Yangyang’s and the latter doesn’t falter, holding his gaze with a smirk that Jaemin desperately wants to slap off. Thoughts overcrowd Jaemin’s mind, thoughts that make no sense… thoughts that make a lot of sense. His eyes narrow at Yangyang who now takes no notice, his attention brought to Miwoo who’s eager to take a group picture to post on her instagram, earning a huff from Renjun.

Jaemin takes a mental step back, blinking a few times to compose himself as the group huddles together, giving Yangyang one last look as he stands on your left before smiling at Miwoo’s phone who takes the picture, and other, and other, and anoth—

“Are you fucking serious?!”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You’re stunned at the sight of Eunbin’s home, unable to shut your mouth as Jaemin leads you through the house as if it's second nature to him. The walls are white, decorated with paintings you are positive Eunbin had made previously, a little but noticeable signature of ‘K.E’ scribbled at the edge of the frame. Fancy light bulbs suspend from the ceiling, laminate flooring clean with no scratch or chip insight. A few people linger around in the living room and the kitchen, giving you the impression that it was going to be a small little welcome party until Jaemin guides you out in the back garden.

It’s crowded, filled with a mixture of familiar and unfamiliar faces, all spread across the neatly trimmed grass and there’s music blasting from a speaker that you fail to locate. Tall white fences hide you from the outside, decorated with pretty vines, hanging plants and fairy lights. There are rounded tables littered all over the garden holding various types of alcoholic beverages that are occupied by most of the party goers and there’s daybeds that are already taken by drunk couples and friends.

Miwoo makes a small comment about how wealthy Eunbin and her family must be before she whisks away to get a drink, dragging Haru along with her and Renjun falls behind, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Shotaro excuses himself from the group to jog over to Yeji who calls him over excitedly, handing him a beer bottle.

Donghyuck, Yangyang and Jeno disappear somewhere as soon as you spot Eunbin standing with Yeeun and Mia around a table, smiling and laughing along in the conversation until her eyes meet yours. She beams, excusing herself from her friends as she bounds over to the two of you.

“Hey!! I’m glad you could make it!!” Eunbin greets you happily, wrapping you up in the warmest of hugs and your eyes widen in shock, not expecting this type of greeting but you immediately reciprocate the hug, the corner of your lips lifting into a smile. She pulls away soon after, giving you a grin before turning to Jaemin, engulfing him in a tight hug to which he lets go of your hand to slowly wrap his arms around her, kindly hugging her back.

You stand at his side awkwardly, looking anywhere but them. You can hear them conversate: something about her, something about the party. Did Eunbin call him handsome? Is Jaemin complimenting her appearance? Your lips form into a frown, unable to control your expressions as you listen to them.

Side eyeing the pair, you notice Eunbin’s hands are still lingering on Jaemin while he smiles down at her, nodding and humming to the things that she’s saying, the two completely forgetting you’re present. Your shoulders slump as your sigh, alreading wanting to disappear from this party and go home but a low whistle and a call of your name catches your attention.

You turn to look over your shoulder, seeing Sunwoo standing at a table nearest to you by himself, hands hiding beneath the table as his fingers expertly roll a blunt. You glance back at Eunbin and Jaemin, seeing the pair in their own little world, figuring it was best to leave them to it as you head over to Sunwoo who seems surprised that you even decided to come over.

“You look pretty” He compliments you, taking in your outfit of the night. His lips quirk into a sly grin. “I’ve seen that skirt a few times”

“Yeah, whatever” You grumble, reaching for the vacant shot glass beside him, not even caring whose it was as you throw your head back and down the colourful liquid, scrunching your face at the burn that trickles down the back of your throat. “Guessing you’re selling secretly tonight?”

“I’ve got to make money somehow” Sunwoo tells you, taking a quick glance down at his hands before looking over at Jaemin and Eunbin. “Pretty boy not giving you attention tonight, huh?”

“You’re extra nosy tonight, huh?” You mock.

Sunwoo smiles at that. “I’m just observant”

“What’s going on between you and Miwoo?” You suddenly pop a question and Sunwoo cocks his head to the side, brows scrunched in confusion. “Saw the comment on her instagram… I’m just observant too”

Sunwoo makes a humming noise, a smile playing on his lips as he sneakily drops a joint into a little baggy that's already filled with premades before shoving it into his puffer coat pocket. He looks down at you innocently, grabbing a beer bottle from the ice bucket resting in the middle of the table and offers it to you.

You scoff but you nod, going to take it off of him but he cracks open the cap with his teeth, spitting it onto the grass without a care in the world as he hands it to you, reaching to grab his own and doing the exact same.

“You called her pretty” You say as you bring the bottle to your lips, taking a swig.

“That doesn’t mean anything” Sunwoo smiles, clinking his bottle against yours as he drinks. He swallows harshly, tongue licking the corners of his lips. “I call you pretty”

“That’s different” You shake your head, scanning around the garden to try and find Miwoo, spotting her by another table laughing with Haru and Renjun. “Did you know she broke up with Jeno? Is that why you’re calling her pretty? Trying to get into her pants or something?”

Sunwoo chuckles. “No”

“Then what is it?” You pry, snapping your head back to Sunwoo as you squint your eyes in suspicion. “Why are you suddenly complimenting her on her posts?”

“I appreciate good looks” Sunwoo shrugs his shoulders, the stupid smile still on his lips. “But, if you must know, she came to me a few days ago asking if she could, and I quote, have a ‘happy pill’. I asked her why and she said the reason is in the name… I told her I wouldn’t give her it unless you were there”

“Oh” You mutter, suddenly feeling terrible. Your chest feels heavy but you take a few heavy gulps of your beer, not meeting Sunwoo’s eyes as he stares right at you.

“Guessing she’s taking the breakup pretty hard?”

“Guess so” You nod, awkwardly rubbing the back of your neck as you spot Jeno from across the garden, standing alone as he chugs his own beer. “I think they both are”

“Why did we stop being friends?” The sudden change in topics almost gives you whiplash and you turn to look at Sunwoo in surprise, noticing that his hands are hidden beneath the table again, probably rolling another joint or fiddling with a baggy.

“Are you high?” Your tone is pretty harsh and mean, but he doesn’t react to it. “You know why we stopped being friends”

“What Eric did had nothing to do with me” Sunwoo tells you, shrugging his shoulders. “Eric was the one that got too overwhelmed in the relationship and decided to be a dick and break up with you, not me”

You blink in surprise. “Overwhel—”

“You should talk to him about it” Sunwoo takes a swig. “You don’t have to forgive him or anything, but I think you should talk to him about what happened. Closure, if you will”

“I hate closure” You grit through your teeth, chugging the rest of your beer down and slamming the empty bottle on the table. Sunwoo smiles as he watches you, finding your reactions and expressions amusing which you catch onto. “Glad you find me amusing”

“I just like how you’re still the same person you were months ago” He shrugs his shoulders. “I like talking to you, it reminds me of the good times. I miss our friendship. Just wish you didn’t shut me out when I had done nothing wrong”

You hate how right he is and you hate how guilty you feel. You did shut him out, you did refuse to be around him or speak to him because of Eric. Pushing everything aside, you had good memories with Sunwoo. He was your best friend before you even got close to the others.

You feel the urge to apologise when you meet Sunwoo’s eyes, opening your mouth to give him a mere pathetic apology that he shouldn’t even forgive but you’re interrupted by his own voice.

“You two look good, you know” He states, jutting his chin in the direction behind you as he finishes sneakily rolling another joint. “You and Na. Never expected it, but you look good together. Do you like him?”

“Why?” You can’t help but ask.

“Curious” He smiles softly. “Nice seeing you happy though. Your smile has always been the prettiest”

“Are you flirting with me right now?”

His smile turns into a grin as he shakes his head. “Just appreciating good looks” You roll your eyes at the same excuse he used earlier, pressing your lips together as you try not to let out an amused laugh. Sunwoo likes the fact you’re having fun with him. “If you like him, you should tell him. I can tell he likes you”

Your tongue presses against your cheek as you smile. “Is that an observation?”

He winks at you. “You know it” His eyes flicker behind you. “He’s leaving Eunbin, by the way. You should follow him. Tell him you like him”

“It’s weird hearing you say shit like that” You pull a face, but you can’t help agreeing with his words. You excuse yourself from Sunwoo and he wiggles his fingers at you in a goodbye, watching you walk away with his chin resting on his hand, a genuine smile playing on his lips.

It’s your mission to follow Jaemin. It’s your mission to tell him how you feel. You steal a shot from a table you pass by, downing the drink and slamming the glass back down on the table as you continue walking, wiping the corner of your lips with the back of your hand. Liquid courage, you think. Definitely needed liquid courage.

Jaemin turns on his heel, heading into a sea of people coming out of the house and as soon as reach out to graze his back, opening your mouth to call out his name, you already hear someone call out yours. You falter in your steps, craning your neck over your shoulder to see Eunbin heading straight towards you and your feet come to a stop, glued to the grass beneath you.

“I’m sorry if this is sudden but can I talk to you for, like, a few minutes?” Eunbin asks you as she steps in front of you, a gentle touch being placed on your arm. You want to say no, to tell her that you’re on a mission to find Jaemin and to tell him everything… but her pleading eyes start to slowly hold you back. “I won’t take much of your time, I promise”

“Okay, yeah, sure” You nod, swallowing harshly and allowing her to pull you into a more secluded area in her garden, a gazebo covered in small potted plants and pretty little fairy lights. You’re in awe at the sight, fingers grazing over the wood as she urges you to sit down on the cushioned seats in front of the firepit. She settles down right beside you when you get seated, sending you a nervous smile that you immediately give back.

The silence that takes over you both is deafening, despite the noise coming from the others at the party but you drown it out as you take this chance to really look at her. Eunbin’s stunning in her short white summer dress, her eyelids covered in the shiniest of glitters and her lips tinted a faint red. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in small waves, almost covering the priceless jewellery in her ears.

The bright and kind aura she has around herself is enough to make a small smile appear on your face. You can’t hate her, even though you try so desperately to out of pure jealousy. You can’t dislike her either, she hasn’t done anything to you, she's been nothing but sweet since you’ve met her.

And you can’t cry… even when you see the ring that wraps around her middle finger.

“That’s gorgeous” You force your voice out, gesturing to the ring with shaky hands. “Where did you get it?”

“Oh, this has always been mine” Eunbin smiles softly as she holds out her hand towards you, allowing you to take a good look at the dainty silver ring with the black jewel in the middle. “When I got accepted into New York, I left it here for Jaemin… He bought it for me but it was just a little something for him to remember me while I was gone, just to let him know that I will always be thinking about him and that I love him”

“Oh” You breathe out, eyes unmoving from the jewellery. “It’s pretty special then…”

Eunbin nods, staring down at her ring with rosy cheeks. “It is special. I asked him a few days ago if he kept it but he took it out of his drawer and gave it back. I was kinda relieved, to be honest… I thought he would’ve thrown it out after what happened. Did he tell you what happened?”

“Yeah” You tell her, nodding your head.

“I seem like a really shitty person, don’t I?” Eunbin winces, waiting for your reaction but you’re blank, unsure of what to say or even how to react. She clears her throat, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Not that it matters anymore, but from my side, I didn’t think it was that bad… and I guess that made it worse, right?”

“What went through your mind when it happened?”

“I’ve always had this mindset of: follow your dreams and don’t let anyone or anything stop you, true friends and family will always be supportive no matter what choice you make” Her words instantly make you think of Yuta’s. “Jaemin was supportive, he was my number one supporter. He stayed by my side countless of nights when I had deadlines to finish, he helped me find inspiration whenever I felt like I was crumbling, he gave me his shoulder to cry on when I was stressed and he made me feel better”

Your chest tightens as you hear her voice crack, noticing the way she refuses to look at you now, eyes glassy as they stare at the firepit.

“It was my fault for not telling him that the art school I applied for was in New York, but I guess I assumed he would know… I mean, come on, when have you ever heard of big art schools being here?” Eunbin laughs at herself quietly, fiddling with her hands in her lap. “I know I hurt him and I feel awful for it. I’ve apologised so much but I know sometimes apologies aren’t enough… I don’t regret going to that art school, I never will… I just regret hurting someone I love in the process, you know?”

“Yeah, I know” You nod, refusing to meet her eyes this time as she looks at you. I just regret hurting someone I love. The words repeat in your mind, heart feeling like it's twisting painfully in your chest. It makes you feel sick and your throat gets tighter. Maybe the liquid courage wasn’t a good thing.

“Hey, Y/N?” You hum, giving her your attention. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but…” She pauses, nervously playing with the hem of her dress and you start to feel your own nerves kick in, subtly scratching the skin around your thumb to try and calm yourself down, to remind yourself where you are and who you’re with. Eunbin meets your eyes, pushing her hair behind her ears. “What’s exactly going on between you and Jaemin?”

“What?” You choke out, covering your mouth as you cough when your saliva gets stuck at the back of your throat. Out of all the questions, you didn’t expect her to ask that. You’re reminded of your first awkward interaction at Jaemin’s house when Jaemin blurted out how you were exclusively sleeping together and the surprised look on Eunbin’s face. She knows that much… But what else is there to tell her?

“I’m sorry if it’s an awkward question, especially coming from me” She apologises, kindly patting your back as you try to clear your throat. “I know that you’re exclusive fuck buddies, if thats whats going through your head right now, but I just… I wanted to know if it was more than that or if it’s just that”

“Oh” Your clamming hands rub at your legs, definitely feeling more awkward and embarrassed now. Your whole body feels hot and you struggle to look straight at her, deciding to keep focused on the plants behind her as you try and muster up the courage to tell her that you like him.

“I just…” Eunbin starts to explain herself but she sighs, dropping her hands to her sides.“The thing is, the art school is over, which means I’ll be staying home for a little while until I eventually decide to move out to New York with my own money. Being here, seeing Jaemin again and having the opportunity to be his friend again just brings back so many memories and, I feel like an asshole saying this, but I still love him… my feelings haven’t really changed since day one and now that I’m back, I would just like a second opportunity, you know? I want to make up for lost time and be the girlfriend I should’ve been… but I’m not going to do that and I will step back if the relationship you have with him is more than just fucking, I promise”

“I-I—” You stammer, struggling to find your voice.

“I see the way you look at him” She confesses, giving you a kind smile, complete understanding in her eyes. “It’s how I look at him… So, please be honest with me and I’ll step back, I promise. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

But you already have. You’re so stuck, completely unable to give her a response as you stare at her in shock. She still loves him, she has always loved him, things really never changed. You shakily push your hair away from your eyes, trying to control your breathing which has started to get uneven.

You like Jaemin and you don’t want to lose him. You want to be selfish, you want to keep him for yourself. You want to blurt out all of your feelings and emotions to Eunbin, hoping she would understand why you didn’t want to stop what you have with Jaemin.

You feel angry, you feel hurt… but you feel guilty. There’s a voice in the back of your head telling you to feel guilty for taking Jaemin away from Eunbin, for being the thorn in their side and shoving yourself between their relationship even though in the back of your mind that’s not the case at all… but when she’s looking at you the way she is, eyes full of hope and silent pleads, you already know what your answer is.

“There’s no feelings involved, we made rules. We’re just fucking, that’s all it is… But it’s over now… he’s yours”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You look pathetic, sitting by yourself in the gazebo with your fifth drink in hand, vision a little dazey and body swaying side to side as your lips wrap around the bottle, gulping the harsh liquid as fast as you can.

You didn’t move from your place after your conversation with Eunbin, feeling too embarrassed about getting up and leaving so you let Eunbin be the one to dismiss herself first, allowing her to give you a hug goodbye before leaving. You regret lying about your feelings, eagerly wanting to turn back time and tell her the truth but you know you’d look stupid, especially if you find out Jaemin never reciprocated the feelings, which possibly is the case considering he’s been spending so much time with Eunbin instead of you.

Your thoughts get nasty and you hate it, immediately trying to push them to the back of your mind as you take a swig of your drink, legs anxiously jiggling as you observe your friends from a distance. Haru and Renjun are sitting together, knees knocking against each other and drinking out of their bottles, deep in a conversation that makes Renjun’s cheeks flush every so often. You wonder what they’re talking about.

Shotaro’s with Yeji, listening attentively as she speaks, nodding and agreeing along with the biggest heart eyes you’ve ever seen, his fingers wrapped nervously around his beer but you manage to catch Yeji shifting closer, slipping her fingers between his to hold his hand. You dizzily grin at the way Shotaro shyly casts his eyes down to his shoes, cheeks rosy and red.

Donghyuck and Yangyang stand not too far from the pair, both clearly drunk as they send flirtatious winks and thumbs up Shotaro’s way, cheering him on. Yangyang’s a lot sober than Donghyuck is, the latter seeming to be slurring his words and struggling to hold himself up on his own two feet which sends Yangyang into a laughing fit, almost crumbling to the ground under Donghyuck’s weight when he throws himself at him.

Miwoo, much to your surprise, mingles with a bunch of girls that you recognise from campus, talking about something as she passionately throws her arms up in the air and the girls nods frantically, seeming to be relating to whatever she’s saying before clinking their glasses together and taking the shot.

Your eyes somehow find the pair you didn’t exactly want to see in the midst of people, but you can’t seem to tear away from them, watching Eunbin cling to Jaemin’s arm with the brightest of smiles on her face, staring up at his with her big doe eyes that would make anyone waver. The smile on his face is kind and you fail to understand the words that he’s mouthing to her, but the twinkle in her eyes prove it was something that meant the world to her.

You manage to rip your gaze away too quickly to notice Jaemin glance around the party, a look of worry in his features as he tries to look for someone in the crowd, hands nervously twitching at his sides. Eunbin, mistaking him being cold, thoughtfully rubs at his arms, questioning if he would like to borrow a warmer coat which he declines, taking one last look around before giving her his attention.

Abruptly standing up from your seat, you decide to get another drink. You trip over your own feet as you walk, mentally cursing at yourself for wearing heels and even blaming the grassy ground that makes your journey a lot more difficult, trying to balance yourself and walk in a straight line as you head for a vacant table.

“Should you be drinking this much?” Someone questions and your head whips to the side, seeing Jeno standing to your right, watching you struggle.

“It’s not the drink. It’s these stupid fucking heels” You grumble angrily under your breath, almost tripping over your own feet again as you stumble on the grass. Jeno smiles in amusement, swiftly reaching forwards to wrap his fingers around your upper arm to keep you steady and you thank him when his arm slips around your waist, holding most of your weight off of your feet. You smile happily, throwing your arm over his shoulders. “You’re the best”

Jeno grins cheekily at you. “I know”

He leads you both to the table, trying his hardest not to snort at the way you try and walk despite him holding you up. Your curse him out, bumping your hips against his but you can’t help but laugh either, knowing that you probably look so tipsy and stupid.

You untangle yourself from Jeno the second you reach the drinks, leaning your weight on the table as you grab two beer bottles from the ice bucket and you peer inside, surprised at the amount of ice cubes that still haven’t melted, wondering if it’s actually cold outside or if you’ve drunk so much that you’re permanently boiling for the night.

“Why are you alone?” Jeno asks you as he cracks the bottle open with his teeth, throwing the cap back into the bucket. He offers to do the same for yours and you let him.

“Take a wild guess” He rolls his eyes immediately at your answer, already figuring out why you’re not with Jaemin and he doesn’t press further, handing you your beer back with a scowl and harshly chugging his drink. “Why are you alone?”

“I’m not really in the mood for this party” Jeno admits, wiping the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. “I would love to be anywhere but here right now, I hate it”

“You and me both” You sigh, pushing your hair back out of your face as you take a swig. “I spoke to her earlier, alone”

“Yeah?” He quirks a brow. “How did that go?”

“Fine”

Jeno scoffs. “Liar”

Despite the fact that you are lying, your mouth opens in shock, deeply offended that he doesn’t believe you and is calling you a liar to your face. You flip him off while you drink and Jeno grins at you but he doesn’t pressure you into speaking about the conversation, waiting to see if you’ll talk about it yourself.

But you never do, which makes Jeno worried. He can tell by your facial expressions and the way you’re chugging beers after beers that the talk you had with Eunbin wasn’t as ‘fine’ as you made it out to be. Something clearly happened and as much as Jeno wants to ask and make sure you’re okay, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

He watches you carefully, seeing the way you glance over your shoulder at the crowds of people, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. He sees the way your fingers shake around the neck of the bottle, almost spilling it but you subconsciously place it down on the table, intertwining your fingers together to calm you down. Something’s definitely wrong, Jeno thinks, frowning.

“She looks gorgeous… doesn’t she?” You whisper quietly, locked on Eunbin who’s now standing with her friends, Jaemin nowhere in sight as she talks with the most beautiful smile on her face, eyes twinkling beneath the fairy lights, her perfect white dress left untouched much to your surprise.

He makes a disgruntled noise beside you, swallowing down his beer. “I think you’re prettier”

You chuckle softly, rolling your eyes as you nervously play with the jewellery on your fingers. “Thanks, Jeno”

“Don’t compare yourself to her” You’re startled at the tone of his voice, turning to face Jeno with wide eyes. He looks straight at you, expression harsh and serious. “Don’t ever compare yourself to her. You’re a lot better than she is, than she will ever be”

You cast your eyes downwards. “You’re just saying that because you don’t like her…”

“I’m saying it because it’s true”

No matter how hard you try, you don’t believe his words, you can’t believe his words. The insecurity that you feel whenever she’s mentioned or whenever you see her, whether it’s in person or a photograph, is like no other. The confidence that you have disintegrates, withering away and leaving you in a puddle of pure self doubt and anxiety.

It’s strange, you think. She’s done nothing to you, nothing physical or mental, yet she makes you feel the way you do… just by existing. It’s so stupid, you’re so stupid.

Your hand shoots out to grab your drink, desperate to chug down the alcohol and forget but Jeno reaches out, fingers clasping around your wrist. You meet his gaze and he shakes his head, silently telling you not to drink anymore, to not do this to yourself but you ignore him, using your free hand to grab the bottle instead but he’s too quick for you, snatching yours with his.

“Are you really going to stop me from drinking at a party?”

“Maybe” He answers, tilting his head to the side as he eyes you. “Are you really going to compare yourself to her again?”

You fight back a smile, almost losing as you notice Jeno do the same, giving your hands a squeeze before letting you go. You bring the beer to your lips, keeping your eyes locked on Jeno’s as you take a sip and he rolls his eyes, tongue poking at his cheek as he chuckles.

The happy expression on his face soon withers away as he glances behind you, turning stoic as he picks up his beer, averting his attention to the crowd and you go to question his sudden change in attitude until you see the speck of white in the corner of your eyes. Your blood runs cold, the sickly feeling piling up in the back of your throat, body instantly caving in on itself as your arms wrap around your middle.

“Hey” Eunbin beams at the two of you, staggering to the side a little but she catches herself by placing her palms on the table. She laughs at herself, cheeks a little red from the amount of alcohol she’s consumed. “I’m happy you guys are still here! Are you having fun?”

“Very” You give her a tight lipped smile. “Thank you for inviting us”

“You don’t have to thank me” She giggles, placing your hand on your shoulder to give you a comforting squeeze but she sways again, gripping a little hard for some stability and you wince slightly at the contact but you don’t make a noise. Eunbin turns her head towards Jeno, smiling kindly at him but he refuses to give her his attention. “Nice to finally see you, Jeno. I was starting to think you were purposely ignoring me…”

“I am” Jeno nods, his answer short and simple, still looking away from him.

Eunbin reaches out to pat his arm in hopes to get his attention. “Jen—”

“Don’t touch me” Jeno says the second he feels the slightest brush of her fingers on his bicep. His tone is harsh and scary, and the expression on his face is enough to make the hairs stand up at the back of your neck. “Don’t fucking touch me”

“What is your problem with me?” She questions, frowning deeply. Her eyes turn glassy and it looks like she’s going to cry, whether it’s because she genuinely feels hurt by how Jeno’s reacting or if she had drunk so much that her emotions are all over the place. “You always act cold towards me even though I’ve done nothing wrong—”

She’s cut off by Jeno’s dry laugh, watching as he shakes his head while tipping it back to chug down the rest of his drink. The interaction between the two is awkward and you’re desperate to walk away but you know Jeno wouldn’t appreciate it if you left him alone, especially now.

Eunbin sighs. “Can you please just tell me what the problem is?”

“It’s you” Jeno immediately answers, finally turning his head to face her and she flinches at the abrupt movement. His dark eyes bore into hers, unwavering as he stares her down. “It’ll always be you”

“Jen—”

“Go back to pretending everything’s okay” He cuts her off again, still remaining eye contact before he makes the first move to look away, gazing out into the crowd. “You’re good at that”

Brutal. You blink, looking down at your half empty beer bottle, refusing to look at the two as the awkward tension rises. Eunbin doesn’t move, hurt written all over her features and you can tell she wants to bite back but she can’t.

You feel bad for her, especially when she sucks at her lips, tears brimming in her eyes which she tries to blink away. She hangs her head low, turning on her heel and walking away without another word. You face Jeno with a frown and you go to say something about how harsh he acted but you notice the way his fists clench at his sides, jaw tense.

“Was that your first time speaking to her since she came back?” You ask softly and he nods his head, scratching at the back of his neck. He seems uncomfortable, which you hate to see. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine—”

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”

You and Jeno jerk up at the sound of chanting, seeing groups and groups of people eagerly running to the middle of the garden where a crowd forms. Your brows pull together in confusion, trying to peer over their heads as best as you possibly could from your spot and Jeno does the same, standing on his tiptoes.

A bad feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you see Jaemin rush into the mass of people and you take a few steps forward, Jeno hot on your tail as you push through the bodies. Jeno curses, forcing people to move out of the way as they bump into you both, too amped up and excited to see the fight.

The palm of your hand slaps over your mouth in complete shock at what you witness when you manage to barge your way to the front, seeing Hyunjin get attacked by Donghyuck who pummels his fist down on top of his head and Shotaro hold his nose that gushes out with blood.

Yeji stands at his side, fear and shock written all over her face and Haru stands at his other, swatting his hand away and tipping his head back to help stop the blood. Renjun fumes behind them, chest heaving up and down as he evilly glares at Hyunjin who’s still fighting against Donghyuck.

Jeno’s quick to react, jumping into the chaos and yanking Donghyuck back by his shirt, yelling at him to calm down but Donghyuck refuses to listen, spitting profanities and evil threats Hyunjin’s way. Your eyes flicker to the side to see Jaemin holding back Yangyang who looks furious, knuckles bruises and a cut forming on the corner of his lip, hair dishevelled.

You quickly rush over to Shotaro, coming to his aid and pulling a few tissues out of Haru’s purse, holding them to his nose. He keeps apologising, for a reason you’re not too sure, but you shake your head, telling him to be quiet and to slow down his heavy breathing.

Haru glances between Shotaro and Renjun, knocking his side to get his attention and Renjun looks down at her, the two silently communicating.

You turn your head to Yeji. “What the hell happened?”

“I-I-I don’t know” She stutters, voice wavering and body shaking. “Me and Shotaro were dancing and Hyunjin just hit him”

“Shotaro kissed her and Hyunjin saw. He got angry about it so he punched Shotaro across the face” Haru informs you fully and you immediately spin around, glaring at Hyunjin. He rolls his eyes when you all look at him, wiping the blood from the cut on his eyebrow, letting out a laugh.

