Whitley's ARC Problem

Whitley's ARC Problem

Whitley: No, no, architect Faunus! It's all wrong!

Whitley: The muscles on the Jaune statue biceps need to be at least three times as big! Really capture his superiority!

Worker: Sir, my name is Ted, and I honestly can't make these muscles any bigger without compromising the infrastructure of New Mantle.

Whitley: Yes, yes, Moseby, I understand that, but if it's a choice between the children having a roof over their heads or my best friend in the entire world's statue being 100% accurate, well then sacrifices must be made!

Worker: Cool. Awesome. I guess my little girl is sleeping in the cold, then.

Whitley: Excellent!

Ruby: Whitley, um, honey? Can we talk?

Whitley: Ah! Ruby! My beautiful wife and the love of my life! What can I do for you, my beloved?

Ruby: Whitley... You know how you saying stuff like that makes me feel...

Ruby: But, actually, I need to talk to you about something. Is that okay?

Whitley: Of course it is! Communication is the cornerstone to any good and healthy relationship, regardless of it being professional or romantic! No relationship can survive without a healthy amount of communication!

Whitley: Isn't that right, Rikki?

Worker: Fuck you, sir!

Whitley: Yeah, he loves me... So, what is it you wanted to talk about?

Ruby: Well, it's... It's about Jaune.

Whitley: OH! You had me at Jaune, Ruby~! Of course we can talk about him! After all, he is the brave and incredible hero that I am proud to call my best friend~! Atop his heroic deeds and selfless personality, he also has those stunning looks that make men and women swoon~! Furhtermore-

Ruby: Yeah, that. That's what I wanted to talk about. The way you talk about Jaune is really... specific.

Whitley: Specific in what regard? You mean specifically the truth because he's so handsome and amazing~?

Ruby: No, like you're specifically talking about him to people like you're... Well.... Kinda gay for him?

Whitley: Of course I'm gay for him~!

Ruby: WHAT?!

Whitley: YES~! I'm always happy when he's around, and thinking about him simply makes me want to cheer up just so I can see him smile!

Ruby: I... I didn't think you would just- Oh! No, no, no! Whitley, I don't mean the dictionary definition of gay.

Whitley: I beg your pardon? What else could you mean then?

Ruby: I mean you act really... homosexual around him.

Whitley: WHAT?! Whatever would give you THAT impression?!

Ruby: Well, there's the way you talk about his body...

Whitley: You mean his perfect and god-like body you'd be a fool not to fall in love with and want to sleep next to? I fail to see how that makes me gay!

Ruby: Okay, then what about how you talk about his personality?

Whitley: Absolutely ridiculous! How does me truthfully stating that Jaune is masculine perfection incarnate from his strength to stand against threats to his positive and uplifting charisma to be kind to everyone to his adorable fascination with and love of cinema to even his sexy confidence in whatever he does come across as GAY?!

Ruby: Whitley... You're literally building a statue of Jaune, SHIRTLESS WITH YOU HUGGING HIM, in the middle of the front yard driveway! Heck, you moved your grandpa's statue away from there just to put it there!

Whitley: Well, yes, but it absolutely belongs up there! It's a commemoration of the time Jaune, removed of his armor, allowed me to embrace and take shelter within him in front of everyone!

Ruby: Stop.

Whitley: And let me tell you, we both were quite sweaty as I took hold of him, and there was so much fluids everywhere that it was almost unbearable!

Ruby: Please, STOP.

Whitley: And even though that massive one-eyed snake was a tough and sturdy beast, Jaune and I, together, pushed through its fluids and whacked away that snake into a crater! It was a long and hard thing to whack, but finally, our endless whacking offed the one-eyed snake, stopping it from squirting any further fluids all over the people of New Atlas!

Ruby: I'm convince you're doing this on purpose...

Whitley: Doing what?! I'm just describing how Jaune and I shared a good whacking together!

Ruby: Whitley! Please!

Whitley: Look, Ruby, I understand you have concerns, and maybe the way I talk about Jaune is a bit much, but it's purely out of admiration and respect for the man who married my sister, and who saved all of New Atlas from that one-eyed snake's squirting!

Ruby: Whitley...

Whitley: (Holds her hands) But trust me when I say that is all there is to it! You are the love of my life, Ruby~. You're a kind and gentle soul who cares for everyone and only wants them to be happy, and I'm honored to have you as my wife~.

Ruby: Babe... That's... That's so sweet~! Thank you for saying that! (Hugs) I'll admit, maybe I was just jealous of your bond with Jaune and, even though what you were saying before didn't help, I see it's nothing like I thought it was. And even though you have this weird habit to say innuendos, you really love me the way I love you~.

Whitley: Indeed! You have nothing to worry about, my love~!

Ruby: (Giggles) Yeah... I know better now, honey...

Whitley: Besides, we only had sex, like, 19 times!

Ruby: ...

Ruby: W H A T ?

Whitley: YES! And those are only since you and I have been married~! Oh, but don't worry; we were both wearing socks the entire time, so it wasn't gay!

Ruby: THAT'S... YOU... I...

Whitley: Because as "NotGayDongLover6969" posted, "You can have sex with the homies as much as you want and as long as you wear socks it's not gay!" Truly, a voice for the modern age to live by~!

Ruby: I want a divorce.

Whitley: WHAT?! WHY?!