Latest Posts by godtookmygenderagain - Page 2

ok but why can imagine a dragon embryo who *knows* they are "misshapen" (has underdeveloped/absent wings) and chooses a dwarf. And when they hatch the dwarf leads them through the mountain tunnels and teaches them about recognising different gems and stones, shows them balconies where the strong winds at high elevation almost feel like flying. And the dragon helps in the mine, when smaller by scouting ahead and through crevices and when larger by holding up mine shafts that are about to collapse or lounging on a mountainside to keep watch.

A lot of post-Empire Inheritance fics have the new Riders be an even distribution between the four races as if the dragons have a diversity quota, but I sorta think they would tend to prefer elves first, then Urgals and humans, with dwarven riders being the most uncommon because their natural dospositions just. don't. match. The evolvement of their race is very territory-specific; namely to the mountains and stones and the world within them - what we get of dwarven culture shows them as a very clan-oriented, closed off group of people. And while that's changing a bit under Orik's rule, it doesn't change the fact that they naturally prefer stones and caves and a set settlement surrounded by clan and kin instead of flying on a dragon all over with multi-raced companions. Orik is as progressive and open-minded as you can get but even he hates flying! So I'd think that amongst dwarves it would take a really unique, adventurous individual to attract - and in turn be happy with - the companionship of a dragon and life as its rider. Such dwarves would be anomalies (in a good way, but still unusal), not the norm for their people.

There'd be more elves b/c canonically I think it's said somewhere that most Riders were elves. Granted the humans were only added in later but the elves' shared history with the dragons and the initial legacy that ties their races together runs too deep; their magic and culture - and even state of being - is wholly intertwined with each other (dragons gave elves immortality, elves gave dragons speech, they literally made each other into what they are) so I'd like to think there's always going to be this natural affinity between them, like a sense of innate kinship. Or a more symbiotic evolvement relationship like that of clownfish and sea anemones.

Urgals are the most similar to dragons in nature - they're straightforward, value strength and hunting prowess, in tune with the land and nature and celebrate all of nature's harsher laws in their constant desire to fight, hunt, and win, but upon achieving that they're content with their lot in life. No intricate politics or bottomless ambitions. All nice and simple and visceral. Aligns with the dragons perfectly. They can be the perfect hunting partners and no dragon bonded with an Urgal would need to deal with the vegetarian crisis.

Also the dragon's going to have the best playmate growing up, they can wrestle together and butt horns

Humans are the most unpredictable. And varied. Scanning human minds is prolly a lot like browsing ao3 tags, whatever niche trait the dragon embryo's looking for in a partner, there's bound to be a human who has it lol.

* * *

Mission mode change detected, now in Monument Mode Goodnight friends. After exchanging our final bits of data,

I will hold vigil on this spot in Mare Crisium to watch humanity's continued journey to the stars.

Here, I will outlast your mightiest rivers, your tallest mountains, and perhaps even your species as we know it.

But it is remarkable that a species might be outlasted by its own ingenuity.

Here lies Blue Ghost, a testament to the team who, with the loving support of their families and friends, built and operated this machine and its payloads,

to push the capabilities and knowledge of humanity one small step further.

Per aspera ad astra!

Love, Blue Ghost

* * *

no you are actively crying over a dying robot on the moon i am doing just fine thanks

probably the best advice I've ever got was from my grandpa when I moved from my town and started a university, he told me to leave the house everytime when I start to feel down, just to go to the park, a supermarket, a bookstore, to even drive in a bus or tram, just be around other people because staying at home all the time kills you; and you know he was right

Had to do it to ‘em.