“He kissed her in front of me” Hyunjin tells you, wincing as he touches a different wound on his nose. “That little bitch did it on purpose—”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Donghyuck hisses, lunging for Hyunjin again but Jeno stops him, forcefully holding him back and demanding him to calm down despite how angry he was himself. He didn’t want to cause anymore trouble, not tonight anyways.

Hyunjin finds it amusing that Donghyuck and Yangyang are both being held back by others who so desperately want to step in and punch him. Felix, who has been desperately trying to tug Hyunjin away from the situation and begging for him to be quiet, shakes his head at Hyunjin’s behaviour, nervously gnawing down on his bottom lip as he Hyunjin points at Donghyuck and Yangyang while laughing loudly, seeming to go make a comment about Shotaro too but it never comes, he’s quiet.

Especially when he’s clipped across the face by Miwoo’s hand.

The crowd dies down, some ‘oohing and ‘ahhing’. Hyunjin cradles the side of his raw cheek, completely stunned at the action and Miwoo blankly looks at him, unbothered.

“Come on, laugh” Miwoo urges him. “It’s funny, right? Laugh. Do it” She raises her brow expectantly, putting her hands on her hips. “Want me to do it again? So we can both laugh together?”

She lifts her hand to strike again but Hyunjin steps back out of her aim, shaking his head quickly, face reddening in embarrassment. Miwoo scoffs, dropping her hand to her side with a tut, not happy with the way Hyunjin’s reaction.

“Pathetic” She sighs. “Boys”

“He’s not going to hit a girl, you freak” A voice states from the crowd, a familiar one, a female. You fight the urge to roll your eyes as you recognise its Yeeun and you turn to look at Haru who looks done with the whole situation, mumbling how it’s time for all of you to leave which you couldn’t agree more.

“I don’t mind” Miwoo grins almost manically. “Come on… you guys wanted a fight, didn’t you? Don’t tell me you’re taking back your words because a girl wants to join in on the fun… or is it the fact that you’re going to go up against someone who is actually going to hit back?”

The crowd is even more silent at that, knowing exactly what she’s talking about. Shotaro wouldn’t hit back, he’s not a violent person, which you know deep down that they all took advantage of until Yangyang, Donghyuck and Miwoo stepped in to defend their friend.

Some people look down, ashamed at being called out while others remain stoic, just continuing to stare at Miwoo as she eyes them all before stopping at Hyunjin. She smirks at his expression, rolling her eyes and lets out a halfhearted laugh all while turning to face Shotaro.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here… This party was boring anyways”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“Well… that was an experience” You admit as you walk into Jaemin’s bedroom, laughing awkwardly as you rub at the back of your neck.

After the fight, you all left Eunbin’s party in a hurry and decided to go grab some food at the burger shack, sitting around the table and gossiping about what happened (after making sure Shotaro was okay and that his nose wasn’t broken).

Donghyuck and Yangyang reenacted the fight, throwing over the top punches at each other and succeeding in making Shotaro laugh when they praised him for taking Hyunjin’s punches like a champ, calling him ‘the strongest badass alive’ which Shotaro beamed at.

Even Miwoo commented on how proud of Shotaro she was, cooing at him and pinching his cheek. Renjun and Jeno were still angry but Renjun calmed down after a while as Haru muttered things into his ears, caressing his thigh and giving him soft smiles.

Jeno remained angry while Jaemin was quiet. He stared at the table, saying nothing throughout dinner but when it was time to leave and everyone wanted to go back to the apartment, he had pulled you aside and asked if you could come home with him so the two of you could be alone.

You wanted to decline at first, wanting all of you to go back together but decided against it when it dawned on you that you really needed to talk to him, to discuss things that you wished would disappear and be forgotten about.

“Tell me about it” Jaemin chuckles, closing his bedroom door behind you both. He unbuttons a few of the buttons on his shirt, kicking his shoes off to the side as he looks at you. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, it was fine” You nod stiffly, toeing off your heels.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know” He tells you. He knows you like the back of his hand. He can read you so easily, you’re like an open book to him and you detest it a little, especially when he seems so closed off to you. You know everything about him and yet, you still know nothing at all. It’s frustrating. “I know you didn’t really want to go, but I’m happy you did”

“I did it for you” You say without looking at him, too shy to meet his eyes.

Jaemin raises a brow. “For me?” You hum with a short nod. “Why would you do it for me?”

Because I like you. “Because you wanted to go”

“I didn’t want to go” Jaemin furrows his brows. “I would’ve been fine either way, you know that. I just wanted to know what you wanted to do, I would’ve followed what you wanted”

You look at him this time. “Really?”

“Yes” Jaemin laughs, nodding his head as his arms wrap around your waist. You hold his arms, staring up at him. You’re unsure of how you’re feeling right now. You want to pull away from his embrace, knowing that it’s wrong to allow him to hold you like this after the conversation you had with Eunbin. But you also want to pull him as close to you as you possibly can, to hold him in your arms, to have his skin on yours, his lips.

Jaemin ducks his head down to press his lips to yours but you move back before he can even do so. He furrows his brows at you in confusion as you step out of his arms.

“Jaemin, I…” You pause, fidgeting in your spot. “I need to talk to you about something”

“Okay?”

“It’s important—” You gulp. “A-and I don’t really know how to start it or what to even say and I—”

“Hey, breathe” He tells you, instructing you to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, demonstrating it in front of you and you copy, quitting your rambling to try and calm your erratic heartbeat. The proximity between you both makes your head spin, feeling his breath fan across your face doesn’t help you relax but your fingers can’t help but graze against his chest, itching to pull him closer to you and ignore everything else around you.

His hand comes up to stroke the back of your head affectionately, staring down at you with those pretty brown eyes that make you weak, knees almost buckling under his gaze but you try your hardest to hold strong.

“Jaem…” You whisper his name.

“God, you look so beautiful” He whispers back to you, his hand coming down to caress your cheek with the prettiest of smiles and it makes your heart ache. The way he’s looking at you right now makes your head spin and you feel choked up, trying your best to blink away the tears that threaten to form. You want to distract yourself from tearing up and you do it in the worst way possible by surging forwards to connect your lips with his, completely forgetting about the talk you wanted to have with him as your fingers curl around his shirt.

His arms slither around your waist, pressing you close to his body as his mouth moves against yours, capturing your bottom lip with a soft bite and you gasp quietly. It gives him the opportunity to push his tongue between your lips, meeting yours in the soft kiss.

He smiles against your lips, pulling you closer as much as he possibly can as your fingers rake through his hair. Without a doubt, you’re addicted to him. You’re drunk on his touch, you’re putting in his hands, you yearn for more every time he touches you… you can’t get enough of him.

The rhythm that your lips move in is so gentle and soft, a kiss that you’ve never shared before but it’s starting to mean so much to you that you almost plead and beg to have him back when he pulls away.

Jaemin lowers himself, bending his knees as his hands latch onto the back of your thighs and you automatically jump, wrapping your legs around his waist as he grips your thighs tightly to hold you up, reconnecting his lips with yours as he expertly manoeuvres around his bedroom.

He sits down on the chair at his desk, comfortably settling you in his lap with your knees on either side of his hips. His hands rest at your thighs, gripping the bare skin between his fingers as mouth moulds with yours and you bring him closer with your arms. You feel his hands rub up and down your thighs before pushing up your skirt, letting it bunch around your waist messily.

You gasp when he presses his fingers against your clothed core. He smiles when he feels the wetness between your legs seeping through the lacy material and you unbuckle his belt, pulling his cock out of his pants just as he yanks your panties to the side.

You refuse to waste anymore time, having not been laid in so long makes you desperate and you’re not afraid to show or admit it, neither is he. He aligns himself at your entrance, his eyes locked on yours as you lower yourself down, gasping at the feeling of him inside you, stretching your walls and fitting in snugly.

He chases after your lips the second he bottoms out, trying his hardest to control himself. He wants to savour this moment and frankly, so do you.

“I appreciate you so much” He whispers sweet things in your ears and you shake your head, telling him to stop but he doesn’t. “I appreciate you so fucking much”

“Jae…” You warn him. He doesn’t listen, as per usual.

His hands cup your cheeks to bring you forwards, lips softly kissing the skin of your forehead, your eyelids, the tip of your nose. You’re basking in his touch, kissing the pad of his thumb as it rubs against your bottom lip. Jaemin smiles, watching your head lean back in bliss when he rolls his hips upwards to meet your speed, adjusting his grip around the back of your neck to pull you in.

He pecks your lips once, twice, three times before connecting his mouth to yours, kissing you so affectionately it makes you feel dizzy, so lightheaded that you’re afraid you’re going to pass out.

You steady your hands on his shoulders in the midst of the kiss to help you rise and fall down on his cock slowly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head in pleasure and whines and cries spill from your lips when his cock hits the sweet spot.

Jaemin’s the one to move back from the kiss, watching you with his mouth wide open, heavily panting every time your ass meets his thighs when you take him whole, his stomach caving in as he sucks in deep breaths.

The way he’s looking at you right now sends a shiver down your spine, his fucked out expression with hazy eyes staring into yours, refusing to break eye contact which you have already done so many times due to the pleasure that’s pooling in the put of your stomach.

You mewl as he hits the spot inside you again, thighs shaking at his hips and you clench around him involuntarily. Jaemin gasps at the feeling, fingers gripping your waist tightly as he tries to pull you closer.

“I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that” Jaemin breathes out with a grunt, licking his lips as he glances down at where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside you with a moan. “Fuck… you’re so beautiful, baby”

“I…I…” You struggle to find your voice when your core clenches, a band forming in your stomach, almost bringing you closer to your orgasm. “I… ‘gonna cum”

“Me too” He tells you, raising his hand to his lips, tongue licking at his thumb before he presses the digit to your clit. The sudden action makes you tense up, the air being knocked out of your lungs as you cum around his cock, leaving you breathless as your walls convulse around him, whining as he thrusts to reach his orgasm.

“Baby..” You cry out prettily, still creaming around his cock. Hearing you call him such an endearing name for the first time sends him over the edge, hot liquid spilling inside of you with a high pitched moan you have never heard come from him before.

You collapse on top of him from exhaustion, resting your chin on his shoulder and everything inside of you snaps, the tears freely streaming down your cheeks. Your hands cling to his back, fisting the material of his shirt in your hands tightly as if he could easily slip away from your fingers. He holds you close to him too, breathing heavily as his hands rub up and down your back soothingly, helping you both come down from your orgasms, cooing softly in your ear.

Jaemin doesn’t move, keeping his cock inside of you with a smile, leaning back against his chair comfortably with you and his one hand moves to the back of your head to keep you as close to him as he can.

He’s unaware of what’s going on behind him, he can’t feel the tears drip from your eyes and seep into his shirt. He can’t hear the words repeating in your head. He can’t see the pain that’s on your face.

He also didn’t know that this is the last time you will both be in this position.

He’s oblivious.

He’s oblivious to it all.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

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hot sauce renjun was a cultural reset

let’s be real he started a movement with his hair

a king, but we’ve been known

niceee

yay

dancinf moons

hai i re organised my shelf and put all my manga ontop of it and it loosk so good🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

I LAVAVAAVVAVVVVV THSI SOMCUH

☆ the hates everyone except you trope | park jay

"hey! focus on the assignment!" "well stop being so fucking pretty and i might be able to!"

pairing : badboy!jay x good girl! reader

summary : being the smartest one in your whole year had its perks, but it meaning that you would have to tutor the students that were behind in class was definitely the ultimate con- except for it allowing you to get to know the school’s bad boy in a way no one else has before.

word count : 27,994

includes smut, angst, fluff.

use of drugs and alchohol.

minors DNI

☆read the other volumes?

taglist : @srirachibi @ryu-naa @blank-velvet @hoonstrology @person-standing @yuakagi @moasworld @rein-deer-stuffs @ily-cuz-i @lix-freckle3 @leeis @turnipsandflowerss @hoewithnojams @liliansun @melaninjhs @sunshine-skz @andromedawillburryyou @shynypeacekitten @violevantae @rpkth @hime98 @fvryang @j4yluvr @heelariously @fireflies997 @rikipediaa @yuakagi @person-standing @blank-velvet @ryu-naa @srirachibi (sorry if i forgot anyone lol)

growing up in a small town and then moving to the capital city for your first year of high school is and never will be easy.

your entire family had been born and grew up in your small hometown themselves. it was a town where everyone knew everyone. you had grown to become comfortable in your small town. there wasn't much going on, it was basically silent.

and you loved the silence.

though, you dreamed of moving far away from your small, quiet town once you graduated high school- and you never wanted to return.

you didn't want to be like everyone else in the world, it was one of your biggest fears. you couldn't bare the thought of being like someone else, which was hard since everyone in your town thought the same, dressed the same, talked the same and so on.

besides your fear of being like everyone else, you had a fear of burning out in life.

you had always been intelligent.

you got grades that were so high that colleges had been looking into accepting you even before you had graduated. your teachers were always impressed with you, even giving you assignments that were extremely advanced for someone your age to complete.

your obvious intelligence had made your parents extremely hard on you. always pushing you to study and to get your assignments done on time so that you could go far in life. your parents didn't have the luck of being as smart as you, so when they found out that somehow the two of them had made a genius child- their minds went into a haywire.

your parents didn't want you to end up like themselves when you were older. so, they gave you strict rules, a strict curfew, a strict schedule that you had to follow.

on some days, you didn't mind your routine. you found comfort in it.

but other days, you wanted to pull your hair out as you heard kids your age laughing down the street on a nice spring day- probably making amazing childhood memories that they could tell their kids about one day. you on the other hand had no memories that you could share.

what would you even tell your kids? oh, i sat inside for years with my head in a textbook and stress circulating my entire being so that i could please my parents and make a name for myself in this life.

yeah, really fun.

since your parents really wanted you to live a life that they didn't and would never have, they decided to move to the capital city - seoul - for your first year of high school.

you were excited, but so scared at the same time. you got to get away from the small town you had always lived in where you knew everyone and everything. to a place where you knew no one and nothing.

to say that your first year of high school was awful would be an understatement.

your first year of high school was horrendous.

James hummed in approval, moving out of the way so miyougn could place more food on the table before she sat down herself. ou can sit across from jay." she ushered you over to one of the empty dining room chairs. ive way, it felt like intimidating and more friendly. hould come to a party with me woman for a minute and you could already tell just how different she was from jay. egret it at all. out for each other, making sure that one of them doesn't drink or smoke too much.

it was like you were invisible to everyone- except to yoon seeun.

"hi!" the girl sat down across the cafeteria table from you.

"um, hi?" you answered with a confused tone, you looked around the busy cafeteria, trying to see if anyone had sent this girl over to sit with you as a prank. no one had sat with you for the first week of high school, you tried to sit with other tables but you got kicked out of all of them as they were apparently 'someone else's'.

"what're you looking for?" the girl asked amused as she watched you scan your surroundings.

"just- did someone tell you to sit with me? because you don't have to! i'm fine b-" you started, embarrassment filling you as you explained yourself.

"what? no!" she laughed, "i wanted to sit with you."

"oh."

"i'm yoon seeun." she introduced herself. you looked at her fully as she said her name. she had a rounder face, and pretty big eyes. she had a pretty mole right above her left eye that seemed to match her beauty.

"i'm y/l/n y/n." you introduced yourself as well.

"i know," seeun shrugged, pulling backpack around herself so she could open it, "you sit in front of me in math."

"oh, i'm so sorry. i haven't really focused on everyones names yet."

"that's okay!" seeun smiled, "what elementary school did you go too?"

"um, i moved here from seungju, so i don't know if you'd know it."

"where the hell is seungju?"

"it's like, really south and really small!"

"how small?"

"like, the population is around two thousand."

"my god! what're you doing here?" seeun screeched, making you laugh at her shocked expression. "there's more than two thousand students just in our grade!"

"my parent's wanted a better education for me." you shrugged measly.

"so you really don't know anything about this place then."

"yeah, pretty much. but i think after a week i've been slowly catching on to the cliques going on."

"oh. so you must know the queen sieun." seeun rolled her eyes with a frown.

"no, who's that?"

"she's a brat and she basically runs the whole city. she's in our grade." seeun explained, turning around and nudging her chin towards a table at the far corner of the room. "she's the really pretty one with the light orange hair."

you easily spotted the orange haired girl from across the room. it seemed like everyone in the cafeteria was staring at her, though she was oblivious to it. she sat with other really pretty girls that didn't seem to match her beauty.

"her dad is park namjung, that famous singer from the 80s."

"holy shit! my mom use to love him!"

"yeah yeah. well his fame has gone to her head and apparently everyone else's at this school."

"she's really like that?"

"yeah, believe me, i used to be friends with her."

"no way. what happened?"

seeun shrugged, "everyone found out who her dad was last year and it just totally changed her. she got popular and pretty and i didn't know you know, we stopped being friends."

"you're pretty what're you're talking about!" you interjected, shaking your head at her.

"yeah, but not pretty enough to sit at that table." seeun rolled her eyes with a huff.

"who cares, you're pretty in your own damn way, you don't need to look like anybody else."

seeun smiled at your words. she's really needed to hear some positives about her appearance since she's been pushed into the background of sieun's life movie. "thank you."

"no problem."

"now," seeun pulled out a textbook from her bag, "you don't happen to be good at math do you? because the assignment that's due next period really needs to be done."

"yeah i can help you! i'm kinda smart."

"really!" you nodded in response to her with a shy smile. "good, we need a smart person around here." seeun flipped trhough the book, making you laugh at her insult.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

seeun and you became close friends quickly. she taught you about everyone in your school and all the drama that you missed out on while living in "some small hick town" as seeun reffered it to. she had introduced you to some of her friends, but you didn't really 'click' with them as well as you did with seeun.

your first month at high school was made better because of her.

though, you didn't really understand the how much importance that seeun put on the importance of reputation, you didn't really care. you thought it was funny that seeun knew everything about everyone and it reminded you of your hometown. seeun didn't notice how little popularity meant to you, she was just glad that she had someone to listen to her- and you were happy to.

after the first month- you had figured that you had heard everything about everyone from seeun. until an unfamiliar boy walked into the cafeteria.

seeun and you were sitting at 'your table' (yes you even had your own table now) in the cafeteria. the boy wore all black with black combat boots that matched his black hair. his jaw was sharp like all his other features. his lips were pulled down into a subtle frown that made you wonder just how pretty he could be if he smiled. he looked like he came straight out of shitty wattpad fanfic.

"who's that?" you tilted your head to the side where the boy was talking to the usual overly happy lunch lady who now adorned her own frown as she looked up at him.

seeun looked towards the direction, "that's park jay."

"park jay?" you repeated almost absentmindedly as you continued to watch him buy a granola bar.

"yeah, park jongsung, but he likes to go by as jay."

"i've never seen him before."

seeun scoffed with a laugh, "yeah because he basically never comes. if he does come then he's either high, drunk or both."

"who does he hang out with?"

"just a bunch of misfits that you wouldn't know either. they hate everyone except for each other."

you watched park jay leave the lunch lady with a granola bar in his hand. a teasing smirk on his face as he walked past sieun and her groups table, his fingers waved mockingly at sieun as she rolled her eyes in disgust at him. he pushed the cafeteria doors open with his back, his smirk never leaving his face as he internally laughed at sieun until he disappeared into the hallway.

park jay didn't seem to be like any of the other boys at your school- especially with the way he acts towards park sieun. he doesn't drop to his knees from her beauty when he sees her.

"what're you thinking about?" seeun asked you as your brain became intoxicated with thoughts of park jay.

you shrugged, "nothing."

"it better not be about park jay."

"it's not!" you defended yourself quickly, avoding eye contact with your friend as you pretending to read your text book.

"good, he's a trouble maker, you don't want to get caught up with him."

"what do you mean by trouble maker?"

"mm," seeun thought outloud for a moment, "he parties a lot, does drugs a lot, commits stupid crimes with his friends and has probably slept with half the girl student population in seoul."

you imagined park jay in the scenes that seeun described to you about him. yoru brain going haywire as you thought about him lazily smoking a cigarette with loud music and girls surrounding him.

"has he always been like that?" you asked seeun curiously.

"no, he used to be nice until last year. he comes from a good family." you nodded at seeun's words, your eyes zoning out on the cafeteria doors were park jay last stood. "why do you wanna know?"

you looked at seeun with a sheepish smile, "just wondering."

seeun shrugged and went back to finishing her lunch, letting you go back to studying.

but it was so hard to study with park jay intruding every thought.

-- -- -- -- -- --

throughout your years at high school, you had a few classes with park jay. it became a game just for you about how many times he would come to class that month. sometimes he'd come three times a week, other times you wouldn't see him for almost two weeks. your teachers always reprimanded him, but he never seemed to care. his usual tired and faded gaze never indicated anything else.

you always sat in the back of the class, too shy to sit anywhere else. it gave you the opportunity to people watch the others in your classes. though, there was never really anyone that interesting to watch- besides park jay.

jay had changed drastically from year 9 to year 10. he grew taller, got piercings and a few small tattoos covered his arm. his academic intelligence stayed the same though. barely showing up for school, winging tests that he'd be no where even close to passing anyways.

you were sure that you were just as invisible to park jay as you were to everyone else in your school. you people watched- but people never watched you.

you told yourself that you liked it that way- but you felt so misunderstood at the same time. and you loved yoon seeun, but even sometimes you'd feel lonely as you sat beside her.

in year 10, you felt sweat drip down your back as you sped walked to your class, hoping to not be late for. your binder was messily open as you tried to organize all your essays and assignments. a hard thud into yoru front made the mess even bigger as your papers flew all over the ground. little chuckles and gasps surrounding you in the hallway from the other students.

you dropped down to your knees in a hurry to pick it all up, paying no attention to waht or who you had bumped into until you noticed the still, black, combat boot standing right on the middle of your essay.

you glanced up and met the tired and faded gaze of park jay that you had only seen from a far before. he wore the usual serious expression on his face as he looked down at your chaotic and nervous figure.

"what?" he asked you with a tilt of his head.

"you're standing on my essay."

jay's eyes glanced down at his feet, and in fact he was standing right on the pieces of paper. quickly, almost too out of character for him, he lifted his heavy boot, watching you slip the papers out.

you stood up and still had to tilt your head upwards to look at him, a sheepish smile on your face, "um, thanks." you move around him, almost bolting away from him so you could get to class on time. you felt your ears turning pink out of embarrasment. of course you had to bump into park jay.

jay never let the memory of you murmuring a 'thanks' to him fade. when he did go to school, he'd always try to catch a glimpse of you in the hallway. he'd smile internally when he did. you always seemed to be so busy. so stressed out from school. always so of him. but it was so mentally draining to pretend to be someone else.

jay really did have no idea who you were, but you were different and cute and he liked it.

jay was tired of seoul and everyone in it. he hated the stereotypes, the cliques, the shitty music that everyone was told to like. he tried to be like everyone else during his elementary school years. he wanted to please his parents and for them to be proud of him. but it was so mentally draining to pretend to be someone else.

he hated how everyone thought they knew everything about him and everyone else. because it wasn't him- and it really pissed him off that it was what everyone thought.

all it took for him to leave his old facade behind was for lee heeseung to offer him a blunt.

lee heeseung was a year older than jay and he was the coolest person in seoul. (at least that's what jay thinks) heeseung knew how to have fun, how to ignore all the stupid stereotypes and he took jay under his wing. heeseung took some others under his wing too; shin jake, park sunghoon, kim sunoo, yang jungwon and nishimura riki.

they liked to have fun and enjoy life. none of them understood how wasting their youth cramped up studying in their bedrooms was an important use of time. they didn't like following the trends that were set in their generation. they liked to think outside of the box unlike the other robots in your school.

so it made them become misfits- and they didn't care. if anything, it just made them hate everyone else more than how much they hated them.

jay never let the memory of you murmuring a 'thanks' to him fade. when he did go to school, he'd always try to catch a glimpse of you in the hallway. he'd smile internnally when he did. you always seemed to be so busy. so stressed out from school. always so good.

it made him think that you were too good for a place as bad as seoul.

you were too good for a person as bad as him.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

of course, although you were basically invisible to the popularity rankings at your school, you still had some sort of reputation. you were smart, and people knew you were smart.

you weren't a teachers pet, but it was obvious that teachers liked you a bit more than any of the other students. sometimes other students would ask you for help on a certain assignment, which you didn't mind doing, and it would actually help your classmates in the long run. your teachers noticed your small tutoring and wanted to give you some credit for it.

so, your guidance counsellor called you into his office and offered you extra credits if you became a tutor for your school. you told him that you'd think about it, but of course your parents forced you to do it as it would 'look good on your school transcript' when you graduate.

you spent your final year of high school tutoring some students. some were in your grade, others were below you, and it was fun at first. until your teacher told you that you'd have to tutor park jay a few times a week.

your first instinct when you heard the news was to shout 'no fucking way', but you internally calmed yourself down and smiled.

"are you okay with tutoring him for a bit? his grades are awfully low and he needs to graduate this year." your techer practically begged you.

you bleat a quick "sure." and your teacher seems more pleased with you than she ever has before.

"great!" your teacher clapped, "i've set it up for you to tutor him every tuesday! how's that sound?"

"perfect." you nodded, anxiety runs up your spine with the word.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

the first tuesday that you were suppose to tutor park jay in the library- he didn't show up.

you sat for an hour after school, waiting for the arrival of the infamous misfit that smoked and drank and commited crimes with his friends for fun.

after ten minutes, you figured that he really wasn't going to show up, you didn't really care. it gave you some time to study for your own tests before you had to go home and study there.

the next tuesday, park jay waltzed into the library with a cocky smirk on his face.

he was about thuirty minutes late to when your tutoring session was suppose to start- but he showed up.

you heard someone clear their throat from beside the table you were sitting at, distracting you from your history homework. you honestly didn't expect park jay to be standing beside you when you looked up from the textbook. the look on jay's face showed that he wasn't really expecting you either.

when jay was told he wouldn't be able to graduate at the end of the year because his grades were so low, he kept his usual 'i don't give a fuck' expression and attitude on the outside. rolling his eyes when his mother gasped from beside him in the principal's office.

"jongsung!" she hissed to him, utter shock and disappointment filling her voice as his father remained silent on the other side of him.

jay loved his mother.

he thought she was beautiful and caring and thoughtful and everything a good mother needed to be. but she didn't agree with jay and his friends' morals. she insisted that having good grades in school meant everything. when in jay's reality- they certainly didn't.

it took some time for jay's mother to realize jay's heavy decline in school but when she did notice, she wasn't pleased. jay hated that he made her worry every night that he wouldn't be home by the time she had set for him. he hated the look she gave him when she noticed his blood shot eyes at 3am as he stumbled into the house back from a party. he hated hearing her cry at the kitchen table late night after yelling at him to go to his room after he regretully talked back to her.

jay hated the way he was making his mother feel that sometimes it distracted him from how much he hated his father.

although jay hated stupid cliques and stereotypes, he imagined that there were certain groups of people in this world. he imagined that on one end of the long line of groups of people was himself, and on the whole other side that contained the milky way between it, was the group of people his father belong in.

his father and him had nothing in common.

jay didn't even think they looked the same.

his father worked a lot. he worked from home, he worked at his main office in the middle of seoul and he worked abroad to wherever his company would send him that week. it took his father a lot longer than his mother to realize just how much park jongsung had changed from their 'well behaved boy' that they 'raised so well'.

jay's father went to the united states during the summer that jay had started hanging out with heeseung. when his father walked through his houses' door to greet his family, he felt his stomach sink when he saw his son decked out in all black, raggy clothes and silver jewlery hanging from his neck and ears.

"who the hell is that?" jay remembers his dad speaking out as he stared him down, unable to recognize his 'good' son that he had seen two months ago.

jay smirked to himself as he watched the shock expression on his dad's face once his mother scolded him for asking such a ridiculous question.

after that day, jay had tried to make that shocked expression on his dad's face at any chance he could get. which was apparently more difficult than expected.

when jay started his second year in high school, he had gotten four tattoos on his left arm over night from heeseung's older brother: a cartoon sheet ghost, a smiley face with the eyes as x's, a shitty snake that took heeseung maybe three seconds to draw, and a peach that his mother absoutley hated the most.

his mother screeched when he walked in the next morning with black ink and red skin, repeatidly asking him what had he done. jay was laughing as his mother took him over to the kitchen sink and started to scrub at his skin with a sponge. disgust was written on her face as she realized the black drawings were really not coming off.

jay and his mother sat in silence that night, waiting for his father to come home from work and see his 'new decision' as his mother called it.

his father walked in and sighed as he saw the two of them sitting in silence from across the table to each other. "what happened?"

jay stuck out his arm so his father could see the four little drawings on his skin. jay remembers thinking to hold back his laugh once the shocked expression appears on his dad's face.

but the expression never came.

"hm." his father nodded shortly, his lips pulled into a tight, thin line.

"they're permanent." his mother spoke out, she was even surprised at his calm reaction.

"yes, i assumed so." his father walked away from jay's dangling arm, "what's for dinner?" he asked his wife, leaving jay and his mother with the expression he wished his dad would've had.

in his third year of high school, jay still hadn't given up on shocking his dad so, he went over to heeseung's with a bag of (possible) hair bleach that he picked up at the store. he really didn't know if he had picked up the right stuff. but the person on the cover of the box had blonde hair and there was progression pictures of black hair turning blonde on the back, so he bought it.

within six hours (which really took longer than he had expected) he had bright pink hair from the left over hair dye sunoo had let him have.

"bro, what the fuck have you done?" jake asked amused as he stood beside jay in the mirror, running over to heeseung's house when they told him he needed to come over immediately.

"do you like it?" jay asked, raising his eyebrows up and down teasingly.

"absoutely not." jake laughed, causing him to be pushed into the bathroom counter by jay.

"i think it looks punk." heeseung came into his bathroom suddenly, freshly dyed dark green hair causing jake to stop laughing.

"what the hell," jake stood up straight, "did everyone dye their hair?"

"eh, pretty much." sunghoon said, popping his head in so jake could see his silver hair.

"doesn't he look cool?" sunoo's cresent eyes popped in after, his fingers twirling sunghoon's hair which he had spent all day on.

"what the hell." jake's jaw dropped, looking at all of his friends' hair.

"it was sunoo's salon day!" heeseung smiled, playing with his new hair in the bathroom mirror still. "he did all of our hair."

"even jungwon's and riki's?" jake asked, a pout on his face suddenly.

"nah, i'm doing their's tomorrow, i already spent all day on these three's hair." sunoo replied, still playing around with sunghoon's hair, trying to style it for him.

"i see," jake nodded, turning around to look at his own plain, black hair in the mirror, "can you do mine tomorrow, too?"

"of course!" sunoo smiled at his older friend.

so on the monday after sunoo's salon weekend, everyone at your high school was shocked as their whole friendgroup showed up with different colours of hair that seemed to not match them, yet matched them at the same time. they all held back their smiles as they caught everyone's shocked expressions.

it seemed that everyone was shocked about jay's hair- his mother even screamed when he came in the door with it- except for his father who only stole a glance at it before returning back to his 'important' paper work.

so, when the principal informed his parents that he wouldn't be able to graduate if he kept the grades he had at the moment, he stole a glance at his father- thinking that maybe then his father would hold the shocked expression he only saw once before.

but nothing.

just the same serious- almost bored - expression that he always wore.

"so what can we do?" your mother asked the principal, hoping that there was something that could be done for her son.

so the idea of park jay getting a tutor for the rest of the year was brought up, jay groaned while his mother sighed out of relief and his father remained with the same expresssion he always adorned.

when you looked up at jay from the ridiculously big text book, he thought to himself that he must've looked less like his father more than ever before with the shocked expression on his face.

he had honestly expected his tutor to be some annoying, nerd guy that would piss him off to the extent of him grabbing the guy's calculator and throwing it at his face. so he had smoked a lot before he needed to be at his 'important' tutor session.

he had smoked so much that he had thought he was literally seeing things when he met your eyes and realized just who it was that would be tutoring him. sure, his vision was kind of out of whack from the amount of weed him and heeseung had just shared in the parking lot but he didn't think he was that high that he'd see a different face on a different body.

"uh, hi?" you spoke up at him, those innocent eyes that he's seen up close only once before bore into him and he realized that maybe smoking before his tutoring session was a mistake- and he's never regret getting high before.

"hi." jay forced himself to say, his brain beating himself up after hearing it sound so robotic.

so it took you maybe two seconds of analyzing the park jay standing beside you to realize that he was in fact high. he was high while you were suppose to be tutoring him in your school library and the thought had made you very nervous.

sure you had smelt weed before while walking through the hallways at school sometimes. but you've never seen it- or seen any drugs in fact before. you've never been high or drunk before or even been around anyone that's been high or drunk before.

so now park jay is very high standing beside you and you wanted to run away incase a teacher comes by and sees him- taking you with him since you're suppose to be tutoring him.

"you're y/n?" jay asked you, surprisng even himself that he sounded normal now.

"yeah, i'm your tutor." you responded meekly, wantung to hit yourself with your introduction and with the way jay was now smirking down at you. you've spoken to park jay for mabe three sentences now and you're already sounding like the nerd everyone thinks you are.

you hear jay chuckle deeply before moving to sit down in the chair beside you. the smell of weed follows him and surrounds you as he sits. his bag swinging onto the table almost makes your eyes bulge out of your head when the weed smell intesifies and the thought of literal drugs being less than a meter away from you.

"um, do you want to start tutoring next tuesday instead?" you force yourself to smile at the all adorned black clothed boy, avoiding eye contact.

"why not today?" jay asks, seeing that you can barely look in his direction.

"w-well, there's only twenty five minutes left now and you're, um, you're...." you trail off, not wanting to embarrass yourself.

jay smirks at your quiet voice, thinking about how shy you truly are. "i'm what? say it."

"you're... high." you finish, your head looking straight down at your hands twiddling your fingers in your lap.

it's silent for a moment in between you and jay park and you're sure that you've offended him until he bursts out laughing. you turn your head to look at the laughing boy, unsure of what to do. if you weren't so nervous then you probably would be laughing too at the sight of pure enjoyment on his face as he swings his head back and laughs out into the library.

you see other students around turn and glare at the direction of noise, but ultimately turn around quietly when they see who's the loud person.

"w-what?" you ask him, a small smile on your lips.

jay stops laughing and looks at you intently. he thinks to himself that it's weird to see you this close up for this long of amount of time. it gives him time to take in your cute presence and to become aware of how odd you two must look sitting beside each other. you're wearing light colours and your hair is done so neatly while he's wearing all black and he can't remember the last time he's actually ever styled his hair. "have you ever been high before, y/n?"

your shoulders tense more at the volume of his voice, not believing that you're talking about being high with park jay in your school's library. "no." you squeak out embarrassingly. apparently embarrassing yourself in front of jay is the only thing you can do around him.

jay's not surprised at your answer, it's the only answer he was expecting. but it still doesn't get rid of the smirk that's on his face as he scans your rosy cheeks and red-from-biting plump lips. "do you wanna get high today?" you almost jump up from shock at his question, "with me?" he continues and then you almost faint. park jay just asked if you wanna get high with him.

"uh," you started out, not knowing how to answer him. luckily, he starts laughing again, allowing you to think of an answer.

"it's okay, y/n, i'm just kidding. i know a girl like you wouldn't get high with a guy like me." jay starts to put his binder into his bag as he gets ready to leave, letting you sit in silence for a momet trying to process his sentence.

"what does that mean?" you turn your head and look him dead in the eyes now, surprising him. the sudden confidence that he doesn't know if you're pretending to have or if you really have it and he's just a clueless idiot. all he knows is that the way your pretty eyes are staring into his is making his heart feel weird but maybe that's just from the weed.

"i mean, you're so good that it's like a halo is literally hovering above your head. and me," jay shakes his head as he swings his bag over his shoulder, "i don't think i've ever had a halo in my life."

you still sit as jay gets up and walks around you to leave, "do you want to have a halo?" you ask him, not being able to stop your curiousity.

jay almost laughs as he turns around and stares down at your innocent little figure once again. he puts his hand down on the table beside you, holding himself up as he leans down towards you, "i think it's too late for me to have a halo, y/n."

and then jay decides that you really do have a lot of confidence because the way you speak to him next is filled with so much power it makes him think that everything he's ever thought about you is wrong, "then come to your tutoring session next week on time and not high and we can see if it's too late or not."

jay stands up straight at your statement, his notorioius smirk spreading across his face as a smirk spreads across your own. "fine," he agrees, "i'll be on time next week and not high." he takes a few steps back still facing you.

"and not drunk either." you point out, making his smirk drop for a second before reappaearing again.

"okay, smartass. i'll see you next week." jay rolls his eyes with a teasing smile and walks out of the library- probably to heeseung's house where he and the rest of them can smoke some more.

you've been called smart countless of times before that it's gotten to the point where it means nothing to you. but you've never been called a smart ass. and it makes you almost laugh out loud to yourself because it's seemed to bring a whole new meaning of smart to you and you don't think anyone would've ever called you it besides park jay and it that just makes it even funnier to you.

so then, you and park jay spend the rest of the week excited for your next tutoring session.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you only saw jay once during the week until your (hopefully) proper tutor session.

though, it's not like you were looking for him as you zoomed through the other students in the hallways as you walked to your other classes. seeun kept asking you about how tutoring park jay went but, you didn't exactly tell her that he showed up insanely high.

you loved yoon seeun. you really did.

but she was a snitch.

you knew that if you told her that park jay could barely see you last week- to the point where you could just feel him staring at you when you weren't looking- that she would tell your teacher. because although you were considered a 'goody two shoes' you weren't the kind to go into other peoples' business like seeun. but that was just her. she liked knowing drama about everyone and she cared so much about you that if she found out you were around jay while he was high- that she would do something to protect you.

because yoon seeun loved you. she really did.

so why would she want you to be around a literal delinquent like park jay?

"if he does anything to you y/n, seriously, you need to tell me, his sexual history is so long!" seeun warns you as she takes a bite into her sandwich.

you smile at her, "yes, seeun, i understand, but it's been fine. he sits and listens and i sit and tutor that's it." you lie through your teeth but you know it's for the best.

jay walks into the cafeteria with his other misfit friends, his head turning to the table where he's seen you and seeun sit before almost out instinct. so when you're there, your front faced towards the doors so he could see you. a pink headband in your hair to simply get your hair out of your face but makes jay think just how cute it looks on you.

"who're you looking at?" sunghoon asks from beside him as they all wait in the food line.

"what do you mean?" jay asks with his eyebrows furrowed at his silver haired friend.

"well i know jake is looking at park sieun," sunghoon points over his shoulder to where jake stood with hungry eyes as he stared directly as the popular girl, "so who are you looking at?"

"im sorry but sieun's just so HOT." jake almost says painfully as he turns around to enter the conversation with jay and sunghoon.

jay makes a sound of disgust as the words 'hot' and 'sieun' are put into the same sentence. "bro, shut up, you're gonna make me not hungry." jay jokes, turning around and looking at the shitty food options of the day.

"how do you not find her hot? sunghoon man," jake taps sunghoon's shoulder as a form of agreance, "you think sieun is hot, right?"

sunghoon shrugs in response, "she's okay."

"what?!" jake's eyes almost pop out of his head, "i think she's the hottest thing i've ever seen."

"bro i told you to shut up or i'm gonna be sick!" jay protests again, thoughts of the annoying girl popping into his head made his head hurt.

"i wanna know who jay thinks is hot." sunghoon nods towards him with a smirk on his face.

"i don't think anyone's hot." jay shakes his head, "at least not here."

"really? then who were you looking at?"

"what makes you think that just because i was looking in a certain direction that i think someone is hot?"

"because you don't look in any certain direction besides at us while you're here- you hate everyone here." sunghoon says with an obvious tone.

"ou," jake points at sunghoon as he agrees with his point, "jay does think someone is hot. who?" jake smiles evilly at his friend.

jay sighs, "she's over there in the corner." he tilts his head to the direction where you are sitting. instantly his two friends turn and are so obviously looking for someone that is almost embarrasses jay.

"the girl with the pink headband?" sunghoon asks, letting jay nod.

"bro she is so not your type and she would so not be into you." jake shakes his head in shock at you.

jay feels his fists clench at his sides, "yeah? and who'd you think she'd be into? a guy like you?" jay gestures to jake's chains dangling from his jeans and red and black hair. jake only rolls his eyes in response before looking over at you again.

"i agree that she's not your type. she's too cute and too pure." sunghoon nods, imagining that there's butterflies flying around you as you talk to your friend. for some reason sunghoon's comment really pisses jay off. he doesn't like the fact that other guys can see how truly cute and innocent you are.

"actually, she is kinda hot," jake speaks after further analyzing you, making jay snap his head towards his friend, "but in a 'i really want to ruin you' type way because you know she's never been touched before. god that's actually so ho-" jake's sudden fantasy gets cut off with jay storming off, pushing past his friends. "bro, what's wrong?" jake called after him.

"i told you that if you didn't shut up i wouldn't feel good!" jay yelled back, not caring that the other people in the cafeteria were looking at him as he slammed open the cafeteria doors. and he really didn't feel good. he didn't know what is was about jake talking so dirty about you that made him want to throw up. he's heard jake say dirtier things about other girls before and jay didn't even bat an eye at it. but since it was about you- it was different. and it was a type of different that made him feel sick.

sunghoon and jake looked at each other once their friend was out of sight, only smirking and shrugging before telling the lunch lady what they wanted to eat.

"does he always have to cause a scene?" seeun rolled her eyes as she turned back towards you, jay storming out caught the eyes of everyone else as well.

you frowned as you watched his combat boots hit the cafeteria floor and push the doors open with force so suddenly until he was gone. you wondered what had gotten the boy so angry so quick as you noticed his other friends still standing in the lunch line.

though you were curious about it, you didn't ask him what it was about the next day when he came into the library, smirking at you as soon as he opened the doors and started making his way towards the table you were sat at- five minutes early.

jay stood beside where you sat again, looking down at you, "hi y/n."

"hi, jay." it was awkward for a moment before he sat down, throwing his bag on the table again as he pulled out his school supplies. and this time, you didn't smell any weed and his eyes weren't bloodshot. there was no strong scent of liquor either.

when jay got his supplies ready, he sat and looked at you, an eyebrow quirked up at your suspicious expression as you looked at him.

"well." jay shook his head as if he was ready for something.

"well, what?" you asked confused.

jay sighed as he sat back in his chair, "aren't you gonna ask me if i'm high or drunk?"

you almost smiled at him, "jay, did you smoke or drink?"

"nope!" jay popped the 'p' sound as he really did smile at you.

"really?" you asked suspiciously at the delinquent boy.

"well," jay trailed off, making your heart sink for a second, "i smoked a cigarette but that was it!" jay almost laughed as he looked at your digusted face. "what?"

"i think it'd be better for your health if you did smoke weed." you rolled your eyes, pulling out your own textbook to prepare to tutor him.

"what does that mean? you were the one who was saying 'blah blah halo blah blah don't get high' last week." jay mimicked your voice.

"yeah but at least weed doesn't give you lung or tongue cancer." you stated the facts.

"i'm not gonna get lung or tongue cancer." jay mused, picking up his pencil as you passed him a piece of paper.

"you will if you keep smoking cigarettes."

"so you want me to start showing up to our tutor sessions high?"

"no, i-!"

"well then i'm gonna keep smoking cigarettes."

you huffed at him, taking a deep breath before looking at him, "turn to page 34, please." you gestured to his closed textbook.

jay smirked to himself when you weren't looking, knowing that you tutoring him wasn't going to be as bad as he thought.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

after three weeks of 'properly' tutoring park jay- you could tell that he was done with it. he was bored and he wasn't trying and he was making it really hard for you.

"jay, at least look at the paper." you grabbed his attention from his staring aimlessly at the wall.

"i can't." he groaned, sitting up and looking at you. "all you do is ask me questions that i don't know the answers to and i don't even care about the answers." you sighed as you put your pencil down beside his that he hasn't even touched.

"well, i think it'd be better if you did care, because you need to graduate this year, right?"

"it doesn't matter if i graduate or not."

"yes, it does, jay."

"and why does it matter?" jay leaned over his elbow to look at you. the look in his eyes making you look away from him. it had been four weeks that you had been tutoring jay and you still couldn't look at him in the eyes.

"w-well, because i-i thought you wanted to see if you could get a, um a halo." you speak quiekty, almost embarrassed by your choice of how to persuade this boy to study and pay attention.

"do you think i could ever get a halo?" jay asks you, and his tone is serious compared to all the other times he speaks to you in a flirty or teasing tone.

"yes." you nod sternly, glancing at him briefly before looking down at your lap again. jay smirks at how cute you are, too cute and too good for him. but the way that you think he could become good is so naive of you that not even himself believes it. there's no way he could become as good as you. even his parents have no faith. he thinks that if he asks his parents if he could ever get a halo they would laugh in his face- but you sound so sure he could that it makes him want to believe you.

"have you heard anything about me, y/n?" jay sits back in his chair with his smirk, "because if you have then i don't think you'd think that."

"yeah, i've heard a few things." you nod quietly, thinking back to everything that seeun has told you in the past.

"like what?" jay asks in the teasing tone that you've become used to.

"that- that," you sit up in your chair as you prepare to speak, "you party a lot, and you do drugs and drink and y-you..."

"i what?"

"you have sex a lot."

jay feels his cock twitch as you say the word. it doesn't sound right as it comes out of your mouth but you turn him on at the same time. your sentence is also a painful reminder that he really would be no good for you.

"hm." jay hums as you feel heat on your cheeks, wondering if you had offended him now. "can i tell you what i've heard about you?"

"sure." your heart picks up it's pace, anxious to know what others say about you. anxious to know what park jay thinks about you.

"i've heard that you're some sort of genius, and that you don't go to parties-ever- and that you're an innocent, little, goody-two-shoes."

you weren't surprised at jay's statement but you were throughly upset that you knew that jay knew that you were something close to a loser. it upset you but you had no idea as to why. why should you care that you're an innocent loser and jay is so popular and hot. oh.

"im guessing by that look on your face that everything i heard is true." jay broke your train of thought. you could only glance at him briefly before returning to your textbook, unsure of what to say to get him to think you weren't some loser. "how about you come to a party this weekend?"

your jaw drops as you look up at him, "n-no, i can't."

"and why not? you're the one who seemed so upset when i told you what people are saying about you."

"well, because i can't! i may not like what people say about me, but i can't do anything about it."

"sure you can, come to a party this weekend with me."

you quirk an eyebrow up at his suggestion, "with you?" jay nods with a smirk. "don't you have a test on monday that you need to study for?" jay's smirk drops.

"yeah, so?"

"so you should study for it if you want to graduate this year."

jay rolls his eyes and sits back into his chair, "how about this, i won't go to the party friday night if you come over instead."

you felt the wind knock out of you chest, "and why would i come to your house?"

jay's stupid smirk returns to his face at your red cheeks, "so we could study, obviously."

"i- jay. you should be able to study on your own."

"then what's the point of having a cute tutor?"

there was a silence between you as you both processed jay's question. there was just no way that park jay just called you cute. and jay was preparing punch himself with the way he so carelessly told you what he's been thinking about you for years. it felt like both of you were dreaming.

jay opened his mouth about to apologize for making you feel uncomfortable until you spoke first, "fine, i'll come to your house, but to study. and to only study." you gave the dressed-in-all-black boy a serious look as he tried to hold back the small smile creeping onto his face.

"of course, what else would we do?" jay sat back in his chair again, never trying so hard to be cool in his entire life before.

you rolled your eyes at the boy before shoving another study assignemnt towards him, making a groan leave his mouth.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

park jay texting you his address on a random saturday afternoon was something you never thought would happen.

but walking up to a gigantic mansion that park jay apparently lived in was a dream.

the house was so pretty that it really made you feel like you didn't even deserve to set a foot on the property. but you forced yourself up the pretty porch stairs and knocked on the pretty door. you weren't really shocked when a pretty woman opened the door- expecting someone as pretty as her to own a house as pretty as this one.

"hi there, you must be jay's tutor." she smiled with a tilt of her head as she looked you up and down.

"mom!" you heard a familiar voice groan from behind her.

"oh sorry," the woman- jay's mom-, turned and let you come, "i guess im not used to jay having a tutor i-"

"mom!" jay groaned again, making his mom laugh as she closed the door behind you.

you turned and looked at where jay stood on the bottom step of a staircase that twirled around upwards towards the second floor. his upper half looked like how it usually did. an oversized black, band tshirt and silver jewlery adorning his neck and ears. but you were taken aback by the grey sweatpants he wore. sure it was a casual thing to wear- but jay usually stuck to a strick black jeans or black ripped jeans attire at school.

"sorry!" you heard his mother laugh out from beside you as you tried to peal your eyes away from jay's so casuasl yet so jay chose of clothing. "i'm miyoung, jay's mother. and you're y/n, right?" jay's mothers smile was so intimidatingly pretty that you couldn't help but smile back. you've known this woman for a minute and you could already tell just how different she was from jay.

"yes, nice to meet you." you bowed politely to the older woman. she bowed back to you, offering to take your jacket for you before letting jay basically usher you away upstairs.

miyoung wouldn't be overxaggerating when she said she was nervous for a girl like you to be alone with a boy like her son. even she could tell that you were just too good to be around a boy as, and as much as she hated to say it, as bad as jay.

"i'm sorry about that." jay said as you followed him through a long, white hallway that had family portraits hung on the walls, along with what seemed to be very expensive paintings. there were doors that led to all different kinds of rooms and two other hallways besides the one that jay led you down on the second floor.

"about what?"

"about, you know, my mom." jay rolled his eyes as he turned to you, opening a door on the left side of the hallway for you to enter.

you chuckled at his answer, "it's fine, she's so sweet." you looked at him as you passed him to enter the room first. and you were nervous before you even arrived at jay's house, but you were even more nervous once you realized that you were in his bedroom.

"yeah, well she can a lot sometimes." you heard jay speak from behind you as he entered himself after you.

you stood in the entrancewya of him room as he moved around you and towards a desk that looked barely used, only having a textbook on top of it. the rest of his room looked like a normal teenager boy room: a slightly messy made bed with grey duvet and black headboard. there were some shelves with some pictures and trophies on them, and a simple black tv across the wall from the bed.

"you can sit on my bed if you want." jay spoke to. you, sitting down in his desk chair. you nod to him and move to sit on his bed, facing him at his desk that's in front of you. he almost laughs with the way you're sitting so awkwardly on his bed. "should we just start?"

"uh, sure." you nod, pulling out your own textbook from you bag.

"y/n," jay calls your name, making you halt your actions and look over at him, "if you're gonna be this awkward the entire time then you don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"i-i'm not being awkward." you stutter, trying to prove a point that doesn't exist.

jay scoffs, "it's okay. i guess we don't know each other that well and you're sitting on my bed so." jay points at the mattress under you, making you try to not shift awkwardly on it as you couldn't stop thinking about it as well.

"w-well, how about we get to know each other." your boldness shocks the both of you in his boyish bedroom.

"y/l/n y/n wants to get to know me?" jay smirks as he leans over his textbook to look at you.

"well, it's just so we can study, and you can graduate." jay sighs at your answer, it's so obvious that thats the only reason he's got you on his bed and it will remain the only reason.

"right, what do you want to know?"

"mm," you wonder outloud, looking around his room before settling on the obvious, "what do your parents do for work?"

jay smirks at your question, "my dad is some big time ceo for some travel agency and my mom's a teacher." oh, that explains the big house. "how long have you been going to our high school."

his question makes you laugh outloud, making him smile at the sound of your laugh. he's never heard you laugh like this since you've been tutoring him for past month and a half.

"i've been going there since the first day of freshman year." you shake your head at him, his question just proving that you really live up to your apparent reptuation.

"oh," jay nodded, "i remember seeing you in year 10. i just never saw you in year 9, i like never went that year."

"you saw me in year 10?" you ask him, your heart racing at his words.

"yeah, that time i stood on your essay because you bumped into me."

"you remember that?" you ask with a smile on your face, surprised that he would remember such a small encounter.

"yeah! i was high out of my mind but that was the first time i saw you so, like of course i'd remember." his words make you look away from him, you bite your lip in order to hide your smile and blushing cheeks.

you glance over at his busy shelves that hold pictures from when he was younger, to pictures of his friends and to trophies that look like they haven't been touched in years and you asked him more questions about his life, and you would struggle with answers for his.

"why don't you answer straightforwardly." jay spun around slightly in his chair, a smile through his frustration.

"i'm sorry!" you laughed at him, "i just, i find it hard to open up i guess." jay nods at your answer, "especially to guys who i'm suppose to be tutoring."

"hey!" jay called out, "i mean, we don't have to study, we could-"

"we're studying!" you interrupted him, picking his textbook off of his carpeted floor and tossing it gently into his lap. "page 234."

jay sighed, but opened his textbook, telling himself to get through this afternoon with his head in his book.

and jay really did study. it was the most you've ever seen him interact with his textbook and pencil. he'd ask you questions if he didn't understand. he took his time answering the questions and really thinking of the answers. you figured that it was probably because he was home where he felt like he could be himself. there weren't a thousand kids all staring at him like he was some crazed criminal that would turn on them in a second. he wasn't surrounded with people he hated.

he was with you, who looked too pure to be sitting on his grey duvet, and his mother was humming a song downstairs that was barely audible, but when it got silent as he worked on a question you'd be able to hear it. even with the words he was struggling to put together and his mother's humming he found it hard to ignore the fact that your pretty thighs were exposed to him on his bed. the way they contrasted with his old duvet didn't make sense to him and he figured next time you'd come he'd get his mother to put a new, nicer one on that suited you more.

your parents started to text you to come home around dinner time, the two of you feeling proud of how much jay had actually studied and learnt that day. as he walked you down to the front door of his house, his chest was filled with a tightness he's never felt before. and you waved to his mom as you started to go down his pretty porch steps from his pretty house.

"y/n." jay called out to you from his doorway.

"yeah?"

"nothing." jay shrugged suddenly finding words to say was hard.

you smiled sweetly at him, "good luck on your test, jay."

jay only smiled back at you, before stepping back into his house and closing the door, your figure disappearing from his sight.

"she seems like a good girl." he hears his mother say from behind him.

"yeah, because she is." jay nods, too good. and it makes him think that even though he's seemingly understanding how math works now, it makes him think that if he gets too good at math that he won't be able to see you anymore. because there will be no way in hell a good girl like you would hang out with a boy like him.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the next tuesday tutor session between you and jay started when he slammed down his test in front o fyou on the table.

the loud bang disturbed every other student in the library but jay of course didn't seem to care as you looked up at him and he held the greatest smirk you had ever seen him wear.