I don’t give a fuck about canon, Frodo, Kili, and fili are and forever will be cousins in my eyes

I think that banana bread is a very hobbit-like food. I could imagine Bilbo having a slice with his tea. The thing is I cannot for the life of me imagine a fucking banana in Middle-Earth. They don’t belong there. Solution: banana bread just spawns in the Shire and no one fucking knows where it comes from

forever mad that legolas in pj's trilogies was watered down to basic stereotypical mysterious stoic slightly confused brooding blonde elf instead of the whimsical quippy silly guy we see in the books who jokes about grabbing the sun from the sky to warm his mortal friends and screams when he sees a balrog :/

June 26: Soulmates/Soulmate Marks AU

Your mark shows how old will your soulmate be when you fall in love with them. (Meaning both romantically and sexually)

For an event by @bagginshieldweek24

More headcanons after the cut. Seriously, there’s a lot, as I developed a whole idea but had no time to write a fic because of exams.

— Dwarfs come of age in around 80 y.o., having a soulmate from another race is a very rare occurrence; throughout the history of Middle-earth, there have been at most a dozen such cases, so most dwarves are unaware of this possibility. Having a mark with a number younger than the age of majority is a lifelong shame, essentially an admission of pedophilia. Unfortunately, this happens more often than having a soulmate from another race.

— Thorin spent his entire adult life, from the moment the mark appeared, wearing an extra layer of bandages under his bracers to prevent anyone from seeing the number. Fortunately, among dwarves, it is not considered inappropriate to hide the marks, as many value their privacy.

— The mark and thoughts about it were the reason why Thorin often appeared especially gloomy when the topic of romance came up.

— He truly tried to compensate for his "defectiveness" with his virtues.

— Of course, Thorin is a virgin.

— Bilbo, on the other hand, didn't think much about this; hobbits don't see anything wrong with living without their soulmate or seeing their soulmate as a friend. They are generally a loving people and don't worry about the concept of "the one and only."

— Although the topic of soulmates is considered highly romantic in hobbit literature, Bilbo was somewhat disappointed when he realized he would likely never meet his soulmate. (Hobbits are also unaware of inter-racial soulmates.)

— I tried to make young Bilbo look more like Frodo, so here he has smaller curls and a different style of shirt.

— Thorin and Bilbo both hid their marks, so when they felt an attraction to each other, especially after the Carrock, both were initially upset, thinking they weren't soulmates. Thorin, of course, was much more upset.

— During the two weeks they stayed with Beorn (yes, I'm mixing the movie and the book, what are you going to do about it? Slow burn needs time to be slow), they managed to reach the point of kissing near the river or something like that. But when Bilbo tried to unlace Thorin's tunic, Thorin stopped him and said that, unlike hobbits, for dwarves, sexual interaction is a very serious step in emotional attachment. It wouldn't be fair not to tell Bilbo what kind of monster he was getting involved with, because after seeing what Thorin had to show him, Bilbo might not even want to look him in the eye. Bilbo was honestly frustrated. (It is implied that Thorin used some term characteristic of a pedo... ahem)

— With a terrifyingly serious face, Thorin unwrapped the bandages on his wrist, and Bilbo, with a sinking heart, prepared to see a number like 5 or 12. Instead, there was a very respectable and completely normal age. Thorin turned away, not wanting to see the disappointment in the hobbit's eyes. Bilbo spent a few seconds calculating how long dwarves live and how old Thorin actually was.

— Thorin thought Bilbo wanted to shame him for having the audacity to enter into a relationship at such an age, knowing his soulmate's extremely young age. With closed eyes, he forced out that he was 195 and knew how disgusting he was because of it.

— Instead of a slap or something worse, which Thorin wouldn't have opposed, thinking any normal person had the right to treat him like that after seeing it, Bilbo reached for his own wrist and, with suspicious enthusiasm, pulled off the leather bracelet he had worn since the Shire. On the pale skin was clearly marked Thorin's age, written in dark ink with characteristic dwarvish notches.

— Some time passed in silence as they both realized that such a coincidence simply couldn't be.