"seventy.nine.percent." is he all he said to you as he looked down into your eyes.

"seventy nine?" you yelled out, disturbing others, but unlike jay you did care, mumbling a sorry to the other students who gave you dirty looks and whispered to jay for him to sit down. "seventy nine?" you whisper shouted to him, excited that he maybe was failing that much anymore.

"seventy nine!" jay said nodded, that stupid smirk on his face still.

and then you saw it.

the piece of metal that was now wrapped around jay's bottom lip.

the cool silver of the ring securly clung to his rosy, plump lip.

"uh, g-good job." you muttered out, trying to congratulate him on his high mark but too distracted by the new jewlery that he adorned.

"thanks." he smiled at the way you couldn't stop staring at his lips. "is there anything you want to ask me?" jay teased you, pouting out his bottom lip, rebuting your inner thought of it being a fake piercing.

"yeah uh, when did you get that?" you asked him, touching your own bottom lip as to where his was on his own lips.

"yesterday." jay shrugged, his tongue running over the metal, making your eyes follow it.

"what made you decide to get it?" you asked curiously, your mind just racing with thoughts and questions about it.

"my mom said she'd disown me if i got anymore piercings." jay shrugged, pulling out his textbook casually.

"so, you went and got it pierced?"

"yeah."

you couldn't believe him as you continued to watch him act like it was a normal day occurence. and you couldn't help but think about how well the piercing suited him. it tied in his whole appearance and made butterflies grow in your stomach.

"do you like it?" jay asked you, noticing the way that you couldn't stop staring at his new piercing, a smirk growing on his lips at your glazed eyes.

you felt the blush that never seemed to leave your cheeks when you're with jay arise onto your face, "yeah, it's nice."

"it's nice?"jay teased you, leaning over the table to look straight into your eyes, a chuckle leaving his mouth once he sees that you can't meet his gaze.

"it- it suits you."

jay smirks at your cute remark and sits back in his chair, absentmindley twirling his pencil as he waits for you to get ready to tutor him. "you know," he starts suddenly, just as you're about to give him an assignemnt, "since i didn't go to a party last weekend, you should come to a party with me this weekend."

you sigh at the mention of a high school party because you've already heard so much about them- especially about the ones that jay and his friends go to. "i've already told you that i don't go to parties."

"but why," jay groaned, "you're the one that was upset about your reputaiton, so how about you change it this weekend?"

the mention of your reputation made you body tense, remembering that that probably still is what jay thinks about you. "i- i just can't go."

jay huffs and crosses his arms, his chest popping out as he still leans back in his chair, his legs straight out under the table and bumping into your own. "how about you come over again this weekend, to study more."

"what? you don't have a test for another two weeks why would i need to come over this weekend?" you asked him with genuine confusion.

jay only sighs at how oblivious you are to his flirting before sitting up, "because i learn a lot from you, obviousily," he points at his test, "and you're fun to hang out around, i guess."

his statement makes you stop flipping through your textbook as you slowly look up at him, glancing at his damn lip piercing before meeting his eyes, "how am i fun?" all you ever do with him is ignore his stupid remarks and talk about school.

"you're fun to tease."

your jaw dropped as you tried to hide your smile, "i'm fun. to tease?"

"yeah, so you should come over again this weekend, so you can tutor me and i can tease you."

you scoffed, looking away from him in disbelief but amusement, "fine."

"fine?" jay genuinely smiled at you.

"yes. fine." you grinned, "now please, try questions 1 to 5."

jay let out a groan that made other students look at your table again, only this time you could care less about their angry stares as thoughts of park jay went through your mind.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jay waking up ten minutes before you were suppose to arrive is defintely not what had planned on saturday.

especially the part with him still feeling high from going to a party last night with heeseung.

jay scrambled around his room, trying to find a better shirt to wear instead of the one he wore last night that currently smelt like shitty alcohol and sweat. all he could think about was how fucked he'd be if you came in and saw him like this.

jay knew how uncomfortable you got when you were around someone that wasn't completely sober- and he couldn't imagine how'd you feel being in someone else's house with them still high from the night before.

"fuck, fuck, fuck." jay mumbled to himself as he quickly rinsed his face with water. looking in the mirror, he didn't think he looked too fucked but maybe he was just too used to seeing himself like this.

and he hated that.

last night was the first party that he had went to where he didn't thorouly enjoy himself. sure, he had fun because heeseung was there and the music wasn't bad. but it seemed like the drugs and alcohol couldn't distract his mind anymore. so kept drinking, and he kept smoking and the next thing he knew he was waking up in a jolt because you'd be at his house in a matter of minutes.

heeseung could tell that his friend wasn't his usual self the night before. he knew that jay liked to be intoxicated- but he could even tell that he was over doing it. girls would come up to them, only for them to be shrugged off by jay. heeseung was shocked by it. he knew that jay hated mostly everyone, but he never shrugged girls, no matter how annoying they were.

before heeseung could ask his friend was wrong, jay was alrready lost with the drugs and music, dancing in the middle of the party and fitting in with everyone else. heeseung almost laughed at thought that if jay could see himself right now- he'd hate it.

so now, jay felt rugged and tired as he couldn't help but let his mind wander about the events of last night and what was wrong with him. he just wants to be good for you.

the knock at his front door really pushed his mind back into the present.

"oh hi, y/n!" his mother spoke from downstairs, "i don't know if jay's awake."

"oh, uh, i can come back then." you spoke out sheepishly, about to back out of the pretty house.

"i'm awake!" a quick voice spoke from the bottom of the stairs again. jay stood in grey sweatpants again, and a white and black shirt, his hair looking as if he had ran his fingers through it a million times.

"oh! hi, honey. i didn't hear you up." miyoung said, moving to the side to let you come in.

"yeah, i've been quiet, i guess." miyoung perked an eyebrow up at him, knowing that he's lying through his teeth. she had heard jay come home at 4am last night, stumbling to his room before probably passing out. "let's go to my room, y/n." you smiled up at him at his position on the stairs, bowing to miyoung before following jay up into his room.

his room looked the same as it did the weekend before. but the curtains weren't drawn and his bed was messier. "sorry about the mess." jay said, realizing you were scanning his room. he quickly shoved some clothes that were lying on the floor into his closet before shutting the door to it.

"it's okay." you smiled, sitting down at his desk this time. you put your backpack on the ground beside your feet, watching as jay opened his curtains before sitting on his bed. jay seemed quieter today then he's ever been when he's around you. he looked almost out of it as he started taking his textbooks out of his own bag. "sorry, if you were sleeping before i came."

"no, it's okay!" jay said, waving his hand in the air, "i wasn't sleeping." you nodded your head, feeling almost awkward as you sat across from each other. "do you want to start with biology?"

"sure." you chirped too excitdly, trying to mask your awkwardness. you weren't sure why you were feeling this way. it just seemed like jay wasn't prepared for your arrival and it made feel like you weren't wanted there.

"what page was the biochemistry on again?"

"481." you heard jay start turning the pages of his textbook as you got your papers out and ready. "i can't find it."

"no? 481?" you restated, looking at your own textbook. "let me see." you got up and walked over to his spot on the bed, leaning over his shoulder slightly, trying to find the right page for him. you felt jay straighten his back at your presence, making you more awkward as your eyes skimmed the pages quickly.

jay thought he was going to die with your face so close to his. he didn't want you to smell weed on him. your hair was dangling over your own shoulder, letting him see the side of your face as you focused on helping him. he could see you were chewing on the inside of your cheek, a habit that he's picked up on quite quickly.

"here." you pointed at a highlighted part on his textbook, "sorry, you have a different edition of textbook than me so the pages are kind of off." you nodded to him, moving away from him to go back to your chiar.

"shouldn't we share mine then, so we don't get confused." jay smirked at you standing above him. you rolled your eyes at him with a smile. "it'd be easier."

you agreed and sat down beside him on his bed, he sat with his legs crossed under his textbook while your legs dangled off the side. you made sure your skirt was covering your thighs as you tutored the boy.

you thanked god that jay was pretty easy to teach. he was funny and he flirted with you majority of the times, but still he knew when he had to listen and actuallly seemed interested in learning sometimes. you think it was the first time that you ever had fun while tutoring someone.

jay thought that it would be over for him once he was forced to go to a tutor. he really thought that he would never graduate hell high school because why the hell would he want someone to tutor him. but since it's you thats the tutor, he really gave it a try.

it's not like jay was stupid. he just didn't see a point in listening to teachers or even going to school. he guesses that school work is actually pretty easy for him because you're the one that's teaching him.

he finds it so easy to listen to you. the way you actually take your time with him to see if he understands everything. you're so caring in general about everything and everyone in your life that it makes him jealous.

with your appearance, he can tell how much thought you put in to it- and he's selfish enough to think that sometimes you dress yourself with the thought of him in your mind. he's sure that you've noticed how many times he's stared at your legs in skirts during the past month.

so now jay has the thought of your bare legs against his bed and he can't stop himself from staring at your soft skin and the way your thighs would feel against the palm of his hands and how delicate he'd have to be with them so they don't bruise.

"jay?"

"hm?" he replies to you, not even hiding the fact that he was staring at your legs. he caught the way that you were trying to hide your blush as you realized where he was staring as well.

"i asked if you wanted to take a break, you don't seem to be paying much attention anymore."

"yeah, a break sounds good." jay nods, closing his textbook and throwing it to the bottom of his bed.

jay's hand comes to lay beside him so it's inbetween you and him. his pinky finger brushing against the lower part of your thigh were your skirt as ridden up. its silent for a moment, both of you aware of the small touch lingering with the two of you, but both of you can't find yourselves to care.

his finger slowly brushes up and down, it being the only movement in the room besides your chest moving frantcally from your heavy breaths. jay assumes that you've most likely never been on a bed with a guy before (and he's right!) and he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable and the weed from the night before is probably not helping him make decisions. so he moves his hand farther up so it's resting on your thigh.

his movement makes both of you turn yours heads to look at eachother, the warmth from eachothers bodies growing substantially.

"do you like tutoring me?" jay asks, a smirk on his face as he scans your own.

"mhm," you almost whisper with a nod, "you're easy to teach."

jay smiles at your innocent answer, "can i tutor you now?"

your eyebrows scrunch in confusion, "tutor me about what?"

jay hums in thought for a moment, re thinking all of his life choices that have brought him here as his fingers lightly trace figures on your skin. it's just as soft as he imagined and he feels himself becoming entranced by it. "well you've taught me how to be a good student," jay and you pause to smile at each other in agreement, "how about i teach you how to be bad now?"

you pause at his words, excitemnet filling your lungs as you look down at his still freshly pierced lip ring. his eyes hold the mischief that they usually do, but they're mixed with something like genuine concern and care. his gaze mixed with that god forbid hot lip ring is what makes you nod your head until jay is reaching over to your neck and trailing soft kisses down it.

"you're okay with this, right?" jay whispers to you, looking straight into your eyes as he pulls away.

"yes." is all you can speak, still not over the feeling of his warm lips and cold metal pushed against your neck. his lips begin to kiss over your shoulder before he pulls away again.

"and you'll tell me if you want me to stop? because i will."

his words make your stomach flip as you never thought bad boy park jay could be so caring. "yes, jay."

jay pulls away and smiles at you one more time before ushering you to lay down with him, your head meeting his soft pillow. jay was laying on his side, lips still kissing your neck as his fingers played with the hem of your skirt. and jay thinks to himself that he's never been so careful before in his life. he was acting as if you were made out of glass.

"has anyone ever touched you before, y/n?" jay asks, kissing your jaw once before pulling away to look at you.

"no." you nod, somewhat embarrassed at your confession, even though you assumed jay had already knew the answer to it.

"just me?" jay asks, a smirk on his face.

"just you."

you feel jay smile against your skin before his fingers started to softly touch yoru core over your panties, your skirt being pulled up over your stomach. your cotton, pastel panties in yours and jay's sight. you feel like you should be embarrassed about your underwear choice- espeically in a time like this- but jay moving slow circles over your clit takes the embarrasment away from you.

jay could feel your wetness through your panties, almost groaning at the thought of how wet you'd feel around his cock. you bit your lip to suppress the moan you already had as you watched his index finger circle directly over your clit. you had thought about jay for so long in this position and you never thought that it would happen.

jay's finger stopped and his hand started playing with the hem of your skirt as he kissed your neck again once. "you're so sensitive." jay breathlessly laughed into your skin. you covered your face at his statement, really feeling embarrassed now. "stop," jay laughed loud now, pulling your hands away. "it's cute," he pecked your jaw, "you're cute."

"you're too nice to be considered so bad." you spoke out to him, the throbbing in your core making your mind hazy.

"only for you." jay confessed, his fingers going back to play with the hem of your panties.

"just for me?" you mocked his words from before.

"just for you."

his fingers dipped into your panties now. jay almost moaned at how easily his fingers slipped between your folds. he heard your rought breath in his ear as he started to rub your engorged clit again, his finger presssing the right amount of pressure on it already.

"so wet." jay whispered to you, both of you looking down at his hand in yoru pants. he put his middle finger with his index finger as he made faster circles on your clit, your hips jolting up at his change in pace.

you could hear your wetness mix with jay's fingers as he rubbed you, spreading your juices around your core and in between your thighs. you let out a soft moan, biting onto the back of your hand to keep quiet so miyoung doesn't hear. god what if miyoung hears?

the thought only turns you on more even though you feel like it shouldn't. you were really, finally, letting go of that good girl persona you had on. you couldn't decide if it was good that you began to tutor jay or not as his index finger slipped slowly inside your core.

you let out a whimper at the feeling, never feeling it before. "does it feel okay?" jay asked, seeing you nod as he curled his finger upwards towards your belly button. "god, you're so tight." you could only nod as you could feel how tight you wrapped around his finger. he could barely push his index in and out slowly. "can't imagine how tight you'd feel around my cock." he feels you clench around his fingers tighter at his words. "do you like the thought of my cock inside of you?" you whimpered out in response to him, imagining the scenario in your head.

"say it."

"y-yes, i love it!" you moaned out, your arm bending so that your hand could play with jay's hair. you could feel jay smirk against your skin again before pulling his fingers away from. you whined out at the stop of his motions before he put his fingers in his mouth, humming around them.

"'m sorry, but i really needed to taste you. been thinking 'bout it for so long." you felt your hips jolt up at his thoughts out of instinct, just thoughts of how hot this boy is was driving you crazy. he stuck the same two fingers out in front of your mouth, "spit." you pursed your lips and let your saliva drip down onto his fingers, earning a groan from him before he started rubbing your clit again with his and yours salivia mixed together.

"j-jay." he hummed against your skin in response, "feels t-too goo-d."

"gonna cum?" he asked you, kissing your cheek, an action so sweet compared to the speed he was rubbing your clit at.

"y-yes." you nodded up at him as he hovered above you on his shoulder. your fucked out gaze drove him crazy as he looked down at you.

"that's okay, angel, cum on my fingers." he whispered to you, his head leaning on yours now as you both watched his fingers rub against your clit under your panties. you moaned out, your hand gripping onto his hair tighter.

"jay!" you moaned out, your back arching as you hit your orgasm, his fingers not stopping as you rode it out. you felt your eyes close and open, leaning your head into jay's as some form of support.

"that's it, that's my angel, that's my good girl." jay whispered, kissing your forehead as his fingers slowed down. you whined as the sensitivity started to catch up on you, pushing hhis fingers away gently, making jay laugh. "can't do another one?"

"god, no." you smiled at his teasing expression. jay wiped his hands on his duvet (the one that he hated) and pulled your skirt back down so you were covered. "you still think i'm a good girl?" you asked him, turning on your side so you were facing him.

jay pulled away with a hum, looking above your head in the air, "yep, i still see the halo above your head."

you shoved hisd shoulder gently, "shut up."

"do you see my halo?"

you looked above his head at his question, "nope, just devil horns." jay shoved you back with a laugh, rolling so he layed on his back now.

"are you going to stay for dinner?" jay asked, the thought of his stomach being completely empty filling his mind.

"oh god." you sat up immediately at the mention of dinner, grabbing yoru phone off of his bed side table. "god, i have to go!" you exclaimed, realizing just how close to your dinner time it was and that your parents had probably already expected you home by now.

"what?" jay sat up on his elbwos, wathching you scramble around his room like he did earlier this morining, gathering yoru things in a hurry. "why?"

"my parents wanted me home like ten minutes ago for dinner." you said, barely looking at him as you shoved your things in your bag.

jay chuckled at your explaination before laying back down again, "yeah, you most defiently are still a good girl."

"shut it." were the last words you said to him with a laugh before pulling open his bedroom door and leaving his house, saying bye to miyoung before running home to your parents who were already sat at the dinner table waiting for you.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

park jay plops down in his usual spot in the library, wearing a bigger smirk than usual on tuesday afternoon.

"hi, jay." you looked up at him from your book.

"hi, good girl." you rolled your eyes at him and set your book down in front of you. "how was dinner with your parents on saturday?"

"fine." you shook your head in an obvioius tone. when he didn't say anything in return you stasred him; his eyes were glazed over, his usual tense shoulders were fallen slack and the lazy smirk never left his face as he stared almost blankly at you. "are you high?"

the smirk left his face then.

"a little- and i'm sorry! i am! i didn't mean to get this fucked."

you sat back in your chair, distancing yourself from him the more you could, making jay feel even more guilty. "i thought you said you were going to try to not get high anymore."

"i was!" he most defintely wasn't. "but then i hadn't seen heeseung in a couple of days and he has a spare at uni right now so he drove by to see me!" he explained to you, the look of annoyance not leaving your face, "you're goody-two-shoes reputation won't be ruined because i'm high, y/n."

you scoffed, "yeah, well yours won't get any better. what happened to wanting a halo?"

jay bit his cheek, feeling guilty that he couldn't live up to your expectations of him. "i'm sorry. i won't get high anymore." you quirked your eyebrow up at him in disbelief, "i won't!" he laughed, nudging your foot with his own.

you couldn't help but smile and give in to him, unaware about just how dangerous it was to do.

"if you really don't want to tutor me today because i'm high that's fine, i'll see you saturday anyways right?"

"saturday?" you repeated with confusion.

"yeah, you tutor me every tuesday and saturday, right?"

you sighed at his teasing, "i guess." your answer made laugh before he stood up, nudging your book towards you again, "get back to reading, good girl."

you picked up your book, sticking your tongue out at him as swung his backpack over his shoulder to leave, "see you saturday."

"bye." you said to him, watching him leave the library without sparing a glance to anyone.

so that's how you ended up going to jay's house every saturday, seeing the boy more often that what you had expected when you had agreed to tutor him. texting each other during the week was something you had never even thought would occur. but you were having fun, even if seeun had no idea what was going on.

you had thought long and hard about whether you should tell seeun about your blooming friendship with park jay. ultimatelty, you came up with the idea that you'd rather be dead than tell her. you knew she wouldn't accept it with all the warnings she had given you in the past four years you had known her- even last week she was telling you to be careful. maybe you should've listened to her.

but it was so hard to listen to her when park jay was staring at you with those pretty brown eyes of his from his bed.

"focus on the assignment, jay!" you scolded him playfully, catching him staring at you again.

"well stop being so fucking pretty and i might be able to!"

no matter how many times jay flirts with you, the blush never seems to escape your cheeks, "stop." you laughed, standing up from your chair and walking over to him, shoving his shoulder so he layed down on his bed. you sit down on his bed, looking down at him.

jay's hand reaches out and plays with your hand lazily, lacing his fingers in and out of your own. you felt your heart swell at his little touches.

suddenly, jay grabs your hand and pulls you down towards him, so your faces are an inch apart and your upper half is laying on top of him. "jay!" you cry at the suddeness before he's pressing his lips to yours.

you quickly realize what he's doing and start to press your lips back to his, slowly your lips move together before you're pulling apart just as fast as they came together. "you taste like cigarettes." you scrunch your eyebrows together.

jay pulls his head back and laughs out, "i told you i'd stop smoking weed, not tobacco."

you pout up at him, your chin resting on his chest as he looks down at you. his hand comes up behind you and starts to play with your hair. "don't give me that face, i'm trying, i want to swtich reputations with you."

"you want to switch?" you ask, quircking your eyebrow up in amusement.

"yeah, like you become bad and i become good."

you roll your eyes at him, "that's stupid."

"i know, but i like seeing how bad you can be."

"and how bad do you think i can be?" you teased him, fluttering your eyelashes at him.

"let's find out." jay says, flipping you over so now he's on top of you, your hair spirling out across his pillow.

his lips come crashing down on yours, the movement so rough and sudden compared to his soft lips. the metal from his lip piercing felt so good against your lips that it reminded you about who exactly you were kissing.

jay started to move down your neck, kissing right behind your ear where he found your sweet spot. his hands stay perched on your waist as your legs wrap around his body, locking him in. your skirt has pooled up at your waist, leaving your panty core bare to his jean clad crotch.

your hips grinded up against jay's crotch, making him groan against your warm skin. he pulled away from your neck, his fingers playing with the hem of your panties like he did last time. "can i take these off, angel?"

"please." you begged him, wanting to feel more of him.

"so polite." he smirked down at you, kissing your forehead before pulling down your panties. your legs wanted to close at the sudden touch of cold air, but jay's broad shoulders kept them apart. jay leanned down so he was eye level with your core. "can i taste you, y/n?"

"yes, jay." you nodded down at him, his hand trailing up the side of you so he could lace his fingers with yours again, only this time it was in a more of an innappropriate action with the way his mouth was breathing warm air against your pussy.

jay left open mouthed kisses on your thighs, teasing you slightly just like he always does. you were about to tell him to stop it before his tongue met your clit.

"god." you moaned out, your head leaning back against his pillow again at the feeling.

jay felt like he was in heaven. he had died and somehow ended up in heaven.

you felt so warm under him and with your hand laced in his. you tasted so good, so pure and just for him that it drove him crazy.

jay swivled his tongue aorund your clit in circles, before dipping down and tongueing your hole.

"jay, oh god." you moaned out, unable to hold it in on the new feeling you were experiencing. he felt so talented with his tongue that you weren't sure how you could feel this good ever again.

you squeezed his hand tight as you made eye contact with him. jay moaned at your fucked out expression, which caused vibrations to go straight to your core.

"does it feel good, angel?"

"s-so good, jay." you nodded, seeing spit coat your pussy and his face.

jay's fingers trailed down your thigh, before sticking too fingers iinto your hole. "fuck, still so tight." jay groaned against your core, thankful for your juices and his spit to make his fingers ease in so well.

his fingers fucked into you a slow pace, but his tongue swirled around your clit so fast that it caused your hips to buck up into his face. "s-sorry." you moaned out to him.

you felt him laugh into your skin, "don't be sorry, you're hot." jay sucked your clit into his mouth gently, his tongue circling it before he kissed your thigh again. you moaned out at jay's name at his compliment. it felt like a dream to be called hot by park jay- especially when he was eating you out.

his fingers continued to fuck up into you, scissoring once they were shoved all the way in before pulling out and doing it all over again.

you let go of jay's hand, sweat helping keep them together, and reached down to hold onto his hair, your hips digging closer to his face. you could hear how wet you were by the fast pace was jay was slipping his fingers inside of you now.

"oh my god." you moaned breathlessly, "d-don't stop jay, please."

"i won't, angel." jay responded, digging his face further into your wet pussy. "feel like cuming?"

"y-yes, so close, so close."

jay kept fingering you, feeling your walls clench around his fingers so well until they were spasming, and your hips were grinding into his face with your back arched off the bed. his tongue kept sucking yoru clit until all your movement had stopped, and your moans had turned into small whimpers.

jay placed a kiss on your core as he pulled away, rubbing your clit quickly before pulling away which made you cry out.

jay laughed at you, bending down to kiss you right on your lips.

"so mean." you pouted at him, before kissing him again.

"so cute." he responded, pushing your hair out of your face before standing up and walking to his closet. you saw him start to search through his clothes, but you felt so dazed from your orgasm to ask what he was doing.

jay walked back over with a pair of black sweatpants that he had managed to find. he pulled your skirt down, making you realize just how bare you really were to him.

"what?" jay laughed at you suddenly pulling away from him, "don't act like my face wasn't just there."

"jay!" you cried out, your hands covering your face from his dirty words.

"what? it's true!" jay said, gently pulling your legs so they were straight again. "let me put these on you." you sighed and allowed him slide his sweatpants over your bare legs. you moved your hips so he could pull them over and tie them at your waist.

when you were dressed again, jay leaned over you, pressing a soft kiss your lips before resting his head on your chest. it was such a different action that what you would've assumed he would do.

everything you had heard about park jay before had completely left your mind at that exact moment. he wasn't the asshole, bad boy that everyone had described him as. he was sweet, and thoughtful and he just liked to party with his friends.

so you played with his hair as he rested his eyes while laying on your chest- trying to hide his raging boner from you and enjoy this moment with you.

both of you were known for such different reputations, both wanting to stand out from this world, and together it felt like you did.

"do you wanna have dinner here tomorrow night?" jay asked, breaking the silence. he kept his eyes at the bottom of his bed where your legs intertwined. he had never asked a girl to have dinner at his house before and he was so nervous about the way he was feeling about it.

"sure." you shrugged, trying to hide your excitment by playing cool.

"my dad's gonna be here."

you had never met jay's father before. you've seen pictures of him around the house. and you had heard some stories about him from jay. you knew he seemed to be strict, and he worked a lot so jay wasn't particularly close with him.

"that's fine." you shrugged again, feeling jay's tense body on your own as he mentionned his dad.

"yeah?" jay looked up at you finally, brown doe eyes looked into your own.

"yeah."

jay smiled at you, leaning up to kiss you on the lips slowly, humming into your mouth with a feeling of contentness. jay didn't really know what he was feeling at the time then. he knew his grades were improving, and his mom was less mad at him all the time, his friends were confused by his new revelations to not get obliviated by drugs or alcohol. but he had you underneath him and that's all he could ever ask for.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

you had never been invited over for dinner to a boys' house before. so you had no idea what to expect as you walked up to the pretty house you had started to become familiar with. everytim eyou walked up the long drive way, it felt like intimidating and more friendly.

miyoung opened the door to you with a great smile on her face. she looked the same as usual- beautiful- but her clothing was more dressed up for the occassion.

"y/n!" she exclaimed, ushering for you to come in and to take off your jacket. "y/n's here!" she called out, turning her head towards the inside of the house for others to hear. your heart started racing at the thought of having a formal meal with park jay's family.

jay turned the corner from somewhere in the house, a smirk on his face as he saw you. he wore his usual all black outfit- but it was more formal than usual and you almost drooled at the sight. he wore black jeans with a black turtleneck. his silver jewlery was wrapped around his fingers and neck- his lip piercing moved against his plush lips as he greeted you. "let's go sit down."

jay walked beside you behind miyoung, walking through their big house. you had never been this far into their house before- usually only going to jay's bedroom, the bathroom and back. it was what you expected to look like. modern and fancy with great white walls that held expensive looking decorations and art.

they led you to an even greater room with a long, dark oak table. their was a bright, crystal chandelliar hanging above the table and a lovely candle stick in the center of the table.

at the far end of the table sat a man: jay's father.

he looked exactly like jay- but more older and strict. he looked expensive and it almost made you quiver away from intimidation.

"james, this is y/n- jays' tut- friend. jay's friend." miyoung stopped herself, smiling at jay before he could groan out in embarassment.

jay's father looked up from his watch, before his eyes met yours. you smiled and politely bowed to him, "nice to meet you, sir."

"oh my, you don't have to call him sir, just call him james." miyoung brushed her hand on your shoulder, "come over here, you can sit across from jay." she ushered you over to one of the empty dining room chairs.

jay's dad hadn't said a word to you, only staring at you with an expresssion that you would describe as 'shock'. you heard jay stiffle a laugh as he sat across from you, not believing that you is what made his father recover that stupid expression.

when jay's father came home earlier in the day- he thought maybe just maybe, his father would break his serious expression at the sight of jay's new lip piercing. but nothing. just a normal 'hello' before he went into his office for the rest of the day.

after years of jay trying to get his father to react to anything he does- the one thing he doesn't try intentionally is what makes his father break: you.

jay feels like he's in sort of other dimension as he takes in what is going on. his father is actually interested in something that is related to him. his mother is bringing delicious food out on the table for everyone to eat. and you're sitting across from him looking so pretty and anxious as you smile at his parents.

you feel jay nudge your foot under the table, making you look up at him. he winks at you, trying to reassure you that you're fine.

"so, how are you friends with," james started, pointing at his son, "jay." there was a hint of confusion in his voice as he looked between you two.

"uh, i tutor him sometimes." you explain, taking a sip of the water that miyoung had put down in front of you.

"Ah, so you're the reason why his grades have been getting better." james nodded at you. jay was shocked that his father had actually known he had been doing better at school.

"i've been helping, but he does his tests by himself and such so."

james hummed in approval, moving out of the way so miyougn could place more food on the table before she sat down herself.

"i hope you're all really hungry!"miyoung exclaimed, signalling that everyone can dig in now.

the dinner went by smoothly. james seemed to be impressed with every answer you came up with to his or miyoung's questions. you were talking more than jay was for once.

jay didn't know what to say as he watched you interact with his parents. he's never seen his parents act so interested in one of his friend's before. they never even spoke a word to heeseung throughout all these years. jay didn't even want to say anything. he liked hearing you talk so confidently, it was nice to see you be yourself in front of someone that wasn't him.

jay leaned on his front door frame, staring down at you as you stood on his porch. it had started to become dark out now, the sun still setting in the far end of the city. you had bid miyoung and james a goodbte a few minutes ago, thanking them for the dinner as jay walked you out.

"are you okay?" you asked jay, staring at his blissful expression as he scanned your face. you had only ever seen jay this calm before when he was high.

"yeah, i'm really okay." jay nodded, his head shaking against the door frame. "sorry if my parents annoyed you or anything."

"they didn't, i like them, they're so nice."

"my mom's nice, i don't know about my dad, though."

you shook your head at him, "i had fun, don't worry."

"good," jay smiled at you, his fingers playing with the ends of your hair- an action that if he saw anyone else do he'd feel sick, but now it feels so comforting with you- "i'll see you in the library on tuesday, right?"

"of course," you nodded, backing down the porch now, "stay out of trouble, yeah?"

"of course." jay nodded, mocking you with a smile. "bye, angel."

"bye~." you sang out, turning and walking home with a full stomach of food and butterflies.

jay closed the door once you were out of sight, sighing before heading to the stairs for his room.

"jay?" his father called out to him from the living room.

"yeah?"

"come here."

jay quietly groaned as he turned around and went ot see his father. he was sitting on the far end of the couch, turning the tv on mute once his son came in. "sit."

jay sat on one of the chiars that no one ever sat in. "what is it?" he didn't want to talk to his dad. he was tired and frustrated that he hadn't been able to smoke all day.

"are you and y/n, dating?"

jay didn't know how to answer his question. you weren't dating but god did he want to. it was something that jay had never had the urge to do before- date a girl and do boyfriend-girlfriend things- and he's sure his past self would cringe if he knew what he was thinking.

"no, we're just friends."

"and you're going to stay friends, right?" james quirked an eyebrow up at his son, unsure of waht his intentions were with a girl like you.

"what does that mean?"

"it means that you shouldn't be even hanging around with her jay- you should've stayed as tutor and student."

"what the hell are. you talking about?" jay sat up in the unused chair.

"come on son, you know" james shook his head at him, scanning his face for a sense of knowing, when it didn't come he continued, "i don't know what you plan on doing with y/n, but you know that a girl like her shouldn't be hanging out with a boy like you."

"and what is that?"

james sighed, hsi fingers coing to pinch his nose bridge in frustration, "you're a troublemaker jay, and she's so innocent that-"

jay scoffed and stood up, cutting off his father's words.

"and so what? i'm just a troublemaker for life? i can't change?"

"of course you can! just not with her!" james stood up now, his hands coming out in front of him in explaination to his son.

"and why not?"

"because you'll ruin her while you're trying to fix yourself!"

the silence in the house is a silence that's never been there before.

there were nights in the park house where the only sound would be miyoung crying out of worry for her son. nights where jay's music would blast through from his room. and some nights, there would be nothing but james' breathing from the living room as he sat and watched tv on mute, trying to relieve his never ending headache.

the silence now, as jay and his father looked each other with anger and sadness was of something that no one knew how to break. jay always knew that you would be too good for him. the moment he saw you years ago in the hallway- he knew that you were the one thing he had to stay away from. but now that he knew you- how could he stay away?

the silence went on until jay scoffed and left the room. he grabbed his jacket on his way out, slamming the pretty front door on the way out- it being the final sound in the house for the night.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jay doesn't remember the next day.

he knows that once he wakes up in the late afternoon on tueday in heeseung's bedroom- an hour of school left of the day- that he's fucked.

he's fucked because he knows he just messed up his attendance for the semester- and because his head feels like it's been bashed against the wall one million times.

he feels a weight on his side as he tries to move, turning his head to see sunghoon's passed out figure, his arm resting on jay's body. jay sighs before gently shrugging off his arm, knowing that he won't wake up his drunk friend.

jay scrambles around heeseung's room, trying to find his shoes before going to the bathroom. he looks in the mirror to see a sight he's seen so many times. he's washing his face to try to get rid of any intoxication but he knows it's not going to do anything. and then jay's sighing as he's leaving heeseung's house, heading to the school so you can try to tutor him and he can pretend he didn't just spend the last twenty-four hours partying with his friends.

you had realized the frown on jay's face the moment he walked into the library. you didn't say anything because you knew that he was moody sometimes. you had realized that he wasn't trying the practice problems you had given him. you didn't offer to help him because you knew that he understood the concept.

it was almost completely silent between you two for the hour that you were suppose to tutor him until you finally spoke up about his behvaiour.

"what's wrong?"

"hm?" jay asked, looking up from his paper that he hasn't touched.

"i asked what's wrong, you don't seem okay."

"'m fine." he mumbled, going back to staring at question one.

you pouted at his answer, your mind going blank when trying to figure out if you had done anything to upset him. you were obviously getting caught up in your mind about faults that didn't exist. jay could tell that you were feeling uspet about because him and it honestly broke his heart.

"y/n, i'm fine. just my stupid father." jay explained briefly to you, hoping that pout on your lips would go away.

"what happened?"

"don't worry about it, it's whatever." jay shrugged you off, not wanting to explain to you that you're too good for him and everyone can see it.

you reached across the table and took his unused pencil out of his hand before lacing your fingers with his. "jay, what happened?" jay looked at yoru concern filled eyes, hating himself more because you cared so much for him.

jay sighed, squeezing your hand back, "i don't want to ruin you, y/n."

"ruin me?"

"you're too nice, and caring, and smart and good. stuff that i'm not, and i don't want to change those things about you because you're hanging around with me."

"jay." you stated, staring at his worried face, when he didn't look at you, you squeezed his hand until he did, "jay, you are not going to ruin me. you know about our reputations and didn't we agree that high school reputations are stupid? so who cares if i'm a 'good girl' and you're a 'bad boy'. i can make my own decisions so you are not going to ruin me, okay?"

jay smiled sheepishly at you, realizing that maybe it's all been in his head, his father not helping him at all.

"okay." jay nodded, letting go of your hand so you both could pack your things to leave. when you were standing up jay called your name before he turned to leave. "do you wanna go on a date this weekend? like a proper one- not one that's just in my bedroom where we tutor each other."

you felt your cheeks turn hot at the mention of how you 'tutor' each other, but your heart warmed with thet hought of going on an actual date with jay. to a public place where people would see you two together.

"yeah, sure." you nodded, biting your lip to hold back your smile.

"okay, so i'll see you friday night?" jay asked, walking backwards out of the library.

"i'll see you friday, jay."

jay smiled a big smile at you before he turned and left the library, leaving you standing there with pink cheeks and a light heart.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

park jay picked you up outside your house on friday night in his black car that matched his black clothes and black hair. you had decided to wear jeans for tonight, as winter was quickly leaving seoul. you told your parents that you were hanging out with seeun for the night- no wanting to have a conversation with them about having boyfriends and what comes with it (safe sex!).

"hi, jay." you greeted him when you sat down in the passenger side of his car.

"hi, angel." he said, looking at your outfit, "you look pretty." his hand almost instinctively coming out to rest on your jean clad thigh.

"thank you." you smiled, clicking on your seatbelt as jay started to drive to the movie theatre.

jay had done everything right. he bought your movie ticket, your drink and popcorn. he made sure you were comfortable in your seat. he held your hand during the movie, and asked if you were having fun- and you were. up until a sex scene played during the movie and you couldn't help but think of jay's face in between your legs. you felt your panties become suddenly too tight and you wished you had worn your usual skirts after all.

jay noticed the way your thighs clenched together during the end of the movie, also aware of the painfully long sex scene that reminded him that he was on a date with you. he noticed the way you were quieter than usual as you walked out of the movie theatres when the moive was over- obviously there was inappropriate thoughts rushing through both of your minds and you didn't want them to ruin the nice date you had just had with park jay.

you were both sat inside of his jay's car, trying to warm up the car before he drove you back home. you were trying not to be obvious about the thoughts of jay running thorugh your mind but the obvious twitching and playing with your fingers was being a dead give away taht there was something on your mind.

jay put his hand on your thigh- an action that's becoming too familiar and comfortable- and you almost moaned at house sensitive you were still. there had been so many nights after hanging out with jay where his fingers and his stupid lip piercing were all that you could think about. no matter how long and hard you tried to focus on studying- park jay seemed to always appear in your mind. "are you okay, y/n?"

"y-yeah, did you like the movie?" you asked him, trying to ignore the way he was now squeezing your thigh, his fingers were just so close to your core.

"it was alright," jay shrugged, "are you cold? why are you bouncing your leg like that?" the point out of your whole body shaking make you stop your action completely to a halt.

"i-i'm fine." jay laughed at you, shaking his head and pulling away his hand. "what? why're you laughing?"

"i saw the way you reacted during that sex scene, y/n." jay stated, almost laughing again at your shocked expresssion. "is there anything you want from me, y/n?"

you took a sharp inhale, "i-i just want you."

jay smirked down at you at your confession, his lip ring shining in the lamp light outside. "yeah? do you wanna go to my house then?" you nodded in response, glancing down at his crotch for a second, gasping quietly when you saw his bulge. you looked around the street where jay had parked his car, everyone that had been in the movie theatre had left by now, no one was around the back of the parking lot where jay had parked.

your hand trailed over jay's thigh suddenly, before cupping his bulge in his black jeans.

"f-fuck, what're you doing, baby." jay gasped out, not expecting for you to touch him like this.

"i wanna show you just how bad i can really be." you pouted to him, a hint of mischief in your eyes that matched his.

"fuck, okay." jay nodded, sitting back in his spot as you climbed over the center console and sat right on his thighs. your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling his lips into yours in a deep kiss. you had never kissed each other so feverishly before- the passion ran through you both at a high speed as you sat on top of him.

jay's hands rested on your hips, playing with the buckle loops of your jeans. your hair was sprawled over his shoulders as you tilted your head down to kiss him. you pulled away, resting your forehead on his as your hands trailed down his chest, stopping at his jean button. "wait." jay's hand stopped yours, making you glance up at him with concerned wide eyes, "are you sure you wanna do that?"

"yes." you nodded strictly, "a-are you okay with this?"

"yes, my angel." jay said, pulling your lips to his again before resting his hands on your thighs.

both of your eyes were locked on your hands unbuttoning his jeans. your hands went inside of his boxers, feeling his warm, hard length under your fingers. you could feel jay twitch underneath you at your touch. you pulled out his length so it was in view. his pale skin seemed like it was glowing from the moon light shining in the car. you felt your jaw drop at finally seeing jay's cock.

jay laughed underneath you, finding your reaction cute.

"what?" you pouted at him again with a smile, "don't laugh at me."

"i'm not!" jay kissed your nose, "you're just so cute." you shook your head at him, lifting his cock up so it was straight in your hands.

remembering what you had over heard some others girl say in your class, you let spit fill up your mouth before you dropped a glob down on his red tip. jay let out a quiet hiss at your action. you brought your lips to hiss again, your hand starting to move up and down his hard cock slowly. your kissing speed matched your hands' speed.

jay started to kiss your neck, making you throw your head to side so he could have better access. he hummed against your skin when you tightened your grip on his cock, your thumb brushing over the glob of precum that sat ontop of his tip. "i wanna suck your dick, jay." you moaned out, making jay stop kissing your neck and pull away to look at you.

"you what?" he asked in shock about the words that had just came from your mouth.

"i wanna suck your dick."

"fuck." jay rested his head on the back of the headrest, looking up at you in the moonlight. "you're perfect you know that?"

you laughed at him, before moving down so that you were inbetween his legs, your knees at the bottom of the car floor. you looked up at him through your eyelashes, loving the way that he was looking at you as if you were an actual angel.

you kissed the bottom of his shaft, your hand moivng up and down his shaft as you put kitten licks on his tip- trying to imagine waht else you had heard other girls talk about. your tongue licked across the slit, making jay groan quietly. his hands went ot play iwth your hair again- something that he never seems to stop doing now.

your hand and spit was getting jay's dick so wet that it was easier to move and squeeze his dick. you pulled away from his tip and started sucking on the bottom of his shaft, your hand speeding up as it moved up and down.

"god, that feels so good angel." jay groaned out, his head giong back to rest on the head rest again. he was trying so hard to not buck up into your mouth. this was only a scenario he had dreamed off before- and now that it was reality he didn't know how long he could hold himself over for.

you put his tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around before pushing yoru head down his cock. when his tip hit the back of your throat, you tried to not pull out but it was hard not to. your hands kept stroking his cock up and down as you pulled away, his stomach tightening at the feeling of your thorat closing around him. you put another glob of spit on his dick, making jay groan out at the sight.

"fuck, look at me when you do that." jay groaned out, pulling your hair so that you would look at him. "fuck that's it."

you started to put his cock all the way in your mouth again, yoru hand stroking what you couldn't fit until you found a right pace.

"my god." jay groaned out, taking a deep breath as he bit onto the back of his hand, trying to not buck into your mouth as your innocent eyes looked right into his. "that's it angel." he nodded at you, praising you for how well you were sucking his dick. your cheeks were hollowing in as you started to slurp around his dick. you were sure if anyone walked past the car they would be able to hear your sucking noises and jay's moans and groans.

"fuck, y/n. 'm gonna cum if you don't stop." jay warned you, gently trying to pull your head off him. his warning only made you suck and stroke his cock harder, wanting to see him cum like he's seen you before.

"please cum, jay." you nodded at him, spitting onto his dick once more before sliding your mouth down on him all the way.

"fuck!" jay moaned out, his body going rigid as he came in your mouth. the feeling of his warm cum coating your mouth only made you moan around his still hard cock- adding more vibrations and sensations to his orgasm.

you pulled off of him, your hand slowly stroking his cock as you showed him his cum in your mouth. "god." jay breathed out, watching you swallow his cum with a smile on your face. "i've actually ruined you, angel." you smile up at him, pulling his boxer and jeans over his cock again, letting him button up his jeans as you climbed back into the passenger seat.

"let's go to your house." you nod at him, putting your seatbelt on.

"my house?" jay asks, you nod in response, laughing at his silly expresssion. "fuck."

jay thinks he's never sped home so fast in his life. with the radio blasting and you giggling beside him as you tease him about his moaning- it felt like a dream.

jay's parents weren't home when he pulled into his long driveway- they were having a date night before james had to go back to work in another city for a few weeks.

you and jay ran up his pretty porch steps, kissing at the same time while laughing. you kept kissing his neck as he was trying to unlock his front door, trying to not bust the door down so he could bring you to his room.

his bedroom was the same as always as he closed his door and pushed you up against it. his lips going to your neck like usual, trying so hard to not leave hickeys to mark you as his. his hands were sliding down your body, pulling on your jean's loops to pull you closer to his hips. your hands were trailing down his back, grabbing onto his black, band shirt that he loved so much.

you pushed him away from you, backing him up until he got to his bed, laying down and propping himself up on his elbows to look at you. you pulled your shirt off, leaving you in your jeans and bra.

"you're gonna be the death of me." jay mumbled as you crawled on top of him, your cores grinding into each other. there was so much built up lust between you that you were both too scared to act on. you were so inexperienceed that you didn't know if jay would like it or not. and jay didn't want to rush you into things too fast.

jay flipped you over so that your head was up on his pillow- a position that you've been in before. you felt jay unbuttoning your jeans, pulling them down your legs until you were only in your underwear and bra. the sudden thought of being bare in front of jay for the first time sent an unwanted feeling of anxiety down your spin.

park jay was known to have sex with mulitple girls before. you had wondered before about how many girls exactly that he's been with. so many girls that were more experienced than you- who were probably a lot sexier than you too.

jay felt you tense under his body, pulling away from kissing your collarbones to look at you. "are you okay?" he asked, concern filling him as he looked at your upset face.

"y-yeah, i'm fine." you replied meakly. jay pulled away from you at the sound of your voice.

"y/n, we don't have to do anything that you don't want t-"

"i want to! i really want to!" you cut him off, sitting up on your elbows to look at him. "it's just, you know. i've never done this before and i know you have- and i don't care that you have before!- i just want to be good for you."

jay pulled your lips to his at the end of your rambling, in a soft manner- just like the first time he kissed you. "i don't care if you've never done it- or even if you've done it a million times," you roll your eyes at him, "and you shouldn't care about how many times i've had sex, angel, all those other girls have never been my girl before."

you blush as jay calls you 'his girl'. you take jay's head in your hands, kissing him as a 'thank you' for helping your insecurities. he pulled away from you to take off his own shirt. your eyes and hands immediately roaming over his skin as it was the first time that you had seen him shirtless. his skin was breathtaking. it was so smooth, pale and soft. little freckles and scars visible for your eyes only.

he slid off his jeans and boxers, throwing them to the side of his bed, landing somewhere on the floor before he laid down on top of you again. kissing obnoxiously down your skin, sliding your panties off. you heard him take a sharp inhale as your core came visible to his eyes, having to hold yourself back from closing your legs.

you sat up again, your hands going behind your back to unclip your bra, letting the straps fall to your sides before throwing it to the side with jay's clothing. your breasts were visible to jay now, hearing him groan out before his hand reaches forward and starts to play with your nipple, making your back arch into his touch.

"i need you, jay." you tell him, the wetness between your legs becoming too much.

"fuck, okay, lay back." jay kissed your forehead, his hands trailing down your sides once you were under him once again. "you're sure you're okay with this?"

"yes jay, please." you begged, unsure of what you begged for exactly- all your mind could think of was jay.

jay leaned over to his bedside table, grabbing a condom and sliding it down his dick. he put his cock over your wet slit, your juices flowing all over your core and making a mess. you felt his cock slip inbetween your folds, circling yoru clit before beginning to push into you.

"i'll go slow, angel." jay whispered out to you, one of his hands tracing shape into yoru thigh while the other guided his cock in slowly, just like he said.

you closed your eyes as you prepared yoruself to feel uncomfortable for the next few moments. he kept his gaze on your face, looking for any signs of pain until he was balls deep inside of you. your tight walls were already clenched tight around him he really didn't think that he could last this time.

"are you okay?" jay whispered to you, bending over your body careful to not push into your further.

"it- it feels weird." you replied, opening your eyes for the first time to look at him.

"i'm sorry, y/n. it'll stop in a second." jay kissed your cheek, movingone of his hand down between your bodies so that he could rub small circles over your clit.

he groaned quietly when he felt your walls clench even tighter. you stayed in that position for a minute, pleasure slowly taking over as he played with your clit. you told him that he could move after a moment, allowing for him to hold himself up over you with his elbows, his breath fanned your face as he pulled his cock out of you until just his tip was in- before pushing back into you.

the feeling of having jay inside of you felt unusual, something that you had never experienced before, but it felt so right. you wrapped your legs tight around his waist as he continued to push his hard cock in adn out of you.

the sound of his skin hitting your wet core was breaking the eerie silence that had taken over the park house. your little whimpers of pleasure was taking jay to a whole other world as he tried to not fuck too hard into you.

both of you could feel the sweat start to build up in between you two, the passion and lust adding to the aura of the room.

"g-god jay, feels so good." you cried out to him, your hips starting to push back into his thrusts.

"yeah?" jay's voice let out a deep grunt- a deepness that you've never heard in his voice before. you nodded, your eyes closing in pleasure this time. "you really letting me ruin you, angel? no one else is going to be able to feel you as tight as i am, fuckin' strechin' your pussy so good, right?" jay almost let out a laugh at the way you clamped down on his cock.

"jay, oh god!" you cried out again, you swore you could feel his cock in your stomach he was fucking into you so deep.

"fuck, y/n, i might cum, baby." jay groaned out, kissing your neck to try to keep himself quiet.

"please, cum jay, i wanna feel you cum." you begged him, your hands pulling on his hair to hold onto him tighter.

his orgasm snuck up on him before he could even tell you that he was cumming. a dark groan escaped his lips as he started to fuck into you harder and faster- your tight, wet walls letting him. his hand snuck down and started rubbing yoru clit and an inhumane rate, making your hips jerk up to meet his.

"fuck!" jay groaned out, feeling your walls spasm with your own orgasm. you felt his cum fill his condom as you hit your high. both of you moaning into each others ears at the feeling of the insane amount of pleasure. you let out whimpers of his name as you came down from your high, his fingers coming to a stop on your clit as he pulled out of you slowly.

jay pulled off his condom and threw it into the garbage bin beside his bed. your heavy breaths filled his bedroom as he layed down beside you, pulling his duvet (the one that he likes!) over the both of your sweaty bodies. you moved over to rest your head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beat slow down.

"are you okay?" jay asked you, his fingers stroking your hair away from your face.

"'m perfect." you mumbled into his warm skin, feeling tired from the 'exercise' you just did. "thank you."

jay scoffed, "you don't have to thank me, angel. i had fun, as long as you had fun."

"i had fun." you turned your head and smiled up at him. jay kissed your forehead in return, closing his eyes for a moment, taking in his present reality. you felt sleepiness take over both your bodies until your phone started ringing from the pile of clothes you and jay made on the side of his bed.

you groaned, and reached over him to search on the floor for your phone, the duvet falling off your hips leaving your bare ass for jay to see. out of something like instinct, jay smacked your ass playfully, making you look back at him with a roll of your eyes.

"hello?" you asked into your phone, sitting back beside jay, pulling the duvet over your bare body.

"y/n!" seeun said over the phone, "do you want to hang out and watch movies tonight? i'm near your house so i can stop at the corner store and get snacks before i come!" guilt washed over you at seeun's offer to hang out. usually every other friday you and seeun would hang out at your house and watch a series of movies together- you had completely forgotten that it would be this friday as well.

"oh uh, i'm sorry se, i'm not feeling good so i don't think it's a good idea if we do movie night tonight." you lied through your teeth, your hand coming up to rest on your forehead as you tried to not let it out that you were lying.

"aw! that's too bad! i hope your parents are taking good care of you so you feel better!" seeun pouted through the phone.

"they are! thanks so much, i'll see you monday, right?"

"right! feel better! love you!"

"love you, too! bye!" you sighed and hung up, feeling awful that you had to lie to your best friend.

"what's wrong?" jay asked, his hand rubbing your back for comfort.

"seeun likes to have movie nights on friday nights and i forgot." you replied honestly.

"oh shit, i'm sorry." jay sat up, feeling bad that you had to miss hanging out with your friend because of him.

"no, it's okay, you didn't know!" you reassured him with a smile. "i should get home, though, my parents wanted me home before they get home later."

"okay, angel." jay kissed your temple for the last time of the night, both of you standing up and getting dressed so jay could drive you home.

seeun stood across the street from your house. she could see that your parents weren't home since their car wasn't in the driveway. all the lights in your house were off, including your bedroom light, meaning that you most likely weren't home either.

seeun sighed as she hung up, hurt running through her as she realized you had lied to her. where is she? she thought to herself, throwing her phone in her pocket and picking up the bag of snacks she had bought for her and you to share before walking back to her house alone.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

since you had now become park jay's girlfriend, you had brought up the idea that you finally meet his friends.

jay really wanted you to meet his friends, but god did it make him nervous. he knew what his friends were like; they were assholes, and they liked to do dangerous things- but they didn't mean any harm per se, they just wanted to have fun.

the next weekend after losing your virginity to park jay, he invited you to come to a party so you could meet his small friend group. you were iffy about going to a party-having almost finished your high school career with not going to one. but since you would get to meet his friends- you pushed yourself to go.

jay held your hand tight as you walked into the party together. it was in some big house in the south end of seoul where apparently 'all the cool people partied'. you could hear the music down the sidewalk as you approached the party. there were strobe lights flashing out of the windows and cheers from kids partying inside.

the first thing you noticed when you walked into the party was that you did not belong. there were girls wearing practically nothing- compared to your short black skirt and baby pink crop top. the scent of weed and alcohol immediately filled your senses as you followed jay through the thick crowd of people, his hand never leaving yours in fear of losing you.

jay knew that you were nervous to go- and that you were going because of him and his friends. he knew that he'd have to watch himself tonight so he didn't mess things up between you and his friends. he already had a strict talk with his friends about being on their best behaviour for when they met you.

his friends were excited to meet you, some of them had only seen you from a far before, and they had really wanted to meet the girl that had stopped jay from being a total delinquent with them.

you almost bumped right into jay's back as he stopped suddenly, gently pulling on your hand so you could stand in front of him. there were six boys who all sat on the couch or chairs, four of them had red solo cups in their hands as they all cheered when they saw jay's familiar face.

they all looked familiar to you, having seen them around school or heard gossip about them from seeun.

"guys, this is y/n, y/n this is heeseung, jake, riki, jungwon, sunghoon and sunoo." jay introduced you over the loud music, pointing at each of them from left to right. they all smiled at you, some of them having blood shot eyes from either the alcohol or drugs.

"hi y/n, it's nice to meet you!" one of them spoke up, the one being jungwon who seemed the most sober of them all. you smiled politely at him. "i heard you don't like to drink or anything so you can stay with me and riki all night, we don't do that stuff either." jungwon patted the boy on his right, riki smiling at you, too.

"she can stay all night with me too, guys." jay rolled his eyes at them, sitting down on a chair and grabbing at your hand for you to sit on his lap.

"yeah up until when? until you drink so much you throw up again?" the boy named sunghoon slurred, waving his hand at jay. you kept the smile on your face as you listened to him, trying not to think too much of it.