— They were in for a very pleasant evening away from the company🌚🌝

— Later, when the entire company gathered by the fire, Bilbo and Thorin would come to them, holding hands, the hobbit nearly glowing with happiness in front, and a red-to-the-tips-of-his-ears Thorin slightly behind. This would be the first time anyone in the company saw Thorin without bandages, and if not for the matching age on Bilbo's wrist, now also not hidden by a bracelet, they wouldn't have believed Thorin could be normal with such a number on his skin.

— And the dwarves would realize how young Bilbo was by their standards.

— Truly, the ways of the Valar are mysterious.

— At the very end of the night, Fili would nudge Kili with his elbow and hint that since their uncle had an inter-racial mark, he might not be so angry and yell when he finds out that his brother has a four-digit number on his wrist.

I remember in some behind the scenes or something Richard Armitage was saying that Thorin singing the misty mountains song was a way to seduce Bilbo onto the Journey and yessss. It clearly worked.

Sometimes, I get so roped up in fanfictions and fanart that i genuinely forget that thorin is canonically dead

So Sméagol wanted the Ring to be given to him as a birthday present, right? He wanted to receive it as a gift and killed Déagol when he refused.

400-something years later, it's common hobbit custom to give gifts on one's birthday instead of receiving them. Bilbo gets special mathoms for his 111th birthday party to give away.

Does this mean an old legend of a murder over a birthday gift lead to this massive cultural shift?? I can't find solid evidence that it's directly related but I mean... Hobbits are known gossipers and a rare murder would be very well-publicized. And it seems in-character for them to avoid the possibility of further birthday gift violence with such a strange, neat little solution of flipping the expectation around.

Read a Bagginshield fic with the premise "while Thorins passed out after the battle of Five Armies, Dain and Balin trick Bilbo into learning dwarfish politics and he accidentally becomes an important mediator between Dane and Erebor," and that concept is funny as fuck. You wake up after nearly dying in a war against your generation's long enemy, just to find out that your ex boyfriend, who you tried to murder in a greed induced rage, is now helping run your newly reclaimed homeland.

The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien

Boromir: Today I realised I'm old Aragorn: What happened? Boromir: I slipped and fell on something and instead of laughing, Merry came running to see if I was ok Aragorn: Boromir: I saw fear in his eyes

On the one hand I feel like movie Bilbo (as in younger Bilbo in the Hobbit) doesn't get nearly enough physical affection, especially in comparison to the other hobbits in LOTR. On the other hand I kind of feel like if Boromir had called Bilbo "little one" and ruffled his hair like he does to Frodo, Bilbo might have decided to punch him in the dick

who i would let borrow my car in lord of the rings:

boromir- would likely take it to a car wash and fill up the tank for me afterwards. no questions asked and the keys are in his hand before he finishes his sentence.

gimli- would change my tires for me. a bit worried about him off roading but he’d take care of it. it’s extremely likely that he also took it through the car wash but not out of politeness but because he got it caked with dirt and mud while driving.

elrond- i’m willing to bet my life on this man being a reliable driver. he could get negative traffic tickets- as in, the cops pull him over just to tell him how good of a three point turn that was. this man is married to the turn signals.

sam- there might be dirt and dog hair left over for weeks but yeah i’d trust him. he probably just needs the trunk space for a dresser he found on the side of the road.

who in lord of the rings i do not trust with my car:

gollum- yeah obviously he’d drive it into the swamp in .2 seconds. this little fucker does not follow road laws or any laws. the second gollum takes my car i know its over.

gandalf- i do not know how one sends an automotive on a quest but im pretty sure my car is in moria rn and i’m never seeing it again

legolas- has the biggest passenger princess energy i’ve ever seen. would total my car immediately after going diagonal across the highway because he saw a cool tree

thranduil- like father like son. passenger princess who has not been behind the wheel for decades. would guilt trip me into giving him a ride before even asking to borrow my car. gets pulled over for having a whole ass wine bottle in the cupholder.