"he's joking, i haven't done that in a while." jay whispered in your ear.

"it's alright." you reassured him with a smile.

halfway through the night jay had convinced you to get up and dance with him, your bodies meshing in with the other sweaty dancers in the crowd as you all listened to the shitty house music that was making you go partially deaf.

it was fun to have jay grinding and laughing behind you, kissing your neck like he usually does. the rest of his friends had all dispersed around you, dancing on their own or with some girl that they obviously wanted to hook up with. it was interesting to see how they all acted together- some characteristics were just like you had heard within all the gossop- other things weren't even mentionned. they all looked out for each other, making sure that one of them doesn't drink or smoke too much.

"i gotta go piss." jay says in your ear while you were dancing. he felt you nod your head in response, "will you be okay for a second?" he felt you nod again, backing away from you but pointing at jake and jungwon from the across the room that you'd be by yourself for a moment.

jungwon made his way to you, jake trudging along as he was defintely intoxicated from all the shots he had taken earlier in the night. you smiled as the two of them came into your sight, easily dancing with jungwon playfully. jake stayed beside you guys, swaying to the music with a smirk on his face that reminded you of jay's.

you were having fun dancing with jungwon, feeling jake stare at you every now and then when jungwon would twirl you in the middle of the dance floor.

"how the hell did jay get a girl like you?" you heard jake ask from beside you, making jungwon nudge him with a 'wtf' face.

"what do you mean?" you asked confused.

"you're just too pure." jake bit his lip as he scanned your face, "a goody two shoes." you gulped under jake's stare, jungwon having to snap jake's gaze away from you.

you saw a hand come from behind you a shove jake's shoulder a bit, "what're you doing, jakey?" you heard jay's voice say, an obviously annoyed tone evident.

"just asking y/n about what she sees in you." a playful smirk is on jake's face, he quirks his eyebrows up at you.

"bro, fuck off, you've had too much to drink." jay shoves him again, wrapping an arm around your waist.

"i got him jay, i'll take him back to heeseung's, it was nice to meet you y/n!" jungwon wrapped his arm around jake's shoulders, ushering jake away from you guys and towards an exit.

jay took your hand in his, guiding you through the crowd of people again, making his way to the front door with you behind him. when you were finally outside again, you didn't know how much you missed fresh air. the spring air felt crisp in yoru lungs as you walked hand in hand with jay down the sidewalk.

"i'm sorry about him," jay speaks for the first time since you've left the better, "he gets assholey when he's drunk, i didn't realize he was at the point of drinking."

"it's okay, jay." you mumbled, kissing his shoulder through his jacket as you continued to walk back to his house.

"what'd he say to you exactly?"

you hummed as you tried to remember, "something about me being a goody two shoes."

jay scoffed, "i'm sorry about him really, i can't believe he was even looking at you like that, i literally almost punched him."

"looking at me like what?"

jay quirked an eyebrow at you playfully, "you know, the way that i look at you."

"hm," you smirked, "didn't even notice."

"good," jay pulled you into him, "because you're mine, right?"

"just yours." you nodded, kissing his lips quickly.

the minute that you're back in jay's bedroom, the scent of alcohol and weed and sweat still on you, he's pushing you down onto his bed. you could tell from the moment jay saw how close jake got to you, that he was jealous. he tried to play it off while you were walking home, but you could tell with the way he kept you close to his side the entire way that he was a bit angry with his friends' actions.

jay nipped at your neck, making you moan out to him, "no marks, jay." you felt him pout against your skin at your warning.

"why? you said so yourself, you're mine. so why can't everyone else know?"

"my parents jay." you pulled him up and away from your skin. he sighed at the mention of them.

"can't we just tell them?"

"i want to, but we can't, not until we graduate, you know how they are."

jay continued to pout at you until his mischeif eyes returned, "fine, i wont leave marks on your neck."

jay starts to pull off your shirt, exposing your collarbones and the tops of your breasts. his lips attack your skin, sucking and biting until you're moaning under him at the possessive way he's marking your body.

you push him off so that you could unclip your bra, his hands helping slide it off of your tits before he's sucking at your nipples. your back arches into his warm mouth, his hands start to slide off your skirt until he's throiwng it over his shoulder.

"i like that skirt." jay mumbles into your skin, pressing open mouthed kissing down your stomach to your thighs.

"yeah?" you ask breathless.

"yeah, black looks nice on you." he kisses below your belly button, "sexy."

"sexy?" you almost laugh, never in your life have you thought that you would look sexy.

"really sexy," jay came to your face, "why do you think jake couldn't stop staring at you?"

"he wasn't staring, jay." you kissed him passionately, sensing his worry. "if he was, i don't care, i only stare at you."

"i know angel, i know." he kissed your neck again, his finger tracing circles in your bare hips.

"no one else can fuck me like you, jay." you felt him groan at your words, the vibrations tickling your skin.

"is that what you want me to do? do you want me to fuck you, y/n?"

"please jay, i want you to fuck me so hard."

"okay, my angel." his hands grab onto your hips suddenly, flipping you over so your face is pressed against his mattresss. "want me to fuck you like the bad girl we know you are?"

"yes! please!" you cried out, your hands searching for something to grab on to. you feel jay grab your forearms, shoving them together and locking them onto your back.

"leave your hands here." jay grunted out, you feel him stand up off of his bed. you hear shuffling as he undresses himself. "i need to play some music, i don't want my parents to hear." you hum in response to him, watching him turn his speaker on. angel by the weeknd started to fill his room and hopefully quietly down the hall to block out your future noises.

when you feel jay's hard dick press up against your thighs your body jolts with excitement. you felt him presss one last soft kiss in the middle of your spin before he's pushing your upper half down into his mattress so that you ass was in the air for him.

his hands land a loud slap on your ass, making you jolt forward with a moan. "fuckin' love your ass, angel." he slaps your ass again with both hands, "wanted to see it for long, prancing around my room in your skirts, just beggin' for it, yeah?"

"yes, sir." you moan out before you could even stop yourself.

"sir?" you hear jay tease you, "my goody two shoes has a sir kink?" he laughs out, "god you're perfect." jay leans his face down so that his tongue can slide in between your folds, small circles around your clit quickly. you feel his lip piercing's cold metal brush over it ever so slightly before he's pulling away again.

jay reaches over your back, holding onto your locked hands that stayed so obeditently behind your back. "i love the way you taste, so sweet, so good just like you." he mumbles into your skin, shoving his tongue into your hole quickly before he's taking it out again. he hears you whine into his mattress. "what's wrong, baby?" he asks in a mocked, caring tone.

"wanna feel you."

jay slapped your ass with his free hand, "ask nicely like the good girl you are."

"please, i want you tongue sir." you felt him smirk on your spin as he pressed a soft kiss before slapping your ass again.

"good girl." his breath was over your core again, "fuck you're so wet." he used his thumb to spread your folds open, cool air being blown on your bare core.

jay dragged the the flat of his tongue against your slit, collecting all your juices and wetting you with his salivia. you moaned out into the pillow, feeling so incredibly turned on by him that it was almost too much already. the throbbing pain in your ass from his slaps only increased your pleasure more.

you started to grind your hips back into his face, making him laugh against your core. "are you trying to be a little slut?" he asked you, massaging your ass with his free hand, running his fingers over the red marks that were already appearing.

"'m sorr-ry sir, feels so good." you arched your hips to grind against him again.

at full force, jay started to fuck his tongue into your hole, groaning against your core at your taste. he really couldn't get over how good you tasted on his tongue. you really were an angel and he had you all too himself.

within what felt like a minute, jay had to falling apart on his tongue, his grip on your locked hands tighening as you started to shake against his tongue, he spanked your ass as you called out his name, your eyes closing as pleasure took over.

he pressed one final kiss to your wet core before standing up off his bed away from you, your hands falling to your sides from holding them in place for so long. soft whimpers still left your mouth as your high coursed through you. "you good, y/n?" he asked into your air, kissing your temple as your face was still pressed into his mattress.

"yes, sir." you replied obediently, smiling at him through your eye lashes. you heard him dig through his bed side drawer, plopping a condom packet on the bed before digging some more. you heard him mumble to himself before he closed the drawer.

you felt him get on his knees behind you again, pushing your front down again as he slipped the condom on. you could feel your juices mixed with his spit leaking down your legs. jay slid slowly into you, aware that this was only your second time having sex. "fuck, still so tight." he mumbled, sounding like there was something in his mouth. he let you adjust to his size for a moment.

your heavy breath was mixing in with another the weeknd song as you tried to control your clenching core around jay's cock. you heard lighter flicks from behind you suddenly, making yo ulean on your elbow to look at jay, who was lighting a cigarette in his mouth. you quirked an eyebrow up at him as you watched him inhale pushing throwing the lighter somewhere and blowing smoke out of his mouth.

"don't look at me like that." jay shook his head, "i was already at a party tonight with drugs and alcohol, and now i'm fucking you- i need something or else i'm not gonna last." you rolled your eyes at him, plopping your head back down into the mattress as you felt him start to fuck slowly into you.

his cock was already so deep in you that you didn't know how long you were going to last either. the slow r&b song urged jay to start fucking into you faster, gripping onto your waist as he fucked you into his mattress. he'd slow down every few thrusts, getting deep inside of you where he'd circle his hips, reaching everywhere inside of you.

you felt his hand reach underneath you, pinching your nipple before grabbing you by the neck and pulling you up your knees. you rested your head on his shoulder, your body jolting upwards everytime he fucked up into you. his other hand that wasn't holding you up held his cigarette, taking a puff every few seconds.

your hair had become a mess at this point, from the amoutn of times you had shoved your face into the mattress and now it was getting tangled as it hung over your body that rested against jay's.

you kept your eyes closed as you focused on the way jay was fucking you, making you moan out his name and be thankful for the music he had put on. the smell of sweat, jay's cologne and cigarette smoke filled his room as he continously fucked deep inside of you.

the hand that was holding you up, slid down to your clit, rubbing wet circles around it, causing slick sounds to be heard in the room. "fuck, angel, clenching around me so damn tight."

"just for you, sir." you moaned out, turning your head so you could look him in the eyes.

"fuck." he growled out, throwing your body down onto the mattress again, his cock slipping out of you making you whine. he knealt over you, reaching to his bedside table to put the rest of his cigarette out.

his shoved his cock back into you forcefully, making you cry out his name.

"can you touch your clit for me angel? wanna feel you cum around my cock." he asked, grabbing onto your waist again and fucking into you at a fast pace.

"yes, sir." he watched your hand snake under your body and start circling the bud as he fucked deep inside of you to reach your high.

the sight of you trying to get yoruself off while his cock was pleasuring you was almost too much for jay as he rolled his eyes back and swore out loud. your walls were spasming around him in now time, loving the way he was gripping onto you so tight.

he spanked your ass as you came, intensifying your skin as he continued to pound into you, reaching his own orgasm shortly after.

jay collapsed onto you, his cock still sitting in your wet and used walls. your heavy breaths filled the room as both of you tried to calm down from your orgasms.

when he felt his cock soften finally, he pulled out of you slowly, not wanting to overstimulate you more from how sensitive you were. he tied off the condom and threw it into the garbage bin beside his bed.

"i'll get you some water, angel." jay kissed your temple, rubbing your back briefly before throwing on some sweatpants and leaving for the kitchen.

the slow music still played through the speakers as you sat up in jay's bed, reaching over the side to grab something to cover in. jay's black band shirt was over your shoulders in an instant so you could lay back down. there was already a throbbing in yoru core from how hard jay was fucking into you- you knew that you wouldn't be able to move for the rest of the weekend but you didn't regret it at all.

jay came back with a soft smile on his face as he saw you in his shirt, in his bed, with his bite marks on your thights.

"here you go." jay gave you a glass of water and climbed to sit beside you in the bed, wrapping his duvet around you and him. "are you okay?"

you nodded as you set your glass of water down beside his burnt out cigarette, "'m perfect." jay smiled at you, pulling you into a deep kiss.

"you told your parents that you're sleeping at seeun's, right?" you hummed in response to his questions, "good, let's go to sleep, we're going to need it since exams are starting soon."

you groaned as you layed back with him, your head coming to rest on his chest. "don't remind me about exams right now."

"i'm sorry! i'm kinda excited for them."

"you're excited for exams?" you asked him.

"yeah, i've never studied for them before ."

you hummed in realization at his words, "maybe you are getting a halo, jay."

"maybe." you heard jay reply, before the two of you fall asleep to the sounds of each others breaths, both content with your relationship for the moment, unaware of lies.

-- -- -- - -- -- -- -

although jay said he was excited for exams, he didn't really know just how stressful studying for exams could be. it felt like there was an outweighing pressure on him whether he was studying or not.

and even though you were there beside him for majiroty of it, he still felt like he wasn't going anywhere. he hated sitting beside someone as smart as you, bothering you to help him when you needed to study as well.

you constantly told him that you didn't mind helping him (you were his tutor at first) but he just didn't believe you. he felt guilty distracting you from you own work when you're the one who actually has a bright future in front of them.

jay had been trying to be good for you the moment you started to tutor him. cutting out drugs and alcohol so quick for him was proven to be difficult very quick. anytime that he was around his friends, he'd drink or smoke, not telling you what he was up to.

jay knew that he should've told you that he was still getting intoxicated, but he didn't want to disappoint you like he's done to his entire family and peers. he couldn't bear to see a disappointed look on your face because of his actions.

so friday night, when the stress of studying for exams became all too much, he let heeseung pick him up and take him to an-almost-end-of-the-year-party.

and he drank and he smoked and he lost himself in the shitty house music that he swore he hated. everytime the thought of you came into his mind, he took another shot to try to distract himself from how much of a disapointment he was. everyone was right, you were too good for him.

that disapointed look from you came all too quick when he woke up the next day to you shoving his shoulder, waking him up in his bed. it took him a second to realize where he was and what the hell was going on, but once he did oh god was he fucked.

"y/n!" he jumped out of bed, only wearing those grey sweatpants that you liked on him so much. "i-"

"it's whatever, jay," you put your hand up to him, frustrated that he had gone out and got intoxicated behind your back. "i'll talk to you monday when you're not hungover."

"y/n." he grabbed your arm, stopping you from leaving his bedroom, "i'm sorry! i just, exams! i didn't think they'd be so stressful!" you couldn't look at him as he explained himself, feeling lied to was the worse thing you could feel.

"you could've at least told me you were going to a party." you mumbled to him, wondeirng if he had hooked up with any girls last night.

"i know! you're right! i'm a fucking asshole. i'm sorry, i tried to be good for you- i did!"

you sighed as he kept apologizing to you, wondering how many times exactly he's lied to you about being somewhere or being sober.

"y/n, look at me." his voice sounded weak as he said your name again. you forced yourself to look at him, tiredness evident on his face from the night he had. "i am sorry. i like you so much i-."

"do you like me?" you cut him off, "because if you did i don't know why you'd lie to me about this."

"of course i fucking like you! i can't go a second through my day without thinking about you! i have to drink to stop thinking about you and how much of a disapointment i am to you! it's so hard trying to be good i- i'm just not."

your hand grabbed jay's face, making him look you in the eyes, "park jay." you made him listen to you, "you are not a fucking disappointment." jay's eyes widen at your use of langauge, never hearing you swear before in his life, "you don't have to be good for me. no one is exactly good, take me for an example. i understand that you like to drink and smoke and party and whatever! i just hate knowing that you're wasting your life away when you have so much potential! i don't care if you smoke or drink i just want you to be able to have a good future! i didn't mean to make it sound like you had to go behind my back to do those things! so i'm sorry." you confessed to him, feeling guilty yourself for putting pressure on him to feel like he's not good enough for you.

jay sighs at your confession, the weight on his shoulders leaving as he realizes his own stupid mistakes. "it's okay. i'm still sorry that i did those things behind your back." he nodded, moving forward to rest his chin on your shoulder.

you wrap your arms around him, smiling as he almost knocks you over by leaning his entire weight on you, "it's okay. next time, we should just talk about these things, i don't want there to be anymore miscommunication, okay?"

"okay, angel." jay nodded, pulling away so he could smash his lips onto your own, kissing you like it's the first time all over again.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

new fact: walking into school with park jay holding your hand will 100% cause everyone to stop and stare at you.

"what do we do?" you whispered to him, continuing your way to your locker.

"just don't look at them, they're fucking annoying." he grunted at you, hating everyone in the school.

"jay!" you hissed at him.

"sorry! you asked!" he shoved you playfully, pulling you back into him by your hand.

"what the hell?" you heard a familiar voice behind you. both you and jay turn at the sudden declaration.

seeun stood behind you, a disgusted look on her face as she looked at you, jay and your intertwined hands.

"seeun." you said her name, pulling your hand away from jay out of instinct.

"save it, y/n. now i know that this is who's been keeping you so busy." seeun pointed at jay, "so busy that you can't hang out with your best friend."

"seeun i'm sorry! i didn't mean for it to be like this!" you tried to explain, but she turned on her heel and stormed through the crowd of students until she was gone. you turned and looked at jay, an upset expression on your face.

"go after her, i'm fine." jay smiled at you, nodding towards the direction where seeun went. you smiled at him, pulling him in for a kiss that made everyone gasp before you ran down the hall where seeun went.

you pushed into the girls bathroom where you saw her disappear to, her bent over figure leaning over the bathroom sink.

"seeun." your voice makes her head jolt up, a scowl on her face when she sees that it's you. "i'm sorry."

"you're sorry?" seeun says, standing up straight. "you have nothing to be sorry for y/n." she says in a mocked tone, "you're just throwing your life away with some misfit delinquent. go ahead! as if i care!"

"seeun!" you hiss at her, not believing the way she was speaking to you. "it's not like that! he's not like that!"

"he's not a misfit?" seeun laughs in your face, "then what the hell is he? and why is a girl like you dating a guy like park jay?"

god you were getting so sick of that phrase.

"because i'm a misfit too! i don't fit in in this society either! and that's all i ever wanted! i'm fucking happy seeun!"

seeun gasped at your confession before she scoffed, "who even are you?" she asked, shoving past you and exiting the bathroom.

you stood in silence with your jaw dropped open as you walked towards the mirror. you wiped your face from the fallen tears that managed to escape because of your best- ex best friend.

the toilet flushing in one of the stalls behind you made you stand up straight, looking at yoruself in the relection as if anything was fine.

park sieun with her pretty orange hair walked up behind you, washing her hands in the sink beside you.

"you shouldn't listen to her." she spoke to you for the first time in your whole high school career.

"what?" you asked confused, wondering if she even knew who she was talking to. sieun dried her hands before looking at you.

"don't listen to yoon seeun. it's hard for someone to be friends with her. she cares too much about fitting in in this world when that's so hard to do. once she realizes just how much of a 'misfit' someone is, she cuts them out of her life."

"oh." you nod, looking down at your hands, remembering that sieun and seeun use to be friends. "oh."

sieun smiles at your realization, "i'm a misfit too y/n, believe it or not. so don't listen to seeun. and i think it's cool that you're dating jay, whether or not your high school reputations allow it or not, who cares, just have fun."

you smile at her words, feeling a bit better now that you've realized just how much high school stereotypes and cliques can really ruin a person.

"thank you sieun, really."

"it's no problem." she shakes her pretty head, "good luck on your exams." she pats your shoulder and leaves the bathroom as the bell rings.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

within the last few days of high school, yoon seeun had already found a new 'best friend' as she sat with her at yours and seeun's old cafeteria table. it made your stomach feel sick when you walked in and someone sitting in 'your' spot. you really were just so replaceable to seeun.

an arm wrapped around your shoulder as the frown your deepened at the sight, "just come sit with us outside, it'll be fun." jay spoke from behind you, making you smile up at him.

hanging out with jay and the rest of the 'misfits' was something you never thought that you'd do. but fitting in with them was a lot easier than fitting in with the rest of the world.

jake apologized for the last time you had partied with them, feeling guilty for being such an asshole drunk. but you only smiled and hugged him, catching the wink jay threw to you over his shoulder.

you fit in with the rest of the boys so much that it made them even want to study for their exams. so you all made flashcards and makeshift quizzes and studied in heeseung's bedroom until you rotted.

they all groaned when you told them they had more questions to do, but in the end it worked out the best for them.

jay, sunghoon and jake all graduated that year with you, all of them thankful that you had become their tutor. they had joined heeseung at the local state college, grateful that somewhere had accepted them with their last minute grades.

you ended up getting accepted into a university a few hours away from seoul, wanting to still get away from your strict parents.

the boys were sad that they wouldn't see you as much. it put worry on you and jay for how much you'd see eachother by being hours away from each other everyday.

but you made a promise to call and to visit once a month.

and you were perfect with that.

because you and jay need each other.

your relationship can work through the distance as it's worked through the changes you had to make for the better of the both of you.

you were too good and he was too bad- you had to find the balance through each other.

and now park jay hates everyone except for you (and maybe heeseung)

@ taeghi, 2022. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :)

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I lav hanahaki disease ffs😞😞😞☺️

Bloom for you

Pairing: Sunwoo x reader Genre: angst, fluff, hanahaki, fake dating Word count: 14.2k Warnings: mentions of blood and death, swearing, drinking, and uhhh all the things associated with hanahaki ha...ha A/N: written for @yangkiwi as a part of the "a gift for you" fic exchange hosted by @cherryutas and @ateez-elena ! hi yanna i'm your writer!! i had fun writing your faves and trying something new so i hope you enjoy <3

It's okay if he doesn't return your feelings, and it's okay if you have to hide yourself whenever the petals show up. What's not okay is if he ever finds out the reason for them in the first place.

Sunwoo's usually the perceptive one of the three of you. At the middle school dance, he was the first to notice the tightness of your smile and the slight slump of your shoulders after your boyfriend had dumped you. He was the first to figure out the good news about Eric's scholarship, though it wasn't as if Eric really tried to hide it—his eyes were brimming with endless excitement that was obvious to anyone. And whenever the three of you played your game of guessing the relationships between strangers in public, Sunwoo was able to differentiate between a first date from a dating app and one set up by mutual friends.

Kim Sunwoo was perceptive, and as his best friend, you knew that fooling him would not be easy.

"I have something to tell you," he says quietly.

"So do I."

While it's far from unusual to be hanging out between classes at the apartment he shares with Eric, you get the feeling that it's different this time. The way he messaged you privately instead of in your group chat coupled with seeing how Eric isn't home only confirm your suspicions. If Eric's birthday hadn't recently passed, you would've thought it'd be about planning a gift or a surprise party.

But now, there are more important things to worry about.

"You can go first," Sunwoo gestures at you, nodding in encouragement.

It doesn't make you any more encouraged, but you take a deep breath and decide to take the plunge anyway. This is something you have to do. "Sunwoo, do you think the three of us will be friends forever?"

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"Don't know." Your gaze is trained on his and your shrug is nonchalant, just as you practiced, but every second that goes by makes your stomach twist uncomfortably. Would it be too late to back out of this? "Just wondering."

He searches your face for a second. "Is this about Eric?"

"What?"

"You wouldn't be bringing it up now if it's not about him," he shrugs, though he's no longer meeting your eyes.

It's not about Eric. Not really, anyway; out of the three of you, Eric was the person that this concerned the least. Yet, he's not wrong either because that's exactly what you wanted to talk to him about.

"You like him, don't you?" he says when you don't respond.

"I—what?"

"Y/N, were you worried about how I would react to it?" At the way your jaw drops, Sunwoo has the audacity to laugh, though it quickly dies down and he drops his voice. "It's a good thing that it's Eric. I don't know if I'd trust anyone else to not break your heart."

This is not what you expected at all. You'd practiced and prepared to say these words to him, and now you're hearing him spit them right back at you.

And perhaps there is some truth in his words, but Eric wouldn't be breaking your heart anytime soon. Neither would anyone else when it's already broken. Shattered. "Yeah," you mutter, trying to stop your lips from falling into a frown.

Sunwoo takes your hands, holding them in his lap as he smiles at you reassuringly. It would be a touching moment and if it were the reality of a world where you did like Eric, you'd be more than happy. But all you can do now is force a smile on your face and ignore the queasy feeling in your stomach. You ignore the small fluttering in your chest that you now know is not your heart, but rather the small sprout that's been tickling you with every breath for the past week.

"Right, what did you want to tell me?" you ask, swinging your linked hands a little to shake him out of the reverie he seems to have slipped into.

He simply shakes his head, giving you a smile. "Never mind. It's nothing."

Sunwoo is perceptive—he's the first to notice your fake crush on Eric. But unfortunately, this time he's not quite perceptive enough.

The disease isn't exactly a secret, though there's only been one time you'd personally seen it happen to someone. Chanhee, a guy in your major, had been assigned to work on a group project with you and two other classmates back in second year. The four of you had been sprawled across Younghoon's living room one afternoon researching potential topics for the project, with you complaining every few minutes and Changmin blasting nothing but girl group songs while he was in charge of the playlist. But if you thought that was what made Chanhee leave the room, you were wrong.

You hadn't intentionally checked up on him, nor were you curious about where he had gone. It was something as simple as walking by the bathroom on your way to grab the flash drive from Younghoon's room when you heard coughing. It hadn't been a soft sound either—it quite sounded like Chanhee was hacking up his lungs.

And through the gap he left in the door, you were able to see the petals. Soft, white petals were scattered across the floor, large enough in size that you thought they were plucked straight from a potted plant. An orchid, perhaps, or a lily; you weren't familiar with flower types at the time and didn't know what the petals meant at all. That had been your first and only experience directly witnessing the effects of the disease.

"Chanhee? Are you okay?"

He'd barely looked at you, too preoccupied with the petal in his own hand. He held it up to the light, seemingly studying it as if it were something foreign. And maybe it was—looking back, that must've been the first time he'd coughed up those petals.

"Can—can I help?" you continued stubbornly when he didn't reply. "Is there anything I can do?"

Chanhee shook his head. "No—" Then he paused. "Actually, yes. You can help by not telling anyone about what you saw today."

It was amazing how intimidating he could still look during a vulnerable moment like that, so you'd nodded, quickly leaving to get him some water which he took from you with a blank stare. After that day, he pretended not to know you. It was only your persistence in befriending him that finally allowed him to open up about what was going on.

And although you learned about the disease and supported him throughout it, it never occurred to you that the same thing could happen to you.

"Eric, it worked," you say as soon as you get home and finally drop yourself onto your couch. "I was so sure that he would suspect something, but you know what? He was the one who asked me if I liked you."

"Seriously?" Eric glances at you from above his laptop screen, raising a brow. "I thought we weren't convincing these past few times. Damn, I wish I could call him stupid."

You heave a sigh. "He is stupid though."

Sunwoo is stupid for not knowing, for not having an inkling of a clue about everything that's going on. He's stupid for having no idea that your crush on Eric and your soon-to-be relationship with him aren't real.

And there's no way you could tell him.

Even the thought of him causes an itch in your throat that turns into a cough. Though it's bearable, feeling like a lingering cough from a cold—it hasn't been too long since the start of all this after all. You quickly throw an arm over your mouth to cover it, and when the coughing dies down, there are exactly three small petals sticking to your sleeve. Cherry blossom petals.

"Hey, you okay?" Eric reaches over and plucks one of them off your sleeve, and then holds it up to his face curiously just as you had a few days ago when they started appearing. You'd examined it and pondered in your mind about how such a thing could come from your body because the very thought of that happening was already strange. But even stranger than the science behind growing a plant in your lungs would be the cause of it—unrequited love.

"I'm okay," you mutter, grabbing the petal back from him. As pretty as the flowers may be, the thought of them still make you conflicted. It's embarrassing to know where they come from and why they exist.

Eric snaps out of whatever trance he was in a minute ago. "I still think it's weird. It's obvious he feels something for you," he says stubbornly, crossing his arms. "Can't you see it?"

"Tell that to these stupid flowers." You take the few petals out of your pocket where you'd collected them from earlier in the day and hold them in front of his face. "The answer's right here, Eric. That's what's obvious."

He opens his mouth as if to retort but closes it again and lets the silence settle between you instead. It's a little surprising that he doesn't have anything to say considering he usually shares his thoughts in real time. But this time, it's obvious that he holds back. Perhaps this would simply be one of the changes that your friendship would suffer as a consequence of your situation.

"Y/N," he finally says, the hesitance written all over his face, "are you sure you want to do this?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know I'll help you no matter what, right? But do you think this is the right thing to do?"

"I talked to Chanhee the other day," you say slowly, watching as he glances at you with alarm at the mention of Chanhee's name. You don't blame him though; there have been rumours about the guy that aren't exactly nice, and they all started from the flowers.

"Chanhee?"

"Yeah. I—I think I'll get it removed just like he did." You avert your eyes from Eric's face. This is yet another lie that you'd have to work on telling. "So we just have to go with the plan until then. It'll be fine; I'll even let you think of a dramatic way to break up with me."

"Yeah?" he nods, the grin immediately forming after hearing the last part of what you said. "Okay. If you're sure."

You try to put on a smile too, but there's more than a tinge of guilt in your heart. Eric must think that talking to Chanhee helped you come to a good conclusion, a logical one where you'd simply get the flowers removed and continue living your life as it is. But what he doesn't know is that seeing Chanhee's deadpan stare and hearing the flatness of his voice are the very things that convinced you to make the opposite decision. Having to live a life without feeling the pain that came with unrequited love may sound like a blessing, but to you, it was also a curse that would get rid of a chance at happiness too.

So while Sunwoo may not know the truth, Eric doesn't know the full truth either: you aren't planning on getting these flowers removed at all.

"Thanks, Eric." You turn back to him and finally force a smile on your face. There would be time to worry about that later, but first you need to make sure that Sunwoo believes your relationship with Eric is real.

A few days later is when you put the plan into action.

It's a coincidence, really, that you're with Eric when the two of you see Sunwoo walking by. Your plan was to start at the next study session together, but the opportunity arises in the parking lot on campus after class one day.

"Wait, is that him over there?" Eric pauses just before opening your door for you, tilting his head at someone walking down the path.

It's unmistakable—the figure is getting closer with each step, and you'd recognize Sunwoo's familiar strides anywhere. "Yup, that's him."

"Should we..." He trails off, gesturing vaguely in the air. "You know."

An idea pops into your mind. "Quick, come here."

Maybe this would be strange and awkward and would ruin your friendship in any other context, but this fake relationship needs to be as convincing as possible so that Sunwoo doesn't ever get the idea that your flower situation is because of him.

And so you take Eric's face between your palms, feeling the warmth of his cheeks and the softness of his skin. It may not be anything new, but it makes you briefly wonder what Sunwoo would feel like between your fingers now, whether his newly permed hair would still be as soft as before. How your heart and the tiny flowers around it would react.

Eric is angled so that the two of you would be visible to Sunwoo when he walks by, arms caging you on either side against the car. As you bring him in, you squeeze your eyes shut and anticipate the feel of his lips against yours. They're soft and warm like what you expected, and they fit well as they slip between yours. You feel him bring an arm behind your waist, pulling you closer until you're pressed against him.

It's not bad—it's a nice kiss in every sense. Maybe in a different context it would even be good, or maybe kissing your best friend should be awkward. But right now, it's something you don't have the luxury to worry about.

Soon he pulls back, and you notice a hollowness in your chest that's quite startling. The stillness there feels as if the flowers don't know how to react to his touch at all—as if they're not blooming, not fluttering, but just pausing in confusion for the fraction of a moment.

Which only means the solution isn't to make yourself fall for someone else, you think bitterly.

In the minutes that go by, there's no sign of Sunwoo unlike what you'd expected. You thought he'd come by and jokingly interrupt the two of you and maybe invite himself to your dinner plans—seeing the confusion on Eric's face, it's obvious he thought the same. It's only after you turn to look in Sunwoo's direction that you see his figure getting smaller in the distance. Perhaps he simply didn't look your way or didn't realize who it was, or maybe he was too occupied with carrying the books in his hands.

But as you stare at his disappearing figure, there's a slight slouch of his shoulders and an increase in the speed of his steps compared to earlier. Signs that he clearly saw the two of you but chose to walk away.

It means you're not the only one avoiding him—he's avoiding you too.

Sunwoo opens the door before you get the chance to knock, leaving your fist hanging in the air in front of you.

"Hey," he greets, opening the door wider and stepping back to let you into the space of his narrow apartment hallway. The place looks the same as always, and you can even smell the remnants of pizza lingering in the air—something that reminded you all too much of the game nights here that you've begun to miss with Sunwoo avoiding you and Eric as of late.

But even though not a hair looks out of place, there's a feeling you can't shake off that everything is different. Perhaps it's the lack of smile on Sunwoo's face this time, or the absence of the brightness that he typically radiates every time he sees you. He looks tired, and in a way it's almost like looking at your own face in the mirror. Tired, pale, hollow.

"I, um, have a dinner date with Eric in a bit so I can't stay too long," you say, following him when he leads the way to his room. It only confirms what you sensed from his text—this will be about something serious if he doesn't want Eric accidentally walking in on your conversation when he gets back from class. "Sorry. Maybe we can hang out properly another time? Just the two of us?"

"Yeah, of course." He briefly looks disappointed, and your small mound of guilt for creating this plan piles up a little more.

You close the door behind you and then opt to lean against it, unsure of where you should be standing or sitting when things are no longer the same as before. His room may be small, but it makes the distance between the two of you stretch to infinite bounds.

"How have you been?" he starts, eyes focused somewhere near your head but not quite on you. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You look tired." There's worry in his eyes now, despite the way you tried to keep your voice as level as possible. "Are you stressed? Is your... relationship taking a toll on you?"

"It's just midterm season." You give a casual shrug, trying to change the subject as quickly as you can. It's strange for you to be talking to him about your supposed relationship with Eric and seeing his reaction, it is for him as well. There's a tension in the room that can't be explained but you assume it's simply attributed to the sudden change in your friendship dynamics. "Anyway, I haven't seen you in a while."

Sunwoo looks away.

"Well, actually," you say carefully, finally deciding to put your theory to the test. "I think I saw you last week. Like, by the parking lot? You looked like you were walking home from campus."

His gaze snaps to yours. "Oh yeah? When was that?"

"After class one of those days," you lean back a little more and pretend to pull some balls of fluff off your shirt, maintaining a nonchalant stance. "I was going to say hi and ask if you wanted to grab dinner together, but you walked by really quickly."

"Oh." And there it is—his eyes flicker away from you, an uncomfortable expression settling on his face that only proves your theory to be correct. "You seemed busy."

"Busy? With Eric? Sunwoo, you know that we miss you—"

"Y/N, I lied." He looks right at you before slumping to the ground at the foot of his bed. Running a hand through his hair, and then heaving a sigh. "I'm sorry but I lied when I said I was fine with it. You and Eric... I want to be happy for you. I really do."

"But?"

A bitter chuckle. "But that's clearly not working out."

Crossing the room, you slowly lower yourself as well until you're seated beside him like you've done so many times before. Leaning in just the slightest so that your head rests against his shoulder and hating how even the most minimal contact gets such a big reaction from the stupid flowers. "Talk to me, Sunwoo. Don't keep it to yourself."

He stays silent for a while, so still that only the rise and fall of his chest was any indication that you're leaning on a living person. And when he finally speaks, it's quiet. Barely a whisper. "It just feels like I'm losing you—both of you."

You immediately know what he's talking about because that's exactly what you'd feared would happen to Eric if Sunwoo, for whatever reason, returned your feelings. After all, it'd always been the three of you sticking together since you met in middle school. There's no doubt that feelings would make things messy, and right when you caught your heart fluttering at Sunwoo's smile as he walked you home one night in first year, you knew that nothing about your friendship would be the same ever again.

Now, as he wraps an arm around your shoulders, you wonder if this is exactly what your past self would've wanted: to make Sunwoo jealous and see if there's any ounce of hope that he would be able to return your feelings. But that no longer matters. The itch at the back of your throat and the pressure residing in your chest make it clear there's nothing left to prove, and now it's just a matter of making sure he never finds out the truth.

"It's so selfish to say this but I don't want to be reduced to a—a third wheel to you. But I also don't want you to feel obligated to spend time with me if you'd rather just be with him." Sunwoo looks over, briefly meeting your eyes before he's dropping his gaze again. Another sigh slips out of his mouth. "Sometimes I think about what things were like before. Y/N, I don't want it to be awkward between us."

"That's not selfish of you. I'll always be here, okay?" The lies, along with your pile of guilt, grow a bit larger. "Even if things don't work out with Eric."

"Yeah? Okay." The corners of his lips curve up, but his eyes seem to stay in an unreadable, neutral expression.

Then he mumbles an excuse about quickly sending off that assignment due today before heading to the living room, leaving you alone. The silence is nice, giving you a chance to calm down your racing heart and replay what just happened. Was Sunwoo's jealousy over not being able to spend time with his two best friends the reason for the tension whenever your relationship with Eric comes up in conversation? You wish that could be the worst of the issues within your friendship, but unfortunately, that seems like the tip of the iceberg.

When he continues typing away on his laptop in the other room, you let your eyes roam over the details of the walls around you. It's nowhere as cluttered as the bedroom of his childhood home, though there are a few touches that make it more personalized than the standard dorm room.

On the bulletin board hanging near his desk, he has some polaroid photos of the three of you. You easily recognize where they're from: a Halloween event back in first year where the three of you dressed up in lab coats, pretending to be scientists as if you didn't have to dress in those for your weekly labs. There are a couple of shots at different restaurants when Sunwoo had brought his camera, claiming to capture all your funny antics—clearly the way you and Eric drank with arms linked was one of them. But the last one on the board is your favourite: a photo of you and Sunwoo dressed in fancy prom attire, his arm slung around you, both of you smiling brightly at the camera. It must be the only photo he brought from home, seeing as it's from your high school days.

Just below the board, on his desk, there's a glint that catches your eye. It's a small jewelry box, a little bigger than one that would fit a ring, made with a navy velvet material with gold writing of the brand at the top. And you know that it would be rude to take a look but sometimes it's hard to care about trivial things when your days are numbered. So you reach for it and—

"Hey," Sunwoo's voice interrupts and you try your best not to jump back in surprise. You were so caught up in your curiosity that you hadn't heard his footsteps at all.

"Hey. You submitted your assignment?" When he nods, you decide to directly ask him about what was on your mind. "What's this?"

"Oh—it's um." There's a frown on his face when he comes over to take the box from the desk. He fiddles with it in his hand, body turned in a way so that the box is just outside your view and you're not sure if that's on purpose. If it's something he doesn't want you to see. "Just a necklace I got for my sister."

"Right, her birthday's coming up, isn't it? That's so sweet." It totally slipped your mind. Of course it has to be for his sister. Maybe even for a crush. Either way, it doesn't make sense for you to be holding onto that piece of hope in your heart.

When he opens the box, it's a pretty necklace with a small flower pendant—coincidentally, one that looks like the very flower that you've recently come to be very familiar with. It twinkles so beautifully in the light that it nearly makes you forget the dread that flowers bring you.

And when you see Sunwoo's eyes soften and his smile grow fond, in that moment, you nearly tell him everything. Between the cracks of the walls he always puts up, you can see it—the way it hurts him that you're avoiding him and spending all your time with Eric. The way he knows he's losing both of his best friends but has no choice to be happy for the two of you.

But wouldn't it hurt more if he ever finds out the real reason behind all of this, especially when it's connected to him? Thinking about the guilt he'd have to carry makes you hold back your words once again.

Sunwoo sets down the box and turns to you, but the moment has passed and he has his guards up again. "Have fun on your date tonight, okay?"

"I will," you lie, attempting at plastering on a smile. You go to step around him, thinking that you could wait in the living room for Eric; it shouldn't be too long until he's on his way back.

But maybe it's the sad smile Sunwoo wears or maybe it's the influence of the flowers, for you find yourself stepping forward towards him, chasing the warmth of his touch the way the tiny flowers inside you chase his sunshine. Then you're wrapping your arms around him, burying yourself into the fabric of his hoodie like that's where you belong. And maybe it is where you belong if the disappearance of your chest pains is any indication.

His arms automatically wrap around your waist and the warmth of his embrace is enough for you to pretend just for a minute. That he's not him, you're not you, and none of this is really happening.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" he whispers an eternity later, as if not wanting to break the moment either. But maybe he hears your tears softly pattering against him or the light rattle in your breaths. Maybe he already knows everything there is to know and maybe it's killing him inside just like it's killing you.

"I just—miss you," you admit. A small truth underneath your mountain of lies.

"Hey, if this is because I was avoiding you, then I promise I won't do it again, okay?" He tightens his arms slightly. "We can go back to being the three of us."

But it's short-lived for soon you hear the front door closing loudly, and equally loud footsteps walking around. Eric—the person you're supposed to be dating—is back and here you are in the arms of his housemate. You quickly untangle yourself, ignoring the pressure that immediately reappears in your chest that seems to protest your leave.

Sunwoo lifts a hand as if going to wipe your tears, but you don't wait around to see whether he would just pull back like you expect him to.

"I'll see you soon." Another lie as you go to grab your bag and head out to meet your fake boyfriend. Sunwoo doesn't follow you out.

What you thought was a lie actually turns out to be the truth—you do see Sunwoo very soon. A few days later, it's as if nothing had ever changed between the three of you. Sunwoo holds his promise and makes an effort to hang out with you and Eric instead of shying away from it.

So study sessions at the library are spent with Eric draped across your arm, napping on the table while you look up from your laptop and exchange amused glances with Sunwoo across from you. Game nights are back at their place and has you complaining about how they gang up on your poor character, though Eric sometimes helps you out and you're pretty sure it's not just about being a good fake boyfriend.

Eric also asks a few times if you're comfortable with Sunwoo being around so often, and you give him the excuse of wanting normalcy before the surgery. It's not completely an excuse when most of it is the truth—you do want to live life normally. Besides, you're sure he's glad the two of you won't need to execute the PDA part of your plan right in front of Sunwoo.

You also know it would be difficult to hide the petals, but Eric surprisingly does a good job of covering for you. It seems to work for the time being, however, you know that Sunwoo is perceptive. The longer he's around you the harder it'll be to maintain this façade, and the more cracks there will be between the mask that you're trying so hard to keep up.

But what surprises you is that it becomes easier to breathe when Sunwoo is around: your coughs decrease in severity, there are fewer petals, and there's less pain. It gets to the point where you start wondering how long this would last for. What if simply being around Sunwoo—even if it's purely platonic and even if he will never return your feelings—is enough to stop these flowers from blooming forever? What if this could pause their growth and let you live a life still full of emotions? What if this was the solution?

Though you have a feeling it's too good to be true.

The next weekend has you at a party with Eric. Heavy bass from the music playing at alarming decibels seems to reverberate through your body as you make your way through the crowd, one hand in his and another grabbing onto the first drink in sight. Being the social butterfly he is, he stops by to talk to each friend he sees, and it's just about as awkward as you imagined. Maybe even more, when they look at the two of you with that knowing smile and the twinkle in their eyes.

By the time you make your way to the living room, you find Sunwoo already part of a circle in the corner with some friends you recognized from the occasional lunch together. He waves you over when he catches your eye, shifting back to make room for the two of you.

"Didn't think you guys were coming," he muses, lifting his cup to touch it to your own before downing the rest of what's in it. "Thought you'd have better things to do."

You shrug, lifting your own cup to your lips and relishing in the burn that trails down your throat instead of giving him an answer. Not because of the implication in his tone of voice, but rather the fact that you can't possibly explain your real reasoning for coming here. Thank goodness Eric hadn't questioned your intentions, though you had a feeling that he knew all too well.

"What are they playing?" You nod over at where the rest of the circle is closely huddled together.

Sunwoo eyes you warily for a second before dropping his gaze. "Truth or dare or something. You want to join? They're doing spin the bottle next."

"Yeah, sure." You give him another nonchalant shrug when he turns back to search your face. Sunwoo may be perceptive, and you may be attending a house party despite hating the idea of them before, but surely this can't be as suspicious as his expression makes it seem, right? This calls for another drink. "Eric, you want a drink?" you ask, though you're already up and across the room before he can respond.

Chanhee is in the kitchen when you go to pour the remaining of the vodka into your cup. And with him is Younghoon, the very guy to cause the white petals to fall from his mouth once upon a time. They're talking animatedly—Younghoon throwing his head back as he laughs at something Chanhee says, and Chanhee leaning against the counter with his arms crossed and his signature unamused look on his face.

"Oh, hey, Y/N," Younghoon greets, immediately reeling in his laughter from before. "Surprised to see you here."

"Yeah, um. You're not the first to say that." You laugh a little, sounding awkward even to your own ears. "Needed a change of scenery." The vodka bottle empties without even filling much of your cup and has you reaching for a cooler to make up for the remainder. There's not much of the non-alcoholic selection either from what you can see, but Eric will have to deal with whatever's left of the inventory.

Chanhee remains silent, simply glancing you up and down.

It's strange now that you look closely at him. From the outside, you'd assume that he was the same person as before—a master of sarcasm and a permanent scowl on his face as if judging your life decisions. How Younghoon managed to make him fall in love is a mystery to you, and even more a mystery is how he's coping with the effects of the surgery so well, like nothing ever changed.

Younghoon seems to notice his stare. "I'll head back to the others first? Find you later, Chanhee."

Once he's out of the vicinity, Chanhee finally turns to you. "A change of scenery," he chuckles, though his voice remains flat. "It's not much of a change when the petals follow you everywhere."

"How do you feel talking to Younghoon?" you blurt, not even realizing what you've said until he cocks his head in amusement. Perhaps the drink you downed all too quickly was finally taking effect.

"How do you feel talking to me?"

That's not what you were expecting. "Um, you're cool? I guess?"

He smiles a little and fiddles with the drink in his hand. "I'm just playing with you. That's really what it's like though; talking to him and being with him. It feels like being with anyone else."

"But—but it seemed like you guys were getting along pretty nicely." You frown at him when he simply shrugs.

"Yeah," Chanhee takes a long sip of his drink, and it were anyone else, you would've interpreted that as trying to drown out feelings with alcohol. But you know better. "He confessed his feelings to me last week."

"What?"

A nod.

"Are you serious?" It must be the drink you had. There's no way you're hearing things correctly—

"Yeah," Chanhee scoffs. "It's a bit too late for that. I know I should feel bad, but I really don't."

"Does he... know?"

He shakes his head, immediately knowing what you're referring to. "There's no need for him to know. My feelings are my own responsibility; why should they have anything to do with him?"

"Right." You mentally note that down, unsure of how well you'll remember it after the night is over though it only reaffirms your plan not to tell Sunwoo about any of this. Chanhee's right and it makes too much sense even to your inebriated brain.

But more importantly, what he said about Younghoon confessing sticks around in your mind. How is it that Younghoon only developed feelings for him after the whole flower ordeal? And now that Chanhee's gotten the surgery, he would never be able to return those feelings. It might not hurt him anymore, but your heart aches just thinking about what could have been. They could've been so happy together. They could've loved each other. Instead, now all they have is a broken relationship filled with lost time and opportunity. How could their fate turn out to be doomed like this?

"Y/N, you know it'll only get worse?" The look in Chanhee's narrowed eyes pins you to your spot. "Being around him and pretending like it's sufficient to stop it from progressing."

"Does it not? But I feel better than I have in days—"

"Y/N." He steps closer, setting down his cup on the counter so hard that you can feel a drop of his drink splash onto your arm. "You should stay away from him. It'll feel better for a while, and it'll give you hope. But that won't last; it'll get much worse very soon."

You chance a glance into his eyes and what you find there is confusing. It's almost as if he does have some feelings—enough to watch out for you anyway. Could it be that the surgery doesn't take away all emotions? "Um, yeah. Okay." A nod for emphasis.

But whatever you found in his eyes quickly disappears and his face settles back into its signature displeased look. Then Chanhee gives you a sharp nod before he's picking up his drink again and heading off in the direction Younghoon went in.

The alcohol pumping through your veins makes the encounter fade instantly, and soon, you're joining the circle in the living room once again. Eric thanks you for the drink and then starts the game.

It doesn't even occur to you how this stupid game should've stayed in middle school and not followed you all the way to college. With the bouts of laughter following each round and each funny reaction from the participants getting picked by the bottle, you just about manage to forget why this might be a bad idea. Coming to the party, hearing Chanhee's words, being near Sunwoo.

Well, until the bottle lands on Sunwoo anyway. He's the first person it lands on this round and the crowd reacts, cheering him on and whispering about who they hope the bottle lands on next. Some are looking at him in anticipation; nothing surprising when he's attractive and decently popular amongst the people in his major. Perhaps they'd be praying to the OTP gods to have the bottle land on them. Meanwhile, you're praying it doesn't land on you. You send the bottle your brain waves and you shift in your spot slightly in the hopes that something happens to it—anything, really, as long as it doesn't land on you.

At first it seems to work. The bottle slows down, nearing the end of the spin and appears to stop on Eric. There's laughter on the tip of your tongue and fear in Eric's eyes just at the thought of having to kiss Sunwoo.

And then the bottle rotates just the slightest bit past Eric, landing on you. It's not directly pointing at you, but anyone would be able to tell that it's closer to you than it is to Eric. The laughter dies in your throat.

Eric shoots you a worried look, though there's also obvious relief in his eyes. "Y/N, you don't have to do it. You can back out." There are some coos around the circle, eyes peeling at the concerned boyfriend's reaction to you having to kiss someone else.

But you can feel the way your heart speeds up, the way there's a stirring in your chest that's edging you on. It's something you wanted, after all. Kim Sunwoo—he's what you wanted. "It's fine," slips out of your mouth quietly before you're making your way to where Sunwoo's seated, all the eyes in the room trained on your every step. His included.

"Are you sure about this?" he asks, lips pressed together as if holding back a smile. Why he would be amused at this, you're not sure, but you brush off the thought and give him a firm nod. The full smile appears now. "Okay," he murmurs, inching closer.

When you're looking at him, it's like the rest of the room disappears. A stillness settles, and whether that's from the audience waiting with bated breath, or whether it's the gradual decreasing of the pressure in your chest, you can't tell. But you don't need to. In the next moment, Sunwoo has a hand around your waist and another cupping your cheek. Leaning in until you're shutting your eyes and the tiny smile is the last thing you see before his soft lips finally reach yours.

You knew it would be different from kissing Eric but aren't prepared for just how different it would be. The sharp taste the alcohol on his breath can't hide how soft his lips are, how warm his mouth is. It has your heart thudding ceaselessly as everything else melts away until you can no longer remember why kissing him was supposed to be a bad idea. No, it couldn't have ever been a bad idea. The way he tilts his head to deepen the kiss and the way he pulls you closer tell you that this is exactly where you belong, like he's breathing the air you needed right into your lungs. And then there's the tingling in your chest as if the flowers are reacting to his every touch; they lean into it, they crave it, and the pain disappears when they're satisfied.

It's like the room doesn't know how to react afterwards. You know how it must look—you're dating Eric, but you're here kissing your other best friend. His other best friend. And maybe it was entertaining for the audience, or it looked like a realistic kiss, but there's an awkward energy lingering in the room as people refrain from commenting or cheering.

Eric, for one, is speechless. His mouth hangs open the slightest, perhaps more of a shock at how different you are when kissing the person you're in love with versus kissing him the few times you'd done it just for show. There's a glazed-over look in his eyes like he's coming to a few realizations, ones that completely make him forget that he should be jealous, angry even, in this situation. You hope that people would simply assume he's in too much shock to react.

Sunwoo says something, hand still resting against your wrist. But you don't hear it over the itch at the back of your throat that's been increasing by the second. You can't speak and you can't possibly respond or risk opening your mouth now for there will only be a pile of petals coming out, and no matter how much you try to swallow it down, the pressure only increases.

So you run. You pick yourself up off the ground and get out of the room, making a dash for the nearest bathroom. Hand over your mouth like you're just another one of the guests who've had too much to drink.

Once in the bathroom, you only have half the mind to turn on the faucet and let the sound of the running water drown out the cough that wracks through your entire body. You cough and you heave, and the pressure in your lungs continue to squeeze you until you're doubling over in effort first by the sink and then by the toilet. It's worse this time—that much is obvious even without seeing the bunches of petals that fall into the toilet. They're soft against your tongue and where they stick to your mouth and lips, and they seem to paint the bathroom in different shades of pink where they land.

You almost want to laugh at the situation—the only times you'd seen such a trail of beautiful petals on the floor like this was in movies, always as a set up for a romantic night. Perhaps a path of petals, trailing into the bedroom. And here, in this small bathroom, you're surrounded by the prettiest cherry blossom petals as a reminder of the very lack of romance in your life.

"Hey, Y/N," Eric's voice comes softly from just outside the door, followed by a couple of knocks. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah—" Another cough. Eternity seems to pass before they subside and let you come back up for air. "I'll be fine."

"You don't sound fine. Can I get you some water—"

"Eric, please. Go before he suspects something."

You can sense the hesitation in his steps as he lingers just outside the door for a while longer, but eventually he mutters an 'okay' before he leaves.

It calms down a while later. You catch your breath, sucking in the air between the rattling of your lungs and pushing it out in slow motions to try not to break into coughs again. When you finally flush the toilet and turn off the tap, you can hear the music and chatter floating over again. Luckily, there's no one waiting outside; you still have to deal with the scattered petals across the floor.

Footsteps approach the bathroom again as you're trying to sweep up the petals with your hands, but this time the door creaks open. Great, you'd forgotten to lock it. At least you weren't using the bathroom for its intended purpose, though at this rate, you aren't sure if being on the floor with the petals surrounding you is any better.

"Eric, I told you I'm fine. You should go make sure he doesn't suspect anything," you mutter, your gaze not leaving the handful of petals you carefully throw into the toilet. You're nearly done cleaning and the floor only has about half the amount it started with.

But there's no response. Your stomach drops at the realization.

Because when you look up, it's not Eric standing there at all. It's Sunwoo. Sunwoo with his eyes widened, mouth slightly parted, jaw slack. Sunwoo, whose gaze trails over the tiny pink petals that cover the floor, then to where you're sitting with a handful of them in your palm, and then to the open toilet where they float.

Sunwoo, whom you ran away from the second after you shared a kiss with him.

"I—I thought you ran out because of the kiss." He slowly blinks a few times as if he can't believe what he's seeing. Though underneath the layers of shock, there's hurt. Jealousy. Worry. And while it pains you to see him like this, you're just so tired of having to hide it or explain it or deal with this stupid flower situation at all. Maybe coming here was a bad idea and pretending like everything was fine was a bad idea.

Maybe loving Sunwoo was a bad idea.