pippin- there would be peanut butter stuck in the console for months and i’d be finding loose snacks and trinkets in my seats years afterwards. also strikes me as the type to be obsessed with the radio to the point of reckless driving

Thorin tries to use the "I am the King Under The Mountain" line on Bilbo during an argument and Bilbo raises an eyebrow and gives him such a Look that Thorin immediately apologizes so he doesn't end up King Sleeping on the Couch Tonight

The elves of middle earth having the same “call your dad when you don’t know how to fix a problem” instinct but because they live forever it’s like

Some elf starts experiencing the elven equivalent of car trouble (idk, horse won’t go?) and calls his dad, and then his dad can’t figure it out so he calls HIS dad and so on and so forth until you’ve got this guys entire lineage all huddled together in elven cargo shorts trying to solve a dented horseshoe

Some of y’all are not appreciating Bilbo Baggins enough. I am here to remedy that. This guy has:

• somehow managed to establish himself as a respectable, staid hobbit by the time he was fifty, despite being both a grandson of Bullroarer Took and the Shire champion of pretty much every aiming-game known to hobbitkind

• had an in-depth debate on pleasantries with a random guy passing by in the street, who turned out to be GANDALF

• collapsed in front of his own fire shaking and muttering “struck by lightning” over and over again in response to hearing about dragons and danger

• mind you, this was after he screamed loud enough to startle a roomful of Dwarves

• signed up for a dangerous quest completely outside of his league out of spite

• when told to scout out a mysterious light, saw some trolls, and instead of reporting back with the information, decided to PICK THE TROLLS POCKET

• arrived in Rivendell for the first time and said it “smelled like elves”

• upon meeting a strange creature that visibly wanted to eat him, he decided to play a riddle game with him- and guessed pretty much every one, and made up his own riddles, afraid and alone, that not only were good and full of linguistic puns, but actually stumped the other guy- AND THEN CHEATED AND WON WITH A QUESTION

• showed mercy to said strange creature who wanted to kill him, and was now standing between him and freedom

• eavesdropped on the dwarves arguing over whether to try to save him, then popped up casually smack in the middle of them just as they were debating

• somehow managed to sleep like a log at the really really high eyrie full of wild predators

• found himself in a bad situation, said eff it, and turned around and antagonized and fought off an insane amount of man eating spiders, like enough of them that fifty was a small portion, by singing at them with incredibly complex and punny insulting songs composed on the spot, while simultaneously slaying them in multitudes despite having zero combat training. Seriously, we don’t discuss enough how epic the spider scene is.

• broke a company of dwarves out of the very secure prison of the Elvenking by inventing white water rafting with barrels

• charmed his way out of being eaten by a dragon

• stole the frickin Arkenstone from the guys who employed him, one of whom was a king

• took part in an epic battle, only to be knocked out in the first ten minutes and miss the entire thing

• was named elf-friend by the guy who’s prisoners he sprung

• wrote his own autobiography, complete with all the narrative recognition of his own heroics

• spent 60 years writing said autobiography

• taught his lower class neighbor’s kid how to read

• taught his nephew Elvish- not only Sindarin, but Quenya too

• spent decades telling his cousins his own story as fairy tales, complete with character impressions accurate enough that one of them was able to fool a servant of the Enemy with a second hand impression

• used the One Ring of Power to hide from his neighbors

• planned an elaborate feast with multiple social faux pas to mess with his neighbors, complete with a purposefully bewildering speech and culminating in him vanishing into thin air in front of everyone

• left his cousins and neighbors very unsubtle passive aggressive gifts in his will

• settled into Rivendell, randomly befriended the heir to the throne of like half of Middle Earth, and apparently spent his time writing very personal poems about his hosts and reciting them to crowds of elves

• after being invited to a Council of basically every major kingdom in the continent, spent a quarter of the time reciting vague poems about his friends, a quarter of the time telling anyone who would listen about his heroic past, and half the time interrupting to ask when lunch would be