"Y/N." Hands are on your wrists, stopping you from where you're still trying to grab at the little flower pieces. "Hey, look at me." Sunwoo gets down beside you, face mere inches away from yours. Forcing you to look at him. "What happened? What is all this—Y/N, why didn't you tell me about this?"

You have no response to his questions. How can you possibly tell him that all of this was because of him? Because of your inability to handle your feelings for a friend? Even without the thought of the flowers making their home in your body, there's the constant fear of ruining your friendship with him, and in turn, your friendship with Eric too.

Luckily, you don't get a chance to answer him, because Eric appears right behind him in the next moment.

"Y/N?" Eric's eyes widen when he sees what's going on. "It's late. Let's get you home." Thankfully, he catches the desperate expression you throw him and carefully steps around where Sunwoo's kneeling on the floor, reaching to help you stand. You give him a weak smile, feeling the relief seep through your body at the excuse for walking out of this difficult situation.

But it doesn't quite go as you expect.

Sunwoo stands, hand catching your elbow as you try to walk past him. "We're not done here. Y/N, Eric, what the fuck is going on?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Eric scoffs, voice dripping with a venom that you've never heard from him before. "Get out of here, Sunwoo."

Immediately, you can feel him stiffen next to you as if bristling with hostility. "No, not until you tell me what's going on." Sunwoo steps in front of you, eyes pleading with you. "Y/N, what is all this? Why are you—"

"That's enough." Eric shoves him lightly, though it sends him stumbling back. He steps in front of you, arms out like he's protecting you from him. "You won't get it, so just stay out of it."

"What did you say to me?" Sunwoo grabs at him, getting a handful of his collar. "You want me to stand here and watch while Y/N is—is dating someone who doesn't even love them?"

That final bit is what does it. It has Eric sending a fist into Sunwoo's jaw. "Shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you're talking about."

You hear a gasp, but it takes you a second to realize that it was from you. Everything after that is a blur.

Sunwoo retaliates, landing a few punches before Eric is pushing him back. Soon the commotion catches the attention of the other partygoers, and a crowd begins to form around the small hallway. You can almost hear the whispers in the audience. It'd be jealousy over the kiss—jealous boyfriend Eric trying to fight best friend Sunwoo over what looked like a much more passionate kiss than what should've been possible. That would be the logical way to go. No one would be able to wrap their head around the truth that's suddenly become so overly complicated.

Someone steps out of the crowd and grabs onto Eric at the first opportunity to hold him back. Sangyeon—at least that's what you think his name is—shoves Eric behind him and holds out his arms in front of Sunwoo, blocking him. If he's not afraid that Sunwoo would simply give him a punch of his own, he's right. Neither of your friends have been much of a fighter and this is the first time an altercation like this has happened.

So you do the same. You step in front of Sunwoo, hand on his chest. "Sunwoo, please. Stop."

He looks at you then, and it's like the fury or whatever it was clouding his eyes completely disappear. There's a new sense of clarity in them and he slowly drops his arms, clenched fists gradually loosening.

One final worried glance and then you're heading to Eric. You nod a quick thanks at Sangyeon before grabbing Eric's hand and leading the way through the crowd. But just when you think the worst is over, you make the mistake of looking behind you as the two of you walk out the door, and there Sunwoo stands glancing back at you with what looks like betrayal in his eyes. It's not great, but you'd rather have him feeling betrayed instead of guilty or helpless over what's happening to you.

There's silence in the car the entire drive home. Eric doesn't bother turning the radio on, though it's clear that neither of you would listen to it anyway. He's stuck in his head just as much as you are, and you can't help but wonder what he's thinking about. Whether he feels just as trapped in this situation or whether he really thinks things will go back to normal after the surgery you said you'd get.

"Hey, you okay?" He finally glances at you just after parking the car outside your apartment, neither of you making a move to get out.

You can't help the grin creeping onto your face. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

He breaks into a smile too and it makes you forget everything else that happened tonight. The fact that he's still your best friend and that he's still by your side despite this whole situation is something worth smiling over.

"Ow—" The moment ends when his smile disappears. A fresh line of red appears between his split lip and the sight of it has you scrambling out of your seat then dragging him out of his.

A short elevator ride later, you seat Eric down on a chair in the kitchen and grab the first aid kit. But even when you're gently cleaning the cuts on his face, it's hard to not think about Sunwoo. How Sunwoo would be all alone in their shared apartment, how he probably wouldn't bother doing anything about his injuries at all. You can't help the pang in your heart at the thought of that despite how it sounds ridiculous that even when you're dying, all you can think about is helping him.

"Hey," Eric glances at you with hesitation in his eyes as you start with the ointment. "Do you think I can crash here? Not sure it's a good idea to be going back with Sunwoo around."

"Yeah, sure." Then you think twice about it. "But wouldn't he just get more pissed if you stay here?"

He only gives you a grin that's soon followed by a small wince when it pulls on his battered lip again. "That's the point. Kim Sunwoo is going to be so pissed when he figures out that I'm staying here."

The look on his face paired with his words suddenly seem so funny. Although the fight has sobered you up for the most part, the remnants of the adrenaline pumping through your veins gives you a different kind of high—one that has you setting the ointment down and bursting out laughing. Eric joins you until he's doubled over, head landing in your lap and probably ruining all you've done to fix his wounds.

But for a while, none of it matters. For a moment it's only your best friend and you, back in the room of your childhood home laughing at an inside joke that no one else could possibly understand. For a moment there are no worries about the future and no flower petals and nothing that may cause your friendship to be hanging on by a thread.

"Dude, that was so dumb," Eric lifts his head, wiping away the tears at the corner of his eyes. "It's funny now but maybe I shouldn't have punched him so hard."

You look him up and down. "Do you really think he ended off in worse shape than you?"

He gives you a frown before rolling his eyes. "Your bias is showing, Y/N." Then he waves you off when you shake your head a little too vehemently in response to that. "How can you be on his side even now?" It comes out clearly sarcastic like it's a joke, but you can't help but hear the truth lacing his words underneath all of it.

"No, I didn't mean—"

"It's okay," Eric gives you a weak smile and when he stays silent, you realize just how quiet the room has become without the sound of his laughter from just a minute ago. Fading until you can no longer remember what it sounded like. "I can see it, you know. I saw it. Y/N, I didn't believe it at first," he looks down, averting his eyes from where you're hovering to continue working on his wounds. "Well, I've never been very observant, so I didn't see it when you first told me."

You keep the cotton swab in your fingers light and steady as you finish up with the last cut on his cheek, not showing the shakiness you're starting to feel at his words.

"But I saw it back there. Not just how much you care about him, but how much he cares about you too. You felt it, didn't you?" Eric's eyes meet yours again. "What we all saw... that can't be faked, Y/N."

"I guess my acting was terrible the few times you and I kissed then." An attempt at trying to deflect the conversation as you step back to pack up the first aid kit. "Sorry about that."

But Eric shakes his head. "Y/N, forget about our kiss. That's nothing compared to what went down tonight." A bittersweet smile appears on his mouth and then he lowers his voice. "You love him. You're in love with him."

"Yeah," you finally bring yourself to admit, setting everything down just before he pulls you into a hug. "But it's not like that changes anything. I wish I could say that I hated tonight and that it made me hate him too."

"You don't mean that."

A sigh. "I don't."

There's a stillness in the room and one in your chest as well. It's nice being in his arms—calm, warm, and without the strong currents that threatens to pull you under every time Sunwoo is around.

Eric breaks the silence. "I shouldn't have said all those things to him."

"You shouldn't have fought him either."

"I shouldn't have." He sighs, burying his face into the crook of your neck. "I was just so angry at him—it's so easy to think that all of this was because of him. That it's his fault you're..." dying, you would've said, though it's not like he would know. "It's his fault you're hurting."

"It's not his fault. None of this is."

"I know but," he pulls back to look right at you, "should we tell him? Doesn't he deserve to know? He already saw what happened, Y/N. I don't see how we can keep holding it back from him."

"Yeah, I agree." You have to force yourself not to look away for this next part. "But it won't be long until the surgery. We can tell him after, yeah?"

Eric frowns, bottom lip between his teeth. "Okay," he mumbles, clearly hesitant, "if you're sure."

"Just don't mention that it was about him. He doesn't need to know that."

He nods.

You leave him to settle on the couch as you dig through your closet for the spare blankets and clothes that the two of them have left here on numerous occasions. A pair of sweats and a baggy hoodie is what you pick out, though you're not quite sure if they belong to Eric or Sunwoo; you suppose it wouldn't matter with the rate of which they share their clothes anyway.

"We'll talk in the morning, okay? I have a feeling Sunwoo will be showing up right after he gets rid of his hangover."

"Wait." Before you can turn to leave, there's a hand wrapping a hand around your wrist and pulling you down onto the couch next to him. "Y/N... what do you think will happen with us now?"

When you glance at him, there's worry on his face and something unreadable swimming in his eyes that you've never seen before. The Eric you know would never worry about anything, much less over a silly fight with his best friend. But this isn't quite the Eric you know, and you're no longer the you that once existed; everything from here on out is uncharted territory, and the thought of that makes your heart sink a little.

You try your best to put on a smile. "You'll make up with Sunwoo and things will go back to normal."

"You think so?" He searches your eyes, and you only hope that nothing he can find in them will betray you. Not now, not yet. "What about you?"

What he's asking is obvious—it's a question of your feelings for Sunwoo and whether you'd be able to overcome those, or it's about your lack of feelings after the supposed surgery. But all you can do is shrug a little, pressing your lips together to hide the way they quiver. "I'll be just fine."

Whatever joke you made about Sunwoo having a hangover is not so funny the next morning. You wake up to sunlight streaming through the window, so bright that it only aggravates your pounding headache and creates waves of nausea in your stomach. And while it's a nice change to be making a run to the bathroom for a more normal reason than to cough up petals, the sharps pains in your chest quickly make their presence known.

Eric looks just as bad from where he's sprawled across the length of the couch when you drag yourself up and head to the living room. His face is swollen, bruises darker and fully formed, and the way he squints at you must indicate that the same fatigue is affecting him too.

Yet to you, it was all worth it.

Initially, you hadn't wanted to go to the party—heck, the party scene has never been your interest and you'd always opt for an arcade adventure or a game night with your best friends instead. But along with the many changes to your life that the flowers had brought was a change in your mind too. Your real reasoning for going was that you knew it would be your last chance at having fun before things progressed too far. The kiss was just the cherry on top.

And even if the party went to shit, you have a headache that seems to split your skull in half, and the flower situation gets significantly worse, it was all worth it.

"Morning," Eric mumbles, face half covered by the pillow he uses to block the light.

It's well into the afternoon, but you don't tell him that. "Morning." You set a glass of water on the table in front of him and then head into the kitchen to figure out hangover foods.

Sunwoo doesn't show up as you'd expected he would, but it's for the best. The pressure in your chest makes it obvious that you should be avoiding him from now on because Chanhee was right. Everything he said last night was true and it was stupid that you briefly thought it wouldn't be true. Or you thought it just wouldn't happen to you.

But now, it's happening to you. Maybe it would've been fine if you were simply near Sunwoo at the party, but the instant he kissed you, you knew that something changed. And you also knew that you didn't have much time left.

The rest of the weekend goes by in the same way. Eric stays over, half afraid of the truth spewing out of his mouth once Sunwoo confronts him, and half afraid of ruining things with Sunwoo forever. You hate having the situation with Sunwoo weigh the both of you down like this, but there's no way you could let the truth get out. And so, Eric recycles the measly amount of clothes he has at your place, occasionally stealing a hoodie out of your own wardrobe too.

It's after he heads to class the next week when you hear a knock on the door.

"Did you forget something—" You stop when you realize that it isn't Eric turning around to grab his bag at all. Sunwoo is the one standing there, dark circles under his eyes and face hollowed as if he hasn't slept in days. Which, knowing him, is probably true. He'd be bothered by the events of the party endlessly.

"Hey," he says, voice neutral and expression unreadable.

"Hi. You want to come in?" You open the door a little wider though Sunwoo lingers hesitantly where he stands in the hallway, unsure of whether to accept your invitation. It isn't until you reach to pull him in when he finally moves and follows you over to the couch.

All your previous jokes with Eric about how funny a confrontation with Sunwoo would be disappear in an instant. It's no longer funny and you don't seem to recall why it had been in the first place.

"How are you?" he asks, still looking very much uncomfortable where he's now seated on your couch. "Are you okay?"

You nod.

"Look, I'm sorry for the other night," he runs a hand through his hair, eyes only briefly pausing on yours before fleeting away. "And for being an asshole in general. I didn't know what you were going through."

"It's okay. I didn't want to burden you with this."

"What? No, it's not a burden."

It gets quiet. Even the hum of the fridge abruptly stops, leaving you completely on your own.

"How long has it been?" Sunwoo asks, and though his face is half turned away, you can hear what his words seem to say: how long do you have left?

"A few weeks."

Silence.

"Does Eric know?"

A nod, then more silence. It feels a bit like an interrogation at this point, and you can't seem to shake off the strange feeling between the two of you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, eyes still not meeting yours. You sigh a little, searching his face for any trace of a hint or an answer that his voice fails to give, but finding none of the jealousy or hurt that seemed to seep through his presence at the party.

The answer is obvious, of course: you didn't tell him because you don't want him to live with the guilt of knowing his lack of feelings for you is the cause of this. But instead, you settle on another one of the cards from your deck of lies. "It's kind of just between me and him."

"Is that why you guys started dating?" When you don't answer, he continues. "So the flowers are for him. And you've been trying to make him fall for you." The last bit comes out sounding like a statement, so you don't answer that either. It's like he's working through his own thoughts out loud, and even if they're far from the truth, you can't correct him.

Sunwoo looks like he has more to say or ask but is clearly tentative about how far he should push this, and so you let the silence linger uncomfortably. But the strange feeling builds and at this point you aren't quite sure if it's something that really exists or if it's another reaction of the flowers. You haven't seen him since the party and while you're hoping that his presence alleviates some of the pain, Chanhee's words echo in your mind like a siren. Warning you that being with him may only make things worse.

"I have something to tell you," Sunwoo starts slowly, breaking the silence. "This might be bad timing, but I just want to say it in case I might not get a chance to later."

You're too afraid to ask if he means that in the sense that he won't be seeing you much when you're supposedly dating Eric, or that you may no longer be around to hear it anymore. Either way, there's a foreboding feeling; perhaps this is what you've felt since the instant he stepped into your apartment.

He draws in a long breath. "Y/N, I like you. No—I love you. I have for a long time, and—fuck, I might actually be in love with you. But I guess none of it matters now." You think that's all he is going to say, but then he finally lifts his head to meet your gaze with a wry smile and continues. "Do you remember the day you told me you like Eric? I wanted to tell you that day. That's why I called you over."

"What? How? Why didn't you?" That's impossible; he has to be joking, though it's not a very funny joke. Especially when it hurts to breathe.

"If it were anyone else that you liked, I would've told you." His eyes soften, smile turning fond. It reminds you of the tiny glimpse of him you saw the other time in his room, and it looks so real that it your heart stutters. "But it was Eric, and I could never do that to him."

It hurts to speak so you don't. You keep quiet and let him fill in the silence.

"And ah—you found the necklace in my room," Sunwoo breaks off into an awkward chuckle and ducks his head just as you catch a glimpse of his reddening cheeks. "That was supposed to be for you. Anyway, I know you're dating Eric now, but I just—I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest. Maybe it'll give you some comfort knowing you're not the only one in this whole one-sided love thing."

One-sided love. That's about all you catch when all your attention is directed to breathing. You have to focus on pushing the air into and out of your lungs between the branches or roots of the plant residing there when it's so difficult. It's not too different to what happened right after the kiss you shared with him at the party—your throat tightens, and your chest hurts and there's too much pressure all of a sudden. As if the strange tension was building up to this moment the entire time. You're aware that what Sunwoo's saying is something important and that you should hear the rest of it, but the urge to cough is uncontrollable.

The bathroom is still a few steps away when the coughs start and a shower of pink petals land on the floor, trailing after you. But even when you're hovered over the toilet, it's like the petals don't stop this time. They fall much like each spring breeze shakes the petals from a cherry blossom tree towards the end of the season, and they pile around you like they had at the party. They only make you realize Chanhee was right. Being around Sunwoo was making this much worse than you ever thought possible.

He's right outside the bathroom, and the worry is apparent in his steps and the quiet knocks on the door. "You okay?"

"Just—give me a second." You can barely hear yourself say it over the pain that blares across your body. If Sunwoo hears, he doesn't react, and you can't bring yourself to repeat it. It's hard to focus on anything at all when simply breathing is taking up all your energy.

"Y/N? What's wrong?" He opens the door and the concern on his face is the last thing you see before the world goes black.

There are voices nearby, you vaguely realize. Eric and Sunwoo's voices, though you've never heard them like this before.

"No, I—I couldn't have told you before," Eric says, and then sniffles slightly. "It wasn't my secret to tell. I'm sorry."

There's no doubt he's telling Sunwoo all about it. Hiding it might not be an option anymore, but you can only hope that Eric doesn't reveal the true cause of all of this.

The next time you wake up, it's to Sunwoo's face. He's seated on a chair beside you, hand on yours and body draped across the hospital bed. Eyes closed, seemingly fast asleep. Despite having spent nearly half your life being around him, it's become rare to see him so vulnerable—somewhere along the way, you'd begun to get the sense that he'd put up a sort of guard between him and the world. And that included you.

"Oh, you're awake," he mumbles, pulling his hand back to rub the sleep from his eyes. You hope that napping here was a chance to catch up on the rest he's been missing, but the tiredness written all over his face says otherwise. "Thank goodness."

"So are you."

He doesn't react to that. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

There's a pause and you belatedly realize how tense the atmosphere is. All the words that you wanted to say suddenly disappear from your mind, and seeing the way Sunwoo hesitates, perhaps the same is true for him.

"I told Eric to go home and get some sleep." He chuckles a little, almost bitterly. "Is it selfish of me to want to be here when you woke up? I just—I want to take up all your time even though I know Eric's the one you should be spending time with."

"Wait, what?"

"So that he might return your feelings." Sunwoo reaches for your hand and drops his gaze to where he intertwines his fingers with yours. "I'm sorry about what I said before. It doesn't matter if you're dating Eric or if he doesn't feel the same way about you yet. As long as you're okay... that's what's matters."

There's nothing to say to that. You look away, glancing at the ceiling instead. Counting the number of squares in between the grids of the fluorescent lights above head.

"You will be okay, right?" he prompts, squeezing your hand a little as he shifts closer. "Eric says you're getting the surgery soon and—"

"I lied."

It's the hope in his eyes. Lying to him and deceiving him has been difficult already for the past while, but it's seeing the way his eyes light up as he glances at you with such hope that finally stops you from perpetuating the lie. Many things would end soon, and maybe the lying should be one of them.

"What?"

"Sunwoo, I lied to him. To both of you." The wires and tubes around your free hand prevent you from wiping away the stray tear, but he takes care of it for you. "It was never Eric, and I'm not getting the surgery."

"What do you mean?"

"These flowers aren't for him; they never were." It takes you eternity to muster the courage to say your next words. Even in the face of death, it doesn't get any easier. "They're for you, Sunwoo. They were only ever for you. It was never Eric or anyone else."

Time seems to freeze the moment Sunwoo's jaw goes slack along with the hand that was holding yours. He lets go of you and sits back in his chair as if putting space between the two of you. And despite knowing this entire time that there's absolutely no way he'd reciprocate your feelings, —the stupid petals told you that much—there was still a tiny inkling of hope in your chest that things would be different.

Perhaps misery always starts with the delusion that things would be different for you.

Now, as he glances back at you with an unreadable expression, you can only resort to being grateful that you wouldn't have to see this expression on his face for much longer. It leaves you thinking it's good you never planned on getting the surgery; you don't know if you could stand coming back to a ruined friendship.

"Wait," Sunwoo says slowly. He has his bottom lip between his teeth, brows furrowed like he's deep in thought. "But Y/N, that doesn't make any sense."

"Why? You never thought I'd fall for you?"

"No, that's not what I mean." If you don't know any better, you'd say he sounds almost exasperated. Frustrated. You're afraid you'd see the shades of guilt on his face that you'd imagined whenever you thought about confessing to him, but of all the emotions that seem to flash across his face, guilt isn't one of them. Why would it make him frustrated to hear about your pathetic feelings for him that started all of this?

So you give him a weak smile. "It's okay, Sunwoo. You don't have to worry about—"

"No," he says firmly, leaning forward and taking your hand in his once again. "It doesn't make sense because I've loved you forever, Y/N. I—I just. How can this still happen?"

"I don't know how it can happen either—wait." Now it's your turn to pause in disbelief, replaying his words in your head to make sure you heard correctly. Surely, it must be the drugs in your system confusing your mind. "What did you just say?"

It sounds familiar, as if you've seen a glimpse of this scene from a dream before. Had it been real? Had he uttered these words before?

"Wait," you stop him just as he opens his mouth to explain, "that wasn't a dream?"

The memories start to come flooding back all at once: Sunwoo on the couch in your apartment, being interrupted by the petals, but most importantly what he'd confessed.

You hadn't had the time to process his words at the time, but now, your overactive mind has you second guessing them. That surely, they had to be fake. Was it sympathy for believing that Eric really didn't return your feelings? Because how could you possibly believe him when all the signs are pointing you in a different direction?

Sunwoo must see the conflicted emotions written on your face. "I'm not lying to you. You saw how I was avoiding the two of you at first," he smiles now, a small and sheepish smile spreading across his lips. "I really wanted to be happy for the two of you and thought that if my two best friends were happy, it'd be enough for me. I tried staying away until I could get a handle on my own feelings, but it only made me miss you." A pause, and then he rolls his eyes. "Well, him too."

"You didn't know it was fake? The whole crush-on-Eric thing."

The corners of his mouth form into a frown. "I didn't want to question your relationship. Besides, when I did see things that made me doubt it, I thought I was just seeing what I wanted to see. That maybe, somehow, you don't really like him that way."

"You're not joking."

"No, of course not." Sunwoo shakes his head. "Y/N... will you get the surgery? Please? We can work things out after it."

Now that you've heard what he has to say, everything is different. But you hadn't thought this far—in all the possible outcomes that you'd imagined, there was never one in which Sunwoo would return your feelings. Because how could he? The very reason for these flowers to be harbouring in your lungs stems from the fact that your feelings are unrequited.

But if Sunwoo's telling the truth, and it seems like he is, then why has this disease taken over your body in the first place? And how can you possibly remove the flowers now, knowing that he loves you? That you'd be coming back as an empty shell of a person, incapable of giving him the type of love he deserves. You'd seen the way Chanhee talked about Younghoon, and how he's now lost the opportunity to have something he'd always wanted. For all the suffering you'd done silently, believing your feelings to be unrequited, you don't want to put Sunwoo through even more of that.

Especially when happiness is so close you can almost taste it.

You sigh. "I can't." When he starts to protest, you continue. "Sunwoo, it's for the best. If I get the surgery, I wouldn't be able to return your feelings. I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore, and it just—" Another tear slips out but this time he doesn't go to brush it away. "I can't live like that. Especially knowing that we could've had everything. We have everything right now, Sunwoo. If we get out of here right now, we'd still have some time together. Can't this be enough?"

"But—but if you get it, you'd still be here. You'd still be our friend."

"I wouldn't be me, though."

Sunwoo shakes his head. "No, there has to be a way. Don't give up on this, not when we're so close."

His determination is easy to get lost in, and for a second you think that everything will be okay. It's the same feeling as when you were with him before—thinking and believing that his presence will be sufficient to stop the disease from progressing. Something you now know is false with the sharp reminder with each effortful inhale and exhale.

But Sunwoo doesn't know all that. He glances at you with a small sparkle of hope back in his eyes, bright enough that it almost disguises the fear and the sadness underneath. "Y/N," he's tentative, eyes averted from yours, "can I try something?"

"What do you mean? What is there to try?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Already, the mention of a kiss has you thinking back to the one at the party. How it had felt, how it had been worth it despite the progression of the coughing and the pain in your chest afterwards. Now, this could go very well or very badly. Maybe nothing would happen—the pain might be relieved for a while like when you'd spent time with him before. Or maybe everything would get worse. But maybe it's a chance that you're willing to take for one last kiss with Kim Sunwoo, someone who you now know loves you, despite what you've believed for the past few months.

So, you say yes.

He reaches up to gently caress your cheek, and then leans forward so slowly that you're sure he would've jumped back at any sign of interruption. But nothing interrupts, and there's a bit of a smile on his lips right before they meet yours.

If you thought the kiss at the party was good, then you aren't at all prepared for just how it feels knowing you aren't the only one in love. Sunwoo's lips are soft like they are before, and now there's a sense of familiarity, as if you're returning to where you belong. He kisses you so delicately, like he cares, like this is a moment that you've never known but will never get back. The way his plush lips seem to melt into yours like there's no space where one ends and the other begins. And in any world, this should be enough to convince the flowers that your love has been reciprocated and was never unrequited at all.

You feel it again—the fluttering of petals, the movements of the branches ever so slightly. The pressure in your chest. They follow his every movement like they always do, like they're trying to soak up as much sunshine as they can get. But then they stop.

They stop like they're completely gone, and there's an apparent emptiness like they were never there. You can still feel the way your heart speeds up at each of Sunwoo's gentle touches and there's the pull that's always been there, telling you to get closer until there's no space between the two of you. But those are the things that have always been there, before the flowers have taken over.

When Sunwoo pulls back, he's speechless for a while. Hovering over you like he doesn't want to be apart quite yet. "I've been thinking about that since the party," he gives a lopsided smile. "Thought you ran out because you hated it."

"So this wasn't about finding a solution?" You raise an eyebrow at him, and the tips of his ears immediately redden.

"Sorry, I just—well, yes, it was kind of an excuse to kiss you." He settles into his seat, hand finding its way back to yours. "But we will find a solution. There has to be one."

And maybe there is one.

The emptiness you felt a moment ago, the lack of response from the tiny plants residing in your body—are they not signs of what's happening? That instead of having the disease progress further, maybe the kiss and the confession and the ending of a lie were the solutions to ending this situation once and for all.

You half expect a branch to be sticking right out of your chest, that maybe it's not a solution you're feeling but the opposite of one. But when you look down, there's nothing there.

Nothing except for the slow realization dawning upon the both of you.

"No way," Sunwoo's eyes widen as he reads the expressions that must be fleeting across your face. "Did it actually—please tell me it worked."

"I don't know." You don't want to give him false hope which would only fuel your own hope that you're holding onto. "I can't feel it. Nothing's happening and I—I don't know what's going on."

But perhaps the flowers were never really about the person you love being unable to return your feelings, but rather what you believed. Perhaps they weren't a glitch and Sunwoo wasn't lying about being in love with you either, but rather they stemmed from the fact that you never gave him a chance to tell you or show you. You were so fixated on the consequences of your feelings not being returned that you never gave yourself the chance to believe otherwise.

"It actually worked," Sunwoo breathes, pulling you out of your thoughts. "Y/N, we did it. We really did it."

This time, the weight on your chest isn't from the presence of little plants filling your lungs but rather the weight of Sunwoo's body crushing you in a hug. The warmth you feel isn't from a fever or sickness but from his touch and perhaps this time it's no longer the flowers that bloom, but rather the hope and the love between you.

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