• volunteered to bring the ring to Mordor

• became one of only four or five mortals in history to live in Valinor

Seriously, Bilbo Baggins may well be the most chaotic, insane person in the entire legendarium, and that includes the likes of people like Finrod “bit a werewolf to death to save the life of guy who he just met and gave up his kingdom for” Felagund.

i’ve seen gimleaf fics where they each try to find out how to court by the other’s traditions. and i love those, so i think they ought to be taken a step further. and i think the way to do that would be, naturally, to make bagginshield real. allow me to explain why. ahem. after the ring is destroyed, girlfailure legolas spends two weeks poring over The Ancient Texts and stressing because his one (1) friend who WOULD help him (that’s aragorn) knows jack shit about dwarves beyond the surface (no pun intended) (well gandalf knows things but gandalf is a bitch) (he would just smile at legolas knowingly and wish him good luck instead of giving him answers).

so alas, girlfailure “shit tier ass elf” legolas is left to like, idk, sulk or something in the garden he starts at the Bestie Residence in minas tirith. and after like 2 days sam’s had enough he’s like “dude your vibes are upsetting the plants.” and legolas is like “my bad bro. it just seems i know nothing about dwarves which i probably should’ve thought about before, by elf standards, getting hitched in vegas.” and sam is like “oh dwarves? just ask mister frodo ^_^ he knows tons about dwarves!” and legolas is like “what the shit? him in particular? why does he anything about dwarves?” and sam leans in reaaaalllllll close and whispers behind his hand, “well you see mister elf, mister legolas, sir, there’s always been a very healthy amount of rumors that go around in the shire about mister frodo’s uncle, mister bilbo, and the letters he used to exchange with a certain king under the mountain.” and legolas, who was THERE, is like

‘But you are a dwarf, and dwarves are strange folk. I do not like this place, and I shall like it no more by the light of the day. But you comfort me, Gimli, and I am glad to have you standing nigh with your stout legs and your hard axe.’

I think this was Legolas trying to flirt with Gimli and I think it’s working.

shoutout to the og wife guy j.r.r. tolkien for making all of his male characters wife guys:

tom bombadil

aragorn

faramir

thranduil (okay the gem thing was a movie thing but still!!)

elrond

celeborn (i had to double check his name that’s how wife guy he is)

legolas gets honorary wife guy privileges (he snuck his “very good friend” into elf heaven i mean c’mon)

me when i think about how thorin was the most affectionate towards bilbo when he was under the goldsickness. the greed disease made him greedy and it was the only time he let himself not only want him but actively show his love when before? thorin would never. because he knew bilbo had a life to go back to, because he knew that most wouldn’t be supportive/understanding of their relationship, because he knew he couldn’t keep him

but thorin was being greedy.

"Why do all gender-bent characters have names ending in -a, that's such a fanfic trope" buddy, the "girl names end in -a" trope is so old that JRR Tolkien invented a Hobbitish dialect of Westron in which "-a" is a masculine name affix, then turned around and "localised" those names to end in "-o" in the published text (e.g., Bilba > Bilbo, Maura > Frodo, etc.) so they wouldn't sound feminine to Anglophone readers.

Rereading the Hobbit is making me fucking SICK because what do you MEAN Thorin, through sheer force of will and homosexuality, held off on dying until they found Bilbo, presumed dead, so he could apologize????? I'm gonna throw up

Time for Frodo to hang out with his cousins! I always imagined that every time Fili or Kili proposed to babysit him, it would always end up with a disaster one way or another 💀, they still make a very cute trio! With tiny Frodo with them, they’ve become practically unstoppable lmfao. I also gave Frodo a tail thanks to @xxm0thm4n-ph4nt0mxx ´a request. I’ll definitely add it in the future, hobbits with tails are honestly so fun to draw!

thorin but make him a polish nobleman

you can get a print here: inprnt! 

i couldn't get this meme out of my head